The Ex Factor: Outtakes
by AngelAtTwilight
Summary: If you enjoy "The Ex Factor: Edward & Bella", and have read it all, then you will love these outtakes. Dipping into the past, both before and after their reconciliation, these outtakes are not to be missed!
1. Edward's Seduction

**PLEASE REVIEW!**!  
To my **Readers**.... By your popular demand... Welcome to the outtakes!  
Because of you, my brain has happily stretched to develop these past scenes. Each one will be titled to it's description.  
THESE WILL NOT BE IN ORDER OF SEQUENCE.

_**I decided to go ahead and upload this one because I have writer's block for TEF Ch. 28. Hope you don't mind!**_

_**edit-- thank you to **_Jennie T Cullen _**for pointing out the dog timeline! *hugs***_

_**REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!**_

**1. Edward's Seduction. Very, very detailed.  
This is a glimpse at the cocky, arrogant Assward on a mission. See how different he is with Bella?**

**READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION.  
THIS IS NOT EDWARD/BELLA, so if it bothers you to see them with other people, prepare yourself before reading.**

**  
NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW  
NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW**

**---- NO BETA THIS CHAPTER; PLEASE EXCUSE ANY/ALL ERRORS.  
---****-- IMPORTANT A/N's At The Bottom. --**

_**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing that is Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.  
Edward is hers, unfortunately, but Seduceward, aka _Cullen_, is mine!

* * *

_**"Pretty girl is suffering, while he confesses everything.  
Pretty soon she'll figure out what his intentions were about.  
And that's what you get for falling again, you can never get him outta your head.  
And that's what you get for falling again, you can never get him outta your head.  
It's the way  
that he makes you feel.  
It's the way  
that he kisses you.  
It's the way  
that he makes you fall in love."**_

_**Sugarcult, "Pretty Girl (The Way)"**_

* * *

**Outtake 1: Edward's Seduction.**

**EdwardPOV **

I needed a muse. Really fucking badly.

_Why?_ Because I wanted the demonic shit that's tucked away into the bottom drawer my nightstand, sitting in a baggie on top of a mirror. It's been almost two months since I touched it. Since my breakdown. Two month since I promised myself I'd never, fucking ever use again. ...But I wanted it. I felt the itch running through my veins, inside each and every hair follicle on my arms, behind my neck... I felt the burning sensation of needing it absorbing in my blood, digging it's way into each and every muscle until they felt they'd combust. This was worse than an alcoholic begging for a sip that could potentially kill him, or a heroin addict swimming the bottom of the Pacific looking for a washed-out, used needle. I couldn't sleep very well, with all the thoughts of the high I once had. It absorbed me.

I was back to work after I'd gone and almost confessed to Doctor Sherber what I had done. Before I stopped using, I'd miss work and show up carelessly, which would never be me in my right mind. But I wasn't in my right mind when I was fucking high. I was anything but. I think Doctor Sherber knew something was up; more than the "I lost a family member recently" lie I used up and tortured in excuse for my behavior. _What family member? _One that I had made up in my mind. _How pathetic._

So here I sat in the hospital cafeteria, looking over an exam pamphlet, twitching my foot beneath the table. I tried to ignore my hands shaking, my palms sweating, the perspiration on my forehead. I tried to ignore the buzzing in my ears, the sniffles in my nose. I tried to subside the growing, urgent rush inside the back of my brain telling me to 'do it one more time', that I 'could handle it'. Exhaling, I tossed the pamphlet on the table and skimmed through my phone, trying to find someone to take my mind off my problems. My phone existed mostly of women's names, the majority of which I had done something with, such as random make-outs, partying, or anything sexually... plus a few I actually took the liberty of fucking.

But they were all said and done. I was tired of them. It didn't take a long time for me to grow sick and tired of women these days. Met one, met them all. Did one, did them all.

I don't know how long I'd been like this when it came to girls. I used to be respectful and chivalrous... and yeah, maybe I still am when it comes to my best friend Alice. And possibly my ex back in school, who's name I refuse to speak out loud. But the past few years? When it came to women, I spent most of my time fucking girls from my past or messing around with the ones I just met. Bouncing back and forth. Hell, I was safe, so why not? What was it going to hurt? Oh yeah. It was going to hurt me, because none of these bitches would ease the heartache I gained years back. None of them were _her_. Which, at this moment, was both a good and a bad thing.

Dropping my blackberry on the table, I rubbed my face vigorously. _Just get laid, Cullen. You'll feel better, and won't have to go through the fucking drain and withdraws after you use again._

"Hey, Doctor Cullen," a tray slid in front of my phone, and Aimee Denson dropped into the red chair across from me. "Mind if I sit here with you?"

I looked up and shook my head, "no, go right ahead."

Aimee was cool. She was interning out of school, after she completed her CNA classes she took, which they paid for. Out of all the younger kids here, she was by far the sweetest. All of the other ones, I found to be pretty annoying and whiney at times. But Aimee... she was cute. Blonde hair, wide eyes that changed color every other day... sometimes blue, sometimes green, sometimes grey. Plump lips that were always tinted a certain shade of pink. Sexy figure I couldn't help but notice. But she had this innocent appeal to her... something that drove me insane, if I thought about it. Which I didn't much. _Yet_.

She sighed, peeling her orange, "I'm so tired. I cannot wait to go home. It's been awful today."

"How much longer do you have?"

"Ugh, four hours or something. My back is _killing _me."

I smirked, digging in my pocket and pulling out my prescription bottle, and sliding over two pills toward her.

"What are these?"

"Ibuprofen. 800mg. Take 'em, they'll help."

"You're a life savior," she decided, before swallowing the pills. I watched as she scrolled through her phone, shaking her head, "Dale is going to kill me."

"Who's Dale?"

"My boyfriend."

"Ahh. Why would he kill you?"

"Because he keeps texting me, asking me when I'll be home and stuff. If I don't answer right away, he thinks I've gone and fallen off the face of the Earth or something. He's weird like that."

"I see."

She bit her lip, looking up at me through her lashes, "men are just... crazy, sometimes."

I scoffed, shaking my head, "women aren't any better."

"I bet they're better for you."

I looked up at her, confounded, "What's that mean?"

"Well," she shrugged, taking a sip of her apple juice, "I guess I've seen how the nurses act around you, even Doctor Sherber. They look at you like you're the second coming or something."

"Nah, I don't think so."

"Trust me, they do. Every single nurse in here _flocks _to you. You should hear the things they say behind your back. The nicknames they give you."

I raised my brow, shocked at where this conversation was heading, "I don't think I want to know."

"It's nothing bad, but... pretty... uh... work-inappropriate."

I smirked, allowing the words to enter my ego piggy-bank, "...You don't flock to me."

She looked up at me, in thought for a second, "yeah well... that's because we're friends. I think. I mean, I know you're sort-of my mentor, I guess. I mean, that isn't odd that I think we're friends, right? Because we do lunches and stu-"

"It's fine," I laughed. "Yes. We're friends. I am fine with that."

"So... can I call you Edward, instead of Doctor Cullen?" _ I should have known right there that this was going to get weary._

Taking a deep breath, I ran my fingers through my hair, "I guess that would be fine, when we're not with a patient or in front of Doctor Sherber, or anyone else of equal importance."

She nodded, taking a bite of her salad, "So... _Edward_... may I ask where Miss Tanya has been lately? Doesn't she come here and bring you lunch and stuff?"

"Dried up," I confessed, shrugging. "Not interesting at the moment." _Understatement of the fucking year._

"Mmm." She thought to herself, "Well... any other girl caught your eye?"

I stretched out in the chair, studying her eyes, "why the curiosity?"

"Because we're friends now? I won't say anything, I promise. I can keep a secret." She sure was spunky. I liked that. "Well?"

Licking my lips, I thought for a moment, "I'm... open to the idea of another girl catching me eye. That's what I'll say." _I'm open to the idea of getting a piece of ass. That's what I mean._

She looked around the room, making sure no one was paying attention to us, and the fact that we were talking like this at our place of work, "I like tall guys. Ones that are probably no good for me. I'm not sure why, I guess it's just the 'bad boy' appeal that most girls can't ignore. I'm the same. ...What's your type of woman?"

I shrugged nonchalantly, "Not sure that I have one, really. I like women who challenge me, I guess."

"Blondes or Brunettes?"

"Blondes." No other brunettes. Not since _her_.

"Eye color?"

"I prefer them to not have brown eyes." Not like _hers_.

"Age?"

I chuckled, "Not my grandmother's age, and not a minor. That's all I care."

She giggled, shaking her head, "Well, if you don't mind me saying, I'm sure it won't take you long to find that girl who challenges you. You're... you."

"Thanks, I think."

***&*#!#$^%$^**

Aimee and I grew closer as time went by, and I found her to not only be a sweet and innocent girl, -- not to mention extremely attractive -- but someone I could _trust_. My need for drugs vanished within one week of us getting closer. By the next week, it had felt like I never wanted to re-use in the first place. She had become my muse. She learned a lot about me, including a bit out my ex-girlfriend, who won't be named. I learned about her boyfriend Dale, and how they were considering moving in together. She wanted to marry him. I saw it in her eyes.

Any time that I took lunch, she was right there beside me. Anytime she took a break, I seemed to be on mine as well, and we'd eventually meet up. She'd join me for walks, and sit outside in the cold shed while I smoked behind the hospital. Time passed and I started to bring her a sandwich from the deli I was at, but of course, I'd bring one for Bree, so it didn't look obvious. When she'd get coffee, she'd always bring me one, just the way I liked it.

We were careful though. Never conspicuous about this 'friendship' we were growing, because the last thing either of us needed was for people to start talking shit. Not that I'd mind, if my buddies Andrew, Scotty, or Jonsen knew, since we told each other a lot in the past two years we'd known each other. Plus, I knew about a lot of their shit, some things most women would be appalled to know about. My main concern was for Doctor Sherber. And a few snotty, up-to-no-good nurses who loved to gossip. Anyone else could go fuck themselves.

See, I was professional at work, no doubts about it. And so was she. There was never any tension between us when we were around patients, or when she'd be behind the desk typing up my charts. We could go from having a serious conversation in the safety of a quiet cafeteria, to working and conversing with everyone else, like she hadn't just spilled her deepest secrets to me about her family life or her mother's drinking problem. But the more and more time I spent with her, the more quickly my attraction to her would grow. I'd find myself zoning in on her when she sat behind the desk, the way her full lips moved whenever she spoke on the phone, or tapped the cap of a pen against them when she was in deep though. The way her blonde wavy hair fell to the tips of her full breasts. Or how those big blue eyes always looked excited. Not to mention how short she was compared to me, or the way her ass looked when she walked. Even in scrubs. God, she got sexier every time I saw her.

We were outside on my smoke break, when I caught myself staring at her again. I was sitting, she was standing in the corner. Her ass caught my eye today. I cleared my throat, steadied my breath, and looked away as soon as she turned to me.

"Are you okay?" she giggled. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Yes," I adjusted the tie beneath my neck, staring at empty cigarette butts on the ground, "it's been a long day."

"Tell me about it," she frowned, sitting across from me and hugging herself in her arms.

"Are you cold?"

She shivered, and shook her head.

Standing up, I shrugged out of my white doctor's jacket and wrapped it around her arms.

She bit her lip, blushing a little, "it... smells like you."

"Is that good or bad?"

"Good," she whispered, staring down at my shoes.

I felt myself twitch, and walked backward, trying to distract myself from the inappropriate thoughts I had about her. It'd be a lie if I said I didn't stroke off to the thought of her before in the shower... thinking about those fucking plump lips... or imagining what her other set looked like.

She chewed on her thumbnail, sighing, "Edward, can I ask you something?"

"Anything," I croaked, before clearing my throat.

"Really? Anything?"

I smiled at her, "of course."

"It's a personal topic... More than just family problems."

"It's cool." _I think._

"Uh," she bit her lip, crossing her legs, "do you... like... sex?"

_Fuck_. "Uh... yeah. Of course. Do you?"

She shrugged, scratching her head, "never mind."

"What do you mean, '_never mind'_?" I chuckled. "It's not that hard of a question. It should be easy."

"Well," she lingered in thought for a moment, blushing and looking quite embarrassed, "I... haven't _had _sex before."

I raised my eyebrow, studying her for a moment, "really?"

She nodded, ducking her face so her hair fell down in front of her, "yeah. I... still have my v-card."

"I, um,..." S_top thinking about fucking her, Cullen_, "...that's good. You know. For your age. I'm proud of you."

"Whatever," she muttered. "It's annoying."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I'm just so sick of being _that _girl, you know? I feel like I'm the only one left on the entire planet. And I think Dale's starting to get upset about it."

"You two have been together for a good while now. I mean, you want to marry him. I'm sure he can be respectful until you're ready... if he cares."

"He is," she exhaled, "but I can tell it bothers him. And I love him a lot, but..." She looked up at me, solemnly, "I sometimes wish I lost my virginity before we got together. That way I'd have more experience for him... since he's experienced as it is."

Clearing my throat and ignoring the sign of adventure in my heavy chest, I shoved my hands in my pocket and adjusted myself lower on the bench seat that I was sitting on, "I understand where you are coming from. When you have sex, or anything related, you want to be proud of what you're doing. You want to show that confidence. And the lack of experience can be intimidating... for the both of you."

"Exactly," she agreed. "It's hard. You're the only one who understands this. Everyone else just makes fun of me and tells me I'm being ridiculous."

I peered outside the tent to make sure no one was around, "Well, have you done anything sexual with him?" _This is not right to talk about, Cullen._

Aimee shook her head.

Blinking, I leaned forward, closer to her, "_Nothing_?"

"No."

"In almost two yea-"

"No. Nothing."

_I couldn't help myself. _ "Have you, uh, ever seen one before?"

She giggled innocently, shaking her head, "sure. On my computer. When I'm not around anyone and no one else is home."

_Oh fucking Christ._ Within a matter of seconds, my brain switched gears, to the most evil of them all. _Seduction_. No matter how much I tried to tell myself to be the good guy, that this was wrong, that I was her mentor, that she just turned eighteen, that she looked up to me... it was impossible. I wanted it. I wanted to conquer it. Breathing into my hands, I studied her more... but now, when I looked at her, my mind was filled with sex... That long hair... that body... those doe-eyes... those lips... that tongue... on my - _stop it, Edward. No, fucking continue. Fuuuck_.

I left my brain a few sentences back. _Cullen _had taken over. And _Cullen_... well, he just thinks about sex.

"Edward? Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I licked my lips, trying to figure out the best and most easy way to get what I wanted, "um... well, you know this conversation won't leave you and I. But... we're friends. I'm here, if you need me." _Understatement._ "If you ever need someone to talk to, or ask questions. I won't judge, I promise. I'm not an asshole." _Bigger Understatement._

She slid her teeth across her bottom lip and smiled, "I'd like that. Thank you."

_Baby steps Cullen. _ "Anytime." I gave her my signature smile, and she at ate that shit up, batting her lashes and looking stunned.

When I got home that night, I found Emmett and a few of his friends back at my condo. Alice was in her bedroom, doing God knows what. I quickly told him about Aimee, about how fucking hot it was that she was a virgin, and how fucking sexy she was to me now. I told him the truth -- that I wanted to fuck her. How I had to have it. How I grew a little crush for her. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't help it. Her looks, her innocence, it was like bait, drawing me in. She had become more than my muse; Aimee was my challenge. _Cullen's challenge._

***&*#!#$^%$^**

All next week, I put the charm on hard-core with her. Dazzling at my best. Helping her with her paperwork. Staying after my hours to assist with her typing the shit in. Of course, I'd make myself appear to be professional at times, so she wouldn't get the idea in her head about what I was _really _thinking. But that's not to say I didn't let myself go at times too... Flirting with her every chance I got to be alone with her -- whether it be tucking her hair behind her ears, or telling her how pretty she looked that day, or little nudges and whatnot. How lucky Dale was to have her. Winking at her as I passed through the hall. Hugs when we were alone. It didn't take long before I noticed her letting go of her walls. Flirting back with me, playing with the scope around my neck, or the pens in my pocket. Looking at me and licking her lips when we were with a patient. I knew her attraction to me was growing. It made me even more arrogant.

When she'd gotten into a huge fight with Dale and came to work in tears, I sent her flowers, but left them unsigned so no one else would know that they were from me. But I wrote, "I'm here whenever you need me. But you know this all ready. CFML." We had a secret code, in which we texted each other, so no one else would know what we were up to. _CFML _was 'come find me later', whenever we'd want to talk. _INLB _or _INSB _were 'i need lunch break' and 'i need smoke break' invitations. _IHABFD _was one that came the least, but was the most effective on my task with her. "I'm having a bad fucking day." Anytime she had a bad day, I made it my mission to make her smile. No matter what it took.

Each conversation became more and more of sexual nature. At first, I tried to steer it back. Not look obvious. And not get us in trouble. No matter what the conversation started with, it always went back to it. I learned what she was most scared of, what bothered her. I encouraged her about it, kept trying to mention how fulfilling sex was, and how it could bring people closer together. How it should be with someone she was attracted to, who really took the chance to get to know her for who she was and what she was about. She just didn't know I was tooting my own horn.

While I was in the nook getting some coffee, she stormed in there, all huffy, hands on her hips, "Fuck me."

I raised my eyebrow, trying to wipe the no-good, shit-eating grin off my face, "all right."

She blushed, shaking her head, "not what I meant."

"Bad day then?"

"The worse," she groaned, "Doctor Sherber just scolded me. I put in _all _the XE-50 reports wrong in the computer. I set her back an entire _week_."

"Yikes," I leaned against the counter, "that sucks. I'm sorry sweetheart."

"It's whatever," she shrugged, "it's my fault. I'll deal with it. If I don't get fired... God this blows."

"I can help you with them, if you'd like?" I offered, knowing damn well my plan was in motion now. _Cullen has re-entered the building._

"No, you don't have to do that. It's my f-"

"I insist," I stepped toward her, rubbing her shoulders, "relax. I'll help you out."

This was the first time I had touched her for longer than a hug. And I liked it. She slowly loosened her posture, almost relaxing into me. The curtain behind her was still open a bit, and I didn't miss Andrew skidding to a stop in the hall when he saw me rubbing her shoulders. He quickly stuck his fist to his mouth, and pushed his tongue in his cheek, mimicking blow job motions. I smirked, but refused to acknowledge him in front of her. I didn't want to lose my moment.

Once he left, I looked down and raised her chin with my finger, studying those damn big eyes of hers, "I, um... I have an inner-office network set up at my house, on my notebook. If you'd like, you can... come over, and we can enter the forms there. My roommate Alice is out for the weekend, visiting her mom. No one will be there, so we can get a lot done without distractions. That way we don't have to be in a stuffy hospital anymore today, and I won't get reprimanded for helping you out..."

"Mmmm," she thought nervously, fidgeting.

"I'll even take the liberty of feeding you. I'm a pretty damn good cook when I want to be," I chuckled, trying to lighten the situation.

She looked up at me, as if she didn't trust herself. Which confirmed my suspicions of her being attracted to me.

I stepped closer, knowing damn well this was inappropriate at work, that we could get caught, and massaged her jawline with my thumbs. Her lashes fluttered, and she struggled to keep looking at me, and ignore the way my body was an inch away from pressing up against hers. The sensation, the heat between us, was very clear, and staggering in my mind. It began to break down my defenses. Obliterated hers. I licked my lips, brushing the back of my finger across her left cheek gently as I whispered, "...We don't have to tell anyone about this... You can take all the credit, maybe up your chances with Doctor Sherber again..." I leaned closer, internally smirking as she hummed, "...I'd like you to come over, Aimee."

Her long lashes fluttered to a close, and I was so close to her face now, I could feel the breath from her nose on my lips. Damn, I wanted to fucking kiss her. _ Wait, bitch. Just wait._

"O-okay," she stuttered quietly with a shy smile, shaking inside of my hands. "I'll ...come."

I grinned at the oxymoron in that statement. "Perfect."

***&*#!#$^%$^**

I left before she was due off, and sped home to clean my shit up. Picked shit off the floor, did the dishes, vacuumed, took out the trash, sprayed stuff to make the place smell good, and put some chicken breasts in the oven, with a special lemon-bake seasoning. Then I took a shower, and dressed into my favorite pair of denim jeans, and a satin, long-sleeved black shirt over my white one. Made sure my hair looked good, my teeth was brushed, put on some cologne, and was out the door.

She was stunned that I showed up to pick her up. We'd never left the hospital before together. We'd never been together outside of work, period. But... this called for a special occasion She talked about how she liked my car, but was mostly quiet and nervous all the way back. Of course, she was shocked about where I lived, and how big my place was.

I spent the first hour being the friend. I gave her some of Alice's clothes to wear, so she wouldn't have to be in her pink bunny scrubs. Alice wouldn't mind, the tags were still on them anyway. Just jeans and a couple of colored layered tanktops.

While I cooked, I put on an acoustic mix-tape for her to listen to, since she didn't want to watch television. Lit the fireplace. In my mind, yeah, I was thinking of ways to seduce her without having her fucking know that I was trying to seduce her. When we sat on the couch, I didn't sit right next to her. I gave her some space, and was very intuitive with the reports. Made it look like I was only here to help her. Offered my advice. Complimented her work habits. Made it clear that I had no other plans.

As time went by, she loosened up quickly; I think the wine we had during dinner helped out. She bobbed her head to music, tapped her foot. Got into some easy conversation with me about her plans for spring break, and the in's and out's of being a teenager. I showed her a few old pictures of me back in school, and told her a few of my stories. Anything to get her to laugh and to chill. We also talked about Dale, of course. How he was starting to push things on her. How it made her uncomfortable.

The entire CD played out, then switched to my MP3 player, to a song that I couldn't help but feel was seductive. _"I Care For You" _by _Aaliyah_. I began to get nervous, thinking she'd figured out that I had something up my sleeve. I started to change it, when her hand covered mine on the button, and she shook her head, "I like this song... it's so relaxing. She has a soothing voice... Plus I never get to listen to stuff like this with Dale around." She leaned back on the couch, sipping her wine, and closing her eyes as she listened to it.

"Do you want to dance?" I asked, taking a chance. She looked over at me, and gave me a slight nod.

As I helped her off of the couch, her hands and legs were shaking. _Fucking nerves_. I pulled her behind the opposite side of the coffee table, in front of the fireplace, and rested my hand gently on the middle of her back, while holding out her other in my palm. Completely appropriate. "Don't be nervous," I whispered, massaging her skin and the shirt with the tips of my fingers, "it's just me." _Please don't be scared. _

She nodded, her inhaling sporadic, as I moved an inch closer. Her breath caught and she looked up at me, lips parted slightly. We began to rock from side to side, keeping a tiny bit of distance between us. She'd relax, then tense, then relax, then tense again. I brushed through her hair once, and massaged the back of her neck. After the first chorus, she relaxed into me. I felt her hand slide up my right forearm, along my shoulder. I took that with liberty and stepped closer, pressing my pelvis into her. She gasped and pushed her face into my arm, breathing in my scent.

Placing my chin on the top of her head, I ran my hand toward the small of her back. My index finger dipped beneath the tanktops, and brushed along the skin there. She shuddered, leaving a trail of goosebumps across her flesh, beneath my hot fingertips. I felt her heart rate pick up intensely, pounding from her chest, into my diaphragm. Again, I brushed my fingers along her skin, and she shivered, humming into my shirt. I smirked, pulling her even closer to me. Felt the way her breasts reacted. The way her breathing continued to sputter against my shirt. The way her nails dug into my shirt.

She was a trembling, sexy mess of innocence, and it encouraged me. I had to clutch my fingers against the bottom of her shirt and squeeze the fabric, to refrain from grabbing her ass. She clawed at my shirt, balling it up between her fingers as well. _Was she... fighting against this too? Fuck._ When I inhaled deep, she shuddered, gasping. She wouldn't move back to look at me for anything. Maybe it'd be too much of a temptation for her... wait. Maybe that's what we needed. The temptation.

The song switched to something else seductive, _"I Will" _by _Usher_. I thanked my lucky stars that my MP3 player was reading my mind and mood tonight. I began to massage her hips, seeing how far I could take it. She pushed into me for a moment, then pulled back. Not trusting herself. I ran my hands along the top band of the back of her jeans, tempted to squeeze again. She squirmed a bit, and finally pulled her face back to look up at me. And her eyes, damn those eyes. Fucking did me in.

"I, uh," she stammered quietly, shivering when my fingertips touched her bare skin again, "I have a boyfriend."

"I know," I whispered, pushing close to her again, "we're only dancing."

She shut her eyes, feeling embarrassed, thinking I wasn't in the gutter right along with her, "I thought this was... I don't know what I thought. My thoughts are all jumbled. Going south."

"You were thinking about sex."

She nodded bashfully, "...so stupid. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I told you that you could talk to me, that I'd try to help you, and I meant it." I licked my lips, bending down to see her face better, "Can I be honest with you, Aimee?"

"Y-Yes."

"See... The thing about sex is... you must ignore your thoughts, and do what your body wants... Let it be first. I feel you trembling, how you react to me, but you're not allowing yourself to _feel _anything." I inched closer toward her, lifting her face up to me, "...You need to just let it all go."

"But I'm not sing-"

"Shhh," I brushed along her cheeks with my thumbs, "stop thinking. You're taught to say those things. You're not listening to yourself."

"B-"

"Shhhhh," I whispered, sliding my thumb gently over her bottom lip, "please relax. Trust yourself for once... "

"...Okay."

"Close your eyes for a moment. Ignore everything else but what I'm saying to you."

She did as I said, and while I continued to touch her lip, she shuddered and pressed herself against me. _That's a girl._ I licked my lips, inching closer to her, dipping my finger inside her mouth a bit. She trembled more, sighing. _ Keep going, Cullen_. Back and forth, I brushed against her mouth, and she opened it to me, her tongue touching my fingertip. _There you go. _

"That feels good Aimee," I whispered, pulling her hips flushed with mine, "stay relaxed." Whimpering, she slid her tongue out a bit, and licked my finger. I brushed it along her tongue, parting my lips, watching in memorization and enjoying how good her tongue felt. Thinking about where else I'd want it to be, if I had the chance. After a few seconds, she put her tongue beneath my finger, and pulled it all the way between her lips, sucking on it. _Fucking excellence. _

"Don't stop," I continued soothingly, tucking her hair behind her ear with my free hand, before putting it back on her hip and pulling her more into me, "open your eyes."

She did, and they zoned right in on me as she continued to suck. I grinned at her, focusing all my attention on her. She suckled a moment longer, then released me with a _pop_, but kept her lips parted.

I leaned in to her, and brushed my mouth against hers, "let me taste you."

Shivering, she clawed at my shoulders, in hesitation. But she didn't pull back. I placed my lips against her, but didn't put any pressure on her, giving her a moment to stop us if she really wanted to. I wouldn't push her if she wanted to quit. This wasn't that important.

She shocked me when she pushed against my mouth, completing our kiss. She tasted like sweet green apples. It felt so good, I wasn't going to lie. I licked along her bottom lip, and she opened her mouth to me_. Damn, it felt even better inside. _ I pulled her against me, finally allowing myself to squeeze her ass as my tongue circled hers slowly. I knew she was a virgin, so she probably hadn't even been kissed fucking properly.

Taking that as my cue, I sucked in her bottom lip between mine, playing with it with my tongue. She gasped, humming and pushing into me. When I let go, I did the same thing with her tongue. Sucking gently on it. Again, she pushed harder. The odds were against me on how to proceed. If I rushed, it was sure to panic her. I tried not to focus on getting laid, but maybe doing other stuff with her. _But what first?_ Squeezing her ass, I pulled her up off the ground, and she threw her legs around me, trembling all the while.

She pulled her face back, tugging at my hair, "I-I don't know what to do." _So innocent._

"What do you mean?" I replied suavely.

She wouldn't stop trembling. "My body... I'm, uh... I-I'm not used to feeling this way."

I brushed back her hair, "Tell me how you're feeling."

She blushed pink, turning bashful and wanting to hide her face.

Knowing she was wrapped around me tight with her legs while we were standing, I let go of her waist and cradled her face, "I'm here to help you, Aimee... Tell me how you feel."

Her heart pounded into my chest as she studied my eyes, "w-warm."

"And?"

"Uh... tingly."

"Okay," I whispered, kissing her gently, "I'm going to try something, but I promise not to hurt you. Will that be okay?"

"Yes."

Finding her hips, I pushed her down a bit, lower on my waist, and pulled her into my erection, making direct eye contact with her.

She shuddered and took a sharp inhale, her lips staying parted.

"How do you feel when I do that?" I asked, ignoring the heart beat in my throat.

"Mmm," was all she said, panting.

I did it again.

She gasped, her eyes going wide.

"Talk to me, sweetheart. Tell me how I'm making you feel." I did it once more.

She shuddered, humming, "g-good." I noticed her arching her back to me, welcoming the sensation now.

"How good? Be specific."

"Uhnnn," she moaned, turning me on more, "more... tingles. All over... surrounding."

Arrogance overload, and I couldn't fucking help it when I whispered in her ear, "I bet Dale has never made you feel like this before."

She shook her head quickly, panting. "We never... w-we... no."

I licked my lips and pulled her against me, chest to chest.

Continuing to lift and lower her onto my dick, creating friction, I pressed my forehead to hers, and said in a velvet-like voice, "am I making you wet?"

"Oh my God," she closed her eyes, wrapping her hands behind my neck.

I couldn't stop doing it. She was turning me into something... _dark_. "Tell me, baby. ...Am I?"

I could practically see the thoughts in her mind. Flush. Embarrassment Turned on. Shy. Fighting it. "Umm..."

"...Talk to me."

"Y-yes," she moaned, pushing into me for the first time when I stopped. I released her hips a little, and she began to rock against me all on her own.

_Fucking... yes. _ "That feels good Aimee. Do you like this?"

"Y-yesss..."

"Can you see what you're doing to me?"

She shook her head, doing it more.

I steadied her hips, willing both her and myself to calm down for a moment. Once I put her back on the ground, she whimpered at the loss.

Then I motioned for her to look at my pants, and her eyes widened. "...See?"

She nodded, licking her lips.

Before she could freak out about what we were doing and the fact that she was cheating on her boyfriend, I pulled her into my arms, and kissed her like she'd never been kissed before. Slow and tentative at first, building and building and building and building until she was gasping in my mouth, her body flushed and trembling into mine. I kissed down her jaw and sucked on her neck, squeezing her ass, "I've wanted you for a while now, Aimee... Every time that asshole fights with you... Every time he ignore you and pressures you... I've wanted to take you in my arms, and show you how good you could feel. How I could make you feel. Show you the right way to let this happen... if you'd allow yourself."

"Oh, I've wanted you too," she confessed quietly, tugging on my hair, "and I know it's wrong, and I've tried to not think about it, but I can't help it. My mind's constantly filled with thoughts of you... Of your lips on mine... of brushing my fingers through this copper hair of yours... Of... _unnnn_... of wanting you to want me back."

"I do want you," I murmured against her sensitive skin, trailing my lips to her collar bone, and lightly biting there, "so fucking bad, I want you."

"I've never felt this way before... Never felt these emotions... This desire..."

"Not even when you're by yourself?"

She shook her head quickly, gasping as I pushed her into my erection again, "I have never been able to, _unnn_, to f-finish... I get scared."

"Scared how?" I whispered, kissing the corner of her mouth while my thumbs gently brushed along her sides.

"Of... losing control."

I pulled my face back, staring down into those trusting eyes of hers, "you've never had an orgasm before?"

She shook her head, biting her lip.

_Fuck me, fuck me, fuckmefuckmefuckmefuckmefuckme, this couldn't get any better. _ I licked my lips, then hers, massaging her ass in my palms, "really?"

"I know, it's embarrassing," she shut her eyes. "God this is so _wrong_. What are we doing?!"

I kept my voice calm, "It's not wrong," I kissed her forehead, "not if it feels good. This is just new for you... It's okay."

"You're just so sexy, and so experienced, and older, and I know everyone wants you at work, and here we are, doing... whatever this is, and I'm the one here, the one who's embarrassed and a freakin' virgin and it's humiliating. Plus, this is wrong, what we're doing. This is so wrong. Anyone else would kill me to be here with you."

Massaging her shoulders, I licked my lips and tilted my head to the side, conveying the lust in my eyes as I said convincingly as possible, "I don't care about any of them right now... Only you."

"Why me?"

_Shit. Think._ "Because you're a sweet girl... more than that, you're... _stunning_. I want to make you feel as good as I see you. Show you what you deserve."

"What do I deserve?" she trembled, stepping closer to me, squeezing my arms.

I put my forehead to hers, "you deserve to feel good tonight... to feel sexy. To feel like a woman."

She hummed.

I grabbed her shirts, balling them up with my fingers, "do you trust me? Trust that I won't hurt you right now?"

She closed her eyes and gave me a nod.

"I only want the best for you," I stated in her ear. "To make you feel sexy." I lifted the shirts up and she slowly followed with her arms. Pulling them off and tossing them behind us somewhere, I enveloped her in my arms. I kissed her cheek, her lips, her neck, along her jaw, and her ears.. .trailing down to her collar bone, and to the top of her cleavage. She had, by far, the largest breasts I had been accustomed to; a large C-cup, or possibly even an D. Most of my latest girls, especially Tanya, were small B's. This girl... damn, these breasts blurred my vision. I kissed and massaged her gently, willing her to relax. Eventually she did, and began to brush through my hair with her fingers as I worked her. "Can I take this off?" I murmured into her skin, fiddling with the clasp of her pink bra.

"Okay."

I grinned at how quick she was to answer, unfastened it quickly, and pulled the bra off. Once they were in front of my face, I cupped them with my hands, kissing the sides of the cleavage simultaneously She tasted perfect.

"I'm so nervous," she shook, clawing at my shoulders again.

I looked up at her and kissed her mouth, "don't be nervous. I've got you. I'm not going to hurt you. You look incredible."

She allowed me to caress and kiss her. To soothe and reassure her. And when I finally took her nipple in my mouth, licking it first then sucking tenderly, I thought she was going to lose it. She dug her nails into my shoulder, watching me work her. I twisted her other one between my thumb and forefinger, mimicking the actions with my mouth.

"Mmm," she pushed into me, "I... oh, God, I... _mmmmmm_."

After paying equal attention to the other, I continued my trail, licking her stomach and around her belly button, before sitting on my knees in front of her. She shuddered, her hands coming over mine and stopping my fingers when I touched the button. I looked up at her, hesitating, waiting for her to stop me and run out. _It's okay if you want to stop. _She bit her lip, thinking to herself. Face showing that she knew how wrong this was. What we were doing. That she was cheating.

I kissed her skin above the jeans, massaging the backs of her knees, "remember... I only want to make you feel good. It's our secret, I promise."

"I know, but...," she whispered, shaking her head, "no one has ever seen me naked before."

"You have nothing to be afraid of. It's just us." As soon as I willed her to look directly in my eyes, I said reassuringly, "You can trust me."

"I want you to, _God _do I, but-"

"Shh... Remember, no thoughts. Just your feelings. Listen to your body." _You can say no, Aimee._

"Okay," she breathed, "just feelings." She closed her eyes, contemplating, and then smiled down to me.

I grinned, "Would you like me to take these off too, Aimee?"

She inhaled through her nose, studying my eyes, looking for any trace of disbelief. When she found none in my features, she slid her hands off of mine, and back onto my shoulders, "yes..."

My heart pounded into my chest as I unzipped and unfastened her. She shut her eyes, refusing to watch as I moved the jeans down her legs. Her panties were the same color as her bra, hot pink, satin. Bikini style.

"Step out," I whispered, lifting her foot. She followed with the other, and I threw her pants behind me, somewhere in the oblivion. Standing back up, I pulled her in my arms and lifted her back off the ground, carrying her over to the couch. I used my foot to push the coffee table back a few inches, and climbed on my knees between that and the couch, before setting her down on the cushions.

She massaged my shoulders while I kissed down her neck and collar bone. It took a few moments of work before she'd allow me to slip between her legs, but once I was there, she seemed to relax ten-fold. Continuing to kiss her mouth like I knew she'd fantasized about me doing, I massaged around her calves, her shins, up, behind her knees, her outer thighs, up a little more. She started to tremble, trapping my body with her legs. I kneaded her skin with my knuckles tenderly, getting her to relax. One minute, she was like a steel trap, locking me stiff. Others, she was relaxing and gasping in my mouth.

I licked her mouth, before shoving my tongue back inside. Craving more of that citrusy sweet taste. She hummed, then gasped and pulled on my shirt as soon as I pressed myself back into her center. "Does that feel good to you?" I whispered in her ear, pushing into her center again. She trembled an "mmhmm," before forcing me into her with the back of her foot. "Good," I kissed her earlobe, "I want you to feel that way. I want you to feel good with me."

"I trust you," she shook, kissing along my jaw, "God, I trust you."

Now, in all honesty, a brief moment of worry and guilt struck me. I knew I was being an asshole. I knew that I was saying whatever it fucking took to get her where I wanted her. I also knew she had become a good friend, and was younger, and more vulnerable -- especially since she'd been fighting with Dale a lot lately. I knew how sweet she was, and how she didn't deserve to be played. But my dick overlapped all these thoughts. I quickly tried to figure out a way to do what I wanted and stay friends in the end, but, I was coming up short... Hell, I didn't even fucking care, if I were being honest. Not as much as I should. Not enough to fucking stop unless she'd ask me to.

My tongue probing her mouth, I moved my hands down her hips, and lifted her ass, grinding her against my jeans. Her breath cut short and she moaned as I held her in my hands. Squeezed her. Pushed into her. She let me have all control, lifting and lowering her against my zipper. Once she was barely able to inhale, I sat her back down and slipped my hand between her legs, and pushed onto the damp satin there. She gasped, tensing and locking tight as my fingers brushed her. Using my index and middle finger to graze between her folds. Wishing that damn fabric wasn't separating us.

"Mmm," I murmured in her ear, my hot breath causing her to shiver, "keep talking, let me know if you're uncomfortable. Does that feel good to you?"

"Oh my God, oh my God, no one has ev-"

"Does it?"

"Yes. _Fuck _yes."

It was the first time I heard her cuss. It spurred me on, "how good?"

"So good," she pushed into my hand.

Quickly, I removed my fingers and pressed her hips into the cushions, my mouth an inch from hers, my green, lusted eyes focused on her innocent, blue-grey ones, "I'm going to take your panties off, Aimee. Tell me now, if you don't want me to, and I'll stop, no questions asked. I won't be upset at all, if you don't want to continue. It's completely up to you."

She bit her lip, shaking her head, thoughts bouncing around, "I don't want to stop, but, um, Dale's going to be at my house any mom-"

"Is that a no?" _Please don't stop me, please don't stop me._

"No, it's not a no, but..." She shuddered as I pressed my jeans into her again, "_unnn_, fuck, this is so wrong though."

_I know it is. I know it's wrong. But dammit I want you... but if you don't want to... _"Tell me. Tell me, and I'll stop. We don't have to go any further." _Maybe you should tell me to stop. Tell me I'm crossing the line. Call me a fucking asshole._

Her words spilled out, "I don't want you to stop... I'd never want you to stop. I've thought about this a _lot_, it's just... I can't believe it's actually happening."

I kissed her nose, "only if you want it to be happening."

_If she says yes, it's all systems go, Cullen. If she says no, you better treat her with fucking respect and let this go._

She looked up at me and nodded slightly, "I want to continue."

I grinned, brushing her blonde hair off her shoulders and kissing her cheek, "are you sure?"

"Yes. Yes. Yes..," he voice trailed off for a moment, as I moved my face lower, breathing hot air down her stomach, "...y-yes, I'm... sure."

"You're so pretty," I whispered, kissing her stomach. "So sweet..." She trembled, putty in my hands, tugging on the back of my hair as I licked on her stomach. My thumbs tucked in the sides of her lace panties, and I looked up at her adoringly, "lift yourself up, baby."

Biting her lip, she did as I instructed, and I slid the panties down her legs, depositing them in front of my knees. Her legs were closed now, but I could still see, when the light from the fireplace hit her body a certain way, that she was completely bare there. I felt myself twitching inside my pants, and shifted uncomfortably, rising up on my knees a bit. "So sexy," I muttered against her mouth, "so fucking sexy. Jesus fucking Christ."

She gasped, pulling me to her, "I've never heard you talk this way."

I grinned, "maybe you don't know the real me like you thought you did."

"Um," she kissed my lip, "I... _like _this real you. I... like _you_."

I lowered her chin to look her in the eyes better, "I like you too. Please don't be bashful around me... okay? If you want to say something, just say it... If you want to curse, or scream out loud, do it. There are no boundaries with me, all right? You're free to be yourself tonight."

She nodded.

"What are you thinking right now?" I kissed her once, "tell me." Kissed her again, "tell me, baby."

"I, uh, I think I want you to touch me... I think. I want to touch you too."

"All right," I licked down her neck, my hands trailing toward her hips, "how do you want me to touch you?"

"Uh, anywhere. Just don't stop. Please. I'm hot. It's hot in here. I... I feel... I feel like, wherever you touch, there's flames on your fingertips, and it sends these crazy tingles in me, causes them to flutter around everywhere."

"That's a good thing," I whispered in her ear, "that's what you're supposed to feel."

"A-are you feeling that way too?"

"Mmhmm... Every time you touch me." _Understatement_.

Her hands began to work on my chest, feeling me through my shirt.

I watched as she bit her lip, trying to figure out what to do, "You're thinking too much sweetheart. Just go with it." There was too much talking for my taste. I never had to talk anyone through sex before. It was a challenge and I liked it, don't get me wrong. I knew one of us was going to have to bite the bullet and nip this in the butt. And I knew which 'one of us' it was going to have to be. Kissing her gently, I curled my hands beneath her knees, and gently slid her toward me on the ends of the couch cushions. She gasped again, biting her lip and looking really fucking nervous. "You're all right," I reminded her, kissing below her left ear, "it's okay."

"Want you," she murmured in my ear. "Want you."

"I want you too," I whispered, sliding my hands on the inner part of her left thigh. This time, I didn't tell her what I was going to do, instead, opting to just touch her and find out if she was going to slap me. I could feel the heat coming from her body before I even put a finger on her... another thing that egged me on. Staring into her eyes, and lingering my lips over her mouth but refusing to kiss her, I brushed two of my fingers down, across her lower lips. She gasped, shuddering against my hand. She was slick, swollen, and warm, a clear sign that she was enjoying herself. Parting her delicately, I grazed my index finger down her middle, feeling the pool that was forming there. To distract her, I lapped at her bottom lip, and felt her clawing down my back.

"Oh my God," she gasped as I circled my finger around her entrance, "oh my... oh my.."

"So wet," I whispered along her lips. "Mmm."

"I...is that bad?" she asked, biting her lip.

I shook my head, my face an inch from hers, keeping my voice low and calm, "it's very good. You're so sexy..."

With my free hand, I found her shoulder. I kissed her once more, before pushing her back against the couch. She started to tremble when I spread her legs apart. I noticed her chest heaving, her eyes unblinking, her lips parted and her expression stunned. Using my right knee to open her up a little more, I licked my lips, continuing to feel between her legs, "look... watch what I'm doing to you."

She shook her head, shuddering.

"It's okay to get lost in this... please?"

Her eyes trailed from mine, to my lips, down my neck, my chest, following my arm, until resting between her parted legs, where my fingers were caressing her slowly. Her mouth parted more, and her breathing sped up. I grazed around her entrance, and noticed she was even wetter now. Making sure she kept her eyes on my hand, I smirked and lifted it, bringing it to my mouth. Licked my fingers.

I thought she was going to have a panic attack for a moment. Grinning, I sucked on my middle finger, "you taste delicious... so sweet and pure."

She couldn't speak.

I grazed down her folds a few more times, then took my index finger to her lip, "try it..."

She studied my eyes and gently brought her tongue out, and licked my fingertip.

I smiled, pulling it away, and licking the rest of her juice off, "well?"

She nodded, still unable to form a damn answer in words.

I'd take what I could get, as I kissed her knees, spreading her legs apart again. I had one mission for the moment, overtaking the need to get laid. I just wanted to get her off. Now. Because I knew as soon as she did, I'd get her to do any fucking thing I wanted.

Her hands clasped on my shoulder, once my face got a few inches from her center, and she started to breathe rapidly. Her entire body was shivering. I looked up at her, never stopping my hand from caressing her skin, and asked if she wanted me to stop.

She shook her head, biting down her lip, "do you... want to?"

I grinned and shook my head, before pulling her until she was practically hanging off my couch. I watched as her eyes quickly bounced around the room, out the open windows, to the Seattle skyline and all it's lights and beauty. Her ears zoning out to the shallow sound of busy streets below us.

"Don't be nervous," I reminded her. "It's only me."

She ran her fingers through my hair, trying to relax herself and ignore me adjusting her legs so I could have a good look at her. And she didn't disappoint. She had an incredible form, and being that she was bare only added to my lust factor for her. I licked my lips and rubbed my pants for a moment, willing myself to relax. _Her first, Cullen._

As soon as she looked down to me, I kissed her there. She gasped, eyes wide, her hand falling to my forehead -- not necessarily to push me back, but maybe to get me to not move. Stuck in indecision. I waited for a moment, allowing her to relax, then did it again. It was the first time I'd touched her clit; and hearing her breathing only clarified that she liked the way it felt. Taking that into consideration, I kept my eyes on her, and licked slowly from the bottom, all the way up, opening her for me. She hissed, watching me, becoming a trembling mess. I flattened my tongue and licked back down, humming as I went.

"Unnnnn," she moaned, unable to fight it.

I smiled against her wet silk, and did it again, this time up and back down, a bit faster. I noticed her legs part a little, and that's when I put my guard down. She was relaxing. Taking that as my cue, I took my eyes off of hers and focused on what I was doing. I waited to get her more wet, before I focused on her clit or her entrance. That way it'd feel more amazing.

By that time, she was trembling and making so much noise -- feeding my ego. I loved how she went from being a shy, bashful girl, to shouting, "Oh fuck, oh God, oh fuck, ohfuckohfuckohfuck, _unnnnnn Edward_". I couldn't help but grin. _How on Earth could it get better than that? _

Once I made sure she was comfortable, I drew her clit into my mouth and sucked around her, molding her into a complete loss of control. She began to loosen, to tug on my hair, to push it back from my forehead. I knew this was a first for her so when I dipped my finger inside, I made sure to be delicate. She moaned louder, arching her back. Applying a second while working her with my mouth only enforced her to get louder. And wetter.

Before long, I had her thrashing around the entire couch. Breathing sharp, chest bouncing, legs trembling, body shaking, hands clammy, hair sticking to her face, moaning loudly. I played with her, teased her, made sure to give her what she wanted all the way to the very brink... then slowed _way _down, and prolonged it. Made her senses higher, the sensitivity of it all. Made her wait and beg for it. I wanted to give it to her good. After all, this was the first time, and she'd always remember this moment. Remember me giving it to her.

I made sure to smile against her skin when she looked down at me, made sure to let her know I was enjoying myself as well. Told her how good she tasted, and how bad I wanted her. Caressed her thighs, her hips, her stomach. Massaged her. Held her still when I put my tongue inside of her. Grinned when she finally threw her legs on my shoulders. Because she was so shocked and overwhelmed, by the time I touched her G-spot, she just screamed out words of pleasure. It only took about three strokes on there while I sucked on her clit, and she was mine. Coming on my fingers, pulling me into her, yanking on my hair, shuddering, unable to even speak. I continued to lick her gently until she came all the way back down and sunk into the couch.

And then she just fucking grinned down at me, her first orgasm accomplished. I kissed my way back up her legs, her stomach, her chest. Sucked on her neck, below her ear. Licked down her jaw and kissed her face, all the while massaging her waist and back. It took her a few moments to regain her composure, before she allowed herself to touch me. I twisted us around, making her straddle me on the couch, and just fucking went for it. Kissing her neck, pushing her into me, thrusting up to her.

Her hands trembled when she yanked my shirts off. She kissed me greedily, humming into my mouth. Rocked in my lap to where I felt every bit of her through my pants. My internal thoughts started to come forth, telling me I needed to fucking stop us, before it went too far. That she should give her virginity to someone who loved her, who waited for her. She should give it to Dale, and I knew it. I knew what it meant to take someone's virginity, and the consequences that could come from it. I knew she could fall for me because of this... But again, _Cullen _was out to play, and my dick's thoughts surpassed my conscious.

I laid down over her on the couch and smiled at her, enjoying the feel of her legs pulling me down to her.

"Want you," she declared again. "Want you, have wanted you since I saw you..."

I licked my lips and bent closer, while she undid my jeans and slid them down my body. The both of us kicked my pants off, and then her hands went to work on my boxers.

"Wait," my voice spoke up and I grabbed her hand, kicking myself in the ass for speaking up.

She looked up at me, doe-eyed and innocent, lusted to the max, lips parted, sincerity in her eyes.

"Are you sure, Aimee?" _Fuck_. I didn't know what I wanted her answer to be.

She nodded, "I want you, Edward."

"I _really _want you to think about this for a moment. Realize where we're at, and what we're about to do." _Fucking shut up, Edward._

"I know. But I don't want to think. Like you said, no thoughts, just feelings. And I want you. So badly. I don't want this to pass me by. I may never get another chance to be with you."

"That's not the..." I paused, inhaling. "Are you really, really sure that you want _me_?"

"Yes," she dipped her fingers inside the band of my boxers and began to push. "I do..." Pushed them down more, releasing me. "Only you right now..."

My heart pounded through my chest as I kicked the last article that separated us to the ground. This was the absolute WORST time for my clear conscious to kick in, right when I was about to get what I put almost three weeks of work in the making. But I couldn't help but feel like the asshole that I was. I didn't love this girl. Dale did.

...But... I'd be lying if I didn't say that rejoicing songs were in my mind. _I fucking won._

I adjusted her below me and pressed my lips to hers, massaging her thighs, "are you really sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay. I'll be right back."

"W... where are you-"

"Shhh," I kissed her gently, "stay. I'll be right back."

Walking to my bathroom to retrieve some lube and condoms, I didn't have a single thought in my mind. I knew I should have had a thought, a voice in my head telling me that this was wrong... or hell, even a voice in my head cheering and clapping it's hands. Instead... nothing. I was blank. When I came back and adjusted her beneath me and kissed her tenderly, I was sill blank. Maybe it was because I didn't have any feelings for her. Maybe it's because I hadn't had feelings for any girl since... my ex.

I massaged her gently and made sure she was ready before I even positioned myself at her entrance. Looking down into her blue eyes, feeling our overheated bodies... This was it. I gave her a crooked smile, "this is going to hurt you. You do know this, right?"

She bit her lip and looked down to where I was stroking myself against her folds, "y-yes." Her breathing started to pick up.

"I promise I'll take care of you and go slow. But if it's too painful, say the word, and we'll stop. All right?"

"Mmhmm," she breathed through her nose and closed her eyes, "please just kiss me. Take my mind off of what you're doing."

I did as she asked, gently. This was the first time I showed real emotion with her, instead of just going through the motions. I'm not sure why I chose to finally be 'human' for the moment... Maybe because I remembered what my first time was like with my ex in the family's cabin, how nervous we both were, and how sincere kissing helped. So that's why I was slow, working her mouth tenderly, kissing her until she forgot about the rest of the world.

I felt her legs relax, as did her hands that were gripping my shoulders. Making sure we were lined up, I gently pushed the tip in slowly, the same time I slowly slipped my tongue in her mouth. She gasped, her nails digging into my shoulder, and I stopped, allowing her to stretch to my form. It was times like this where I wished that I was smaller. I know most men didn't think that way, but I knew I was on the large side... and it couldn't feel good the first time. That's why my ex and I had to stop when we tried back in High School. It didn't matter how much we cared for each other, I knew it hurt.

"Ohhhhh fuck," she panted in my ear, lifting her head and hugging me to her tight. She was squeezing me so hard, I thought she had turned into a stiff metal block. I was barely even in.

I pulled my right hand from her leg and brought it up to her face, framing her jaw and chin with my fingers, "look at me."

She blinked a few times, sniffling, and allowed me to bring her face to mine. I pulled myself out slowly, and brushed her cheek with my fingers. Then I bent forward and placed my lips to her quivering mouth, but didn't kiss her. I moved forward, and felt every single square inch of her opening up to me, bit by bit... _Fuck, she was so tight. _I had to pull back out, or I was going to thrust hard and hurt her. My body began to tremble a bit with hers, because she felt so damn good. I only had it that good once before this, but didn't know it at the time, because it was my first too. But now that I've had sex, you can definitely tell the difference when you're someone's first. The tightness. The increased warmth.

She scraped her nails down my arms and lifted her upper body from the couch, burying her face in my neck. I hugged her with my right arm while my left hand held my body above hers, and squeezed her. Reassured her with kisses to her forehead that I would go slow. After a moment, she pushed up to me a bit, giving me the sign that it was okay to try again. This time, I made sure to put all my energy into kissing her, and pushed. I got half-way in, before her body clamped me so tight, that I couldn't move. I waited, allowing her to adjust to me, kissing her neck. "You're so pretty," I whispered in her ear. "You're doing wonderful."

A tear slid from her half-pained, half-lusted eyes, and I wiped it away, before kissing her cheek.

"I'm sorry I'm crying," she murmured into my shoulder. "I promise I'm not sad or anything."

"I know you're not, it's okay," I brushed her hair out of her eyes.

"Please don't stop, Edward."

"I'm not."

Biting my lip and letting out a gust of wind, I pushed back into her. Her eyes widened and she tensed slightly, her lips parted. She watched my face, my expression, as I continued to slip inside. I hit the barrier and froze, preparing myself for her to tell me to stop.

She shook her head, sniffling again, "please. Keep going."

Licking my lips and controlling the rapid heartbeat in my chest, and ignoring the sensations telling me how fucking good this was, I pulled back just the slightest bit, and then pushed through it.

She winced and cried out, burying her face in my shoulder. Actual tears fell on my skin, as she held me.

I felt the inside of her body breaking down, all the way. "I'm so sorry," I whispered in her ear. "I know it hurts."

She nodded, hugging me to her, "it does. But please, don't stop."

_Fuck_, I never felt this torn. One side of me, there was this monster, realizing what the fuck just happened when I broke through that barrier. The other, more dominant side of me, told me how fucking wet she was, and how tight she felt wrapped around me, and that I was making her body tremble in anticipation.

After she calmed down, I pulled out and pushed all the way back in. It took me about five or six times of doing that slowly, before she'd finally relax and lay back on the couch. There were still a few tears in her eyes, but she smiled up at me, letting me know she was okay. The worse part was over. I bent down and kissed along her jaw, whispered in her ear how wonderful she was doing, all the while moving. A few moments later, I felt the difference her body had when she finally adjusted to my size, and she tossed her arms around me, kissing my neck.

My body was really overheated at this point, and I knew hers was as well. But damn, losing you're virginity is just as hard as taking someone's. It was an exercise all on it's own.

I readjusted her body beneath me and wrapped her legs around me, groaning at the sensations wrapped around my dick, "so good," I muttered against her mouth. "So fucking good."

"Unnnn," she panted, shutting her eyes tightly, "don't stop, Edward."

Slowly, I picked up my pace, to a steady rhythm. I watched her expression for any sign of serious pain, but there was none.

As minutes passed, she became more and more relaxed, accepting the facts of what we were doing, and of what I took from her.

Once I was able to slip in and out comfortably, I lifted her in my arms and sat up, her straddling me. Of course, this was a bit tense for her, but she held on to my shoulders and allowed me to lift and lower her in my lap at my convenience. "Fuck," she cursed when I hit her spot, throwing her head back, "God this is so worth it to feel like _that_. Do it again." _Fucking feeding my ego, I swear it._ I did it over and over again, kissing along her cleavage and neck.

Her knees trapped up by my sides, I let go of her hips, and she started to rock and pull against me. I rested my head back on the cushion, allowing _Cullen _to come back out, as well as my arrogance. I fucking smirked at her, watching her breasts move, watching her body bounce up and down. She was a little unsteady, the unfamiliar positions of sex showing through, but she was a trooper. Wincing when she'd hit something that hurt, but smiling and moaning when we did something that felt really fucking incredible.

The first part of the night, I let her have complete control. Of course, I encouraged and consoled her, but I wanted to make sure she was aware that she was just a part of this decision as I was. I played with her, sucked her neck when she started to speed up, and she came, shuddering and locking up in my lap. That was number two for her.

For some reason, call me an asshole if you want, but I didn't allow her much time to think. I'm not sure why, exactly, maybe I was afraid reality would hit her and she'd be ashamed and I wasn't ready to deal with that yet. Wasn't ready for the guilt overload. So I made out with her while she settled, stroked her body and my ego, gave myself a mental pep-talk.

Before I knew it, we were on for round two -- this time, she started it.

I knew she'd be fucking sore, but if she was going to begin, then I sure as shit was going to stop. Of course, I was still sensitive of her feelings and watched out for discomfort signs... but this time, it was so much fucking better. She was less inhibited, less insecure. She'd wrap her legs and arms around me, moan in my ear, shudder against me. Bite down on my neck, almost fucking marking me. I was close to my orgasm when she came, and by the time she relaxed, it was too late, and I didn't want to push it.

So, I waited for a while, once again, reassuring her and telling her how great she was. In the middle of the third time, when we were on the floor at this point, her fucking phone rang.

She instantly locked up beneath me, her eyes wide. I bit my lip as we ignored it, my heart beating up in my throat. She told me it was Dale, she could tell by the ring tone We tried to ignore it ringing, but the mother fucker just kept calling and calling, over and over and over again.

Eventually, I let up and she walked (unsteadily) to the dining room table to dig her phone out of her purse, "H-Hello"?"

Cursing myself inside, I listened to her tell him that she was sorry, that she was caught up with 'some work thing' and that she didn't have time to answer her phone because she was on an important conference call for Doctor Sherber. She noticed me watching her, and walked from the dining room, over to the couch. She told him she wasn't at work, but didn't say exactly where she was.

I hated the fact that I drove her from the hospital, and cursed myself for that.

I knew how nervous she was, but my arrogance took over once more. I put some lube on me, dirtier thoughts coming one at a time.

I stepped up behind her, stroking myself, needing the fucking release so bad that I literally was throbbing. She tossed her hair behind her shoulders, her hands trembling, and shook her head into the phone.

I could read the thoughts in her mind again, could see her guilty conscious kicking in. I didn't want her to stop until we both got ours though.

So, being the fucking asshole that I am, I ignored the fact that she was on the phone, and bent her over my fucking couch.

Of course, she tensed up and looked behind me, but I just mouthed to her, "keep talking", and positioned myself.

"W-What did you say baby?" she asked him, her lashes fluttering as I stroked down her slick, swollen pink folds.

She was tense, and I knew this position would hurt like fuck. But I wanted it. _Cullen _needed it.

"Mmmhmm," she replied, trembling against me. "That's good, I'm glad that you did that today. I knew you were putting it off."

I bent her forward and nudged her legs apart with my hands, then whispered, "I still want you," in her ear seductively. _Fuck yes, I did._

It only took me only two times before I could push completely into her, thanks to the lube. She moaned, lunging forward, pulling the phone from her ear for a moment to catch her breath. I pulled out, stroking down her spine, and brushing the hair off of her neck. Then I pushed back again.

I could hear Dale speaking louder in the phone, something like, "baby, what did you say? Are you there?"

I bit my lip and continued, smirking internally when she'd reply with, "Huh? Oh... y-yeah... I-I'm... uh... here."

Biting her shoulder, I moved swiftly in and out of her tightness, licked around her neck, and stroked her breasts in my palm.

"Hmm? Yeah... D-Dale... I've got to, uhhhh..."

I slipped my fingers in front and began to stroke her simultaneously One hand on her breast, one hand on her clit, and me behind her... _Fucking hot_.

She jerked the phone away, moaning in the couch. Then she said into it, "Mmhmm... I'm sorry."

"Aimee, what is g-" I heard him say loudly.

"Dale, I've got to go."

"No, no, baby, wait, what's going on ov-"

She hung up, and screamed out loud, "FUCK!" when I hit that special spot.

Quickly, I picked up the pace, working her. She was so tight I could barely move, and her walls gripped me.

I lifted her feet off the ground a few inches, pushing her hard into the back of the couch, and whispered in her ear, "he's never going to make you feel like this."

Yes. It was fucking wrong.

But I'm an arrogant son of a bitch.

"Fuck, Edward. Fuck!"

I thrusted faster, in and out, in and out, playing with her. I was so fucking close.

Then my fucking door swung open, and Emmett and his ex Heather walked inside my damn condo, catching us.

Aimee tensed up just as quickly as they did. Heather turned her back, covering her eyes, while Emmett just gawked at me.

I moved us behind the couch and gathered the cover that was bunched up on the end, covering the front of her up. "Emmett, what the fuck? Don't you know how to call first?"

"I _did _call," he chuckled, "twice. You're phone was turned off, bitch."

"Well, that's because I'm fucking busy."

"Fucking _something_," he muttered under his breath with another chuckle. "Jesus fucking Christ, E."

I whispered an apology in Aimee's ear and told her who he was. I didn't even acknowledge Heather, since she was still hiding her face, before pulling Aimee in my bedroom and locking the damn door behind us.

"Oh my God," she covered her face, sitting on my bed, "did that just happen?"

"I'm sorry," I kissed her lips, "I'm so sorry. I really need to get that fucking key back from him."

"So humiliating," she said, rubbing the back of her neck.

I bent down in front of her and kissed her collar bone, "hey, no regrets, right?"

"Yeah," she whispered, tentatively smiling. She licked her lips, looking down to my... predicament

I smirked, shaking my head, "we don't have to do any more to-"

She covered my mouth and slid off my bed, into my lap, "shut up."

"Did you just tell me to-"

"Shut up," she kissed my ear. "Yes. I did. I want to finish."

I studied her eyes, dumbfounded.

It took me two seconds to find another condom and sprawl us out on the floor. She was much less bashful this time around, opening her legs for me and arching her back. I went down on her for a few minutes, before picking up where we left off.

It started to dawn on me that she didn't have a way home unless I took her home, or if she called for a ride. Dale was normally the one that picked her up from work.

When she threw her legs around me and pulled me into her, I just didn't really give a fuck. I didn't focus too much on her virginity -- since it was non-existent as of now -- and focused more on my pleasure, my wants. As did she. Moaning and arching, putting her legs where I told her to, egging me on. Telling me how good I felt to her. How happy she was.

Before I knew it, I was spilling into the condom, groaning in her ear, pinning her skinny body into the fucking carpet.

She shuddered, the last of her third orgasm hitting her, and hugged me tight. I held her for a few moments, allowing us both to calm down. I'm sure she wanted to go on with this, and so did I, but refrained after that. I knew she'd be sore as fuck -- most women were after only the first time, not to mention three in one day, on their first time. Not to mention, if she was going to regret me, the more times we did it, the worse she was going to feel.

After about ten minutes of laying on the floor beside her, I pulled her and myself up, and tried not to make things awkward. I threw on some boxers, kissing her forehead. She stayed in my room while I went to retrieve her scrubs from her bag that was sitting on my dining room table. Emmett was sitting in my lazy-boy chair, Heather on his knee, fucking smirking at me.

I shook my head at him, unable to wipe the grin off my face, "you really need to learn how to fucking knock."

"That's _her_, isn't it?" he asked, recalling all my many conversations with him the past couple weeks about her. "Jesus, you actually hit it. Lucky son of a bitch."

"Shut up, Emmett, she's right in the next room," I hissed quietly at him, launching a small pillow at his face.

"The question is," Emmett raised his finger, ignoring the pillow all together, "how did she _get _here?"

"I drove her here," I picked up her phone, noticing she had a total of seven missed calls, all from Dale, and three voice-mails

"Are you going to take her home?"

"I don't fucking know, _Dad_. I hadn't planned that far ahead."

"That's what you get for thinking with your dick."

"Like you're one to fucking talk."

"Oh no, I'm not discouraging you. I love witnessing this side of you, because it's like Jeckyl and Hide. It's just funny as hell when I walk in on it."

"Shut the hell up."

I slipped inside my room and gave her her belongings, and kissed her on the forehead reassuringly that it wasn't going to be awkward. I wasn't sure why I kept doing that, but I felt I needed to.

"I'm going to call Dale and have him pick me up here. I'll just tell him we were working on those reports... we have all the proof. Is that okay?"

"Whatever you think," I said, brushing her hair with my fingers. "Are you going to tell him anything?"

She quickly shook her head.

"All right. Take as much time as you want, the bathroom's right there. I'm going to go talk to Heather for a moment."

While she got herself ready, I walked back to my living room, zipping up my jeans. I still couldn't stop the smug expression as I stepped in front of Heather.

She looked up at me, eyebrow raised, smirk on her face.

"I need a favor."

"What?"

"I need you to go downstairs with me when Aimee's boyfriend shows up and pretend you're my girlfriend. That way he'll buy the story I'm about to feed him."

"Which is?" she grinned.

I pointed to my notebook and all the manilla folders, "She got in trouble at work today because the reports were entered wrong, and accidentally set Doctor Sherber back a week. I offered to help, but since I'm her mentor, if Aubrey found out, we'd both get reprimanded. So I invited her here for discretion. She'll tell him that she only came over because, not only did she trust me, but she knew you and how much I cared for you. That you were here the whole time. That we're so much in love. That way it doesn't look like we were alone up here-"

"And it doesn't look like you just fucked the hell out of his chick and stole her virginity, you sleazy bastard," Emmett cut me off.

"That too," I smirked. "Will you, Heather? Please? Come on, I talked to your parents for you when they threatened to kill Emmett this last time. You owe me."

She narrowed her eyes at me and crossed her arms, "Fine."

"Oh, Edward?" Emmett said, laughing under his breath.

"Hmm?"

He pointed to my couch, "looks like you're going to need another one of those."

I walked over and cursed under my breath. There was a couple spots of blood. Not a lot, but on a tan couch, it was clear.

"Fuck. Oh well, there's a black leather outfit set that I want to get anyway."

"You'd better fucking get it before Alice comes home and sees that shit. She'll kill you."

"Yeah yeah," I brushed him off, picking up all the clothes of Alice's I'd lent Aimee.

Aimee took a while before she re-entered the living room. I'm sure she was embarrassed that we had been caught. I tried to rub her back and reassure her that I wasn't going to turn into an asshole, but it was really fucking weird doing it in front of Heather and Emmett. It was even more awkward when Heather joined us in the parking garage.

As soon as Dale's Mustang pulled up, I grabbed Heather's hand and side-stepped away from Aimee. Dale had his window down a bit and was looking at me funny, but I knew he had no clue of what just happened.

"Thank you for... everything, Doctor Cullen," Aimee said loud enough for him to hear, as she looked at me suggestively, "I'll... see you on Monday."

I smirked, "Sure thing, Miss Denson. Have a wonderful weekend."

I gave her boyfriend a quick nod, and turned, throwing my arm around Heather's shoulder and walking away as they pulled out.

Heather giggled, shaking her head, "Edward, are you ever going to change your ways?"

"Probably not," I smirked. "I'm a fucking asshole, I get it."

"Well, as long as you know."

***&*#!#$^%$^**

Monday came, but we were so rushed in the hospital, that I barely had time to acknowledge Aimee, let alone see if she was okay. I was stressed to the max, being rushed around. The next three days were the same. Come Friday, not only was I mentally exhausted from the last four days, but I was in no mood to dwell over what we'd done. I think Aimee knew, because she didn't say much to me, except for a quick thanks in front of Bree, about her reports. Aubrey apologized to her for being so crude, and told her how impressed she was that Aimee got all the reports corrected as quickly as she had. _If she only knew._

I worked a double shift on Saturday, but had Sunday off. All I did was sleep. The following week, it was Wednesday, before we were able to meet up in the smoke shack behind the hospital. Neither of us knew how to get the conversation started, but I felt it was fair if she wanted to talk about it. After all, she had a life change, and it involved me. She told me that she didn't regret what happened because I was "such a good guy" to her, and "such a wonderful, caring friend", and she hoped that we could still be friends and work together. Of course I accepted this, and told her I had no regrets either.

We carried on our conversation like normal, about our lives and families We didn't talk about sex. The rest of the week, we met up when we were alone, but there was no touching involved. No sexual nature.

It wasn't until the third week, when Dale started showing up at her work, that I became... _Cullen _again. For some reason, though I had absolutely no right whatsoever to feel that way, it irked me to see him touching her. To witness him bringing her lunch, caress her cheek, play with her hair. It made me wonder if she was fucking him, and if that's why he was showing so much more affection. Because from all our conversations before, he wasn't the type to do that shit.

I kept trying to force those thoughts away, tell myself that it was a one time thing, and that she had a boyfriend, which she cared about. Tell myself that I didn't care for her -- not like that, because I knew I didn't -- and that it was just the competition that was bugging me... But no matter what I told myself, _Cullen _was back to full-force. She was always sweet to me, never showing me any emotion she felt on the inside. Being the friend. Trying not to let herself get attached.. but it bothered me. I wasn't sure _what _bothered me, and _why _I let it bother me... but something was just driving me fucking crazy.

_Wait_. I knew what it was. I wanted to be the person in her thoughts again. I wanted my ego stroked. I wanted her to be the one who stroked it... and me.

One day after hours changed everything. I found her, around three in the morning, after Doctor Sherber had entered an emergency surgery. Most everyone else had gone home by now, but I was on call. She was making coffee and listening to her MP3 player, bobbing her head. Wearing fucking baby blue scrubs. Muttering the lyrics under her breath. I made sure no one else was in the darkened hallway, since she was the only nurse/receptionist that day, and closed the curtains. Stepping behind her, I quickly yanked the ear buds out of her ear and wrapped my arm around her waist, pressing myself all the way up against her.

She gasped, freezing in my arms, fingers clutching the counter top

"Are you fucking him?" I asked, hating myself all the while for butting into her business. Hating how much of an asshole I sounded. How _Cullen _was overtaking my mind.

"Yes," she confessed breathlessly. "For about a week now."

"Does he know about me?"

"No," she trembled, "He thought he was the first. He even went with me to get the birth control."

"Mmm," I ran my cheek down the side of her face, pressing my erection into her ass, "does he make you feel as good as I did?"

"Edward," she shuddered, closing her eyes, "we shouldn't do this."

"I know," I said, pushing into her again, "tell me to stop, Aimee."

"I can't," she panted, pushing back into me.

"_Do it_."

"I can't," she pushed harder. "Oh _God_."

"Does he make you feel as good as I did?"

She shook her head quickly, "Never. He never has. I love him, and he's sweet and wonderful to me, b-" Her voice cut off when I pinned her against the counter and growled in her ear. She started to shake more, humming under her breath, "b-but... he's never made me feel as excited as you do."

"That's what I wanted to hear," I licked her ear, feeling down her waist, "tell me to stop, and I will. Tell me this is wrong, that we're at work. That I'm your boss. Tell me that you have a boyfriend that you love. That I'm an incompetent, selfish prick."

"No," she shook her head, bending her back and sticking her ass on my dick, "I won't."

"Why not?" I pushed the back of her shirt up, feeling the skin beneath it.

"Because I want you to fuck me again."

I pulled her back by her hair, placing my hot mouth against her ear, "say it again."

"I want you to fuck me, Edward."

I yanked her against me by her waist, "_Again_."

"I want you to fuck me, Edward," she panted.

"Mmmm," I licked around the back of her neck, moving her hair to the other side, before putting my lips on her opposite ear, "you've got a really fucking dirty mouth."

"So do you," she shivered.

I slipped my hand in the back of her pants, caressed down her ass, and tapped my finger against her wet entrance "Fucking perfect," I murmured against her back.

She gasped when I slid her pants down a bit, and spun her around. She helped me lift her up on top of the small counter top, her hand falling against the sink faucet, her head smacking against the white cabinets in front of her that never closed anymore. I yanked her pants down more and her trembling hands fumbled with mine to help unfasten my belt. She bit down on my lip, unzipping me and pulling me out of the confinements of my pants. She was much different now. Not only was she confident, but she was rough. I liked it. _Cullen _liked it.

I yanked her to me hard, smirking when she gasped, "oh you want me to be rough with you? We have to make this quick."

"Yes, do it," she egged me on, throwing her legs around my waist.

I quickly centered myself and pushed into her, and we groaned simultaneously, my forehead falling onto her shoulder. It was hot in the little nook we were in, and her long hair began to fall on me when she held me tight, sticking to the back of my neck.

"Uhnnn!" she gasped when I yanked her hard to me, pushing myself into her as far in as I could possibly go. "Oh!" Again, rougher. "Fuck!"

I situated my footing, and then just fucking let loose. Staring her down. Lips parted. Barely kissing, just watching her mouth stay open, her eyes roll in the back of her mind. There was not a lot of "sweet friend" let in me at that moment, and I did exactly as she asked. I fucked her brains out, until she was screaming so loud, I had to cover her mouth to keep from getting us caught. I pinned her head against the cabinet, winced as she bit down on my shoulder, and pulled myself out before I spilled, letting it shoot off all over the tile floor beneath my feet.

"Fuck," I hissed, as she stroked me, and the rest of it out. I hunched over the counter, pressing my face into her shirt, and calmed my breathing down.

She told me how good it was, and giggled, brushing my hair out of my eyes that fell down.

I got paged right after that, from Doctor Sherber, code 468, which meant I was requested in the E.R. for a moment. I kissed her forehead and stepped back, telling her I had to go. Then I left her where she sat.

***&*#!#$^%$^**

The next two weeks consisted of me fucking her every single opportunity we were alone together.

If I didn't get laid, I thought about fucking her. She put the word, "muse" to a whole new level. Anytime Dale showed up at her job, I just ate that shit up, knowing that I fucked his girl fifteen minutes before he got there, and I was going to fuck her again before I sent her home. We messed around when we didn't have time, whether it be in the bathroom, behind the desk, in an empty patient room. The fucking closet. There were days where I fucked her so good, I thought we were going to get physically hurt.

But during work hours, when everyone was around us, we never even acknowledged each other, unless they were talking around us first, or it was work-related. We were friendly, of course, but never conspicuous She kept her end of the bargain, to not say anything, and I did too. We talked in "codes" with our text messages, arranging where to meet up.

We had this shit down to a science.

About a month of this, she came into the smoke shack in tears. She told me that she and Dale had gotten into an argument, that she felt they were rushing things, that she wasn't so sure if she wanted to marry him anymore, and that she didn't want to move in with him after all. She told me she'd broken up with him. I tried to comfort her, thinking it was just a spat they had, and that they'd be fine in a couple of days.

That was when she told me she left him for me. That she was growing feelings for me.

And that's when all my lust for her started to swindle wayyyy the fuck down.

After a few days of me being lonely and fucking hating it, as I always did, I decided to give it a shot, and took her on a couple of dates. We had to be really careful about it though, because if anyone saw us out, we could get in serious trouble. By this point, I had confessed to Andrew, Scotty, and Jonsen about us, but I knew they'd keep it a secret. Anyone else though, wouldn't.

Of course, on these dates, I was respectful to Aimee. Bought things for her. Paid for everything. Talked to her about anything and everything, just like we did when we were friends. But she knew I'd never care for her in the way she desired, because I've never cared for anyone since my ex back in High School. She knew I was closed off emotionally. And I think it started to bother her after a while.

The sex was great, and we kept it up in and out of work, to keep the interest. But it didn't have that 'spark' as it had before I knew of her feelings. There wasn't that chase. That competition. There was no 'Dale' to egg _Cullen _on. It was just Aimee and Edward, and that became weird for me. Each day, I saw her sinking more and more deeper into me... and each day, I saw myself pulling away from her. I saw _Cullen _drifting away, and Edward coming completely back into focus.

I had become very much involved with the aspects of my work, and soon enough, my work became my constant 'muse'. It took over everything else. We began to see less and less of each other outside of work, and hardly had time when we were in a professional surrounding to even talk, let alone be together. Things got really crazy, and the lines started to blur with her and our professions. If she did something wrong, like mess up paperwork, Doctor Sherber would always make me handle it, and reprimand her. Aimee would get upset with this, and take it offensively.

We just weren't working out.

She kept trying to be the best 'girl' for me outside of work, and I adored her as a friend, but I just couldn't get past that 'title' with her. She was my friend. I didn't see her as anything else. It didn't matter that she was sweet and young and pretty and smart and all those other things. I'd never care for her. I never cared for anyone else.

What was the point of it?

Eventually, things had to end. She asked me to come over and meet her mom. That's when I drew the line. Even though she said she never told her mom that I was her boss, it still bothered me. I never had a girl, besides Tanya and my ex, take me to meet their mother. And I knew it'd be one step closer to Aimee falling deeper in love with me.

So I cut it off. Told her that, as much as I cared for her, I would never allow myself to love her, or anyone else. Told her she deserved better than anything that I was willing to offer her. That she was a great friend and had a wonderful soul, but that we really needed to stop seeing each other.

Of course, she took it a little hard. And I think I did too. I wasn't used to being alone. I wasn't used to going to bed by myself. Before Aimee, it was Tanya, and after Aimee, there was no one. It was a lot of adjusting on my part, to accept that fact that I needed to be alone.

The first couple weeks, we'd only talk when we needed to. We never met up for breaks. We never discussed anything unprofessional. She even started to call me, "Doctor Cullen" again, which was the way she forced herself to close down from me.

After about a month, she started her relationship with Dale again. I'd notice him swinging by work, bringing her and Bree breakfast and whatnot. Noticed that each time he'd show, her smile grew bigger and bigger. I watched her appearance slowly change, back to her bouncy, chipper self. Tanya slipped back into my life, and though I never acknowledged her as my 'girlfriend', she was someone I'd fuck on a regular basis, and send on her way.

One day in the cafeteria, Andrew, Jonsen, Scotty, and myself were eating and discussing random shit, when Aimee, Bree, and Deena, another female nurse, joined us at the table. I found it relaxing, and my chest had lifted much higher now that she wasn't 'together' with me, and was back with Dale. It made me feel relieved. That was the first day we talked, but we had our friends surrounding us, so that wasn't bad.

Days passed, and all of us met, and we all conversed. Eventually, our friends peeled away, and we'd still sit at the table and talk. We fell right back into the habits that we had before we ever had sex. Her telling me about her family problems, me talking about my job goals. Us talking about our relationships, our friends. That's when "Edward" came back to play. But it wasn't the same anymore. Of course, I was attracted to her still, and probably always will. I don't think that thing ever goes away, once you've shared a connection with someone.

But I never again looked at her like she was something I had to have. I accepted her relationship with Dale one hundred percent, and learned to respect him as well -- from what she told me about him. I never actually talked to him.

And she made it very clear that she hated the way Tanya and I acted together -- there were many times I'd show up angry from a fight we'd had before work -- and I'd listen to her advice, and leave Tanya alone... but then I got lonely, and Tanya came back. It just kept going like that. The conversations between us was never weird.

Aimee slowly became my closest working friend. Alice was my best friend outside of work, but I had Aimee to talk to and confide in when I was on the job. She understood the limits and stress this job handled. She encouraged me, complimented my work.

We never talked about our past after that. We just moved on.

From then on, all we did was look forward to our friendship.

And I was completely fine with that.

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_----AUTHOR'S NOTES---- _

**So there we go, Outtake #1! **

**--- Let me say, first of all, that Edward was very closed off during this time of his life. I know it's hard to put that into words, because he was her friend so he DID care to an extent for her... but he was going through the emotions. He wasn't involved -- only in his "mission". He was cold.**

**--- Edward would have NEVER EVER went through with it if she said no. It takes two to tango, all the way. And even though he seduced her and she was vulnerable, I think deep down inside, she knew exactly what was going to happen. She allowed it to happen. Multiple times after as well.**

**--- Secondly, we all see that he has game. We see how he worked it. What you guys need to realize before I get a hundred reviews on how much you hate him is, he NEEDED a muse. He needed to find something to distract him so he wouldn't use drugs again. I'm not condoling his reasoning, but I am saying that he was young and conflicted, and things happen.**

**--- Yes, Aimee was the first and only girl he'd seduced. Please don't think he's still like that. It was just a lesson that had to be learned. We can all tell how different he is with Bella, and how much he adores her and loves her. Worships her. Hell, you even witnessed how, even in the deepest part of this, Bella was mentioned -- well, as his "ex" whom he refused to name, but still... Bella was always in his mind. Jaded or not, she was there.**

**My readers/friends and I have had a long debate over this over at Twilighted(dot)Net Forums, and we've brought up a lot of good points. If you want, check it out, and join in the debate!! **

**ALSO!! I recently discovered a FACEBOOK community dedicated to TEF, entitled, "Addicted To The Ex Factor". It has awesome members, discussions, "TEF Fridays", pictures, and many other cool features so come and join us:**

http://www(dot)facebook(dot)com/group(dot)php?gid=65233163962#/group(dot)php?gid=65233163962  
**(link also in profile)  
**

**There's plenty more to come, so stick around!! AND REVIEW!!!**

**Reviews are better than getting your chance with **_**Seduceward **_**:D**

**Or, in the words of my SuzyQ, who agrees with me that if we were in Aimee's place, we'd hand over our virginity too.  
She mentioned that Edward has could make scratch-n-sniff business cards:  
_Edward Cullen: V-card activation specialist_**_**. **_

It has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?

**;)**


	2. Bella's Attention

THESE OUTTAKES WILL NOT BE IN ORDER OF SEQUENCE. It's whatever comes to me at the time.  
To my **Readers**.... thank you for everything. ILY.

_**  
REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!**_

**2. Bella's Choice.  
Enter Ryan vs. Jasper statistics.**

**---- NO BETA THIS CHAPTER; PLEASE EXCUSE ANY/ALL ERRORS. ---  
-- A/N's At The Bottom. --**

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_**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing that is Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

_**"Well I can carry this so far, and then something must give way.  
'Cause searching a lifetime for nothing wouldn't seem fair.  
I'm bored by the overdone drama of it all,  
and puzzled by the thin antique face there on the wall.  
I'm following something that someone said must be there.  
...Pull back the reigns, and slow this mother down,  
I'm falling off.  
The faster you move... I'm closer to the end, and there's a lot, that I haven't done.  
...It's so simple when it's all brand new. Somehow it all catches up with you.  
Just don't let it slice you up and pass you around..."**_

_**Wayne, "****Slow **__**Down"**_

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**Outtake 2: Bella's Attention**

**BellaPOV **

Tossing my pen on the desk, I scratched my head.

It'd been a long month, full of deadlines and failed attempts at trying to impress my boss. I needed this whole deal to just 'click'. This plan, this project I'd been working on every day for the past four weeks... not only would it wow my authorities, but it could possibly move me up a notch on the company belt.

Sure, I was both the newest and the youngest female working at _Leverage Marketing_, but that only meant that all eyes are on me, waiting for me to crash and burn. I, however, had larger plans than that. I wanted to succeed, and shock. I had a goal for myself. _Work hard, play soft... until you find your place in the business. Then you can play hard, because it's your reward._

I wanted to be on top of my game at all times. I didn't like to fail.

"Knock knock!" a voice called before entering. My partner, Ryan Danvers, strolled inside, wearing his typical GQ suit and bright colored tie, orange today.

"Hey Ry," I grumbled, tossing folders away from the middle of my desk, "what's up?"

"Why, Isabella Swan, you look like you've been run over by an ice cream truck this morning."

"Why, thank you," I hissed, rolling my eyes and sitting back in my chair, "what do you want?"

He dropped down on the corner of my desk and leaned toward me, pulling a piece of white fuzz from the ends of my hair, "...and, after you got ran over by that... _heavy_... ice cream truck, a flock of chickens must have dove in and flapped their wings all over your hair."

I exhaled, crossing my arms over my chest, "does your assumptions on my appearance have a point?"

He held up his index finger, walking around my chair, "I'm getting there. Now... after the ice cream truck and the flock of chickens.... something must have happened... Ahh, I know... a thunderstorm must have showered you down, because you have little black smudges of mascara beneath your eyes."

I twisted my chair around, half tempted to shove him out the full glass windows behind him, down the eight stories, onto the freshly dried cement sidewalk below. And he wasn't even gay. He just liked to tease me, the dick.

He smirked, looking down at me, "But my point is, I think you need to go out with me tonight. Let's go get a drink."

"I don't need a drink," I hissed at him.

He cleared his throat, "clearly."

Putting my bitchiness to the side, I slouched in my chair and frowned, "I'm sorry I'm snippy. I'm just exhausted, I have a lot of pressure on my shoulders."

"Which is why we need to go and drink."

"Is this some kind of ploy to get in my pants, Ryan?"

He smirked, leaning against the glass and crossing his legs, "I don't know, _Bella_, are you planning on unbuttoning those pants?"

I narrowed my eyes at him, "not likely."

He licked his lips, "Well... that isn't a _no_."

"But it's not a yes."

"True," he said, walking over and leaning toward me and the chair, "but you didn't say _no_, either... So... how about it?"

I shook my head, crossing my arms over my chest.

Ryan grinned, tilting his head to the side, "Come on... I'll stay on my own side of the table, I promise."

"Do I get to bring my can of pepper spray?"

"Whatever gets you to come."

I sighed, thinking for a moment about the odds. Jasper and I weren't together. We were just friends. I knew he liked me, but still... Why couldn't I go and have fun? I needed it.

"Fine," I exhaled, shrugging my shoulders, "I guess a couple of drinks will be okay."

He smirked, standing up tall and sticking his hands in his pocket, "kick ass. I'll go get my shit taken care of, and meet you in the parking garage in fifteen minutes."

"Okay," I twisted around, watching him head toward my office door, "Oh, and Ry, before you go?"

He skidded to a stop and twisted around, piercing me with those damn blue-green eyes of his.

"Don't count your chickens," I warned him. "...You know what I'm saying here."

He rubbed his chin, smiling at me, "Ahh Bella. It looks like you have enough chicken feathers in your hair as it is..."

"Very funny," I called out to him as he walked out, "and it was a feather pillow that caught on my watch while I was sleeping last night! Not real chickens!"

"Sure, sure, whatever you say Bells."

_If he wasn't so hot... I'd have strangled him by now._

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Coughing, I slammed the shot glass on the table, staring at the few flakes of godl rimming the bottom of it, that wouldn't come out unless I licked it, "what the hell is this again?"

"Goldschlager."

I shuddered, licking my dry lips, "and how many have we had apiece now?"

"Uh... I lost count," he smirked. "Do you want another bottle of water?"

I nodded, "yeah if I'm going to be drinking hard liquor, I need to stay hydrated, or else I won't be coming to work next week, and I'll probably end up in the hospital."

"Can't handle your liquor?"

"It just depends on how much of it people make me consume."

Ryan pulled his tie undone and unfastened the top button of his collared shirt, "no worries. You're with me. I won't let you get dehydrate."

I gave him a sour grim, "Sure you won't."

"I'm serious," he chuckled. "I'm a good guy, Bella. You need to trust men more often."

"Most men haven't given me a good enough reason to trust them."

"Have I given you a reason not to trust me?"

I stared at him for a moment, feeling the alcohol in my head swirl around, "not yet."

"Good. Until I do, you should."

After another shot, I took a moment to study him. Ryan Danvers. He was older than me by about four years. He was tall, around 6'2". Tan. Brooding. Strong cheek bones. Dark eyebrows and long eyelashes. His upper lip and bottom lip were about the same size, the top one having that perfect arch in the middle of it. Perpendicular nose. Blue eyes with a tint of green in them, that were definitely hiding a bit of mystery behind them... something struggling, that made you want to dig it out.

A bit of a crooked smile at times, and where that smile rested, on each side of his face were adorable indents of laugh lines. Chiseled facial hair, just a goatee and a dark shadow where he shaved along his jaw and beneath his nose, always appearing like it was trying to come back in. I knew his body would be sexy beneath his clothes. I'd seen him change his shirt in his office a few times, and he had washboard abs, a light patch of chest hair, and broad shoulders. Everything about him screamed _'tall, dark, handsome, and very dangerous'. _He was tough around the edges. He was every girl's '_bad boy fantasy'_, wrapped up in a puzzle and sitting across the table from me.

"Bella," his low, suave voice said, cutting me out of my daydream.

I snapped my eyes at him, blinking a few times.

All he did was grin back at me, "was it good for you?"

"Pardon me?" I cleared my throat, watching his lips linger on top of his beer bottle.

"Was it good for you?"

"Was _what _good for me?"

"Eye-fucking me. ...Because, it was good for _me_, so... I was just wondering if it was as good for you."

I blushed, looking down at the table, "I... um... Sorry, I-I didn't me-"

"Yes you did."

I looked up at him, biting my lip.

He chuckled, "Just admit it. You were thinking it, so just admit it. It's not a crime, being attracted to someone. The crime is not stating that attraction, and watching it go to waste."

"I never s-"

"Sure you did." He licked his lips, and my eyes went straight toward his mouth. I watched as it turned into a smile, his teeth shining bright, "See? Look at what you're staring at."

I brought my hand to my mouth, chewing nervously on my thumbnail, "Okay... Okay _fine_, so I was looking. Sue me."

He smirked, "Why would I sue? I'd much rather watch you squirm."

"Well," I said, chugging my water, "it's working."

"Like a charm," he winked at me.

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Two hours, some odd minutes, countless dances, and enough alcohol to turn me into a waterfloat later, he reached out his hand to me. I was thankful he was there. Work put a lot of stress on me, and this alcohol was really taking it's toll... though it felt good to have that tension release.

Standing unsteadily from the round table, I knocked the chair I was sitting in over, but he caught me by the other wrist, making sure I didn't go down with it. "Sorry," I muttered, clearing my throat.

Ryan pulled me into him, thanking the man behind me that put my chair upright, "it's okay, Bells. Come on, I need you to walk with me. Let me just... grab... your purse... Okay, here. Come on, we're going to walk."

I laughed, wrapping my arms around his waist, "where are we walking to?"

"The back door, where I'm parked."

"I'm parked up front."

"I know this, but you're not driving. We'll come get your car in the morning."

I didn't bother arguing with him. I knew that no one in my stability range would be able to win an argument with _anyone_. Fifteen minutes later, I was laying on a couch in Ryan's house. I'd never been to his house before, and couldn't remember where anything was, now that I was in it. All I knew was I was wasted, and was thankful I didn't drive home after all.

"How are you feeling?" he chuckled, squatting beside me and handing me a glass of water and two pills.

"What are these?" I croaked, my head swaying from left to right.

"Tylenol. Take them before you go to sleep."

I did as he said, then laid back. "I can go home, just call me a-"

My voice got cut off as my body was lifted from the couch. "W-What are you doing?"

"What kind of a man would I be if I allowed a woman to sleep on my couch?"

"Ryan, really, I feel-" My voice was cut off again, as he plopped me down onto a King Size mattress that I practically sank in.

"Mmm... nice bed..." I cooed. It was _comfortable_.

He chuckled, brushing my hair out of my eyes, "maybe one day I'll let you _really _experience it."

I grinned, drunkenly, "...maybe."

It got really quiet, and that was when I realized I was dozing off. I noticed Ryan, now dressed in some sweat pants and no shirt, heading toward his bedroom door.

"Wait," I whispered, curling up on my side and reaching my hand out to him, "...don't go."

He steadied himself in the doorway, peering over his shoulder, "everything's okay, Bella."

"No," I shook my head, shivering, as the darkness of the room started to overwhelm me. My voice started to crack under the pressure, "I... h-hate being in the dark by myself.... Please?"

Exhaling heavily, he cleared his throat and walked back over to me. A dim light was flipped off on the nightstand beside me, and he slid me over toward the middle of the bed, climbing in beside me. Instantly, I curled into him, pressing my head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," I whispered weakly, feeling the room sway around. "I'm scared... of the dark. Of everything. That's, uh, why I live with my sister."

"Maybe you watch too many scary movies?" he whispered suggestively, pushing his arm beneath my neck and curling me into his side.

"No," I shivered, shaking my head quickly. Drunken word vomit... that was about to come out. "...But one time, a demon from one of those scary movies became a reality... and..." I felt my throat tightening, but forced myself to stay strong when I said, "...I've been afraid ever since."

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I woke up to the disgusting smell of bacon and eggs cooking, and felt my stomach do a couple rolls in protest. Nothing was worse than the smell of food during a hangover. And I had the motherload of them all that moment.

Moaning, I curled up into fetal position, wishing the room would stop spinning, the floor would stop rocking, my head would stop throbbing, my chest would quit sinking inward, my stomach would stop flipping, and my nose and ears would plug up from everything in the outside world.

"Good morning sunshine," Ryan said, swinging through the bedroom, allowing more of the essence that is bacon smell fill the room.

I gagged, throwing his covers over my head, "shut the door, quick."

He laughed, doing as I asked, and sitting a glass and some Tylenol next to my head, before pulling the covers off, "Why, Isabella, how are you feeling?"

"Ryan," I whimpered, begging, "please don't make fun of me. I really... I can't..."

I felt my stomach flip one more time, and knew I had about a fifteen seconds to get up. I shot out of the bed, and as soon as he saw my face, he grabbed my hand and helped run me to his bathroom, thankfully adjacent to the bed. He flipped the lid open and didn't have any time before the first portion of my stomach was now entering the bowl. I was beyond humiliated, of course, but at the time, I just wanted relief.

Once my stomach caved in for the moment, I slipped to the floor and placed my cheek on the cool tile, "this... sucks."

"Remind me to go easy on you with the Goldschlager next time," he mused, rubbing my back.

"There won't be a next time. I'm never drinking again."

"Oh, that's what we all say. I give you a week."

I shook my head, wining to the side of the Porcelain God, "will you please check my cell phone and let me know if my sister's called the police, looking for me yet?"

"She hasn't."

"How do yo-"

"She called my phone when she couldn't get ahold of you. I told her you were staying over. She seemed quite satisfied, stating that she'd rather it be me if it wasn't going to be Jasper, than any other random '_shmuck sleeze_'."

I groaned, wiping sweat away from my clammy forehead, "this is _not _how I imagined spending the night over at your house."

"I have no doubts. I bet you imagined you and me, sexing it up in a steamy shower."

I furrowed my brows in embarrassment, starting to question him, but he filled me in.

"You told me. Last night. And I quote, "_Ry... I know I'm drunk, but I just HAVE to tell you now because I probably won't remember I told you tomorrow... If we go to your house later, you're probably going to get laid... In the shower, because that's where I think about you lately when I'm by mys_-'."

I cut him off, by sitting up and throwing up some more. When I was finished that time, I flushed and climbed to my knees, swaying from side to side, "Ignore whatever I told you last night. I didn't mean any of it."

"Ohhhh, I'm sure you meant _some _of it."

"Absolutely none."

"Come on," he lifted me off the ground, "let's get you back in bed. I'll call your sister and inform her that I haven't murdered you yet, and you will be camping out here until you get your sea legs back... which, by the looks of you, may take the rest of the night."

Two seconds after he put me back on the bed, I was out.

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The next time I woke up, I felt like a new person. My body was a little stiff from the lack of movement, but everything else seemed to be sitting in one place, which was a damn good sign. I caught a short glimpse of the clock on Ryan's nightstand. It read four twenty-three in the morning.

I sighed, rolling over, and into the body of Ryan. I jumped back, for some reason, not expecting him to be there.

He opened his eyes, blinking at me, and whispered, "Feeling better?"

I nodded, "Much... I can't believe you let me sleep all day."

"Two days."

"Hmm?"

"You came here Friday night, got sick Saturday morning, slept all day Saturday, all day Sunday, and now... it's... technically, Monday morning."

"You've got to be kidding me!"

"No... you were in and out for a while. I managed to get you in the shower, but don't worry, I didn't cop a feel or anything. Barely even looked. Just got the puke smell off of you and put you in some of my clothes. Sheets have been washed too. And thankfully, today is a holiday so we don't have to be at work."

Sighing, I covered my flushed face, "I am... so sorry. I _can _handle my liquor, I promise. I never really get sick at all, it must have been the kind that I drank... I never had that before."

"It's not a problem. Really."

"I need to brush my teeth," I sat up slowly, not taking any chances, but then realized I felt as good as new.

"I bought you a toothbrush yesterday morning. You used it a lot yesterday, not that I can blame you. It's in a cup full of Zando toothbrush disinfectant, on the right corner of the sink."

I spent an ungodly amount of time in his bathroom. I took another shower, scrubbed down my body, brushed my teeth and tongue until my hand got tired, and matted through my hair with his comb. I was humiliated beyond recognition now, and knew the only way to get out of here was to go through the room and play it off, or jump out of the window. And since I wasn't suicidal, I figured I had to face the music sooner or later.

When I came back into the room, tiptoeing to the bed, he rolled over, stretching his arms, "Feel better? Did you take a long cr-"

"Just took a shower and cleaned up some more."

"Didn't trust me washing you?"

"I felt better doing it a second time."

"Why are you in a towel?" He sat up, turning toward me.

I bit my lip, "I was hoping you could loan me another shirt and pair of boxers?"

He snickered, crawling to his knees, out of the bed, "My God, you sure do require a lot of maintenance, Isabella Swan."

"I'm sorry, I pro-"

"I'm not bitching, relax. Here..." He handed me a crisp, white t-shirt, and a pair of black boxers. I slipped the boxers on under the towel, and the t-shirt on over it, before removing it and tossing it in the corner. He climbed back in bed with me, and pulled me beside him. "Mmm, you smell so much better now. No more puke."

"You're not making me feel any less embarrassed about this."

"Maybe you just need to take your mind off of it."

I looked over at him, and shivered when his hand tucked my hair behind my ear, "...What did you have in mind?"

He smirked, leaning closer, "Well, you just took a shower, so that's out... So... I guess I'm going to have to kiss you now."

I trembled, watching his face come toward mine. Not necessarily because I didn't want for this to happen, because there was a part of me that did. But there was also a part of me that said, _'No, Bella, you're not ready for this yet'. _I knew this was a potential hook-up. I knew when I said yes to getting drinks the other night, I'd most likely be in his bed at one point. And it's not because I did this type of thing a lot -- in fact, I _never _did this. But I'd been attracted to Ryan since the first day I saw him, and would be lying to myself if I had said I didn't want to be here right now.

...Regardless of all of this, he wasn't Edward. No one else was, and it was a cold hard truth I'd be forced to settle with. I knew I needed to get over my ex, it'd been years since the split. But saying is much easier than doing.

Ryan's lips were warm and inviting as he pressed them firmly to mine. He tasted sweet, like Starbursts, and knew how to kiss with the right amount of pressure to make me want more. Sighing, I stroked through his hair, parting my mouth to him. His tongue swept inside, and he leaned over me, moving me on my back. His left arm stayed tucked behind me to support my frame, while his right hand moved down over his shirt that I was wearing, toward the bottom button. Instead of undoing it, he ran his knuckles back and forth on the exposed skin there a few times, then dipped his fingers inside of the shirt, circling my belly button.

I trembled, pushing back into his mouth with vigor. It'd been a while since I'd been touched by a man like this.

And I wanted it.

Our tongues danced slowly and sensually, and I instantly felt my body tightening below the belt. It'd been about two months since I had any type of release, even by myself. I'd been too stressed, too occupied. And his touch, a gentle man's touch, was what I was craving.

I never got this close with Jasper before. He was my friend. Sure, I liked him more than a friend, but did I want him as a boyfriend? As a lover? ...And did I like him more than Ryan? I wasn't sure. Did I like him enough to stop what Ryan and I could potentially be doing? No. Right now... Ryan was at favor.

He pulled back his face and started to pop the buttons loose, one at a time. I bit my lip when he got toward the ones near my breasts.. and he noticed, stopping his hand, "Are you okay?"

"Mmhmm," I nodded with a smile.

"Do you want me to stop?"

I shook my head, whispering, "No."

My heart began to pound in my eyeballs as he pushed the shirt off of my shoulders, and enveloped me with his mouth. I instantly arched my back to him, my fingers find the hair on the nape of his neck. Attention. That's what this was about.

Ryan was giving me attention.

And it was as if it would all make everything better.

The heartbreak

The ache.

The loneliness.

Missing _him_.

...For just a little while.

He licked down my neck and pushed into me, relaxing on top of my frame. My right leg wrapped around him, but I couldn't move my left one from the position we were in. It was okay.

He kissed my ear.

_Make me forget._

My lips.

_Please make me forget._

My collar bone.

_I don't want to think about him._

My breasts.

_It was a long time ago._

My stomach.

_It meant nothing._

My hips.

_He moved on; I should too._

I grabbed his shoulders and pulled him back up, attacking his mouth with mine.

We fell into a hard and rough, heavy breathing make-out session. Then I took charge, rolling us over. I felt him harden beneath me, and though I knew I wanted to have sex with him, I also knew I couldn't. It wasn't fair to Ryan to lead him on when I didn't know what I wanted.

It wasn't fair to Ryan, when I'd have sex with him and think about my ex.

...I always thought about my ex.

So I gave him a blow job for his troubles, let him use his fingers to give me my release, and spent the rest of the afternoon avoiding his bedroom like it suddenly was infected with The Plague. Ryan knew I was stand-offish, and I couldn't blame him for curiosity.

I dodged questions by telling him I still wasn't feeling well, and when all the guilt I had about being with another man washed over me, I grabbed my belongings, called for a taxi, went to pick up my car from the bar, and cried the entire drive home.

I knew I shouldn't feel guilty about doing what I was doing. I had been with men before. I had been in relationships.

But every single time it got to '_sink or swim_' time with a man, a struggle of guilt came over me, like I was doing something wrong. Like I was still cheating on Edward, years after the split. I knew it wasn't fair to myself, but for some reason, I just couldn't let it go.

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The first week back at work was a bit strange. Ryan and I worked together, and he made it as easy as possible for me. Flirty, as always, but never pushy.

I didn't start anything with him.

I didn't pursue it.

I just did my work, ignored the longing for attention I craved, and went home to an empty house, as Rosalie was most likely hanging out over at our friend Jacob's house again.

But as time went by, the flirting became too much, once again. We kept our 'routine' for weeks upon weeks. We worked together fantastically, and didn't think about sex when it was time for business. Then, occasionally, it'd get the best of us, and we'd make out at work, sneak off to places, have _'lunch specials', _as Ryan called it, whenever we met at his house or mine to fool around.

It never got further than third base though. And I never let him reciprocate the favor, though he offered on several occasions.

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Months moved on, I started getting closer to Jasper, which was even harder, because I didn't want to lead either of the boys on.

I'd still do my thing with Ryan every once in a while, then I'd come home, to have Jasper give me attention.

Then I'd feel guilty all over again.

It was a never-ending cycle of pain and useless attention that I couldn't figure out how to stop.

Ryan wanted more.

Jasper wanted more.

But I wanted someone else.

I wasn't an idiot.

I was an adult, and knew what I was doing was wrong.

Leading Ryan on for sexual/physical attention.

Then going home, and leading Jasper on for the emotional/sensual attention.

And telling neither of them about the other guy. Jasper knew I worked with Ryan. Ryan knew Jasper was a friend.

There was a reason for that too.

I didn't want to be seen as the bad guy.

I was seen as that enough on my own.

And the funny thing?

Two men at one time still didn't make up one of Edward.

And I could bet that all the other men in this world couldn't make up for him either.

...And that, was the worse part for me...

The part I had to face, though I didn't want to.

The part, in truth, that I'd never get over.

...I'd always miss him.

...I'd always want him.

...I'd always judge myself when it came to him and the guilt I had for my actions, that led to his action, forcing our downfall. I knew it was my fault. I knew what I did forced the end of us.

...I knew I'd never forgive myself.

And I had no idea how to move on.

* * *

_----AUTHOR'S NOTES---- _

**So there we go, Outtake #2! **

**--- Though this outtake is short, there really wasn't much to explain. They made out, they connect, they have good chemistry. It still wasn't enough. The reason the outtake of Edward/Aimee was much longer, was because Edward has a complete inner struggle constantly... All he sees is Bella, but he forces himself to_ move on, move on, don't think, don't breathe, work, work, drink, struggle, just do, do, do, find another muse_, so on so forth.  
Bella doesn't do that. She ponders for a moment, then completely turns herself numb and goes with the motions until it's time for actual sex, and backs off completely, because she knows she won't be able to handle the consequences of the guilt on her own after. Plus, with the whole James situation out in the open, I'm sure that comes into effect. She has said many times she's only felt safe with Edward.  
Bella, unlike Edward, was more 'real' with her troubles of not satisfying herself without Edward. After her breakdown (which WILL come soon!), she's  
accepted the facts that she couldn't get over Edward... Which was WHY she kept forcing herself to be with Jasper in the beginning of TEF.**

**Makes sense now, doesn't it? :D**

**-- Oh, and this song for the chapter REALLY explains Bella's emotional stand-point at this point in time of her life.**

**Thoughts? There's plenty more to come, so stick around!! AND REVIEW!!!**

**Reviews are better than having hot guys take care of you and not get upset when you puke for a couple days! :D**


	3. Human Conditions

THESE OUTTAKES WILL NOT BE IN ORDER OF SEQUENCE. It's whatever comes to me at the time.  
To my **Readers**.... thank you for everything. ILY.

_**  
REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!**_

**Outtake 3: Human Conditions  
WARNING. **This is a darker chapter, and it's not their break downs. If that says anything. It's his inner-thoughts, and he's crude and emotionally/mentally distraught, and just know that we're witnessing more than what he speaks/acts out loud to others, so you're getting the full image of his life. This would have taken place about a year after Bella/Edward's split. Back when the depression was BAD.  
Do not read if you are in a cheery mood. It will ruin your day. (Oh, and Bella is somewhat featured in this outtake.)

**---- NO BETA THIS CHAPTER; PLEASE EXCUSE ANY/ALL ERRORS. ---****--  
A/N's At The Bottom. --**

_**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing that is Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

**

* * *

**

_**"Sitting by a fire, on a lonely night.  
Hanging over from another good time, with another girl...  
Little dirty girl. You should listen to this story of her life...  
You're my heroine.  
In this moment I'm lonely, fullfilling my darkest dreams.  
All these drugs, all these women,  
I'm never forgiving... this broken heart of mine.  
Because days! Come and go!  
But my feelings for you are forever."**_

_**Papa Roach, "Forever"**_

* * *

**Outtake 3: Human Conditions**

**EdwardPOV **

The amount of Brandy that I had consumed created a new level of height for me.

I was smashed. And high.

And depressed, once again.

Standing on the outside of Dean's balcony during the dead of the night, I stared out into all the bright city lights of NYC, the busy street thirty stories beneath me, and felt the wind hit my face, bitterly.

I wished I had the guts to just fucking jump and end this. _Maybe after a few more shots_.

Taking another sip, I listened to the warm alcohol swish in my mouth, before I swallowed, allowing it to burn into my throat and slide down... and deep into the emptiness of my core. I didn't need ice in this shit. I had enough of that in my chest. I was a living, cold, numb solid.

I just needed to forget.

_Forget, forget, forget._

I lit another cigarette, pissed that I'd run out again. It was my third pack today. I wondered what the world record was for gaining cancer the quickest, and tried to figure out how many packs I'd have to buy until I did it, or beat it. At least I'd be remembered for something before I jumped. I'd have my name in a book after all. _You'd be so proud, Dad_.

All the better.

"Yo man."

"Fuck off."

My cousin Dean chuckled and closed the glass door behind me, before walking to where I stood, and stealing the cigarette from my fingers and taking a drag.

I glared at him.

He smirked and exhaled slowly, handing it back, "This shit will kill you one day."

"That's the plan."

"Right," he ignored my dramatics. "Great view, eh?"

"I suppose."

"What do you mean?"

I shrugged and looked down over the balcony, "street could be busier."

"Dude," he chuckled. "It's busy as fuck. Look at all that traffic! It's fucking New York City."

I shrugged again, inhaling deep and then exhaling slow, "the more cars, the bigger the mess." _...For when I jump_.

Dean turned toward me, and said nothing. Just fucking stared, words hidden behind his eyes.

I smoked the rest of my cigarette in silence, lingering, before turning my head and shooting more daggers toward his fucking skull, "what the fuck? What?"

"You need to pussy smash."

"I need to fucking get me a new pack of cigarettes..."

"No, you need to seriously shoot off a fucking load."

I exhaled loudly.

_Shoot off a load... _

My mind snapped back to the object beneath the passenger seat of my car in the parking garage.

The object my mindless cousin, in all his innocence, helped me purchase here seven months back. The object that he thought would help me feel safe. I was thankful Dean allowed me the use of his address to make it appear that I lived here with him in the city for the past year and a half. Or the fact that he knew people who could alter my birth certificate making me appear to be twenty-one, and not eighteen.

You have to be twenty-one to buy a pistol.

I was thankful that the money-greedy handler didn't read too much into my permit, registry, or gun license when he saw the wad of cash in my pocket. ...Sixteen hundred dollars later, and the silver, powerful Desert Eagle Pistol was mine.

Worth every penny.

I used it to taunt myself. To see just how low I could sweep before one day, it became too much.

I hadn't made it to that day yet. But each second led me closer.

"D'ya hear me?"

"Huh?" I looked at him.

He laughed, "Did you hear me? This is a party. You know, that sexy crowd in my house, the loud music, the fucking alcohol in your hand... Come rejoin the land of the living and get you some. There's about eighty women in there. All clean and beautiful. Pick one."

"I need to get me some cigarettes."

"Fuck your cigarettes, I'll give you some of mine."

I leaned against the back of the concrete balcony, staring into the glass windows, at all of the laughing, swanky, drunken people behind it. I wanted to gash all of their eyes out with my pocket knife.

Okay, maybe that was a little harsh. But still. No one had the right to flaunt their happiness in a depressed person's face; even if they didn't know they were doing it. It just wasn't fair.

I growled and tugged at my hair, "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be the asshole, but I'm not in the mood for parties."

"Then just get laid," he laughed. "I swear, you'll feel better. I'm sure one of the women in here are freakish enough to let you stick it up their ass."

I glared at him.

"...That is," he continued, giving me a smirk, "if Tanya isn't letting you do it all ready."

"Fuck Tanya. I told you, I was done with that bitch."

"Mmhmm."

I growled again, "Shut the fuck up."

"You know you're lying. That woman puts out. She's like gold. You keep her in the vault, pull her out when you need a reminder of the fact that she'll give it to you when you snap your fingers, then shove her back in when you realize that she, like money, can't give you any real happiness."

"Tanya will _never _make me happy."

"Then why do you keep her around?"

I ignored him.

"Exactly. P-U-S-S-Y."

"I haven't spoken to Tanya in two months," I declared, trying to justify myself.

"You still have her number in your phone."

"Point?"

"She-who-won't-be-named isn't in your phone anymore."

"Well, that's because you and jackass Paul in there decided to delete her out of it the other night."

"Well," he chuckled, slapping me on the back, "that's because you like to drunk-dial Bella a lot. I'm sure she wants to block you from her phone."

I turned and about knocked him out.

Instantly, he realized his mistakes, "Sorry. Her name slipped."

"Don't," I hissed, scoffing. "Just don't."

He held his hands up in surrender, "It's been a year, man. I guarantee she's moved on by now. You go to WSU, she goes to UW. Cougars versus Huskies; the biggest rivals. Come on, that is saying something right there! Maybe it's not meant to be. The signs are clear."

"You don't know that."

"Then why hasn't she ever picked up when you call her? Why did she change her voicemail from, _'Hey this is Bella, leave me a message'_, to a computer saying _'You have reached area code blah blah blah...'_? It isn't even her fucking voice anymore, Edward. That's a sign."

"Maybe she had a stalker."

"Maybe _you're _her stalker."

"Maybe I'm not."

He laughed.

I glared viciously.

He smirked, "You're nuts man if you think that girl waited around for you. She waits around for no one. She hurt you, yes. You justified her actions by mimicking them. Now I ain't saying who's right and who's wrong, because I think you're both equally fucked, but I will say that I highly doubt she's sitting on the couch eating ice cream, holding her phone in her hands, praying for the next moment when you decide to drunk dial her again and leave her another ten minute slurred voice mail about all the things you wished you could take back, how you wished you fucked her when you had a chance in that cabin because then _'maybe it would've changed everything'_, and then go into _'You better not be fucking seeing anyone, Bella. No one is good enough for you' _sad sobbing story."

If he weren't my cousin, I would have shoved him off this balcony. "I don't appreciate you mocking me."

"I'm being honest. That's what family does."

"Family also kill each other when the opposing party doesn't know when to shut his fucking mouth."

He laughed, unaffected by my venom, "you love me, Edward. And I love you. I'm just telling you that you're fucked in the head right now, that Bella did a number on you, and you need to get laid while you're visiting me. That's it."

"Dean, say her name again, and I will knock out your front two teeth."

"Avoiding her name doesn't make it any easier."

"It does for me."

"Clearly."

I sighed, realizing I was treating my cousin like shit, and he didn't deserve me taking my problems out on him, "I'm just irritated. I don't me-"

"Don't apologize to me. We're family. I just want you to find an outlet from all of this shit."

_I need to talk to her_. "I know."

"And you have a lot of friends who love you regardless of your past."

_I wonder if her phone number is listed in my recent calls still_. "I know that too."

"There's plenty of other women in this world."

_None like her. I wonder if she'll pick up tonight, if I can find that damn number again_. "Yeah, yeah."

"So get to it," he laughed. "Oh, hey, look, there's one, and she's coming outside to smoke a cigarette..." He tossed me his lighter and a few cigg's. "Light it up for her."

I gave him an evil eye as he walked back inside, holding the door open for the girl to pass through, then fake-humped the handle before closing the door and walking away.

She was tall for a female, maybe 5'9". Slender. Tan skinned, foreign heritage. Dark brown, almost black hair, in long waves. Plump lips, dark eyes. She went to the corner of the balcony, sat her glass on the concrete, and exhaled, before turning and giving me a wry smile.

I didn't smile back.

"You're Dean's cousin, right?"

I nodded grimly.

"I'm his friend. Nadine," she walked toward me, the smell of her perfume hitting my nose, "I've heard a lot about you"

I shook her hand briefly, "I haven't heard anything about you." _And I don't care to_.

She laughed, "At least you're honest. Got a light?"

I flicked it open, staring at the flame. She made a drastic show of slipping it between her lips and puffing. I barely noticed. She was annoying me already.

"So," she blew the smoke away from my face, "why aren't you inside?"

"I like the cold and the bitter."

She grinned, "ahh, the scorned lover."

"I beg your pardon?"

Laughing softly, she turned toward the view, "I see it in your eyes. What is her name?"

"I don't feel like discussing my life with a stranger."

"We're all strangers. Even to ourselves. No one knows anybody when you get right down to it."

I lit me another cigarette and finished off my Brandy, "Yeah well, I still don't feel like talking about it."

She dropped it, thank God, and smoked her cigarette in silence.

Then two more.

As did I.

All I could think about was how much I hated Bella, and loved her all the same. Hated her for what she did to me, what she made me become. Loved her for the times she made me better. Hated her because she wouldn't pick up her phone when I'd call her. Loved her because she was trying to move on, I suppose, and though it killed me, I just wanted her to be happy.

"So," she started up again, "how old are you, Dean's cousin, who hasn't given me his name yet?"

"Why does my name or age matter?"

"Conversation."

"How old do you think I am?"

She shrugged, "Twenty-One, I'd say?"

"Then that's my age."

"And your name?"

I sighed, trying not to release my frustrations out on the innocent girl, "...Call me Cullen."

"Cullen," she smiled. "I like it."

I didn't acknowledge a response. I was too busy digging through my phone, trying to find that damn number.

She left, then came back a few minutes later, with a fresh glass for me, "Brandy, right? Dean told me to bring it out for you."

I drank it down quickly, ignoring the burn, then sat the glass down on the concrete.

She went and got me another one.

I drank it in two halves.

She giggled after that one and lit my cigarette for me with my own lighter, before I had a chance to grab it.

I muttered a small thanks. It came out slurred.

She rubbed my back tentatively, preparing herself for me to snap at her. But I didn't. I hadn't been touched by a woman in two months. And though it was wrong, I felt that I needed it. Not deserved it, but needed it. I rubbed my face in my palms and tugged my hair, unable to look at her. She was a stranger, but would still see through me.

"I... know you don't want to talk about her," she whispered, "and I don't blame you. I've had my heartbroken before too. It's a hard shape. But I will say that it is the human condition to feel alone. You should embrace it for what it's worth. Being lonely, and feeling this hurt, only proves that you are alive... and that means, you still have a purpose in this life, Cullen. You must remember that when you're at the bottom of the empty bottle. There is more to life than heartache, but heartache in itself, can be painfully brutal... and equally beautiful."

My heart started to clench and my fingers began to shake, this alcohol starting to eat away at my functions. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to submit to these pains in my body.

I just wanted to disappear off the face of this fucking earth.

I had to stay numb.

I lit another cigarette. My throat was so fucking raw, but I just kept inhaling.

"How old are you?" I asked, rubbing my neck.

"I'm twenty-nine."

Ten years my senior. "What are you doing at this type of party?"

"I told you, I was a friend of Dean's."

"You mean a fuck buddy."

She smiled and tilted her head toward me, her eyes at my mouth, her voice low, scratchy, and seductive, "...Just a friend."

Scoffing, I turned away from her, and knocked the glass off of the balcony as I tried to reach for it. I couldn't hear it crash on the sidewalk, we were too far up. But I knew it was laying there broken.

It resembled how I was and how I wanted to be.

"I just want to forget," I whispered, the clutch in my throat attempting to close off my airwaves. "I want to feel numb."

"You're going to need something stronger than alcohol," she replied.

I looked to her, the first time seeing her face up close. She wasn't Bella. I turned away.

"Come on," she said, slipping her hand inside mine.

I stared at our hands for a moment, then caved in, allowing her to pull me inside the house. I dodged anyone who shouted for me to come join them, and followed her through the crowd and stench of alcohol, down the long hall, into the door to the right. We entered Dean's bedroom, and she locked the door behind her, motioning for me to sit on the bed. I did. She sat beside me, and dug through her purse. A few moments later, she pulled out a tiny white baggie with white powder, and another with two small pills. I watched as she pulled a mirror from behind Dean's headboard, and began to smash then crush the pills up using her credit card.

"What are those?"

She didn't reply. Instead breaking the powder up in two lines, and then handing me a small straw. You think that at this moment, I'd panic, or at least feel my heart rate speed up. I didn't.

"Numbness doesn't have a name," she replied. "You want to feel nothing? Take a line. Then we'll get to the good stuff."

I took the mirror from her, and plugged a side of my nose, inhaling through the straw with the other. I hadn't done anything like this before. The shit burned for a second, and I felt it leaking down from my nose, into my throat. I blinked a few times, swallowing whatever was there down. She followed, snorting the other side.

We drank in silence for a few moments, allowing it to adjust. Once that happened, she pulled the white shit out of the baggie, and this time, made four thin, long lines. I took two of them in silence, not bothering to ask what they were. She wouldn't tell me anyway. Shaking my head, I rubbed my nose and blinked sharply. That stuff worked much faster. I felt it almost instantly.

"Whoa," I exhaled, slurring. "What the fuck w's that?"

"Good shit," she laughed. "Snowballs."

"Excuse me?"

"Cocaine."

"Oh. Ohhhhhh." _Shit. I just did fucking cocaine_.

Instantly, I felt alert. Euphoric. My heart rate began to pick up a bit, and I started to feel a little hot.

"We need to get some water," she said, handing me the mirror, and running toward Dean's bathroom.

I listened as she rinsed the glass out and filled it up. It was as if every single sound was right inside my ears, loud and aware. I pinched the bridge of my nose, felt my leg bouncing for a second. I wasn't panicking. I just felt alive, and numb, all at the same time. It felt good.

She gave me the glass, and I drank it all, then filled it up, and handed it to her.

My heart was beating both faster and slower than normal. I felt great.

My eyelids hanging a bit, from the mix of the alcohol limit and drugs, I turned to her, "I've never done this before."

"Really?" she said. "Surprising. You seem like a party guy."

I shook my head, "Not allllll the time."

"Then feel this," she said, raising her right hand. She took her long fingernails and scratched slowly down my arm. I felt every little hair follicle stand to attention, as if she were touching all of them individually. It felt incredible. It was as if I was trapped inside a water color painting. Everything started to look a hell of a lot different from this perspective.

I didn't think about anyone. I didn't care about anything, but how incredible that felt.

"Fuck," I exhaled, shivering beneath her fingernails. She moved her hand up, higher, through the back of my hair, then yanked it hard. Again, I felt every little follicle for itself, and it did something inside of me. A growl. I felt it. Powerful. I _was _power.

I leaned toward her and ran my fingers across her arm. Shit. I felt that too. Moved up, and wrapped her long hair around my right hand. Pulled it. She winced and then bit her lip, the pain and pleasure. I'd never felt the way I did in that moment. I didn't want the moment to end.

I lay back on the bed, and kept my feet on the floor. Let my eyes linger toward the white popcorn ceiling. I saw each and every single texture of it. Individually. It was amazing.

After she put everything up, she eventually lay beside me, and began running small circles on my arm, and the other hand through my hair. I shut my eyes, allowing her to do it. This stranger. These strange feelings. It was all welcoming. As if I'd known and done this my whole life.

"Cullen," she whispered, hot air hitting my left ear. "Are you older than eighteen?"

"Mmhmm."

"Got a condom?"

"Yeah." I did. It was in my wallet. And I knew where Dean kept his as well.

She rolled over on top of me, and straddled my hips, "It feels amazing to fuck on cocaine. It's a stimulant, after all."

I didn't say anything.

She started to grind above my jeans, "and... I want to fuck you. I have since I saw you yesterday when you came here to Dean's."

Each move she made, I felt it in every single inch of me. Awakening me. Numbing me. Killing me. Creating me.

And I was growing beneath her. I knew she felt it too.

I didn't want to have sex with anyone. In the long run, I knew it wouldn't help me. Wouldn't push me to get over Bella. I didn't want to get over her.

But I did want to fuck. I thought it'd help me forget for a while, like I was forgetting right now. And I recognized the difference.

I watched as she pulled off her black tank top and kicked off her shoes. Watched as she unfastened my shirt, belt, and jeans.

"You don't have to talk about her," she panted. "But you can take your frustrations out tonight. You have free reign with me. I want you to be a man tonight."

I rubbed my face vigorously. _How the fuck did I get here? _I didn't care.

I sat up, grabbed her by the back of her neck, and twisted us around, holding her onto the mattress.

"Yes," she panted. "Just like that."

I rolled her over on her back, and held her down harder, staring into her distinct eyes, "You want it rough?"

She could barely nod beneath my grip.

I couldn't think_. All I heard was feel, do it, fuck her, who cares?, just do it, she is letting you._

_She is a bitch._

I didn't recognize my own self.

I had no identity.

I felt the devil in me, in my mind, controlling my actions. I hastily jerked her pants off and kicked mine off at the same time. She wore a red thong. Nothing else. I pulled her up, my erection pushing through my brief, threatening to tear it. She stared at me in amazement, and ran her fingers across my form, licking my lips.

"It's not a play toy," I spat venom. "Suck it or we don't do anything."

She smiled up at me and bit her lip, "that's the spirt."

"Shut you're fucking mouth," I slurred.

She grinned wider and pulled my briefs down, and took me into her mouth. I didn't allow her time to adjust to me, before I grabbed the back of her hair, and forced her to move the way I wanted her to move. I suddenly felt like I didn't have time for bullshit games. Didn't want time.

This woman, whoever the fuck she was, was just here. She was just a thing, and I was just a thing to her. We had no meaning otherwise.

She wanted to be controlled in the bedroom, because obviously, she was the type of woman that had all the power in her daily routine of things. In a bed, she could remove her walls.

I understood her, and she understood me. She knew my pain. Knew I wasn't the type of man to treat a woman like a whore.

But tonight, she was letting me. And therefor, I was letting her have what she wanted -- weakness.

"Harder," I said aggressively, yanking her hair a bit, causing her to whimper. "That's it."

She drug her teeth down and sucked the hell out of my tip. I felt like I could last forever.

I let her bring me to the very edge, not caring about how long it took, and then pulled out.

She licked her lips and sat back on the bed, pulling down her thong.

I double wrapped myself for extra precaution, and then pushed her back on the bed. She watched in excitement as I spread her legs, lining myself up with her. She was wet with a light amount of blonde hair, and it felt sensational on my dick. Better than her mouth.

With a sharp inhale, I slammed into her, as far as I could possibly go. She cried out, clawing up at me. Wanting me to lift her up.

I pushed her back onto the the mattress.

I didn't want her close to my face.

I didn't want to kiss her.

This wasn't about that.

The more I pushed, the more she egged me on. It wasn't gentle sex. It wasn't normal, I don't care you sex.

It was more and less. Rough. Animalistic. Disgusting.

I felt every single inch of her as I slid in and out, felt every texture, every wall, every grip of her muscles.

And then I drifted away...

I felt like I was swimming in a depthless ocean of colors, lower and lower, until I drowned into the blackness of the night and it sucked me in and closed over me.

I was gone.

She slapped me across the face.

I looked down at her, and grabbed her arms, holding her down, "What the fuck was that for?"

"Fuck me, you pussy."

I smirked and shook my head. _Slut just fucking slapped me for no reason_.

She smiled, thinking she had won.

She hadn't.

Grabbing a fistful of her hair, I pulled her up toward my face, felt the smoke come out of my ears, "hit me again, bitch. I dare you."

She smiled, raking her nails down my back, almost cooing. "You _liked _it."

I squeezed her hair tighter, causing her to wince.

She nodded, swallowing harder, "I had to... wake you up a bit."

I pushed into her hard, and hit that back wall to emphasize my point, "I'm _up_."

"Harder," she whispered. "Fuck me harder, Cullen. Just let go, and do it. You're not going to hurt me."

I released her hair, and without thinking and only feeling, I did as she asked.

I never slapped her or anything awful. Made sure to listen if she were to tell me to stop.

She never did. I knew she wouldn't. She was wild.

I rammed into her for most of the night, until the feeling of the drugs started to fade away. I had her, used her, owned her, made her mine.

I can't remember how many times we actually fucked.

All I know is it felt incredible to be alive and dead at the same time.

When we finally finished, she tried to soothe me and my disgusting actions by rubbing my face, but I didn't want to be touched anymore.

All the music in the building was gone. I'm sure my friends knew what the fuck was happening, especially when Dean wanted to go to bed.

I'd owe him for this.

She tried to talk to me, but I ignored her.

She tried again. Tried to ask me to see her again. Tried to get me to talk to her, to make sure I was okay.

"You and I, we don't have anything to explain to each other," I finally said, rolling over away from her. "I don't owe you a fucking thing."

"But-"

"Thanks for the sex," I slurred. "Let yourself out."

It was silent as she got dressed and closed the door behind her.

I sighed and rolled over on my back. The power was dwindling down. I didn't want it to.

I didn't know who the fuck I was.

That guilt hitting me, I pulled my phone off of the nightstand and skimmed through the missed calls. Eight of them. None of them were from my ex.

I wished they all were.

I explored my brain, trying to remember her phone number. I'd know it if I weren't plastered off my ass.

Caving in, I called every single number I could think of, not caring that it was the middle of the night. Most of it was friends voicemails.

Around the twelfth one, it was her number.

"_Hey, you've reached my voicemail. I'm most likely asleep, in school, or ignoring your call for a reason. Leave me a message, and if you're sweet enough, I might find time in my schedule to call you back_."

I smiled and covered my chest, feeling the pain and pleasure from hearing her voice back on the damn message. Not the robotic voicemail.

It was new.

The phone beeped, and then I was on.

My voice, it was raspy, and broken. But what needed to be said needed to be said, and I had to say it now.

"Hey... It's me again. I know it's late and all, but I thought that you might be up."

I exhaled, shaking my head. I felt the tears coming, the realization of what the fuck is happening in my life. What I'd just done.

"Actually, that's a lie. I don't know what I thought. All I know is, that... this life I have now, it's not a life at all. It hasn't been in a long time. I... realize that I'm no good for you, and proof of tonight and all my disgusting choices makes it all that much clearer to the both of us, I'm sure... But... I just want you to know that I'm thinking about you..."

I let the tear fall, and swiped it away.

"I'm... always thinking about you. Wondering if your eyes have same hues in them, or if your smile decorates your face the way that I once remembered it doing so. I wonder if you're happy, what you look like when you're asleep now, if you ever miss me as much as I fucking miss you..."

More tears fell down. I couldn't stop them if I tried.

"...A lot of the times, Bella, I just find myself wondering if you're trying to forget me as much as I wish you could. Because I know you're better off without me. I know that having me again might be a mistake for you, and I am not upset that you never allowed yourself to love me in the first place... I know we were young. But I want you to know that I feel myself withering away, the further I get from you. Dissolving into emptiness. And I don't want to feel like that. I don't want to forget you, or pretend like you didn't exist in my life. I just want to forget the bad stuff, just all the fucking bad stuff I allowed to happen to us."

I swallowed hard and wiped the dampness from my face, tried to ignore the way my throat was closing in on me.

"...I miss you," I whispered. "And as much as I don't deserve it, I hope that you're missing me too. But then again, I don't. I'm just so confused about you, constantly confused and frustrated. My chest, it closes a little more, every day that I think about you. And it's not because I drink or smoke. I cannot stop thinking, everyday, having these thoughts. I cannot stop wanting to hear from you, wanting to know you're happy... I just... I want you to be so, extremely happy. Elated. And..."

I rubbed my face in my arm, squeezing the phone tighter, "I don't know what else I want..."

Shut my eyes, willing this pain to go away.

"Yes I do," I exhaled. "I want _you_. I'll always want you."

I lingered in silence for a moment, wishing her arms were cradling me.

Comforting me.

Telling me she forgave me for my actions and my faults.

Telling me she missed me.

Telling me that she did love me back then.

I knew she never would.

"...Goodnight, beautiful."

I hung up the phone, and submitted to the loneliness that surrounded me.

* * *

_----AUTHOR'S NOTES---- _

**So there we go, Outtake #3! **

**--- I hope this answers a few more of your questions. Remember, this was only a year after the split. Also remember that they never said ILY back then.**

**-- I imagine that Bella/Edward have communicated in this fashion, but avoided each other physically as much as possible. **

**-- I hope this explains the one-night stand, where Edward first experienced drugs and how he got them, and how he had the gun beneath his seat the day he and Rose had that run-in at Walmart. How he let his friends influence his decisions back then. How he found himself constantly bouncing between being 'okay' and being depressed. **

**-- I will say that this amount of depression didn't happen every single day, and I'd imagine he and Bella both had some sort of prescription to help them through this. But when the sadness does hit, like during this chapter, it hits hard. I hope this explains more of him.**

**Thoughts? There's plenty more to come, so stick around!! AND REVIEW!!!**

**Reviews are better than drunk dialing. :D**


	4. Two Birds

THESE OUTTAKES WILL NOT BE IN ORDER OF SEQUENCE. It's whatever comes to me at the time.  
To my **Readers**.... thank you for everything. ILY.

_**  
REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!**_

**Outtake 4: Two Birds  
Bella's response to Edward's voice message.**

**EDWARD IS FEATURED IN THIS ONE AS WELL.  
**

**---- NO BETA THIS CHAPTER; PLEASE EXCUSE ANY/ALL ERRORS. ---  
-- A/N's At The Bottom. --**

_**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing that is Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

**

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**

_**"I was sitting on my doorstep, I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand,  
But I knew I had to do it, and he wouldn't understand.  
So hard to see myself without him, I felt a piece of my heart break.  
But when you're standing at a crossroad, there's a choice you gotta make.  
I guess it's gonna have to hurt, I guess I'm gonna have to cry..."**_

_**Carrie Underwood, "Starts With Goodbye"**_

* * *

**Outtake 4: Two Birds**

**BellaPOV **

I laughed and hopped on his back, "Go!"

"I'm trying!"

"GO!"

"Bella," he laughed, hitting the wall with his right shoulder, "I cannot just _go_. I'm not a horse. Do you hear me neighing?"

"Tyler!" I pushed myself higher on his back, "We _must _make it to the living room before Rosalie does, or we're going to be stuck watching boring car shows all night!"

"You shouldn't have given me so much wine then," he replied, leaning over a bit, "you're fucking heavy tonight."

"I ammmmm not," I slurred, shaking my head. "I... am as light... as a feather. Fucker."

"Yeah," he gripped me and began to move us down the wall, "if that fucking feather weighs a ton."

I smacked him on the back of his head, and he toppled forward, knocking me over him. We both crashed onto the carpet, laughing.

"You guys!" Rosalie shouted from the kitchen. "Don't knock over that vase on that table! Gramma gave that to us!"

I looked up, blowing the hair out of my face. "Don't worry Rose. It's two feet away. It's ssssafe."

Rosalie huffed, slamming things around in the kitchen, muttering beneath her breath.

"Hello!" the front door swung open.

"JAKE!" I shouted, crawling toward him, "You made it!"

Jacob laughed and bent down, helping me to my feet, "Isabella Marie Swan, it's barely eight o'clock, and you are plastered, once again. Always a pleasure to see your glossy eyes."

"Correction," I slurred, standing on my tip-toes to pat his black, spiky hair, "it _is _five o'clock sssomewhere."

He picked me up and threw me over his right shoulder, and slapped my ass, holding me up with one arm. As he walked, he playfully kicked my boyfriend in the shoulder, who was still laying in the middle of the hallway, "Tyler."

"Jake." Tyler waved, other hand rubbing his stomach.

Jake jogged into the kitchen, making extra effort to pretend to toss and slam me into every wall on the way there, like a wrestler. By the time we made it in there, I was laughing so hard, I was almost pissing my pants.

"Rosalie," Jake sat me on the counter, "special delivery."

"Awe, what I always wanted," Rosalie cooed. "A drunken sister."

"Seasoned," he replied. "She's _seasoned_."

"She's over-seasoned."

I glared at her, attempting to peel an orange. It wouldn't hold still. Damn orange.

Nothing was working for me tonight.

I growled to myself, trying not to spoil the fun. This was the first time in two weeks that I was trying to make an attempt to be cheerful. As long as I stayed intoxicated, I hoped it'd be convincing.

"Tyler!" I shouted, "get your ass off the ground."

I listened as he growled and pulled himself up, followed by something bumping the wall, and then something crashing to the ground, breaking.

"Shit."

"Tyler Randall!" Rosalie sneered, storming toward him, "that better not be our grandmother's vase!"

"Uhh... I didn't... uh... mean to."

_Whack_. She smacked him with the spatula.

"Shit Rose, I'll get you another!"

"You can't, you idiot! She made it."

_Another whack_.

"Dammit, Rose, quit! That's metal, it stings. Jake! Get this bitch off of me!"

"Oh, not smart," I mumbled, while she continued to beat him with it, "don't call her a bitch. You'll have so many bruises, people will think you were born with purple skin."

"I'm not helping," Jake said. "You're on your own. She's done and attacked me with shit like that, when I fucking burned a tiny, millimeter-sized hole into her couch on accident with my cigarette."

"I still haven't forgiven you for that," Rosalie hissed as she stormed back into the kitchen, stiring whatever it wast hat she was cooking.

"Rose," Jake chuckled, scratching his head before he stuck a newsboy cap on it, "we're friends. It's impossible for you to stay mad at me."

"I'm not mad still, I just haven't forgiven you for burning a hole into my couch."

"It's barely noticeable. And I patched it up."

"Not forgiven."

"Whatever," he slapped her ass, heading back toward me, "your loss. I give good make-up hugs."

"I'll never give you the satisfaction."

"One day you will."

I grabbed Jake and played with his hat, readjusting it, "I like your hat, Jakey-poo. Where did you gettit?"

He laughed, messing up my hair, "a store."

"You have good fashion sense," I said, still trying to peel the orange. "I wonder sometimes if you're gay."

"Fuck you," he spat, walking away from me.

"Awe, Jake, I'm sssorry, did I hit a soft spot?"

"Suck my dick, Bella."

"Okay, but I'll have to ask the last guy who did it for instructions on how to find the tiny thing. Maybe he can lend me a magnifying glass."

Jake started to walk toward me and smart off, but my sister slid between us, and pushed him back, "she's drunk, ignore her."

"Tyler come get your girlfriend before I slap her."

Tyler laughed and stood behind me, rubbing my back, "I ain't helping you. Two can play that game, Black."

"Then don't cry when I put her out."

"You ain't putting me outtt," I hissed. "Puh-lease, Jake."

"_Puh-lease_ Bella," he mocked me. "one flick of my finger, and you'd be bird shit."

"All right!" Rosalie shouted. "Separate corners, or get along. No fighting in the kitchen."

"See now you got us in trouble," he said, walking toward the remote.

"You started it," I mumbled back.

"Bella," Tyler's voice was at my left ear, and he kissed it before he finished his sentence, "what are you doing to that orange?"

"Tryin' to eat it."

"Give it to me before you break a finger."

I sighed and gave him the fruit, and watched him peel it quicker than I could break the skin. He handed it back to me with a smirk.

"Loser," I replied, stealing it away from him and nudging his side.

* * *

***&*#!#$^%$^**

**

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**

I barely paid any attention to the movie. I couldn't even say what it was titled.

I spent most of the time playing with the fringe on the sleeve of Tyler's sweatshirt he loaned me, and consuming margaritas on the rocks.

Tyler was laying behind me, nuzzling his mess of blonde hair against my neck. He was too busy trying to feel me up beneath the covers to pay attention. Jake sat in our leather recliner, munching on popcorn, while Rosalie took up the love-seat beside him, filing her nails and watching at the same time.

I had a lot on my mind. And the more I thought about trying to stop thinking about it, the more I thought about it.

Edward.

He sent me a text message a week ago. All it said was, _Why did you change your voicemail message to a robot? Just wondering. Look, Bella... I cannot make it any clearer to you that I would like to talk with you and catch up. Please call me or text me back when you get this. That is all I'm asking for_.

My ex. Edward Cullen.

I never called him back. I couldn't sent him a text.

What could I say? What difference would it make?

He probably wouldn't even remember talking to me the next day. Every single time he calls me, he's drunk and rambling, barely coherent enough to make a sentence sound accurate..

I mean, why couldn't he call me when he was sober, if it was so important to speak to me? And why did he want to talk to me in the first place? It's been eleven months since we broke up. Eleven months of confusion and heartache, and things I don't want to think about this early in the night.

Point is, the last time we saw each other in person, it was heartbreaking enough. I didn't want to reminisce about it, even if it was on the phone.

All it did was hurt me.

The last time I heard anything about him from anybody else was a month and a half ago, when a mutual friend of ours saw him 'slut-hopping', as she so eloquently put it, from girl to girl at a club on winter break when he came back to Seattle. He was drunk and had his hands all over two blondes.

Obviously, he wasn't calling me because he missed me. He probably only calls when he's drunk and lonely and wants someone to talk to him until he passes out.

_...Yeah, Bella. Keep trying to convince yourself of that._

I sighed loudly. I didn't know what to do about him.

I needed another drink.

* * *

***&*#!#$^%$^**

**

* * *

**

_Brrrrrrrrr._

I exhaled and rolled over in my bed, pushing my face into Tyler's chest.

_Brrrrrrrrr._

"Tyler," I groaned. "Get your stupid phone. You put it on vibrate again."

"'S not my phone, Bella."

"It's freakin' goin' off."

_Brrrrrrrrr._

"It's not mine," he rolled over, away from me. "Mine's dead."

I moved on my back and glanced at my nightstand, watching my phone spin around in a circle, the tiny LCD screen brightened. Blinking a few times, I felt the alcohol sway around in my head, as I struggled to grasp a hold of it. Waiting for my eyes to adjust, I glanced at the screen. _Edward Cullen_, it read.

"Great," I mumbled, sitting up.

_Brrrrrrrrr._

I felt my heart clench and my throat tighten, as it continued to buzz in my hand.

I stumbled over my dirty laundry on the floor, and made it out into the hallway. I didn't know if I should answer it.

"Edward," I panted, sliding down the wall, "_please _stop calling me."

_Brrrrrrrrr._

I shut my eyes, pressing the phone to my mouth. He wasn't making this any easier on me.

It was bad enough, having my boyfriend over for the first time in two weeks.

Trying to pretend I was much happier than I was.

Trying to pretend that this drinking habit I picked up was just to have fun.

Trying to pretend that every single time I saw a tall man walking away from me, I flashed back to a time when Edward was walking away from me. To all the pain he caused.

My phone stopped buzzing, and I waited as the voice mail picked up. I knew he was going to leave me a message.

He always did.

My legs shook and my breath cut short as I waited for my phone to come up, saying I had a message.

What would he say?

...I needed another drink.

Staggering to pull myself down the wall. I passed by Rosalie's room, her door open, Jake sleeping beside her. Those two, they never made any sense to me. I wasn't about to try to understand them now.

I crawled into my kitchen and pulled the Tequila bottle out of the freezer. It had enough for a few shots. I slid down the refrigerator and knocked off a few magnets on the way down. They crashed onto the floor around me, one of them bouncing off the glass bottle and landing on my foot.

I was a mess.

I felt the tears roll down my face as I flipped the screen open and steadied my finger over the green button that would call my voice mail.

I don't know why, but I needed and resented the idea of hearing his voice. ...The voice I once lingered on, depended on, for everything.

The voice that once comforted me.

It'd make it so much harder if I listened to it.

It'd make it so much more difficult for me to look into the eyes of Tyler, a sweet guy, a safe guy, the guy I had been seeing for three months now, and know that I was thinking about Edward. It wouldn't be fair to him. And this message, whatever Edward left on it... even if he was to tell me that he was as happy as can be, it'd ruin me.

It'd ruin me if he said he was miserable too.

Either way, if I listened to it, Edward Cullen was going to ruin me, once again.

I sniffled, wiped my nose, and chugged a bit of the ice cold, burning gold Tequila. It slipped down my raw throat, and I gasped, clutching my chest. My hands were shaking, my breath was short. The only time I didn't feel numb was when I was hurting, and that only happened when he left me a voice mail in the middle of the night.

"Don't listen to it," I whispered to myself, squeezing the phone tight. "Don't do it, Bella. It's only going to hurt you."

I imagined scenarios in my mind. Things like, '_Hey Bella, I just wanted to catch up and let you know that I am engaged to be married. She's a great girl...' _or '_Hey Bella. You ruined my life, you disgusting bitch. Thank you for kissing Black and breaking my heart. I hope you burn in hell_.' or '_Hey Bella. Just wanted to let you know I finally got over you. I'm happy and content. I hope you are too'_.

Nothing I thought of was encouraging.

I felt like a science rat, running through those little cardboard mazes. No matter which hole I slipped through, there was another long hallway, or another trap at the end.

Nothing led me to a destination.

Taking another swig of the alcohol, I wiped my face once more, turned on my speaker-phone, and pressed '1' to hear my message.

The first thing I noticed was how raw his voice sounded. The second was the fact that I could hear him crying...

"_Hey... It's me again. I know it's late and all, but I thought that you might be up... Actually, that's a lie. I don't know what I thought. All I know is, that... this life I have now, it's not a life at all. It hasn't been in a long time. I... realize that I'm no good for you, and proof of tonight and all my disgusting choices makes it all that much clearer to the both of us, I'm sure... But... I just want you to know that I'm thinking about you... I'm... always thinking about you. Wondering if your eyes have same hues in them, or if your smile decorates your face the way that I once remembered it doing so. I wonder if you're happy, what you look like when you're asleep now, if you ever miss me as much as I fucking miss you... _

_...A lot of the times, Bella, I just find myself wondering if you're trying to forget me as much as I wish you could. Because I know you're better off without me. I know that having me again might be a mistake for you, and I am not upset that you never allowed yourself to love me in the first place... I know we were young. But I want you to know that I feel myself withering away, the further I get from you. Dissolving into emptiness. And I don't want to feel like that. I don't want to forget you, or pretend like you didn't exist in my life. I just want to forget the bad stuff, just all the fucking bad stuff I allowed to happen to us._

_...I miss you. And as much as I don't deserve it, I hope that you're missing me too. But then again, I don't. I'm just so confused about you, constantly confused and frustrated. My chest, it closes a little more, every day that I think about you. And it's not because I drink or smoke. I cannot stop thinking, everyday, having these thoughts. I cannot stop wanting to hear from you, wanting to know you're happy... I just... I want you to be so, extremely happy. Elated. And..._

_I don't know what else I want... Yes I do. I want you. I'll always want you._

_...Goodnight, beautiful_."

By the time the voice message ended, I was curled up on the tile in fetal position, gripping the phone against my chest.

Every single word... every syllable he said... killed me.

I tried to steady my breathing. Tried to tell myself that I was okay.

I wasn't.

"Oh my God," I gasped, pushing my face into the hard floor. "Oh my God."

Why did he have to do this to me?

Why now?

What the fuck did he want from me?

I was angry.

I was angry, and I was hurt, and I was broken...

Then I was also thankful, in a sick, masochistic way, that he was thinking about me.

I didn't know what I was.

"Dammit," I sobbed, my body shaking cold and achy. "Fuck."

_Call him._

"I can't," I cried.

_You need to call him._

I shook my head, trying to steady my breathing again, "...I c-can't."

I couldn't think.

I couldn't breathe.

I felt my chest closing, tightening, clutching. My throat ache. My eyes bursting into tears, all over again.

I didn't want to cry over him anymore.

I just wanted to know that I deserved better than some person who would treat me the way that he did. Yes, I allowed Jake to kiss me. But he took it way further with Tanya, and he knew it. He almost had sex with her that night... and now he was having sex with her.

It was all too much, and I was still angry.

I spent the next hour in a ball in the middle of the kitchen floor, going over every single fight we'd had in my mind. Every tear, every shout, every hurtful word, every sound of something shattering.

Edward Cullen wasn't in my life anymore. He chose not to be.

He asked me to take him back, and I did, and then he broke up with me all over again.

He doesn't want me. No matter what he claims, I know the truth.

He wants someone to justify his actions. To make him feel better from what he did.

To unmake the bed he laid for himself.

And I couldn't be that person anymore.

I couldn't tell him everything was going to be all right when I did not believe that myself.

I loved him. God, did I love him. I never told him, but I think he knew it.

And that makes this all so much worse.

The thoughts that I wasn't good enough for him. That I wasn't slutty enough, like all of the girls he goes after now.

He wanted a skinny bitch with blonde hair and blue eyes to do whatever he wanted and asked for.

He didn't want love.

He didn't want a relationship.

He didn't want me.

He was young, and so was I, and I fell for every single word he said, and I got kicked in the face for it. I should have known better.

Not again.

I cannot do it again.

I won't put myself in that position.

We're miles away from each other.

We have separate lives.

He just needed to let go.

...And so did I.

I exhaled, shaking my head.

I was numb now.

Numb, all over again.

This was the only way I could operate without him.

...I had to lie.

I had to pretend I was something that I wasn't.

It was the only way that we could go on.

After swallowing down the rest of the Tequila, I sat up, wrapped my arms around my legs, and called him back.

I listened as it rang, my heart stiffening. I begged and begged for God to not let him answer the phone.

"Don't pick up," I cried, rocking back and forth against the fridge. "Don't pick up, don't pick up, don't pi-"

"Hello?"

I gasped, my hand holding my throat.

I couldn't breathe.

"Hello?" he said again, his voice so raw, I barely recognized it.

I covered the phone and cried for a second, trying to push out the tears so I could breathe.

"Bella?"

_Okay, Bella. Get it together. Get it together, get it together._

"E-Edward?" I said, my voice barely soundable. _No, not good enough. Sound strong, Bella._

"Edward?" I said again.

"Bella?"

"Hey," I replied, forcing a smile. "I'm sorry if I woke you up-"

"You didn't," he said. "I was up."

Now my heart started to pound relentlessly. "I realize it's really late-"

"It's okay," he answered. "I don't care how late it is. I just wanted to talk to you. How are you?"

_Get to the point Bella. Get to the point, and get off. "_I'm..."

_LIE BELLA. _

"I'm... really good, Edward. In fact, that was why I decided to call you back."

Silence for a moment. Silence was killing me, weakening me. I couldn't handle it.

"Are you still there?"

"Yeah," he replied, sniffling. "Yeah. I'm still here. So... you're okay... then?"

"Yeah," I said, sobbing silently, the rush of tears slipping down my chest.

Oh how it hurt too much to hear his voice. To hear the pain in him. Pain that I caused.

He wasn't okay.

I wasn't either.

I was lying to myself. I hurt him, just as much as he hurt me.

I did it more than once.

And this... was KILLING me.

I didn't know how to fix us.

"I'm really great," I replied, pulling the phone away so I could wipe off my face. "Couldn't be better."

"You... sound a little off... are you sure you're okay?"

I nodded, though he couldn't see me. My voice was shaking, and so was my body, "I'm fine... I have a little cold.. T-That's why I am up so late."

"I'm sorry you're sick," he whispered. "I wish I could be there to help you."

I shut my eyes, pounding my head with my hand.

I was so stupid to call him. So stupid to think that I could handle this.

I couldn't.

"I... really wish I was there to take care of you, Bella. You know that, right? That I'd take care of you, if I could be there?"

I sobbed louder, covering up the end of the phone, so he wouldn't hear me.

_I wish you were here too, Edward._

_I wish you were, and I hate myself for wishing you were._

_Take this pain away from me._

"Bella?"

"Sure," I replied, swallowing hard. "Sure you would... You were always good at taking care of people when they're s-sick."

"I don't just mean when you are sick."

Covering my mouth, I felt a panic attack coming on. This was so hard.

I sucked in a gasp of air and steadied the phone between my knees, so I could wrap my arms around myself, "E-Edward... the reason I'm calling is... I'm trying to let you know that you don't have to worry about me. You don't have to think that you've ruined my life or anything. I'm fine... What... what happened between us was a long time ago, and..."

I bit my lib, fighting back the urge to scream, "We were just kids. It's... I'm..."

"...Okay?"

"Yeah," I sniffled. "I'm really okay."

I listened to the faint sound of his breathing. Of his swallows through his tears.

I didn't want him to know I could hear him cry. "Are you still there?"

"Yes. I'm having a hard time believing you though."

"Well believe it," I cleared my throat. "Because it's true. I'm fine, Edward."

"I don't know how to respond to that, Bella."

"You should just say _congratulations, Bella_. Just tell me that you're happy for me. Tell me that you're understanding what I am trying to say. Because... Y-you can't just keep calling me in the middle of the night, when you're lonely. You can't just keep leaving me all these messages, confusing my thoughts, making me feel this way. It's not right. I'm trying to move on, and I just want you to stop getting in the way of all of that. I know you don't want me. You just don't want to be alone."

I exhaled loudly. The words came out, and there was nothing I could do about it. I was starting to get angry, and I hated him for making me that way again.

I had to stay strong.

"Edward, look. You and I, we're on very separate roads. You want someone else. You _chose _someone else. And it hurt me at first, but... I'm really okay with that now. You need to be too. After all, it was your decision."

He scoffed.

"I have to go," I said, feeling myself breaking down again. "I think it's best if you try not to call me unless it's really important. Like an emergency. Because this back and forth thing, it's not healthy for us."

"Do you really want that? For... me to stop calling you?"

"Yes," I lied. "It's what I want."

"Okay... if that's what you want, then I'll do it. I just want you to be happy."

I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. _One final lie, Bella, and it can all be over._ "I _am _happy, Edward."

"All right. Then I will stop."

"Good," I said, my voice barely making it out. I couldn't stop shaking. "Well... I guess this is it then."

"Yeah... I guess."

I sniffled, shaking my head. "Goodnight Edward."

He was silent.

I didn't want silence. It was unbearable.

"Edward?"

"Goodnight, Bella."

I grabbed my phone, inhaling sharp. I just needed to hang up before I told him the truth. All of it.

Holding my finger over the 'End' button, I closed my eyes.

"Oh, Bella?"

_Shit._

"Y-Yeah?"

"...Congratulations. I'm happy for you. I understand what you are trying to say."

I scoffed. He said everything I told him I wanted to say.

It didn't make me feel any better.

"Okay. Goodbye then... Edward."

"Yeah. Goodbye then."

As soon as I hung up, I threw the phone across the cabinet, watching the back of it shatter, the battery flying across the floor.

I told myself it was for the best. Tried convincing myself of that.

That maybe he could move on from now, even if I couldn't, unless I continued to lie to myself. To Tyler. To everyone.

...Somehow, I knew he would struggle with this too.

I hated myself even more now.

_So this, _I thought_, was what it meant by killing two birds with one stone._

One lie.

We were both dead.

* * *

_----AUTHOR'S NOTES---- _

**So there we go, Outtake #4! **

**--- :**( I know. It sucks. Don't hate on Bella. She did what she felt she had to do. You've got to realize that, in this part of her life, she didn't think her and Edward would see each other for a long while. She thought he was only doing what he was doing because he was lonely, because that's all she ever heard about him was how he was always with women... Or she did what she did to convince herself of that, though she knew better. She wanted him to move on more than herself. She did what she did as a sacrifice. And now, you see why in Ch 1, they are still SO ANGRY with each other... She broke his heart by telling him to not call her anymore and to basically leave her alone. He broke her heart by being with the typical blonde, slutty woman that night in the club...

This was how they 'ended' it. And for the next few years in college, not only do they lie to themselves and everyone else around them, and break themselves down, but they realize that all they ever did was hear gossip about each other all those years, and all those things add up inside and keep building and building until the explosion... Hence TEF Ch 1 and Ch 2.  
(And if you remember TEF "Getting Free," she tells Edward about Tyler. Just to make sure you guys knew about that.)

**The pieces will keep adding up.**

Thoughts? There's plenty more to come, so stick around!! AND REVIEW!!!

**Reviews are better than Rosalie hitting boys with metal spatula. :D**


	5. Something Beautiful

_Special Shout-Out's:  
_To my **Readers, Twilighter's, and Facebook girls**.... thank you for everything. ILY.  
To **Jazz Girl** (**Caryn)**, my Beta -- you're so amazing with this multi-tasking!! We thank you for it!  
To **SuzyQ (Suzi)** -- This is YOUR BABY!! We talked this up with out late night IM chats, but _you _wrote the majority of Spendor, and I put in a few more of Edward's thoughts and scenarios... and together, this is more wonderful than I could have _ever _imagined. I loved it so damn much, it _had _to be posted as an actual outtake. Thank you for giving Spendor a voice to go along with my Edward. You nailed it right on the head. It's GREAT! The best mix of heartache and hilarity! Bravo!

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**Special A/N from our guest co-writer, SuzyQ**: Hi Everyone. Just a quick note. I promise not to ramble on too long. **Ang (AngelAtTwilight), **thanks for giving me this chance and believing that I could write more than snarky comments on your thread. You are truly a gifted author and a great friend. **Jazz Girl (Caryn), **thanks for making things pretty and having a better spell check program than me. And finally, to **Steph (EdwardsBloodType)**...Steph, thank you so much for being you and making me laugh everyday. You are more than a BFF, you are the sister I never had. I can't tell you how much you mean to me. Thanks for giving me the encouragement to try this and to have the courage to send it on to Ang.

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THESE OUTTAKES WILL NOT BE IN ORDER OF SEQUENCE. It's whatever comes to me at the time.

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REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!**_

**Outtake 5: Something Beautiful.  
Edward purchases two dogs to fill in the holes of his loneliness. He has them to talk to when he can't talk to anybody else.  
But someone else wants to do some talking too... ;)**

_**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing that is Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

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_**"You want somebody, just anybody,  
to bring some peace on your soul tonight.  
You want a reason, to keep believin',  
that someday, you're gonna see the light.  
You want somebody, just anybody,  
to lay their hands on your soul tonight.  
You want a reason, to keep believin',  
that someday, you're gonna see the light.  
...'Cause you're desperate."**_

_**David Archuleta, "Desperate"**_

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**Outtake 5: Something Beautiful**

**SpendorPOV **

It's raining. Again. Imagine that.

I hear I'm going home today. _Home_. I wonder what that's going to be like. I hope it's dry. I hate being wet, and smelly. Smelly and wet. No one likes a smelly wet dog.

I hear some hot shot, young doctor put a request in for me a while ago. His mom is friends with Aro, my breeder. Yeah, it's good to be wanted. _But, then again, who wouldn't want me? _I'm cool, I'm hip. Good looking, even if I say so myself. Been told I look like a vampire puppy, whatever the hell that means. I'm the "_it_" thing at the moment. That's why I cost a small fortune. But hey, I'm worth it. Plus, if he's got the cash, then so be it.

Well, well. What do we have here? Doesn't he think he's all that and a bag of chips? Cocky. _Check_. Confident. _Check_. Handsome. _Double check_. The look in his eyes though… sad … broken. I may be young, but I can read people. I'm a dog. Man's best friend and all that shit. This guy, well he's hiding something. Pretty good at it too. My guess is he's been doing it for a while now.

Ok buddy, pay Aro and let's get the fuck out of Dodge. I have a feeling things are going to get interesting

The ride home. Let's say that was, hmm, exciting. This guy drives like a maniac. I think I'm going to puke. Slow down, Buddy. Where's the fire?

Awe, man . Don't tell me we live here. It's a damn apartment building. I piss on _trees_, in case you haven't noticed. I don't see any trees here. Where's the back yard? The picket fence? At least give me a fucking fire hydrant.

Ohhhh no. _Not _an elevator. We're going up, up, up. Further from the trees and the hydrants. What have I gotten myself into? Aro, you owe me. Big

Well, damn. Would you look at this place? Spacious, hard wood floors… Italian leather sofa. Can't wait to sink my teeth into that. Lots of windows to stick my nose …._well well well_.

Speaking of somewhere to stick my nose. What do we have here? Hello, Baby. What's your name? Cora? Cora Corona. Turn around here, baby. Let me sniff that fine ass. Aren't you the pristine one? All virginal and white and shit. You are one hot bitch. Let me introduce myself.-

Wait. I don't even know my name yet. Hey, Buddy! Whats my name?

Yo, Buddy. I need a name. Excuse me. Remember me? You just spent a shit load of cash, the least you could do is give me a name. Maybe if I piss on his shoes he'd call me something. I know what, I'll chew on these things over here. Oh wait, there's Cora again. Oh baby, yeah I'd hit that. She's fine.

Hey! A ball! A fucking ball! Maybe it won't be so bad here after all.

Buddy started calling out, "Spendor.. Spendor? Come here little guy. Do you like it here? This is where I live, well... where we all do. Me, you, your sister, and your Aunt Alice. You'll meet her soon. She's not home yet. She's my best friend. Kinda spastic, but you'll get used to her. You'll like it here."

Is he talking to me? Spendor? Spendor? What the fuck kind of name is Spendor? What is a "_Spendor_?"

I guess I'm a Spendor. Spendor Jameson. Yeah, I told you this was going to get interesting.

Oh well, I guess I'll roll with it. Buddy-boy here doesn't seem too bad.

Troubled and sad, but not bad.

_***&*#!#$^%$^**_

OK. So who's this short-haired chick and why is she all like… fluttery? Uh oh, bad vibe. She's not liking the idea of me. I can tell.

You call that a _petting_? Come on! Rub me behind the ears… under my chin or something. Here. I'll roll over.

I have a feeling that we are not going to be the best of friends. She seems pretty possessive of Buddy-boy there, and I don't like to share. She needs to know he's mine.

The days here are fascinating to say the least. The fluttery, bouncy chick. Well, she hasn't really warmed up to me. Something about getting up on the furniture and the fact that I ate her $140.00 bra from _La Perla_. Yeah, whatever. _Don't leave it on the floor_.

Cora is here with me during the day. She's a good girl. BUT NO FUN!

She sits and waits for Buddy to come home from wherever it is that he goes.

Sometimes he's gone for a really long time. Some guy comes and takes us out and plays ball with me.

Cora likes to lie in the sun. _Diva_.

Buddy always leaves him an envelope with something in it. Must be good, he always smiles when he opens it.

***&*#!#$^%$^**

Buddy still looks sad. I'm worried about him. His eyes are still so empty

He rubbed my head, "Hey little guy. How's my boy doing?" He looked around, "Where's Daddy's little girl? Cora? There you are... Hi sweetie... Were you both good today? Did you go outside with Tommy? I'm sorry I've been gone so long. It was busy today at the hospital. I guess I don't mind too much, it keeps me occupied for awhile."

He smirked, then shook his head, "Guess what? I was able to deliver a baby today. It was the most amazing thing ever. Wanna know a secret? I'd never tell any of my guy friends, because I know they'd all call me a pussy, but... I've always wanted to have a little boy of my own. Someone to play with, to love."

He exhaled, shaking his head, "But, that's never going to happen. She's gone. The only one I would ever want a baby with. _She's _the only one I ever talked to about having kids one day." Buddy sighed and switched subjects, just as he always did, "So, what are we going to do tonight? Alice has a date for once, so I guess we are on our own. Who wants to go for a walk, huh? Let me get my shoes on and we'll go up to the roof garden. Then we can come back and relax on the couch, maybe watch a movie. How's that sound? Come on babies, let's go."

I ask Cora what was up with Buddy. She ignores me as usual. _Bitch_.

Who needs her and her fine fury ass? She's as bad as the fluttery one. I chewed the beak off some stupid penguin toy that was hers and now I get the silent treatment. Geez. _Excuse me_.

_Shouldn't have left it on the floor_.

It's not like he didn't buy her another one.

Besides, I would let her chew my rope.

Yeah. Whatever.

***&*#!#$^%$^**

Buddy's in a bad place tonight.

He needs us.

He's been talking non-stop to himself. Just sits on that chair, pulls his hands through his hair, rubs his face, and talks. He looks so lost.

Cora's on his lap. It looks like she's sleeping but I know she's not. This is her way of being there for him.

Hey Buddy! Here's my ball. The ball. Throw the ball. Please. Please just throw the fucking ball. Do something, anything. Oh man. Why's he crying? Damn. It's going to be a long night.

He was on the phone, anger spurting from his ears, "Because Tanya. I'm not in the mood for company. Don't push. _Please_, just don't push... No, Alice isn't here. No one else is here! _Jesus_. What do you want from me? Oh come on! I never... It's been almost four years, get over it already. Don't bring her up. Do. Not. Bring. Her. Up... Don't tell me to get over it. Maybe I don't want to get over it!"

He scoffed, jerking his head back and staring into the receiver, "Fuck _me_? No, Tanya. _Fuck_. _You_."

Oh, no. What's he _doing_? Buddy? Buddy? Shit! Don't throw that.

I can't fucking chase a phone.

_Well I guess I could but I got yelled at for eating the remote. I don't think a phone is too much different_.

...Here comes the sad music. Again.

Next it will be the booze. Yep, there it is. Right on target.

_Damn I'm good_.

OK. He's calming down . Boy, he's got some kind of temper.

The blonde, plastic chic really pissed him off this time. I don't like her. She smells funny. And she's mean.

The fluttery one, she's not mean. Not too friendly but definitely not mean.

This one, well, she's just plain _nasty_. Vicious to the core.

She wasn't too happy when I shit on her purse. Something about a $500 _Dolce and Gabbana_ original.

_Shouldn't have left it on the floor._

Yeah, whatever.

_Did I mention she smells funny?_

***&*#!#$^%$^**

Buddy entered the kitchen in the morning, his face looking a bit brighter than the previous week, "Hey little guy. Where's your sister? Cora!! What ya got there? Your rope? Wanna play, huh? Give me that rope! Oh!! Did you just _growl _at me? Aren't you a little shit. Give me that rope!!"

He laughed, pushing her backward to play, "Hey Miss Cora. Get 'guinny. Where's your penguin? Get your 'guinny. Guess what pups? It snowed. Wanna play in the snow?"

He whistled for us, putting on his jacket and tapping his leg. He leashed us up. We quickly followed him out, down the elevator, and out of the building.

Buddy took a long look around, watching the white drops fall, "Beautiful and I used to play in the snow when we were younger. She loved to make snow angels and catch the flakes on her tongue. She was so funny. We would get all bundled up and go for a walk...We talked about everything..."

Hey Buddy!! What's this white stuff on the ground? Snow? Is that what Buddy called it, Cora? It's kinda fun. Wet and cold but fun. I never liked getting wet. Now, it's not too bad.

He smiled sadly, watching Cora pounce around in it, "_God_, I loved her. I should have told her then. Why did I listen to everyone else? They didn't know how I felt. They still have no damn clue."

He bent forward, patting me on my head, "I miss her more and more every day, Spendor... It's not getting any easier. I'm lying to everyone, even myself. But I cannot lie to either of you. You guys see right through me, and I know it. _Fuck_. Why isn't it any easier?"

When we're done outside Buddy would give us a bath. Then he'd use some air thing to dry us. It feels _good_. Warm.

Then he'd spray this stuff on Cora. It's nice. She doesn't smell like a dog when he uses that. Says it reminds him of someone beautiful.

Sometimes I catch him spraying it on his shirt or the bed he sleeps in. I like the way it smells.

The plastic chick, yeah, she fucking freaks out when she smells it. Starts yelling at Buddy, something about a bell.

_What the fuck does a bell have to do with anything?_

I don't like it when she does that. It makes Cora upset. She runs and hides, shakes a lot.

It just makes me want to shit on plastic's purse. _Again_. It's probably a fake anyway.

_Shouldn't leave it on the floor_.

You would think she would learn.

Yeah, whatever.

_Did I mention she still smells funny?_

***&*#!#$^%$^**

A couple weeks past and some more snow fell. Then the rain wouldn't stop. Every fucking day. It was dark and grey and just miserable.

Cora and I couldn't go outside to play with Tommy .We ran out, did what we had to do, and came right back in.

The fluttery one, well she fluttered around the apartment. Changing things around, talking about some kind of colorful tree she planned on putting by the window. A _tree_? Did she say a tree in the house? _Fan-fucking-tastic_. I knew I loved this woman. Remind me to stop eating her shit. _Remind her to stop leaving in on the floor_. Yeah. Whatever.

Buddy got sadder by the day. When he wasn't working, he lay in his bed, with Cora by his side. He would spray her with the good smelling stuff every couple of days. Tell her she was almost beautiful, and that she was the only living creature in the world that would ever hear him say that word.

The plastic smelly chic came over. Buddy kicked us out of his room. I don't know what they were doing in there, but whatever it was, it sure sounded funny.

They finally came out and she was all whiny and shit, yelling at Buddy to let her stay here tonight. _With us._ That was our queue. We ran past her and hopped up onto the bed.

Buddy closed the door in her face, pulled Cora close to him, and I snuggled up behind him. _A Buddy sandwich_. He needed us.

Something hard hit the door, then bitch stormed back in, huffing and puffing, hands on her hips, "You can't live like this, Edward. I will not be your second choice."

Her face turned sour, and she scoffed, "I can smell her cheap perfume, even! It's all over your bed! What do you do, bathe that fucking _dog _in it? You're pathetic. You know that? Pa-the-tic."

Buddy didn't even uncover his face, "Go away Tanya. Just go the fuck away. Leave me alone. You're services are no longer required here."

He scoffed, growing angrier, "And for your information, it's not some '_cheap perfume_.' Its fucking _Diamonds Intense_ by _Armani_, and it's seventy dollars a fucking _ounce_. And you know what else? I would rather spray it on my fucking dog than _ever _smell it on you. Go back to Wal-Mart and buy that bug spray you wear. Get the fuck out. Before I throw you out."

I growled as she stormed out.

Hah! You tell her Buddy!

Bug spray.

I _knew _she smelled funny.

***&*#!#$^%$^**

Buddy would hum to himself, and talk about a beautiful girl with long dark hair, and eyes so deep that your heart skipped a beat whenever she looked at you. He would tell us stories about walking around in the forest, eating lunch together at school, rides on a Ferris wheel in Port Angeles, and making out on the beach whenever they snuck away.

He would play his guitar and sing, talk about what a good man his friend Charlie was and how much he missed him. He'd write songs for the girl.

One night, he was really down. I wasn't sure what was going on with him, but this was worse than ever before.

He opened a drawer at the bottom of a table next to the bed, and pulled a square from inside it. The square was weird. You could see yourself in it.

He sniffed, his eyes red and puffy, while he played with the small plastic thing in his hand, twirled it in his fingers. Studying it.

It was a tiny bag with writing on it. He would look at it and for some reason it made him shake.

I couldn't help it. It made me nervous.

I let out a small whimper.

Come on Buddy. Look at me. I don't know what that shit is, but I can tell it's bad news.

"I have to forget," he whispered, rubbing his face against the back of his arm. "I'm sorry..."

BARK! Cora! Cora! Come here! BARK!

"She's out of my life... I pushed her away, dammit. She's fucking gone."

Cora ran to my side.

Help me! Help him. BARK! Jump up on the bed ! BARK! That's it...

Before Buddy opened the bag, he popped his head up, looking over at us. Guilt was written all over his face.

It's working!

Cora! Lay next to him and I'll sniff his ears. That makes him smile.

Nose his hand. Make him pet you. BARK! BARK!

Buddy finally broke into tears and pushed the shit away. I watched as the unopened baggie toppled onto the floor.

He was shaking and crying, and rocking back and forth. Broken again.

Cora moved into his lap. He hugged her so tight to him that I thought she was going to pop. She didn't seem to mind. She loved him very much.

I was at his side. One of his hands ran through my thick fur. He was still sobbing.

He needed us.

And we brought him back.

He exhaled, and finally spoke once he calmed down, "What would I do without my pups? Hmm? You guys are the only reason I get up some days..."

He wiped his nose with the back of his hand, then began to pet me again, "I saw her today. She didn't see me though. God, she was beautiful... She was at the mall, in the food court, having lunch with her sister. She must have been Christmas shopping or something..."

He shook his head, clearing his throat, "I'm such a fucking coward. I stood in the corner and just _stared _at her. Like a damn stalker. But I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She was stunning, sitting there, laughing at something Rose had said... When they got up to leave, I could have _sworn _she knew that I was there. She stopped and turned. I could _feel _her eyes on me... I froze solid."

He sighed, scoffing, "Then she shook her head and kept walking. Right out of my life. Again."

***&*#!#$^%$^**

The fluttery one had been running around all day. It's was busy here at Casa de Buddy.

She's been stuffing all of hers and Buddy's clothes into big box-like things with wheels on them.

She was throwing food away.

What the hell! Help a brother out! Drop the cheese. Drop. The. Cheese.

She kept saying something about expiration dates and not being good when they get back.

Wait. Get Back. Get _back_? What the fuck?

Buddy was talking to Tommy a lot about me and Cora. Showing him where our food is.

Where's Buddy going? The fluttery one must be going too. Wait. Who's going to take care of him? He's ours!

The big, colorful tree was stripped of it's lights. It came down.

Oh man. What if I have to piss?

Hey! I got my window back

The friendly giant was here today. Broad shoulders. Smiles a lot.

He's an alright kinda guy. A little loud, but otherwise OK. He'll play with me and Cora. He'll throw her penguin and play tug-of-war with me.

Plus, he has an endless supply of these crunchy orange snacks in a big bag. I don't know what they are but man-oh-man they are goo-ood.

He's talking to the fluttery one about getting Buddy out of the house. Says he's been in here for the past couple days straight.

It was true. We'd lie in bed then move to the couch. He'd get something to drink. Kept telling Cora it was in her honor since her name is on the bottle. Something about _Corona_.

He let her try it one time. She made the funniest noise and just shook her head back and forth. Buddy explained to her that it was an acquired taste.

I snuck a taste once too. _Shouldn't have left the bottle on the floor_.

Yeah. Whatever.

The friendly giant and the fluttery one decided to pow-wow and then they both told Buddy that he needed to get out of the house. Buddy said he was old enough to make his own choices. Then he yelled at the giant about getting food on his furniture. Fluttery told him he needed a shower. _Thank God_. He was starting to smell kinda funny.

The friendly giant left the orange snacks. _What a guy!_

I promptly stuck my head in the bag and chowed down.

_Shouldn't have left them on the floor_.

Yeah. Whatever.

As Buddy was rummaging in his bedroom, we were beckoned, "Spendor! Cora! Come here pups! ...Hey guys, we need to talk. Aunt Alice and I are going away for a little while, up to a cabin in Colorado. We're leaving tomorrow. I wish I could take you guys with us... But, there's going to be a lot of people there and a lot of shit is going to go down. Beautiful is going. I'm not sure if I'm exactly looking forward to it or not... Well, I am, but I'm not. I don't know what's going on in her life anymore."

He exhaled, "It will be the first time in almost four years that we have spent any time together. I don't think she knows I'm going. She's going to be pissed though."

Smirking, he shook his head, "I've got to tell you guys a secret though. She's so fucking pretty when she's got fire and flames in her eyes... It's almost worth pissing her off just to see it."

He tugged on the red towel Cora found, "I think she'll be there tonight too at the club. Thank fucking God that Tanya's not going to be there. I do not need to deal with that tonight on top of everything else. My plan is to keep a low profile, steer clear."

He came back shortly with a bottle in his hand, and kissed the top of my head, "Tonight is in your honor, Spendor Jameson. My plan also includes drinkin my weight in Jameson Irish Whiskey... To get so fucking drunk that I cannot remember my own name, let alone her's..."

He smirked, kissing Cora's head next, "Cora, don't be sad baby. I've had enough _Corona's _the past few days to put a hurting on the city's supply. It's only fair to give Spendor his turn. Right?"

"Anyway, Tommy will be here to take care of you when I leave tomorrow. He loves you guys almost as much as I do. Please be good for him. OK? I'll bring you guys back something beautiful. I promise."

Buddy and the friendly giant were outside on the balcony for a while before he climbed into the shower. The fluttery one kept yelling at the giant for something. Boy for being small, they really stay clear of her when she's pissed. _I feel your pain, friend giant. I have been on the receiving end of that wrath. It's not pretty. At least you didn't eat her bra. Did you? I could show you where she keeps them_...

Buddy, the fluttery one, and the friendly giant all together. Buddy looked…scared. His eyes were like saucers.

I hope he has a good time. He needs to laugh. Its been so long since I've heard him laugh. He works so hard.

The plastic bitch constantly gives him a hard time. He needs to seriously think about getting some new tail. One that smells better.

I walked over to my window. It was nice to be able to look out again but I'll miss pissing on that tree. I never thought I would like looking at the tops of trees instead of the trunk, but living here with Buddy, well, it was worth it. He loves me and Cora. He takes good care of us. And in return…we take care of him and don't ask any questions. Maybe he likes it that way.

I slept for most of the day. Cora wasn't in the mood to play.

By the look and the sound of it, Buddy accomplished what he set out to do with the whole _drink-my-weight in whiskey _plan. He bitched at plastic, something about a pocket, and she was left in the hallway.

Fluttery and Giant helped him into the bathroom for a shower.

Man, I thought Plastic smelled bad. What the fuck did he roll in? What's wrong with him?

There's a huge red mark across his face and he's talking about a bell again. _What's with these people and bells?_

Giant took off. Fluttery closed the door to the bathroom, and they were in there a while. Eventually, they emerged, and she helped him get into bed and crawled in next to him. Her clothed, him nude. Kept rubbing his head.

I know she's not real hip with us fur-babies, but she's a good friend to Buddy... He seems to like having her around.

I watched as he threw his arm around her and pulled her to him, nuzzling his face into her arm, while Cora and I lay silent on the end of the bed.

Sometimes I can hear her crying at night too... I wonder what she needs to make her happy? Is it a friend, like Buddy? Or is it something else?

There's not a lot of room with all of us here in the bed, but everyone finally gets comfortable.

Buddy kept talking about bells until he finally settled down and fell asleep.

***&*#!#$^%$^**

This was it. He was about to leave.

Once they were done being stir-crazy, running around, taking things out of the house, he finally knelt before us, sadness in his eyes.

"Come on, Edward. Get your fine ass moving. We're going to be late. You really did a number on yourself last night. _Geez_. Don't ya think it would have been smart to let the rest of us in on your little plan to give yourself alcohol poisoning?" The fluttery one scoffed, hands on hips, "Don't give me that look, mister. You brought this on all by yourself. There's a hoody, put it on. Don't make me get Em to drag you out of here, because you know I'll do it. We're la-"

"Jesus Alice. Shut the fuck up, will you please? Leave me be for a second. I need some time with my pups before we go."

"They're dogs. They'll be fine Edward. Tommy will take g-"

"They're my babies. Leave."

She stormed out, huffing to the giant one.

Buddy slapped his hand on the mattress, signaling me to join him. He snapped his fingers and Cora, the brown nose that she is, came running. She skidded halfway across the bedroom floor. _Jesus_. She never comes that fast when I call her.

I was lying on one side in the crease of his arm, and Cora was laying on the other, with her head on his chest.

He kissed Cora and scratched my neck. He had that look in his eyes again. Empty. Broken. Lost.

We settled in and did the only thing we could to help him. We listened. Like always.

"Well guys," he scoffed, voice hoarse, as he adjusted the sunglasses on the top of his head. "She was there last night, and she looked beautiful. Fuck my life. She had on this green top and tight jeans. She was wearing high heels. _Fucking high heels_. I remember a time when she was afraid to _wear _high heels... We were going to dinner with my parents, I think it was for a hospital benefit or some shit. She could barely walk. She made me promise to never leave her side for fear that she would topple over..."

He smirked, tilting his head to Cora, "She didn't topple last night, that's for damn sure. Even after she slapped me. Yeah, she _slapped _me. Can you believe that, Spendor? Right across the fucking face. And you know what? The sad, disgusting, disturbing thing is, I would probably let her do it again. I finally _felt _something. I mean, the minute her hand landed on my cheek, it was _there_. The same fucking sensation that used to come over me every time our skin met. It hasn't changed nor left. I haven't forgotten about it. It was there, and for a second... she was mine again."

"She showed up with a surfer looking, blonde frat boy. You don't know how bad I wanted to fuck him up when I saw him. It was awful. Oh, and of course, Jacob '_if you'll be my bodyguard, I'll be your long lost pal' _Black was there. Running to her rescue like some damn savior. What a fucking dick. Thinking he's God's gift to earth. He needs a good ass whooping. I've done it once, I won't hesitate to do it again. He's lucky Bella stepped in between us..."

"Em, being a traitor best friend suddenly, called fucking T-scank. Why? I have no fucking clue."

I growled at him. _Fucking plastic._

"I know, I need to get rid of her. I'm working on it. It's just hard, I don't want to be alone..."

He sighed, "Anyway, she pushed her way right between us, calling me _Eddie _and shit. Fuck, I _hate _that and she knows it. I thought Beauty was going to rip her head off. I would have laughed if it was happening to anyone else but me. It was like a scene straight off of afternoon TV... All we needed was _Jerry Springer_ and a midget. Oh and a DNA test..."

He sighed, all jokes aside, "But I couldn't bring myself to do anything about it. I was stunned about what she said to me. She hadn't moved on, who was she kidding? She was still angry with me. And that made _me _angry, because she lied to me on the fucking phone that night... But... it also excited me too. So I stood there and thought about how lucky I was to be so close to her again. God, I hate her for what her memory has done to me. But, I think I would have died without them... I'm a fucking pussy. What the fuck is wrong with me? She showed up with a guy last night. She said she was going to move on, all because she saw Tanya with me. If she only knew the truth... She told me she was moving on. Why can't I?"

He looked around the room, frowning. "Well, I should get dressed. I want you guys to be good. OK? I'll miss you both. Cora, don't let me forget to give you a spray before I go, if for nothing else than to piss off T-skank when we all get back. Really sucks that I can't leave her here... But you know me. I hate to be alone... Guess that means I owe her another fake apology."

Buddy finally got up and threw the hoodie on over his shirt. Cora and I laid on the bed watching still trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

Giant and Fluttery had come and collected the rolling boxes. They both yelled at Buddy to hurry the fuck up.

He grabbed the small crystal bottle out of the bottom of his night stand and lightly sprayed Cora. He whispered something about almost being beautiful, and then he was gone.

I ran to my window and watched them go downstairs, discuss things, and then eventually, drive away.

Cora came over and stood next to me with her penguin in her mouth.

I grabbed my rope and we both lay down to wait for his return.

"There's a change coming Spendor. Something big. He's going to break. He can't take much more of this."

Did she just talk to me?

_Well, I'll be God damned_.

***&*#!#$^%$^**

We lay there for what seemed like forever.

Tommy came and visited us all of the time, to take us out and to play. But when he left, we always found ourselves in front of the window looking at the tops of the trees and the shiny buildings.

He always made sure we had fresh food and cold water. Neither one of us had much of an appetite. Sometimes he would take us downstairs with him to watch the people make their way in and out of the building.

I kept watching for Buddy. I missed him. I know Cora does too.

She cried a lot the night it rained real hard. Said she was scared. She was shaking and lying in the big, empty bed.

I grabbed one of Buddy's T-shirts and drug it up to her.

Maybe that would make her feel better.

I hope he's not mad.

_Shouldn't have left it on the floor_.

Yeah. Whatever.

***&*#!#$^%$^**

A couple weeks later, Tommy had settled us in for the night.

Cora had made a habit out of sleeping on Buddy's shirt.

I still lay in front of my window. Watching.

That's what I do. Watch and wait.

Pretty soon, a key turned in the door. It startled me, since I figured we wouldn't see Tommy until tomorrow evening.

I didn't bother getting up. I figured he must have forgotten something.

Cora started running around in circles on top of the bed. She was bouncing. Bouncing and barking.

Jesus, woman. Settle down. Real dogs don't bounce when they bark.

_What has gotten into her?_

I figured I might as well get up and investigate, since I'm the man of the house.

Wait, what's that smell? Did Cora figure out how to use the bottle?

Wait! There it is again.

That smells like Buddy! Buddy! You're home! Buddy! Buddy! Buddy!

Wait. Back up the train.

What do we have here? Long dark hair. _Check_. Possible soul searching eyes... I'd be able to tell if they weren't closed. Oh well. I'll give it a _check_. Beautiful. _Double check_

Buddy made his way into the living room, and I jumped onto the couch, trying to get a better look at the mystery girl.

"Spendor, off the couch," he whispered, and gently lay the girl where I just was. "You know better. Alice will have your ass. I know you're excited to see me. Where's your sister, huh? Where's Cora?"

I whimpered, sniffing the person. I knew that smell! I knew that smell!

I watched as he bent over her and woke her up. He was gentle with his actions toward her... not like how he was with other women. She was different, yes... Definitely different.

He liked her.

No, no, maybe more than that.

They had a quiet conversation.

And her voice... it was so sweet. So soft! And those eyes! They _were _the soul searching eyes!

Wait. Was this...

There was something familiar with this girl. I just couldn't place it yet.

Suddenly, she snapped up, and and I thought she was going to act like the plastic girl for a second.

Just in case, I hid beneath the coffee table.

She started fumbling over her words, talking to him about where we lived. It was strange. She didn't frighten me. She was quite amusing, however, with her rant antics.

Eventually she calmed down, and he pulled her into him, hugging her tight.

They muttered a few words, and then the doorbell rang. Buddy went and met Tommy there.

Now was my chance to introduce myself to her. I charged at her, unable to control myself. It was as if I was being drawn to her.

She squealed, squatting down to meet me.

I tried to be cool. I tried to keep it on the down-low, be laid back.

She looked too sweet. I couldn't.

I panted, losing control and sliding to her.

"Hey boy!" She giggled, scooping me up in her arms, "How are you?"

I panted, licking all over her face. I knocked her over, jumping and lapping at her. I liked her. I really liked her.

She giggled, falling back on the ground as I continued a friendly, welcoming assault.

Oooh, I like you, you taste sweet. _Mmm_. Is that strawberries and cream? Maybe some cinnamon? Mmm, but you smell like cookies and rainbows and _home_! Mmm, mm, mm! Don't make me stop, don't make me stop!

"Say hi," Buddy laughed as he jogged back over, quickly laying white towels and robes on a chair. He bent forward, picking me off of her chest.

I quickly licked Buddy on his neck, showing him that I was glad he was back, "Bella, this is Spendor Jameson. He's a full-blooded, Miniature Siberian husky. He's three months old. I just got him before this trip."

Bella? _Bella_?

Now I get all the talk about bells.

"He's a miniature?! I didn't know they existed!" she exclaimed.

"They do. Sometimes they're confused with Alaskan Miniature Husky, or an Alaskan Klee Kai. But they do exist, as he does."

He grinned at her. A funny lopsided grin I hadn't seen before on his face. It looked good there.

"How much will he weigh when he's full grown?"

"Probably about 30-35 pounds."

"Wow. He's so cute!" She squealed, leaning over to pet me. "He reminds me of that dog, _'Bolt'_. I love him so much!"

Hey girl. I love you too.

I don't like a lot of women -- actually, no women -- but you're fine as hell. And so tender. You'll be my first woman. How's that sound?

I took turns licking from Buddy's neck to her cheek, causing then both to laugh.

"He loves you too."

"Oh my goodness, you're adorable!" She cooed at me, stealing me from Buddy's arms. "Come here."

Gladly. I will happily come to you.

I want to stay with you forever. You smell so damn good! Do you know how to fetch?

Buddy laughed, tossing his arm around her and me, "I have another dog. Would you like to see her?"

"Yes, I would."

"She's most likely around my bed. She sleeps there when I'm not home... Waits for me."

That's because she's a brown-noser.

"Aww, I'm jealous," she teased, nudging his arm.

I scoffed. _Cora's a bitch._

Once he opened the door, she took in the room that was ours as much as it was his. Her pretty eyes were wide, as she joked about him being a bachelor.

Like clockwork, he snapped his fingers, and Miss Priss's head popped up. She became excited as soon as she saw Buddy, and scrambled up on top of the bed, and off the other end, toward the three of us.

Hey! Cora! I was here first. Back off. See me? In her arms.

FIRST!

_Ownage_! Ha ha!

She jumped and yelped at Buddy's legs, until he reached down for her and picked her up, groaning, "Bella, this is Cora Corona."

"Hi baby!" She said, petting her soft fur. "She's beautiful!"

Pay attention to me.

"She's a four month old, Alaskan Malamute."

Cora gloated, licking Buddy's face. _Whore_.

"You love Alaskan dogs, huh?"

Yes. He loves her, you can love me.

"They're the best when you live close to Canada. Cold weather, and all."

"Yeah," she smiled, as Cora and I fought for ownership of her face. "They're beautiful, where did you get them?"

"It took me two months to find Spendor. He's rare, so I actually had my mother put in a call to her friend, Aro, who breeds them. He kept him for me. And Miss Corona was adopted. The previous owners put an ad in the paper, saying that if no one could take care of her, she was going to the ...you know where... and I wasn't having that. She's amazingly well-trained. Very smart. While Spendor is... ornery."

"They're amazing. They love you very much."

We do.

He smiled, pulling me from her arms. I was pissed when he put me on the floor. I wanted back up there.

"They're good dogs."

"Well... that means they have a good daddy."

Instantly, his hand went to her stomach, and he curled his fingers behind the waistband of her jeans, brushing his knuckles along her skin lightly. She bit her lip.

It was quite cute. I wanted to bite her lip too.

"We're gonna be okay," he whispered, watching his hand breeze across her stomach.

She gripped his biceps, and took a deep breath, "I know we are."

After they unloaded their stuff, she went inside the bathroom and closed the door.

Buddy sat on the bed with us, smiling. It felt good to see him smile.

In fact, I'm not sure I have ever seen him smile like _this_.

I didn't want that expression to go away ever again.

"See?" He whispered into my ear, rubbing my back, "I told you guys I would bring you back something beautiful. Didn't I?"

Fuck yes, you did. She was the bell!

When she rejoined us, she knelt on the floor, where I was currently laying.

I decided to finally show her how cool I can be, since I didn't want to give her the wrong impression, and climbed up on her lap.

I couldn't help myself. She smelled like everything Buddy described his dream girl was... That's when I knew.

She was her. He found her again!

I rolled over, and she rubbed my belly and giggled. I loved her laugh.

I was growing attached, quick. Oh no...

Buddy was laying on his stomach on the bed with Miss Priss, when he saw me scooping in on his woman.

He tried to get me off of her. She smacked his hand away.

That right.

_Mine_.

She's mine.

_Shouldn't have left her on the floor._

Yeah. Whatever.

* * *

_----AUTHOR'S NOTES---- _

**So there we go, Outtake #5!**

**-**- **Reviewers**: Make sure to give a special shout-out to **SuzyQ **in your review for her help co-writing the majority of this!!! She deserves it. =)  
-- Pictures/Songs in profile for outtakes as well.

Thoughts? There's plenty more to come, so stick around!! AND REVIEW!!!  
**  
Reviews are better than Edward turning out to not being the only one that's possessive over Bella! :D**


	6. Sexual Scrabble

_**REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!**_

_Special Shout-Out's:_

To my **Readers, Twilighter's, and Facebook girls**.... thank you for asking for me to write this one out. It actually turned out a lot better than I thought it was going to be. I'm actually loving these two friends hanging out. Part of me wishes this was in TEF itself... I'll have to do more like this for the sequel. ;) ILY.  
To **Jazz Girl** (**Caryn)**, my Beta -- you're awesome, but you knew that all ready. What can I say? You rock hard.

* _ * _ *_ *

**A/N:** I know a lot of people have been pretty upset with Alice over the last couple chapters of TEF... and I understand the reasons. But I wanted to remind you all of the good in her as well, because she's had a lot of it. And Emmett, he does too, plus he's just fucking hillarious! I really just wanted to explore their friendship ASIDE from Edward's involvement... See how close they are. I ask that you keep an **open mind** about it, since it's **non-canon**.  
(And maybe this was partially inspired by Kellan/Ashley's real life, oh so cute, BFF relationship.)

* * *

**Outtake 6: Sexual Scrabble  
Emmett & Alice hang out while EB are away on their Honeymoon. Fun and serious subjects included.  
WARNING: **Don't drink a beverage while reading some of this, it may end up on your screen. Emmett is in rare form tonight.  
And this scene includes drugs and slight serious content matter.

_**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing that is Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

**

* * *

**

_**"Everyone's around...  
No words are coming out, and I can't find my breath.  
Can we just say the rest with no sound?  
And I know this isn't enough... I still don't measure up.  
And I'm still not prepared, sorry is never there when you need it.  
...And now I do want you to know I hold you up above everyone.  
And I do want you to know, I think... You'd be good to me.  
And I'd be so good to you."**_

_**Marianas Trench ft. Kate Voegele, "Good To You"**_

* * *

**Outtake 6: Sexual Scrabble**

**AlicePOV **

"Emmett?"

"Yes?"

"Where are you?" Heather asked, from the bathroom connected to his bedroom.

Em chuckled, adjusting the cap on his head, "I'm in the living room with Alice, watching a movie."

"I'm hungry," she whined from the doorway. I rolled my eyes.

Emmett nudged me with his elbow, then leaned his head back over the couch, "What do you want?"

"Pizza?"

"Is that a question, or an answer?"

Another eye roll. Another nudge from Emmett.

"An answer, I think?"

"Is that another question?"

"Emmett," she hissed, walking out into the living room with a flimsy towel around her wet body, "don't be an ass. I want pizza."

"That's all you had to say," he laughed, rubbing his stomach. "You're the one making this so damn difficult."

"So can we get some?"

"I don't give a shit," he replied. Then he turned to me and smiled evil, "Alice will go with you to get it, and I'll call it in for you guys."

I glared at him.

"Great!" she said, running back toward the bathroom, "I'll be out in fifteen!"

As soon as she shut the door, I punched him three times in his arm. Hard.

"Ow!" he laughed, rubbing the spot, "Damn!"

"I hate you so much!"

"Oh come on, Alleycat, you'll have fun."

"I hate her," I said bluntly, pushing him away from me. "You _know _I hate her."

"You've never liked any of my girlfriends. Or Edward's."

"No, that's not true. I didn't mind Rosalie. I _love _Bella."

"All the other's."

"Well that's because the both of you make shitty choices when it comes to women. Blonde bimbos, mainly. Slutty. Spreads easily. And she's _not _your girlfriend right now."

"She wants to be."

"Who doesn't?" I hissed, moving even further away from him. "God. You and Edward should come with a waiting list and a pager number when their number gets picked."

He ignored me all together, "The shop is right down the road. Walking distance. Come on, go with her. She wants to be friends with you. She's tried for how long now?"

"What is the point? It's not like you two are going to work out. You said it yourself last night."

He glared at me, reminding me she was still in the house. But he couldn't help smiling a little.

"See! I told you. I know you Emmett, like the latest copy of Vogue. And I am telling you, you don't want to be her boyfriend. You just know that if you keep being nice to her, she'll give you what you want."

"Which is?"

I slapped my butt.

"Oooh, do it again."

"Shut up. You're missing the point."

He groaned, rubbing his face, "Just go with her. Alice, please? I'll owe you."

"Whatever." I stood up, storming toward the guest bedroom, "But if she gets cute and googly-eyed and won't shut up about you while we're walking, I will not hesitate to shove her into a sewage drain."

He let out a boisterous laugh.

"Full of rats!" I concluded, before I shut the door behind me.

***&*#!#$^%$^**

Slamming the door, I re-entered Emmett's house, and stormed through the living room to the kitchen.

"I'm sorry," Heather called after me, before huffing and walking away in the opposite direction.

Emmett quickly came out of the bedroom, holding his crisp jeans around his waist tightly and a belt in the other hand, and followed me into the guest room, "What happened?"

"Her!"

"What did _her _do?"

"She did exactly what I knew she was going to do! _Emmett's this, Emmett's that_... Interrogating me about how you've been since the two of you split. Asking me really personal things, about you, about your girls, and I just kept quiet, and kept on walking, looking for a damn drain, but there weren't any!! Consider yourself and your fuck buddy lucky!!! And _then _we got a block from the house and she decides it's an opportune time to start talking about your PENIS! That was when I drew the line."

"My dick? What did she say about my dick?"

"Totally not the point!"

"Oh, no. It's totally the point. What did she say?"

I sighed, looking up at him.

"What? Did she say it was tiny or something? Because it's not. I've had quite a few compliment-"

"Do _not _make me throw up."

"Then what?" he chuckled, rubbing his washboard abs. _Yes, I looked. _

Snapping my eyes away, I glanced back up at his, and crossed my arms over my chest, "She said that your penis must have a mind of it's own. There's no fingers or tongue needs adding into the equation, because once the dick was in, it felt like she had the whole package with just that."

A devilish grin spread across his lips, but he kept mum for a moment, basking in the glory.

I wanted to kick him in his earlobe.

"So," he said, working the smile full force now, "...let me get this straight. She practically told you that my dick is like an amusement park?"

I growled at him.

"That is _awesome_."

"Okay. Go gloat somewhere else please. I need to throw up."

He laughed and pulled me in his arms, hugging me against his tight chest, "Ohhhh, Alice. I'm sorry. We just need to get you laid."

"Jasper and I had break-up sex. I'm fine."

"Breakup sex?"

"Yes."

"What the hell is breakup sex?"

"You know, you're broken up, but you're horny, and it just happens, so all those feelings are there still, and then you decide,_ hell just one more time won't hurt_... There we go. Breakup sex."

"And you say I'm the crazy one," he chuckled.

I changed the subject, because I didn't want to talk about Jasper tonight, "You owe me. You promised."

He looked down at me, and for a second, I thought he was checking me out, "What do you want?"

"What do _you _want?"

He shrugged.

I shrugged back, "I say you ditch the girl, and we have a friend night. Maybe get some drinks out... play a game."

He nodded, fastening his belt. He threw on a crisp, white shirt, pushed the sleeves up to his elbows, and topped it off with a crewboy hat.

Heather didn't want to leave. He made up some bogus story about having to be up at his dad's club, extremely early in the morning, and it was getting late, and how bored she'd be if she hung around while he slept. She agreed to go on one condition: That she and I go tomorrow to get Chinese food, so she can make our little spat up to me.

I only agreed to it because I wanted her out of the house.

I got my wish.

* * *

**EmmettPOV**

Wine.

Tequila.

Weed.

Cigarettes..

Sexual Scrabble.

...We were now two hours, two empty bottles, one half-empty baggie, and half of a pack into the game.

My vision wasn't as crisp, but I wasn't drunk either. I definitely felt good though.

I studied my letters, tilting my head quizzically.

Alice sat across from me at the dining room table, propped up on her elbows. She wore low-rise hip huggers and a fitted white, strapless shirt. Her hair was growing long, down around her chin now, and her eyes were steamy and dark. She was a bit tipsier than me, but still not drunk. _Yet_.

I tried to not pay attention to her, as I grabbed six squares. I moved them around the T.

She giggled, covering her mouth.

"S, N, H, C, A," I said. "With your T, that makes _snatch_. Eighty two points."

She wrote it down, took a large sip of her red wine, then turned the board around, studying it.

I watched as she licked her lips, and felt myself twitch in my pants. _Fuck, Em. Now is not the time for this shit... It's just because you're alone with her, and she's a woman, and you're close, and Edward's not stealing the attention away. SHE'S YOUR FRIEND._

Sighing, Alice placed four letters horizontal, connecting to the C. "_Creamy_," she said with high enthusiasm. "C, R, E, A, M, Y."

I smirked as she wrote the score down, and turned the board back to face me, "Had a lot of creamy moments, Alice?"

"Wouldn't you like to know."

"Fuck yes I would. Let's play Pictionary instead. Draw me what it looked like between your-"

My voice cut off as she threw the cork from the top of the wine at me, and it hit my arm, "dream on."

I rubbed the back of my neck, and pulled some new letters.

"Oh, this one is good," I laughed, placing the letters. "Look how fast it _came_..."

"Story of your life," she teased. "Coming fast."

Alice watched as I put the letters down, then smiled idiotically, "Oh my God, Emmett!"

"What?!"

"Q, F, E, U, added with my E. _QUEEF_?!"

"It happens during sex!"

She covered her face and it was steaming red.

I smiled diligently at her, "Ohhhh, Alice. You've done it! Ohh, do t-"

"I am not having _this_ conversation with you."

"Yes the hell you are! You're the one who thought of _Sexual Scrabble_. The topic arises, you spill."

She stared me down. Then her words came tumbling out, "We were in front of a fan, it was happening really fast, there was too much air, and it was by far the most embarrassing moment of my life at that point. Now it's my turn."

"Why was it embarrassing?"

"Because it sounds like a tiny fart. Okay, I'm go-"

"So? Most men don't care about that shit. They're surrounded by pussy at the moment!"

"I was seventeen. The guy I was with definitely cared. He stopped and laughed at me. Can we change the subject now?"

"He _laughed _at you? Who was it?!"

"WHY do you want to know?"

"Because I'm going to beat his ass!"

"It was a long time ago!"

"So?! It must have really upset you, if you're still em-"

"It was _embarrassing_!" she said, hiding her face.

"Who was it, Alice?"

"Frankie," she replied, exasperated.

"Frankie _Newbower_? Oh, well that makes all the difference. Frankie is a tampon. Seriously."

"He was my boyfr-"

"HE WAS A TAMPON," I said sternly, yet half teasingly. "Don't let that little shit stool bother you or upset you. He's an idiot. I'm surprised he knew how to work his own dick once he removed it from the packaging."

She laughed out loud, and it felt good to see her do that. I couldn't help but laugh right along with her.

"So, Frankie is a tampon," she chimed. "And Heather is a stalker."

"She is not," I chuckled, throwing the cork back at her.

After we calmed down, we re-filled our glasses, and she stuck a letter in between her lips, contemplating action on the board.

Again, I felt myself twitch, and had to remind myself how much she annoyed the fuck out of me. How she bounced around a lot most days, like a bunny rabbit on crack. How when she was sick and had upset stomach, she stayed in my bathroom for God knows how long, doing things that I didn't want to know women did...

Anything I could, so I wouldn't think about how pretty she looked tonight. _Wine talking, Tequila talking, weed talking. _

_She's close to you, you're close to her, that's it. She's got some problems right now, it won't help anything. _

_She wants E. Regardless of if he's happily with Bella or not, you can't do that to her if she wants someone else._

_You're just a friend, she's just a friend. You're boinking Heather. She just broke up with Jasper. _

_Fucking get over it_. _Stop being a horny bitch!_

"Can we exchange letters?" she asked cutely, batting her lashes. "If you have an R, I'll trade you for an S."

I tossed the letter over to her.

She clapped her hands, and put the pieces down, around the F.

"I, G, S, N, R, E," she said. "Fingers."

"Fingers?"

"You know," she held up two of her fingers, moving them back and forth, making the most erotic motion I had ever seen her make before.

I about blew a load all over my new antique table. "Stop doing that, please," I said, grinning.

She smirked evil and did it again.

"I don't think you're funny."

"I'm not trying to be. Does this bother you, Emmybear? Too busy fantasizing about doing this particular motion to Heather or some equally idiotic bimbo to focus on the game?"

"No, I'm too busy fantasizing about doing it to you."

She stopped, and stared at me, her mouth open.

I shut my eyes. _Please let the alien spaceship lower and suck me up out of the chair. I cannot believe I went there._

We stayed silent for a few moments.

Then she just cleared her throat, and I opened my eyes, and she started pulling out letters again.

I blew out a gust of wind_. What the fuck am I thinking? She's Alice. AL-ICE. Quit it!_

"So," she said, looking up at me.

I suddenly had that cottonmouth feeling, "What?"

"It's your turn."

"Oh. Ohhh, okay. Uh..." I studied my letters.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door.

Alice and I looked at each other, both a little bit drunker than we were. _This was not good._

"Emmett, it's me," Heather said. "I see the light on in the dining room... Are you up?"

"Oh, _now _she's stalking you!" Alice said, bouncing back from the table.

I quickly darted out to catch her, and in the process, knocked over the bottle of wine, not only spilling it on the Scrabble board, but also across my brand new shirt.

She helped me pick up the bottle, and then we both froze, realizing Heather may see us.

I didn't want her to come in.

We both looked at each other, then ducked down, shoving chairs out of the way to dip beneath the table. It was hard, being that I was so big. Thankfully, she was quite the pixie.

"Shit," she said, bumping her forehead on a piece of wood.

Laughing, I cradled it in my hand and covered her mouth at the same time, "Shhhh."

She moaned into my palm, as more knocks came out.

"Alice," Heather called. "Are you here? Anyone? Car's parked outside people."

"We have to let her in," Alice hissed as she pulled my hand from her lips. "She's fucking... she's caught us."

"Hush your lip, Alice, damn," I said, holding her against me. I knocked into a chair with my elbow, and pain shot through my entire arm.

Now it was Alice's turn to cover my mouth, because every other word out of my mouth went something like, "MOTHERFUCKINGSONOFABITCH!WHYTHEFUCKDI-"

...So there we were.

Under my antique table.

Wine down my shirt.

Weed spilled on the floor.

Scrabble pieces swishing around above us.

Holding each other's mouths closed while the knocks continued.

_Aren't we just the fun bunch._

***&*#!#$^%$^**

Alice pulled the joint from her lips, inhaled, then blew the smoke up toward the bottom of the table.

"Is she gone yet?" She coughed in question.

Chuckling, I took a sip of my wine and nodded, "Dude, she's _been _gone. We've just been laying beneath this table because it's cool as shit under here. Look at all the damn colors of brown..."

"Ohhhh," she giggled, taking another hit. "It _is _cool."

I smirked and pulled the joint from her lips, and blew at the cherry, watching it light up.

I licked my lips and inhaled, before turning to her and blowing the smoke at her face.

"Mmm," she hummed. "Contact buzzzzzzzz-zz-zz-zz."

"Please," I replied, my voice raspy as fuck. "You ain't got no contact buzz. You're full blown baked and drunk as fuck."

She nodded drunkenly, proving my point, "I like it. A lot."

"Me too."

"So you enjoy corrupting me, do you Emmybear?"

"Alice," I exhaled, patting the top of her head, which was laying on top of my right arm, "some call it corrupting. I call it enlightenment."

She bit her lip and turned her head, looking up at me. "So..." she whispered, batting her lashes cutely. "Do you enjoy enlightening me?"

I smirked and turned her face away, because we were too close for my comfort, "...yes."

She swallowed a sip of Tequila then lifted her finger, drawing invisible circles onto the wood, "I... think I like it too."

I inhaled a deep breath and refocused my thoughts.

I didn't know what the hell my problem was.

I mean, sure, yeah, I've always thought the girl was beautiful -- _at times_ -- and hilarious -- _at times_ -- and we always had a blast together. She was my closest bud. And sure, I've imagined her naked. And yes, ok, maybe I've accidentally seen her naked once or twice too. By mistake.

But I've never allowed myself to fully see her like most men do, because of Edward. He's always watched over her, like some fucking guardian. Always stepped on anyone's toes who got too close, and he didn't approve. And whether or not I could take him was never the question.

...Wondering if it'd be worth it has always been.

"What are you thinking?" she asked, patting my leg with her left hand.

"About shit. You?"

"Shit?"

"Yeah. Shit."

"Everyone shits."

"Yeah," I smirked. "I figured."

"They'd be dead if they didn't."

"Yep. Knew that too."

She smiled and inhaled heavily, "Wanna know what _I _was thinking?"

"Do tell," I said, taking another hit.

She rolled over on her side, and propped herself over my chest, "We need some narcotics."

"Like what?" I chuckled.

"Vicodin."

I closed my eyes and scratched my head, "We ain't got any."

"Hydrocodone?"

"Nope."

"Xanny Bars?"

"Nada."

"...Percocet?"

Popping my eyes open, we looked at each other. Then we smiled.

She started to crawl over me, really fast, kneeing my diaphragm on her way over. Alice pushed the chairs out of the way and climbed to her feet, before running crookedly down the hallway, "Where are they?!"

"Top shelf, medicine cabinet, in my bathroom."

A quick heavy moment weighed on my chest, as I thought of where this night might end.

But the sad part? I didn't care.

...And I didn't think she did either.

* * *

**AlicePOV**

My heart was racing a mile a minute as I opened up the cabinet.

I hadn't had this much fun in the longest time.

And I wasn't sure why.

With Emmett, I always had a blast, with or without the alcohol and mind-fucking substances.

I was free with him.

I didn't have to walk on eggshells, like I did sometimes with Edward, or Jasper, or others.

I wasn't classified as, 'the broken one' or 'the fragile one'.

He wasn't classified as 'the jock' or 'the idiot' or 'the flirt'.... _Okay, well maybe the flirt._

He was just himself and I was just myself, and together, we were a fun team.

In fact, now that I thought about it... Regardless of if we were having fun or being serious... it always flowed easily.

...I guess I never gave him as much credit as he was due.

"Emmett!" I shouted. "Which one?"

"The middle one!" he called back, as the surround sound was turned on.

I giggled as bottles tumbled into the sink while I reached for the one I wanted. I pulled out three pills, and swallowed one down.

The other two I kept in my hand, and ran back into the living room with.

There Emmett was, standing there in a purple princess sash and a silver crown. He cracked my ass up.

I put my fists on my knees and doubled over, almost in tears from laughing so hard.

"How do I look, Darlin'?" he asked, sashaying toward me.

"Where did you get that?!"

"My friend date with Bella, back in the cabin. I earned it."

I pulled the silver crown off of his head and put it on my own, before handing him one of the pills, "For the princess."

"Thank you. Got yours?"

"Yep, are we swallowing them?"

"We'll snort 'em."

I put the tablet up to my nose and pretended to inhale, but he grabbed my hand, his face looking like I threatened to run him over with a car.

"Whoa, whoa, what is that shit! What are you doing, crazy?!"

"I'm kidding!" I laughed, leaning backward and stumbling a bit. "I knew we had to crush it first."

"Jesus Alice, I thought you were going to sniff the whole fucking thing up your nose."

"NO!" I tried to push him back playfully, but it was like pushing a brick wall.

He grabbed my hand and we pranced around to the music of, _'Bad'_, by _Michael Jackson_, toward the table.

I watched as he crushed it up, and danced around him in a circle, careful not to bump the table.

I pulled my hair from my tiny ponytail and flipped my head around, and raised my hands up in the air, "Come on Emmett."

"I'm crushing, you dance."

I giggled, pulled the chair out, and stood up on it, "Come on my Emmybear!"

"What the fuck are you doing?!" he laughed. "You're gonna break an assbone."

"Nooooo, I am not," I said, slipping but catching myself. "Come on! Join me."

"Yeah, my big ass is gonna get up on that tiny ass chair and dance to Michael Jackson. Not likely."

"Your big ass _is _wearing a purple princess sash."

"Yeah, well that's because I rock this fucking sash."

"You can rock the chair too!" I squealed, swaying my hips from side to side as seductive as possible, considering my state of mind.

"Quit it!" he said, dimples shining with his smile. "I mean it."

"Come on buddy," I said, popping out my butt, "dance with me."

"Almost done."

"_And the whole world has to answer right now, just to tell you once again_!" I sang out loud, on the top of my lungs, "_I'm bad, really, really bad!"_

Emmett smirked and handed me the mirror and a straw.

I was having a hard time balancing, but he grabbed my hips, so I didn't fall off the chair. I quickly snorted it up, ignoring the burn and the leakage in my throat, and handed it back to him.

He slapped my ass, then walked back to where he was, "Good girl."

"_Ya know!" _I shouted, mocking the song, "_Ya know it! Jamon! Ya know! Ya know! Ya know! Come on! __And the whole world has to answer right now, just to tell you once again...."_

I kept dancing around, getting more daring as the song headed toward an end.

Emmett quickly snorted his while, _'Beat It'_ came on next.

I jumped up to clap my hands and shout happy words, and slipped instead.

Thankfully, Emmett was quick enough to reach over and grab me, before I ate the tipped over wine bottle on the table, "Jesus, Allycat. I told you that you were gonna break something!"

"I didn't though!" I said, giving him a quick hug. "You were a prin_cess_ in shining armor."

"Mmhmm," he sat me on the ground. "If you're going to ignore me and break a bone, I'd rather you be closer to the ground while doing it. Less damage that way."

I ran toward the living room, sliding across the wood floors. My jeans felt looser, I kept having to tug them up while I danced.

Emmett, in all his suave sexiness, entered the room slowly.

I started snapping my fingers and shaking my hips like Michael did in the music video, from left to right, over and over again.

He laughed, watching me.

"Come on, Em! Beat it with me!"

"_Beat it with you_, huh?"

"Yeah!"

He smirked and spun around in his shoes, pretending to moonwalk toward me. He wasn't the best at it.

I giggled, throwing myself on his back.

We spun around in circles, faster and faster and faster and faster... over and over again.

All the alcohol, the weed, the cigarettes, the percocets... it all seemed to hit really fast.

I felt like I was on cloud nine. _No, no, better than that. Cloud nine HUNDRED and ninety nine._

Emmett released a bellowed laugh and slowed down, having to catch my swinging legs.

We toppled to the ground, me on top of his back, and I rolled off, onto my own, "Ow!"

"Sorry," he chuckled, sliding over to me on his stomach, "you okay?"

"Yeah," I grunted, rubbing my head, "this crown stabbed my skull though."

"It's been known to do that," he said, lifting it from my head.

It caught on my hair and I winced.

"Sorry," he whispered, trying to undo the knot we'd created.

"Go slow, that hurts. Owwww, _sensitive_."

He closed his eyes and laughed under his breath, "I think every single thing you're going to say tonight, I'm going to take pervertedly."

"Well, that's because you're a pervert."

"It's your fault tonight, Al."

"How is it _my _fault?!"

He kept tugging on the knot gently, "You make me this way."

"Oh whatever. I do not."

"Yes you do," he replied quickly.

"How do I-"

"Because you don't know how to operate the equipment in your package, Alleycat."

I furrowed my brows at him, "..._Huh_?"

"Nothing," he smiled reassuringly. "Never mind."

"No! Explain."

He pulled the crown from my hair, lifted himself on his elbow, and moved a piece of hair from my face, "Like... Okay, don't punch me for saying this. Pre-warning. All right... And this is not a pick-up lin-"

"_Emmett_," I sneered, cutting him off. "Cut the bull."

He smirked and let the words come out, "You're beautiful, but you don't take flattery well. You're brilliant with science and math, but chose fashion as your major. You're bouncy and upbeat, but you hang onto all those things that make you sad. You know how to make a man smile with the snap of your fingers... but you let them bring you down with just a few words..."

He sighed, shaking his head slowly, "You've got all the right moves but... You just need to read the manual about yourself."

I turned on my side to face him, "I have noooo idea what you're saying right now. I think the alcohol is swirling around in my head. I feel like a fish in a deep, endless ocean."

"What I'm saying is," he leaned down, resting the side of his head on his arm, looking at me, "you need to figure out who you are. Then... you'll be unstoppable."

I bit my lip and stared at the wine stain on his shirt for a few seconds.

Emmett had a way of saying things in a way that I could handle, made me comprehend them.

No one else really did... Edward sometimes. But not all the time.

"Do you know who you are, Emmett?"

"Yes. I believe so."

"Who are you?"

He smiled, moving more hair off of my face, "I'm your friend. ...I'm a damn good friend, actually. ... I'm twenty-four. I went to school for business management, graduated at the top of my class -- _thank you Dad, kiss my ass _-- and at the end of this year, I will inherit, own, and operate half the clubs on the Seattle strip. I have my own house, my own car. I don't put up with bullshit. I know when enough is enough with the drinking and drugs, I know when to be serious, and when to have fun... And I don't settle for anything less than exactly what I want."

I blew out the breath I didn't know I was holding in a gust.

"Oh," he added, nuzzling against his arm, "and I love sex. A _lot _of sex. An ass-ton of it."

Giggling, I shook my head, and moved a bit closer to him, hiding in his warmth.

"What about you?" he asked softly. "Who do you think _Alice _is?"

"A bitch."

"That's a given," he teased.

I sighed, "Alice is..."

Closing my eyes, I breathed in the smell of pine floors, "...someone who wears her heart on her sleeve. I'm vulnerable. I want to make everyone happy, and I put myself last, until it physically _hurts _me... Then I just retract and blow up at anyone who's willing to stand in front of me and catch the steam-"

"No," he shook his head. "Don't do the negative. I've seen the negative on you, and it's _not _a good color... Tell me something positive about yourself."

"Like what?"

"Anything."

I shrugged my shoulders.

"Come on... I know there's something."

I licked my lips, "I am good with designing clothes?"

"Yes. And don't answer it like a question."

"I am good with designing clothes," I said sternly.

"Good. Continue."

"I'm twenty-two. I... love Ramen Noodles -- the beef kind. Can eat them all day. I dream about being kissed in the rain... really fucking slowly. I am a romantic at heart. I have hidden journals full of quotes about love. 1 own a high-fashion clothing line, _Brandon Mar'ee_, which most of my friends don't even know about, besides you and Edward, because I don't use my full name... Just changed the spelling of my first name, moved it to the back, and wiped out the middle all together... I thought that was very clever by the way."

I giggled, "I like having that secret. It makes people curious about how I make a living. And... I love to be happy, and miss it when I'm not."

Emmett smiled at me and whispered, "...There she is. See? You're getting there."

"Yeah..."

"I'm really proud of you... for the clothing line. You're the only person I know who could own her own version of real-life Monopoly but acts like she's still just any other twenty-something, fresh out of college."

"I don't care about money," I shrugged. "I mean... I do... but I don't. I don't want to let it define me."

"Did Jasper ever hear about your company?"

I shook my head, "He knew I designed clothes. He doesn't know how big it is. I'm sure he thought it was just a pretend hobby."

"Why didn't you tell him the truth?"

I shrugged again, "Like I said, I like having that secret."

"Alice, I think you've got too many secrets."

"Then even up the score," I suggested. "Tell me one of yours."

"One of mine?"

"Yeah. Something... you'd never tell Edward, or even me. Until now. Now you've got to tell me."

He studied my eyes, staying relaxed beside me.

I smiled at him.

He warmly smiled back.

I batted my lashes.

He laughed and closed his eyes, "Quit, I'm thinking. You're distracting me with your fluttery bullshit."

"Just tell me one. The first one that comes to mind... NOW!"

"Okay. I sometimes wish that my dad's cancer would eat away faster, so I wouldn't have to hear him verbally abuse me for one more day."

I froze.

He froze too.

I didn't know what to say. I didn't expect that. "I didn't expect that," I said quietly.

"I know."

I pursed my lips and rubbed his arm, "Thank you for telling me."

He nodded, closing his eyes.

"Wanna tell me another one?"

"You go first."

"Okay... I hate most Disney movies."

He opened his eyes and looked at me funny.

"It's true," I said. "I do. I'm not sure why, I just... they _annoy _me. They're so fake. I just never understood them."

"The pixie herself hates fucking Tinkerbell?"

I nodded, glaring at him, "Now you know why I hate being called that."

"I would have never known!" he chuckled, rubbing his face. "Shit."

The song switched to my favorite slow one of the moment, _'Good To You' _by _Marianas Trench & Kate Voegele_.

"I love this song," I sighed.

"It's a good song."

I nodded, "Your turn."

He smiled at me, rolled over on his stomach, twisted his body around to face me, "Truth?"

I mocked him, climbing to my elbows and turning to face him back, "Truth."

"This is _not _a pick up line."

"Okay."

"I think you're the prettiest girl I've ever met."

"Shut up," I blushed, burying my face into my arms, "that's not even fu-"

"Don't look away," he said, moving his finger beneath my chin to pull my face up, "it's true. I just... thought you should know. Before you second-guess yourself again."

"Emmett... You know supermodels. Real life ones. Barbie doll looking playgirls. I've _seen _the girls you and Edward bring home, and I am no where _near _that standard."

"Well, that's because it's hard to find a real woman _with _your standards."

I stared at him for a few seconds of silence, then giggled, the alcohol, weed, and percocets still in the air, "You're so full of shit, Em."

I laughed some more, drawing invisible X's with my finger against the wood. "Too fucking hilarious."

He didn't say anything.

I smirked, looking back over at him.

His face was straight, "I'm not lying, Alice."

I couldn't help but chuckle one more time, before burying the side of my face into my palm, tilting my head up at him, "Is that so?"

"Yes. It's so."

"Then why haven't you made a move on me, hmm? In all this time, since we met when I was in ninth grade-"

"Because you're a frie-"

"_Don't _say that word. I hate that word. Just... Answer truthfully. Like a guy."

He pulled his lips in a straight line, then licked them, not moving his eyes from mine, "Because we both know who you're aching over."

I swallowed hard, unable to look away, "...What if he wasn't in the picture? He's practically not anyway. We both know that."

He nodded, "Then... I'd definitely have to work up some courage to do it."

"Courage?"

"Yeah," he smirked. "You're intimidating as fuck when you wanna be."

"No I'm not."

"You are too."

"Well," I said nonchalantly, swaying slightly, "...what if I _wanted _you to kiss me once?"

"_Is _that what you want?"

"What if it was?" I countered.

"Is it?"

We studied each other's expression in silence.

He didn't budge.

I didn't either.

I bit my bottom lip, pondering.

_He was looking awfully perfect tonight... and saying awfully sweet things... and looking out for me._

_He's a friend. One of my best friends, these days._

_...I can handle this._

I nodded slowly, "Yes."

He tilted his head down to me, "Are you sure? Because shit like this... it can get awkward as fuck after. We're strongly under the influence, so I really want you to cons-"

I climbed to my knees, then sat Indian style, "Kiss me, Emmett. I want you to."

He chuckled, and pushed himself onto his hands and knees in front of me, "That was fast, you eager little shit."

"I don't waste time."

"Neither do I," he said, leaning toward me.

I felt my heart rate pick up as he inched closer... and then closer...

...And then closer than we'd _ever _been before.

His mouth was a mere inch from mine, and I could feel the breath from my lips bouncing off of his face, and back against mine.

It was nice.

My palms started to sweat against the cold floor, my heart began fluttering like crazy.

He was really intimidating me...

He moved a bit closer, and I closed my eyes, humming slightly.

_Where did that come from? _

_It's Emmett. _

_...Yeah. Keep telling yourself that._

"Last chance," he whispered, against my lips.

I shuddered in anticipation, and then gave him a nod, whispering back, "I want it."

Gently... Ever so gently, our lips meshed together. And I felt something in that kiss...

I think we both let out the breath that we were holding.

I pushed toward his face slowly, connecting a bit deeper.

The first thought that came to me was_, I didn't expect it to be like this._

Then, it changed, ..._I didn't expect it to be this GOOD._

He pulled his face back, disconnecting our lips, but lingered there.

I shook my head.

_I didn't want to linger._

So I pushed forward, taking his smooth top lip between mine.

Emmett moved his knees closer to me, and slipped his hand up to the small of my back, keeping the other framing my face.

I felt my fingers gripping the shoulders of his shirt as we both rose higher on our knees, and came chest to chest in the middle.

Our breathing was heavy as our joined lips opened up, and our tongues delicately met in the middle, testing...

It was sweet. And caring.

It amazed me, how safe I felt with him.

I didn't feel safe with anyone but Edward... but now that I think about it, that's because I never _allowed _myself to feel safe with anyone but Edward.

...It was really starting to freak me out, the easy connection between Emmett and I ... but at the same time, I didn't want it to end.

He made me feel something I wasn't used to feeling... Something _positive_.

It was as easy as breathing, and it scared the shit out of me _because _it was so easy, but... I couldn't stop.

Taking the reins, I slid my tongue fully inside his mouth, then back out slowly, while our lips continued their gentle battle.

He tasted good. _ Holy hell._

He sucked my bottom lip into his warm mouth and a moan escaped my lips as I pulled him even closer.

My fingers found his curly locks, knocking the crewboy hat off his head. His fingers snared a few of the hairs at the nape of my neck as he pulled my face closer to his.

I didn't care.

We pulled away to catch our breaths, and then went right back into it, this time, our tongues meeting before our lips did.

His left hand found my right leg and he pulled it up, hitching it on his hip.

I gasped, throwing my arms around his shoulder.

"Pick me up," I said into his lips, before kissing him again.

He bent forward a bit, not breaking our kiss, and grabbed my other leg. Before I knew it, both of my legs were locked tightly around his waist.

Emmett rose to his feet, both his hands framing my face now, and pulled back slowly, to look into my eyes.

He smiled at me.

I smiled back.

"What are we doing here?" he said, swaying side to side gently, chuckling with ease.

"I have no idea... Do you want to stop?"

"I'm not sure."

I giggled, "I'm not sure either." _But I don't think I do, Emmett._

He licked his lips, rubbing my jaw with his thumb, "...Couch?"

I thought about it for a very quick second, then nodded, just as quickly, "Couch."

He laughed and kissed me again, before turning his body around and walking toward his leather sofa.

We spent the next two hours making out and heavily petting. Hands only inside the back of the shirt.

I wanted to have sex with him.

Any other day, I would have laughed at the thought of him and me, but tonight... It sounded really damn good.

And I didn't think it was the atmosphere causing this.

...I wondered if he wanted to have sex with me.

We didn't get that far on the couch, however.

Eventually, we slowed down enough, and took our time with our kisses.

I enjoyed the slowness of it all. The ease. The sensuality.

Now I understood why Emmett got so many ladies.

I was really afraid it was going to get awkward when we made a clean break.

But it wasn't.

He just kissed my face a few times, brushed my hair out of my eyes, and asked me to come to bed with him.

I did.

...And all he did was hold me in his arms while we fell asleep.

We were fully clothed, but... the fact that _Emmett _of all people was the one that made me feel like a real person for the first time in a very long time... amazed me.

He did the things Jasper tried to do for me... the things I wouldn't let him do... The things I let no one do.

But Emmett... he broke through my walls before I had time to put my armor on. Maybe it was because he was my friend, and I trusted him, but self-preservation never even crossed my mind. I _knew_ I was safe.

Whatever the reason, that knowledge frightened me and comforted me all at once.

I didn't think about Edward.

I didn't think about Jasper.

I didn't think about anything, or anyone, other than the fact that I was here, and I was safe for the night.

And I was thankful to my friend, Emmett.

For being strong enough, and man enough, to accept this moment for what it was, and nothing more or less than that.

...I was thankful to him for giving me a fun, wonderful, enlightening night that I'd never forget or take for granted.

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_----AUTHOR'S NOTES---- _

**So there we go, Outtake #6!**

Thoughts? There's plenty more to come, so stick around!! AND REVIEW because...  
**Reviews are better than Sexual Scrabble matches with Emmett McCarty! :D**


	7. Dear Goodbye

THESE OUTTAKES WILL NOT BE IN ORDER OF SEQUENCE. It's whatever comes to me at the time.

_**  
REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!**_

**Outtake 7: Dear Goodbye  
Edward & Bella's break up in High School. =(  
I hope this fills out all the missing pieces of that part for you.**

**Warning: **This is one of the worst moments in their lives. What started it all. It has a lot of angst, a lot of anger, and a lot of sadness. TISSUE WARNING.

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_Special Shout-Out's:_

To my **Readers, Twilighter's, Lexicon's, and Facebook girls**.... thanks for pushing me to finally go here and write this. It was a true, raw, much-needed experience for TEF.  
To **Jazz Girl** (**Caryn)**, my Beta -- for pulling me through! I wouldn't have made it without you!  
_**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing that is Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

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_**"**__**Staring out, depressed about the words I have to bleed. So... torn apart.  
Shattered by impressions of confessions in defeat... my broken heart.  
Crying, desperate, fighting questions, scared to let go. ...We used to be so beautiful.  
But the days go by and things get better.  
I'm weary from the war, I'm losing half of my soul.. but the days go by, and...  
...Past the point of reasons, I just want you to believe that it's... not your fault.  
Cry your eyes to sleep, it's like a thousand rainy nights, oh... drowning lost.  
Photographs, the ghost of what we had come undone... Where did it all go wrong?  
The days go by and things get better.  
You harden like a stone, to face the world alone... but the days go by and things get better.  
Exhausted of apologies. In search of something comforting. But the days go by and things get better.  
Brought out the best and worst in me, you gave your all unselfishly, but the days go by again..."**_

_**JC Chasez, "Dear Goodbye"**_

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**Outtake 7: Dear Goodbye**

**BellaPOV **

Have you ever have one of those gut feelings, deep in the pit of your stomach, that you couldn't shake?

Something so horrible, but you couldn't figure it out, until it was right in front of your face?

That's how I'd felt since I woke up yesterday.

Seeing Edward with Tanya last night, was quite possibly the worst moment of my life. I'm not sure if it was that there was clothing removed. I'm not sure if it was even the fact that it was in my dad's house.

The more and more I forced myself to think about it, all I saw was her perfect face clutched in his hands, blonde hair streaming down her shoulders and back, her fingers tangled in his hair, their mouths open and almost touching, him panting all over her face...

...But the clincher was that... it was as if he had a _desperation _in his eyes... a desired need that... just couldn't be filled by me, his girlfriend.

And that made me feel like the last few years of my life, years that I'd shared with Edward, were all a waste. All my feelings, everything I thought I knew about the man I trusted more than anything and everything, was all lies. I was betrayed.

I never meant to kiss Jake. It was one of those moments that happened once - shame on him. But it happened again a few years later. That made twice, and shame on me.

But for Edward to retaliate in the worse kind of way...

I will never forget the eerie gasp that came from my throat when I first opened the door. I will never forget the pain I felt, so vivid it had to be visible in my eyes,. The crushing of my chest as I saw this person I had held so high up on a pedestal, the man that I unintentionally hurt myself, doing what he was so upset that I did. Even though I did not encourage it; he did.

That was the first time I realized that, not only was my relationship built like a sandcastle near a raging ocean, but that... Edward wasn't my savior.

He wasn't the man who could end all the pain of losing my dad, or the hurt from a fight with my mom, or anything else that brought me down.

He wasn't some knight in shining armor, put here by God himself to save me from the evils of this world.

...In fact... I didn't know him at all.

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**The Night Before**

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**EdwardPOV**

Taking another double shot of bourbon, I slammed the glass of ice on the counter, the loud music from the stacked speakers buzzing in my head.

I was toasted. And angry. And hurt. And then REALLY FUCKING ANGRY. Back and forth, back and forth. Repetitive cycle, like the damn washing machine.

I watched as Bella sauntered around the room with a few of her girlfriends, pretending like I, her boyfriend, didn't exist.

She was mad at me for being mad at her. Like this was all my fault. Like I haven't been dwelling on this shit. Like I said, '_Hey, Bella, I realize you hadn't touched lips with Jake in three years, maybe you should go ahead and get on that real quick_?' Yeah, fucking right. This whole entire thing was fucked beyond recognition.

I wanted to hate her.

I kept telling myself over and over, _you hate her, you hate her, she's a bitch and you fucking hate her now. She doesn't deserve you_.

"Twice," I sneered, shaking my head as I pushed the glass toward Aaron, my baseball teammate. He happily refilled it for me. "Fucking twice now."

"Twice now what?" he asked as he pushed it back to me, full.

"Nothing." I swallowed it down and gave it back to him. "Again."

"We're out."

"Huh?"

"We're out. That's the last of it. You drank the fucking bottle."

"No shit?" I said, leaning forward and swaying a bit.

He laughed and gave me a nod.

"Then give me something else, anything."

"Anything?" A suave, sweet voice said as a breeze of gentle floral perfume passed by me. I turned to my right to find Tanya Denali, a friend from school, sitting beside me, her hair over her left shoulder as she rested her chin on it. "..._Anything'_s a bad choice."

"Not if it gets you drunk enough that you can't fucking remember shit."

"Well, what are you trying to forget?"

"My existence," I replied hastily, glaring at the bar in front of me.

I heard laughter, and knew it was Bella's. Spinning around in the chair, I watched angrily as Mike Newton spun her around the dance floor, one hand in her's, the other awfully close to her ass as she twirled back into him. I wanted to punch him in the face. And then scream at her, '_what the hell are you doing to me? Why don't you act like you care?!'_

She did earlier. Back before I started thinking about it again and told her to shut the hell up, because I wasn't interested in her apologies. I had told her to leave me be. So she did. Then she got pissed off at me, and she told me off. And she avoided me at school, which was probably a good thing, because I was too pissed off anyway.

So here I sit, at her father's old house, the one that's now in her name for no reason. She has a house key, and we came here a lot after he passed, just to get away. She doesn't actually inherit any of this shit until she turns twenty-one. It's in Renee's name, as well, until then.

But this whole fucking mess started with Jacob _fucking _Black. He and I ended up in jail after I beat his fucking ass into a pulp. Little bitch deserved it.

And now, he and Bella are friends again, and she stayed over at his house last night. Just hours before, she'd been begging me to fuck her. But I stopped her, turned her down because I knew we weren't ready yet. The last time we tried it had nearly killed me, hurting her like I did. I couldn't do that to her again.

So she got upset, and she left.

That's what did me in. That's what turned the tables right back around. Now, I was pissed as hell.

Because I couldn't seem to fucking win with her.

"So," she said, sliding toward me, "why do you want to forget your existence?"

"Because it's useless," I replied quietly, before looking up at Aaron. "Would you just give me something to fucking drink, man?"

"What the hell do you want?"

"A gun. But if you don't have that, then something strong enough to put me on my ass."

He smirked at Tanya. "What do you want to drink, lovely?"

She looked at me and frowned, as if she understood what I was going through. "Double Goldschlager. Warm. Make him one too."

Aaron got to work on those, while Tanya and I looked at each other.

I hated her. I hated all women. I didn't understand why God had created them, aside from fucking ruining my life and making me miserable. The only woman on this planet that did me any good was my mother. That was it.

The drinks slid to us and we swallowed them down. I about choked on it. It was the first time I tried Goldschlager, and it didn't mix well with the rotgut currently floating around my chest and burning me to hell.

"Mmm, real men can handle their liquor," Tanya teased, watching me pat my chest as she gave me a wink.

"I am a man," I scoffed, motioning for Aaron to give us another one. I'd rather drink it and throw it back up, than prove to her that I was the pussy she thought I was.

"Mark can't handle shots."

"Your man?"

"Yeah."

"Well that's because Mark is a pussy. Not me." I swallowed down the next shot, shuddering slightly, but keeping my face blank.

She grinned and did the same. "Tell me what's bothering you."

"No."

"Why?"

"Because it's personal."

"And?"

"And personal means private."

"Hello, we live in the smallest damn town in the world. It's gonna get out anyway."

I glared at her and rolled my eyes, my head finally starting to feel fuzzy. All the alcohol seemed to run to my brain at the same time. "You know what, that's not fair. If it's a small town, than you probably already know anyway. Fuck it."

"Let me guess. Has something to do with Bella?"

"How'd you guess?" I replied sarcastically.

"You two are avoiding each other like the plague, and she seems to be dancing with man after man just to piss you off... and it is apparently working."

"Fuck right, it's working. She's being a stupid bitch," I scoffed, kicking myself in the ass for calling her a bitch, then hating myself for kicking myself in the ass for calling her a bitch.

"So why don't you go tell her that?"

"What?"

"That she's pissing you off and acting like a bitch?"

"Tanya, she's your friend." I was so fucking confused and my brain wasn't cooperating with my thought processes. "Why would you encourage me to tell her that?"

"Because you're my friend also. Mark is your friend, too, but that doesn't stop you from calling him a pussy."

"He plays soccer. He's a pussy."

"What's the difference between swinging a bat and kicking a ball?"

"Baseball's hurt like hell when they hit you in the face. Soccer balls don't. It's a cop-out."

"Ohhhhh," she said sarcastically, running her fingers through her hair. "I see."

I sneered at her and turned my attention away, back to my empty glass. "You wouldn't fucking understand."

"Try me."

"She cheated on me." The words came tumbling out before I could blink.

"With?" She pressed, nonchalantly. As if I just told her it was sunny outside, some irrelevant sentence.

"With a tiny-dick mother fucker who's ass I about murdered last month."

"Mmm, it's _allllll _making sense now."

I looked at her and lifted my eyebrow.

"Jacob Black... Heard about it in the local paper, you two getting arrested. It was weird because I thought they don't publish juvenile shit."

"His dad hates me."

"Gee, I wonder why."

I smirked. "He may have a few good reasons. He's been pushing Bella and Assface together since Bella started wearing training bras. Couldn't help himself, when I came in the picture. It's sad when a man looks at his son, then me, and realizes I'm the better pick. He knows it, he's just naive."

She took a sip of her beer and turned to face me, crossing her legs so her skirt hitched up a bit. "Let me ask you something, Cullen. Bella and Jake have been friends for quite a long time, right?"

"Yeah." I about threw up thinking about just how long. It made me shudder.

"Then... what makes you think she hasn't cheated before or between, and just not told you about it?"

"She did cheat before. Well, not technically... When we were fifteen. But... she was liking me and she was friends with him, and like I said, both their dads pushed it at first, so she kissed him while she and I were talking... Obviously she chose me, but still. It happened. She told me about that one though. I didn't walk in on it, like this shit. I've just been trying to accept it and trying to deal with it. She didn't talk to Jake for a week and a half over it... but eventually, they made up, and I just... got so fucking irritated. I can't stop thinking about it."

"Mmhmm. So you're telling me that she's never done it since then? Are you _sure _she chose _just _you?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I'm a pro at this. So answer me. Has she ever chose to hang out with him over you? Ever... turned you down, to be the '_friend_'? Does she rely on him when you two get into fights? Spend Christmas with his family and her dad? Talk on the phone with him for hours occasionally... Friendly sleepovers, perhaps?"

_Yes_. "...Maybe."

She leaned back in the seat and lit a cigarette, her polished red nails blazing. "Yep. She's fucking him."

"She is not. She's a virgin. Sort of." I needed to defend Bella, but I couldn't without talking about what had happened between us. And I was not talking about that with Tanya. "I don't fucking know."

"Well then she's doing everything else with him. Come on. She's kept him around for a reason."

"I have a best friend that I hang out with, without Bella sometimes."

"Yeah but have you kissed her?"

"...No."

"That's my point."

I removed my baseball cap and tugged on my hair, my stomach starting to do somersaults. "So... how the hell do you know all of this?"

"Experience. That, and I'm a girl. But, mostly experience. _Recent _experience."

"How?"

"Because," she exhaled, her face not cold anymore, but vulnerable. She looked down, rolling her thumbs around each other. "...Mark cheated on me a month ago."

"Shut the fuck up!" I laughed drunkenly, shaking my head. "No way."

She kept her voice quiet, as if she was ashamed. She didn't look like the Tanya we knew in school, the one who has all that confidence. "He did."

"Whatever. You're not one of those girls men cheat on, okay Tanya? You're just not."

"Why am I not?" she said, almost pissed off.

"Because. You're the most popular girl in our damn school. Men line up around the block to date women like you in High School."

"_Boys _line up to _fuck _me," she corrected, shaking her head. She looked so sad. I felt her pain. "...There's a difference."

"Aaron, give me a fucking beer," I said, before turning to face her. "Can I have a cigarette?"

She studied my eyes for a moment, taken back, "...I didn't know Edward Cullen smokes."

"Only when he's drunk, or pissed off, or both."

"Hmm," she said, lighting it for me. "...We have something in common."

I nodded, examining her flawless complexion. I couldn't understand how people like us got fucked over. We were good. We were kind. _What the fuck?_

She smiled at me, still visibly upset. The grin was forced.

I whispered, "...Seems we have a few things."

She nodded, smoking in silence.

We spent the next ...however fucking long... drinking in mostly silence, watching people interact, and hating everyone for being happier than we were. Bella barely looked in my direction. But she sure made sure to appear as if she had moved on from her and Jake's _'incident'_, like I was being ridiculous.

I pondered how many opportunities she'd had to screw around on me if she wanted to... How many times she'd hung with him, called him, seen him... The opportunities were endless, and the speculation about them just plain hurt. I grew more upset. _Then _I started to wonder what all they'd done... if his dick ever entered her hands, or worse, her mouth, or fucking disastrously, some place lower. The more and more I dwelled, the angrier I became, the more I wondered about what was real and what wasn't, and the more I resented her for all it.

Plus, I was hammered.

"Can I ask you something?" Tanya said softly, as she took a sip of my beer.

"Hmm?"

"Have you... ever thought about getting even?"

I snapped my head in her direction, glaring. "What the fuck did you just ask me?"

She kept herself in check, calm, saying softly, "You're human. We're just... we're human, and we have thoughts... I'm just trying to be real with you here."

_Had I thought about it? _ "Yeah, I have. But it doesn't make it right. I don't think I could do that to myself, let alone her."

"Why not?"

"What would it solve?"

"Maybe it's... not about solving anything."

I scoffed, taking another cigarette from her pack and lighting it, before throwing the lighter down on the counter top. My ears were ringing and my body was fucking numb. I could feel hardly anything anymore. I was dead weight. I wanted to just fucking die, period. But being plastered was second best, I guessed. It'd have to do. "This fucking music is loud. It's driving me crazy. I can't think."

"Wanna go somewhere quieter to talk? That way you don't have to look at your girlfriend over there, schmoozing clumsily with Eric?"

I didn't bother to look over at my so-called girlfriend. "Yeah, whatever. Let's go."

She grabbed my elbow and we weaved through the crowd, her keeping me on my toes, us ignoring everyone who stared or tried to talk to us. It was really hard, considering Tanya and I had a lot of friends in this crowd. We ended up toward the top of the stairs, and I stared up at a faded rectangle on the wall where a picture of Bella, Charlie, and Renee had once hung.

The space, that fading mark...It looked so desolate. Forgotten.

It was me.

I was it.

"I'm that," I said, stumbling around as I stared at it.

"The wall?"

"Yeah."

She giggled, despite herself. "That makes no sense, Edward."

"You wouldn't understand." I leaned on the banister to hold myself up.

"This is the second time you've said that tonight... and I intend to keep proving you wrong, proving that I _do _understand."

"No one can understand what I feel like right now..." I was wallowing. But that's because I earned the right to after all this mixed-signal shit from Bella. She was a complex puzzle. I didn't get her. She didn't make much sense to me now. "No one can... feel this pain, this ache in my chest... I may be fucking... drunk or whatever, but... man... I KNOW what this feels like, because I feel it, right now, and feeling it sucks."

"Makes you want to hit something, doesn't it?"

"Yes."

"And scream at it."

"Yes."

"And just fucking… go off!"

"YES!"

"Yeah," she said calmly, after getting me riled up. "Been there."

I turned to her, stumbling backward and leaning on the opposite rail, almost falling down the steps. "Are you fucking with me right now?"

"A little."

"Well quit it. I've got one girl doing that to me and I don't need another."

"All right, I'll stop... I can do anything you need me to do, so you don't feel toyed with."

"Just... I don't fucking know. Transform into fucking Black so I can beat the hell out of you, wouldya?"

"Would that make you feel better? To just lash out at someone?"

"Yes. To get even with that mother-fucker."

"Ahhh, so it _is _about getting even, when it comes down to it."

I stared at her like she was stupid. She was thinking too smart for me. My brain couldn't catch up to her. "I guess."

"Then... let's do it. Pretend I'm him."

"No. If I do that, I will strangle you and knock your teeth out of your mouth."

"Well then... be associative."

"Huh?" I shouted, furrowing my brows.

"Associate me with your anger. Trust me, it helps, I've done it. If you're mad, get mad. Just, let it out."

"No."

"Yes."

"_No_."

"Yes."

"NO!"

"_Yes_."

I snapped. "God damn it, you stupid fucking bitch, I said _NO_. Do you have any comprehension of what that word means?"

She crossed the stairs, grabbed me by my shirt and pulled me to her. Since I had no balance, I about knockedus both down the steps this time. And then she crashed her lips into mine. I froze solid, feeling the warmth of her mouth, the air from her lungs coming out of her nose and soaking my face. My heart started to beat heavily, as if it'd woken up from a long slumber. My ears started to ring.

I didn't know what to think.

This made me hate her more. Hate her for waking me up, for forcing me to live in this moment. I didn't want to be here. I wanted to be numb. Always numb.

Feeling was worse.

I grabbed her jaw and pushed her hard, holding her against the wall. "What the fuck are you doing?! Did I tell you to come at me like that?? Are-are you insane?!"

She glared up at me, her lips open, her lipstick smeared on my thumb. Out of the side of my eye, I could see a few of our classmates gawking. I knew they saw that. I knew it was only a matter of time before Bella heard about it. But, I didn't know if she would care. I didn't know what the hell I knew anymore.

My chest was heaving, my lungs were tight, my throat was raw, and my eyes were furious. I couldn't let go of her face. I wanted to rip her head off of her body, to just fucking scream at her and take all my anger out on this poor, innocent person who didn't deserve any of it. Who had a boyfriend who cheated on her too, and was in pain. And here she was just... fucking _letting _me.

Testing me, she took her palms and hit my chest hard, moving me back. I jerked her face with my hand then slammed her back against the wall, sneering down at her. I was gone. Drowning in misery and intoxication. "I hate this," I spat, squeezing her face. "I hate fucking all of this."

"Yes, get it out," she said, hitting me hard in the chest again. She had to be a masochist or some shit.

Again I responded, growling as I pinned her back against the wall. "I hate you, I hate Bella, I hate me, and I really fucking hate Jacob Black!"

"That's it, keep going. You can't move on until you -" she pushed me back hard, grunting. "GET IT OUT!"

I grabbed her shoulders and shoved her back, not realizing what the hell I was doing, why I was being violent with her. I wasn't a violent person. Ever. I was never mad... until now. Until Bella did what she did. Until she crawled half naked into my bed, then ended up in Black's by the end of the same fucking night.

_...She probably did fuck him._

"Get even," she said, pushing and tugging on my shirt, stretching it all to hell.

I growled again, because I wanted to launch myself out the fucking window. And then… I just crashed my lips to hers. I don't have a fucking clue as to why. It was as if colliding angrily with her face, as if glaring and sneering and shouting and pulling and tugging and growling... as if all of that was somehow... mending me.

She yanked hard on my hair and I pressed my body into hers, fitting the curve of her frame like a glove. She panted into my mouth, whimpering, and I knew she was angry for what Mark had done to her. Knew she was just as upset, just as hurt... She was using me too. That's all this was.

Suddenly, she pushed me away from her, shaking her head. "I can't do this Edward, I'm sorry."

She tried to walk away but I grabbed her wrist and spun us around, pulling her back to me and grasping her face. "You're going to. You have to."

"Why?"

"Because you started this." I kissed her again and she inhaled quickly, before wrapping her arms around my neck. We made our way down the hall, through the sea of people, pushing and tugging and cussing at each other, saying shit we should be saying to our significant others instead. It felt like the entire world started shaking and flipping really, really, really fast, out of control. Like two trains getting ready to collide. "Such a fucking bitch," I snarled, pushing a girl out of the way so we could get to the nearest door. "I really fucking hate you. I hate _her_. I hate _you_."

"I hate you too," she said, licking across my lip. In that moment, I pushed her away from me, starting to realize what we were doing. But she just came at me again, and the whole process started over again. The wheels in my head started turning, and I stepped out of my body, thinking about all the shit Bella could have done with Jacob... Where his hands were on her... her neck, her chin, her breasts... her thighs, the small of her back, the round of her hips, her ass..._ between her legs_.

The last thought made me sick, and angrier than sin. I swung us around in a circle and her arms felt blindly behind her, knocking shit off of whatever it was that she was finally pinned against. I didn't understand. I saw white, a lot of it, and bright lights above us. But my brain wasn't functioning worth a damn. I couldn't even comprehend where I was.

She grabbed me by the back of my neck and smashed my face to hers, ramming her tongue down my throat. I started to spin, twirling out of control, my mind doing nothing but flashing back to that night, where I caught them with his hands in the back of her shirt, her body smashed to his, watching his slimy tongue slide inside of her mouth and rub around in a small circle..

I grabbed Tanya's waist and lifted her up onto whatever it was behind her, ripped her shirt off, and then pushed up her skirt. She used her hands to slide down between our bodies while she bit on my bottom lip, almost drawing blood. She was angry. Really fucking angry. But I was beyond that.

I heard the clink of my belt being unfastened and felt my pants drop down around my ankles, felt her grab my right hand and move it between her legs... But I didn't see _her _in front of me. I saw no face at all, just a blur, a smudge, a distorted image. Then it was Bella's face. Then a blur. Then it was Bella's. Then I saw her and Black. Then her and me. Then her and Black. Then her and me. Then just her. Then just her. Then his tongue sliding in her mouth.

_Fuck you_, I thought in my mind, as I swirled and swayed around while she continued to assault my mouth. _FUCK YOU for fucking me_.

_Forget her, Edward._ _Forget her, forget her, forget her__. __ I just can't fucking forget her__. __ I think I love her__. N__o I hate her__. N__o you don't__. Y__es I do. My heart fucking hurts, but I love her and I should have told her__. W__hy did she run to him__? W__hat if she didn't pick me__? __I bet she doesn't love me__. W__hy did she do this to me__? __I don't fucking get it, I thought she wanted to be with me__. W__hat did I do__? W__here did I go wrong, why, why, wh_-.

"Oh my God."

...Three words.

Three soft words along with a heart wrenching sound was all it took to snap me out of the haze I was in.

To make me realize that I did not get even, not even close.

Three words that told me I had been caught.

...Three words that told me that my world as I knew it was at an end.

It seemed like the world that was once spinning wildly out of control, rocking back and forth on it's axis threatening to fall off, was now completely still and silent. Echoing, haunting. Hollow sounding in my ears. Drained of all color. Drained of all life.

Everything happened in slow motion. I pulled my face away from Tanya, my hands still on her face, my mouth hanging open, red from where Tanya had been assaulting me. My heart froze in my chest. My blurred vision slowly regained its' clarity, and I saw Bella standing there with her face blank, mouth open. Her hand hung just above the doorknob, frozen in place. Her eyes were pained, wide in shock. Her entire body was as solid as ice. "What did you do?" she half-whispered, half-whimpered. "W-What are you... are you... doing?"

There was no answer for her. I wasn't capable of providing one. In that moment, it wasn't about what she had done to me, how she pained me, scarred me... It didn't make retaliation right. It didn't justify anything.

Through the unfathomable pain in her eyes, I saw my own demise. I was no longer me, no longer her Edward, or any Edward at all. I was empty, hollow, nothing more than a shell.

It was obvious. Bella hated me now.

And without her, I was dead.

* * *

**BellaPOV**

...I was dead.

In that single moment, I felt everything... every emotion, every memory, every thought, feeling, mistake, ...all of it float out of my body, and leave me forever. I wasn't Bella anymore. I wasn't anyone. I couldn't be. Not if the person I belonged to... did what he was doing right now.

I felt nothing. I was physically numb. My brain kept signaling like a fire alarm buzzing in my head. _React! React! _

But I couldn't. All I was capable of was a blank stare... watching the way their mouths connected, hearing the panting bouncing off of the bathroom walls, echoing in my ears. I heard words, my own voice, but I'm not sure what I said. I couldn't understand this, couldn't comprehend how drastically everything flipped around.

Everything around me slowly drowned out, the way a television does when you slowly turn down the volume... from really high to mute.

_Run, _was the only thing I heard.

_Run away._

So I did. I turned on my heel, my face still frozen in shock, and took off, running through the tight-pressed bodies. I stumbled down my father's steps, toward the front door. I needed air. I needed everyone to vanish. I needed to think.

The world started spinning, faster and faster, going nowhere and everywhere simultaneously. I couldn't catch my breath. As I reached the bottom of the steps, I felt a hand grab me, and twist me around. It was Edward, holding his pants up, his knuckles clenched around his belt buckle. We stared at each other for a moment, frozen, our eyes, our expressions the same. I'm not sure either one of us knew what to do, what to say.

I wanted to hit him. I wanted to slap him across the face and make sure he felt the pain I felt right now. Just looking at him hurt. I wanted to call him a hypocrite. He'd chastised me for things that Jake had done to me. And, yet, here he was, doing one and the same.

Edward reacted first, pulling me halfway back up the steps, "Please, wait... B-Bella-"

"Let go of me!"

"Wait, let me try to figure this out!" he shouted back, still not letting go.

"You better let go of me," I said, my body shaking as much as my voice. "I mean it, Edward."

I pushed him away from me, about knocking him down the steps. But he managed to hang on and twist us around. "I made a mistak-"

"LET GO OF ME!"

A few of his teammates from the baseball team intervened, separating us, telling Edward to calm down.

My chest heaved as I stared angrily at him. I still wanted to slap him, but I knew that the smartest thing would be to get myself and everyone else out of there. So I screamed for Emmett, who was visiting his friend from college. He came, helping me clear everyone out. He left with Edward as soon as it was over. My sister made sure he didn't come near me while the party was winding down.

I don't know what I would have done if he touched me at that moment. It would have felt foreign.

When I got home, I didn't sleep. I was just there. Dazed. Confused. Unable to muster a thought.

No sound, no tears, no shouting, no throwing things... Nothing.

He took it all away from me.

**

* * *

**

**Present Day**

**

* * *

**

**BellaPOV**

"Bella," Edward said, exhaustedly, as I slammed my locker shut. "Please talk to me."

"We have nothing to say to each other." I turned and walked down the hallway, toward Mr. Varner's class.

He ran after me. "Yes, we have a lot to say about this. We need to talk this through."

"I don't want to talk to you."

"You need to."

"No. I have absolutely no desire to hear you voice _whatsoever_."

"Stop it."

"No."

"Yes."

"No, I don't have to list-."

"Bell-"

"Edward, I don't know how to make it any simpler for you to understand. I don't want to talk to you, hear you out, or even look at you right now."

"I know you're upset. Believe me, I was upset too. But I was really drunk and hurt, and I didn't fully unde-"

"Don't give me that, Edward," I said as I twisted and glared up at him. "That's what all men do. They apologize, say they didn't know what happened, that they were drunk, it didn't mean anything, it won't happen again. But it's all a fucking lie. It's obvious you wanted Tanya. She was the one who would actually _fuck _you, because you couldn't seal the deal with me."

"Are you kidding me?!" he said, pulling his head back as our classmates passed by us in the hall. "You think that I wanted to have sex with Tanya because you and I haven't yet?"

"Isn't it the truth?"

"No!"

"Bullshit, Edward! Don't fucking look at me and lie to my face! I don't even get you. I don't understand. You are not the same person I was with."

"Bella, you kissed Jacob first! It may not have been yesterday, but it was recent, and I couldn't get over it, and that's _not _my fault. What makes you so high and mighty, suddenly? What's the difference between my tongue being rammed down Tanya's throat, and his being rammed down yours?"

"See, you're so stupid. First of all, listen to your own words. _You _had your tongue in her mouth, and _he _had his tongue in mine. I was _not _kissing him back. I tried to push him away from me. But you were kissing her! Willingly! That's the whole point."

"What is?"

"You _wanted _to fuck her."

"No I did not!"

"Then why did you almost do it?!" I shouted back, angrily. The bell rang, and students started to file into their designated rooms, leaving us bathed in the echoes. "Why would you turn me down?" I asked, putting my free hand on my hip.

He exhaled, throwing his head back. "Oh, here we go again."

"WHY?"

"Because we weren't ready!"

"Oh my God, Edward. I threw myself at you! Me, you're girlfriend! And you had the nerve to reject me. And then the next night, you're in the bathroom with her!"

"Bella, I didn't want to hurt you again! Besides, after I tried my hardest to make sure you didn't feel rejected, you still got upset, and went to fucking Black's house! You slept with him that night."

"That doesn't give you the ok to go screw another girl in my dad's bathroom, Edward! I didn't do _anything _with Jake. I slept on his couch, he was in his room. I just didn't want to be in _your _room after everything went down! I didn't feel comfortable being there! And I couldn't go home because my dad thought I was staying at a friend's house! Besides, why would I tell you I was going to Jacob's house if I planned to do something with him?!"

"You tell me."

"You're just trying to find excuses, I think. And no matter what you tried to do that night, I still felt rejected because you _did _reject me!"

"It wasn't like that though! September 13th, months ago, we couldn't finish, and that was fine. I wasn't upset. But you come to my room in skimpy lingerie, out of fucking nowhere, as if that's going to take the physical pain away for you?! No! It doesn't work that way!"

"So you did want to fuck her."

"No! Stop putting words in my mouth! I cannot apologize to you anymore than I have."

"Then shut the hell up and quit doing it. Because it's not going to make one bit of difference."

"B-"

"Excuse me?" Mrs. Jordan walked toward us, while we stared each other down. "What is going on here? Why aren't the two of you in class?"

We didn't respond.

"I'm talking to you two."

"We _heard _you," Edward sneered, not moving his eyes from mine. "We were just heading there now."

"Then get to it, before I report the two of you to the principal."

Edward stepped closer to me, eyes black and evil, ignoring her altogether as he pointed his finger in my face. "You... are a fucking... _hypocrit__e_."

"Yeah?" I answered, trying to ignore my shaking voice and the tears in my eyes, "And you're an asshole."

"Okay! That's it! Come with me, right now." She reached out and grabbed our arms, moving us.

Edward jerked away from her hand. "Get the fuck away from me. Don't touch me."

"Mr. Cullen!"

"I'm going home," he said, still angry with me. "You can call me when you grow up and then we'll talk about this, Bella."

"Not happening."

"Yeah," he scoffed, "you're probably right. Growing up seems highly unlikely for you. I'm not sure what I was thinking."

He stormed off, mumbling under his breath.

I wiped my nose, fighting back tears as I looked at Mrs. Jordan, who was still leading me toward the front office. "Please let go of my arm."

She did, motioning me with her hand to keep walking. But I couldn't handle this, couldn't be in school. I jerked away and took off running, ignoring her shouting. I didn't breathe again until my truck was on the road and I was away from the building. I knew they were going to call our parents, tell them what happened. I was so frustrated that I didn't care. I just had to get out of there.

I felt like my entire existence had been ripped away from me.

When I got to my house, low and behold, there was a shiny Volvo sitting in my drive. It took every bit of restraint I possessed not to ram my rusty old truck into it.

I swung the door open and then slammed it shut, glaring at the childish boy leaning against his hood with his arms crossed. "Get out of the driveway before I call Phillip and make him rush home."

"We have to talk."

"Go away."

He ran out in front of me, his hands on my arms. "Bella, we have to talk about this."

"You told me to call you when I wanted to talk. You left school, left me alone with Mrs. Jordan, and now you're here at my house?! Make up your mind, Edward. What do you want? _W__ho _do you want?!"

"I want you!"

"Bullshit."

"It's not bullshit!" He didn't let me walk away, putting his entire body in my path as I tried to steer around him. "It's not. Tanya doesn't mean anything to me. I want you."

I shook my head quickly. "You know, my mom told me that we were probably to young to be getting so involved with each other, and the more I think about it..." I slowly inhaled, tears streaming down my face as I looked him in the eyes and whispered, "...I think she was right."

"No, Bella. She isn't. We both just fucked up."

"I can't look at you right now. You can't be here."

"I don't have anywhere else to be, Bella, but right here apologizing to you. I didn't want to have sex with Tanya, or anyone else but you. I need you to believe that. Believe that I care for you. I wouldn't have been with you for this long if you didn't mean anything to me."

I couldn't stop the tears falling from my eyes. I couldn't stop the pain in my chest. I couldn't understand, two nights ago I was trying to give myself to him, and today... "It's over, Edward."

He stared at me for a second, then shook his head. "No."

I nodded numbly, slowly.

"No, Bella. We just have to work through this. This is just a rough spot. We'll get through it."

"I don't want to."

"Bella, we both fucked up, but we can fix this. We're standing here, okay?" There was exasperation in his tone, a worried fear. "We can fix this."

He stepped closer, framing my face, leaning to kiss me, to kiss my pain away.

But he couldn't. Not this time.

I turned my face, forcing his lips to touch my cheek instead. "You... need to leave," I whispered. "Before Phil gets here and sees this."

"Please just," he whispered, sniffling against my skin, "please just... let me stay here, Bella. Let's talk, okay? I need you."

"You don't need me," my chin quivered, as I tried to pull his hands off of me. "You don't want me."

He kissed my cheek, tears falling from his face to mine, streaming down my neck. "You're all I want. I'm so sorry, baby."

"Stop, Edward."

"Please let me stay... Bella, please stay with me."

"Go..."

"Please ss-"

"E-Edward," I shut my eyes, as we shook and cried, his face against the side of mine still, both of us desperate, "it really... I can't... you have to go."

"I'll do anything. Anythin-"

"It's done. We can't go back."

He forced my face to his and pressed his lips to mine, our tears mixing on our faces, me pushing him away and him pulling me closer.

He shook his head, gasping, "...think of this. Think of this, of what we've shared... there's no way it's over. Just think about it, please."

"Okay," I nodded, closing my eyes. "But you have to go."

He nodded, kissing my forehead and pulling me in his arms, squeezing me tight, his arms over my shoulders, my face buried in his chest. I didn't want his scent to comfort me anymore. I didn't want to depend on his arms. I was so confused, so angry, so heart broken.

"I'll call you later," he whispered. Then he jerked away from me and stalked over to his car, never looking back at me as he drove away.

That was the first time I truly realized we'd never be the same.

***&*#!#$^%$^**

The next couple of days passed in a blur. Edward didn't call me.

We avoided each other in the halls. We didn't look at each other in the classes we shared. Tanya was in my gym class. She never once came to apologize to me... the girl who tried so desperately to be my best friend.

I didn't speak to anyone, unless I was being called on to answer a question. I avoided all gossip, tried my hardest to ignore what people were saying and suggesting.

I wouldn't talk to Renee, Phil, or Rosalie.

I was just numb.

I ran my fingers through my hair, my knees bouncing, my body jittery. I stared at my wall, full of pictures of me and him, distant memories of a once-beautiful life. Us at Homecoming. Us at the cabin. Us on my eighteenth birthday. His arms around me while we swam in the lake. Me on the bleachers, with him standing up to bat, blurred in the background. Me wearing his baseball shirt and short shorts, laying on his bed the day I didn't want my picture taken. Me and him in the backseat of his Volvo while Emmett drove us home from a party after we got wasted. Edward, Alice, and I during a fund raiser. Me on his shoulders at a _Coldplay _concert... The memories were there, in front of my face, but none of them held as much meaning anymore.

It seemed like everything was fake... like those people in the pictures, kissing and holding hands... they weren't _us_. Just strangers standing in the reflection of a life we once knew.

My sister came home shortly after. She'd heard about the break up, even though she wasn't in school anymore. Word gets around fast in a small town. She didn't ask me any questions, didn't make me tell her what happened. Instead, she just lay with me, in silence, in the darkness of my bedroom.

I wanted to cry. The only time I'd cried was when Edward touched me because it broke my heart to feel him there. But when he wasn't, I couldn't cry. I was a blank page in a notebook.

The following morning came. I stared at the clock, waiting for the alarm that told me I had no choice but to get up and face the day. I went through the motions of getting dressed, not bothering to put on make up or make myself cheery. There was no point to any of that anymore. I had no one to impress. And even if I did, I had no strength to put up the effort.

When I walked out to my truck, I noticed something taped between the door and the frame. I pulled it out, and inside was a letter:

_'Dear Bella,  
I am unsure if I have the courage to face you, afraid that you'll make me leave again. I'm unsure if I can call you, because I don't know if hearing your voice will break me, or the sound of you hanging up on me will. All I can do is apologize. We were both in the wrong, but I know this is mainly my fault. I miss your eyes and the way you smile at me. That's all I think about, and it pains me to know I may never see that again. Please know that I never meant to hurt you. I was just trying to make sense of everything. If I could change it all back, I would. But we both know that I cannot do that. I realize the implications of my actions, and I know that you probably can't think of any reason to forgive me. Still, I write this, asking if you will. I'm not sure if I'll be able to breathe without you. Yours Forever (if you'll have me), Edward.'_

I took a deep breath, staring at the paper. I didn't know if I could trust him. Didn't know if it would make a difference, us trying again.

All I knew was that my life didn't make much sense without him.

* * *

**EdwardPOV**

"Baby, eat something."

I sighed, face in my hands as I sat against the island. "I'm not hungry."

"You haven't eaten in two days."

"I know." I frowned, looking down. My stomach was in knots. "I don't feel so well."

"You don't have to go to school if you don't want," my mother said as she ran her fingers through my hair. "You can stay home with me. Get some rest."

I shook my head, my heart clenching. I'd never had a broken heart before. I didn't know how to deal.

"Did you take that letter to her?" my mother whispered softly.

"Yeah. I taped it to her door."

"Maybe she'll call."

I shrugged, hoping she was right.

"...Or, maybe you'll have to let this go for a while."

"Mom," I shook my head, growing frustrated, "I can't just... let go of Bella. It's not that easy. I fucked up and I fucked her up in the process."

"She messed up first, baby. You were both wrong here, it wasn't just you."

"What if she _didn't_ try to kiss him back? What if I got it all wrong?"

"Well... what if she did?"

"It still wouldn't excuse anything. Still wouldn't make what I'd done right."

"I'm not saying it would, only that there's two equal part-"

"Look, mom, I really appreciate you letting me vent to you these past couple of days. But really, I can't talk about this any longer. I just... I'm going to be late for school."

"You're not going to stay home?"

"No." I grabbed my car keys and my Physics book. "I'll be home after school."

"Edward, if it gets too rough, just call me and I'll give them permission so you can leave."

"I'll see you later," I called out, before shutting the door. I breathed in large gulps of oxygen, hoping it'd calm me down. It didn't.

Nothing in this world seemed right without Bella in mine.

***&*#!#$^%$^**

The drive to school was filled with a mix of intense emotions. I couldn't talk to Bella for a few days after she told me to leave Phillip's driveway.

When I got to school, all I heard was everyone's opinions: '_Oh, she's been doing that for years, you didn't know? How could you be so blind, everyone knew about it? There was this one time when I saw her and Jake in the mall, he had his arm over her shoulder and was saying something in her ear; they didn't look like 'just friends'. She's young, she should be single, you were her first, and most firsts aren't the last. Do you remember the time that she backed out on our practice to go see him on the reservation instead? There was this one time when Black was bragging to everyone, saying how he got to spend so much time with her, how she stayed over at his house, how their dad's were best friends, how she cuddled up with him at the bonfire that one party... Black isn't the only guy she's acted like this with, she flirts with everyone_...'

It was a non-stop mindfuck. By the time I'd parked my car in front of the school, I wanted to bang my head into the steering wheel. I shouldn't let people influence me. I shouldn't let them bring me down. I knew who the real Bella was. _No you don't_, they would say to me. _Apparently you didn't._

But I did. I was sure I did. I had to see her. I had to talk to her. I couldn't give a rat's ass about those people and their foolish comments. It was a small town, and people fed on drama here. They were just wanting something to gossip about. But they didn't know us like we did. I had to take this chance, had to tell her I wanted her back. Now. Today.

I had to go in there, keep my chin up, avoid all comments, and find her. I had to put it on the line.

I sped through the school, walking as fast as I could, around the halls, through the crowds, shoving my way until I reached our senior hallway. I saw Bella heading toward her locker, her hair in her face, looking down as a group of girls who didn't like her called her a slut and asked her how stupid she was for cheating on me. I'd gotten the same type of flames as well, but it seemed to be more obvious with her. People knew I'd beat the fuck out of them if the kept talking shit about me, but Bella... she was reserved. She wasn't the type to get into too many fights. Now I found myself resisting the urge to beat the fuck out of them for talking shit about her. But, I couldn't focus on that now.

Taking a deep breath and holding it, I jogged over to her. "Hey," I said, squeezing my hand tight to fight myself from rubbing her back like I'd normally do. "Did you get my letter?"

"..Yes," she said, not looking at me, but pulling books out of her locker.

"...What did you think about it?"

"Did you mean it?"

"Of course," I said, as Tyler passed us, shouting _'Uh oh, they're at it again!_' I glared at him, half-tempted to knock him on his ass. "Of course I meant it, Bella."

"I'm not sure what I think about it. I'm not sure if I trust you, but... I don't know anything. I don't know why I can't stop missing you."

"Yes you do. You do know why."

"No I don't."

"Bella," I grabbed her chin gently, forcing her to look at me. "Look me in the eye and tell me that you don't know why you miss me."

She closed her eyes and shook her head.

"Tell me."

"I can't... All I ever knew was you..."

"That's got to count for something right? I really need you to give me another shot here."

She shook her head.

"Bella, I swear, I'm begging you. Please." Despite the crowd, I got to my knees in front of her, squeezing her hand.

"Edward get up off the floor. You're making a scene!"

"I'm b-"

"Get up!"

"No, not until you le-"

"Edward, please get up. Please. _Please_."

I shook my head, silently. People were whistling, trying to distract us, telling her not to take me back, or calling me stupid for asking her to take me back.

She closed her eyes, unable to pull her hand from my tight grasp. "You're making a fool out of yourself."

"I've all ready done that. But I want you. Please."

She finally got her hand free, and she rubbed it with her other palm. "I'll tell you after class."

Then she left me in the hallway, a group of girls ten lockers down, glaring at me. Obviously, they were on her side. It took everything I had not to tell them to take a hike.

I spent the next hour in a haze. I couldn't tell what I had learned, because I didn't learn anything besides how to watch a clock slowly count time away. By the time the bell rang, I was so nervous I felt sick to my stomach. I left my books in the classroom, everything had on me, and booked it out of the room to make sure I was at Bella's locker before she got there.

She sighed, walking toward me defeated.

I didn't look away from her.

"...Fine, Edward."

"Fine what?"

"Okay... We can give this another shot."

"Do you mean it?"

She nodded, swallowing hard. A sense of relief washed through me as I pulled her into my arms, knocking the books out of her hand, and squeezed her as tight as humanly possible. "Yes, thank you Bella. You don't know-"

"Don't fuck me over again, Edward. I've done nothing with Jake that you should resent me for."

"I won't. I swear, I won't."

"Because I won't be able to take it again. I can't handle this."

I set her on her feet and cradled her beautiful face, ignoring everyone shoving their way around us. "I won't fuck you over, Bella."

***&*#!#$^%$^**

We skipped the rest of the school day. Tomorrow was senior mid-terms, so we decided to get a break from all the fucking questions and go to my house to study. Most importantly, we just needed to be together. I'd never been so happy to study in all my life. Any chance I could have to be with her, I took it.

We didn't talk a whole lot about it. We should have, but we didn't. Maybe we thought it'd be bad karma. Maybe we were both trying to forget.

We made out, and she stayed over after lying to Phil about being at '_Denise's house_'. I wanted to have sex with her that night. I remember thinking, over and over, about how close it could make us feel, after all of the things we'd said and done. How it'd renew us, in a sense. How we could both have something to give, to share.

But I couldn't bring myself to do it.

The next morning came like a cool breeze, a breath of fresh air. We were happy when we woke up. We flirted while we got dressed. We went over our flash cards, made sure we were fully prepared to handle whatever test questions were thrown at us.

It all seemed too wonderful, too easy. There was a thought in the back of my mind, telling me the worst wasn't over yet. I shoved it away.

When we arrived to school, hand-in-hand, we thought people would start to mind their business and accept that we were back together. They didn't. The stares, the gossip, everything came harder, full-force. We couldn't walk two steps without someone gawking at us, without hearing destructive whispers.

I tried my hardest to convince her to ignore them, to tell her that it'd blow over, and something else would come along to cause gossip sooner or later. That we wouldn't have to be subjected to it for much longer.

I was wrong. The bashing grew intense.

I couldn't even convince myself. It's a hard thing to do when it seems like the entire world is against you suddenly.

I began, once again, to second guess everything.

* * *

**BellaPOV**

"I heard he couldn't get a grip on her, so he gave her permission see Jake behind his back."

"I heard that they had sex. She lost her virginity to him, and then he didn't want anything to do with her. He was screwing Tanya behind her back the whole time. Everyone knows that. I cannot believe she took him back."

"Did you know that Bella was the first girl Edward ever had sex with?"

"Did you hear about the time that Tanya snuck over into his bedroom? I heard neither of them got any sleep."

"I wonder how many times Jacob Black has crawled in Bella's bedroom in the middle of the night. I'm sure he does things that Edward couldn't do."

"Cullen is stupid as hell for taking her back. The girl's going to fuck him over again. Did you see how upset they were at the party? He's a fucking idiot, man!"

"She's so stupid for taking him back. What does it take for a girl to learn that, once a cheater, always a cheater."

"It's not going to last much longer, honey."

The first six hours of class sucked. After lunch, the gossip was worse. I heard Tanya had a hand in it.

By fifth period, I wanted to fucking hurl myself off the tallest building I could find in Forks. Then I remembered, there were no tall buildings in Forks.

I held back tears as I walked toward Edward's classroom. I knew he'd still be there. He always stayed after in Mrs. Dean's class, because he was a student aide next period. Plus, he was taking his mid-term there.

I had to see him. I knew he'd make this all better, all their words, the violent outbursts, the _'SLUT' _that was written in permanent marker on my locker between second and third period. I just had to see him, find my strength in him. Make it all go away.

I noticed him walk out of the room as I reached it, and the expression on his face explained a lot. He was hearing it too. Dealing with it. He was exhausted.

And it put knots all through my stomach. "Edward," I said, rubbing his arm, "are you okay?"

He nodded, not saying anything. Something was off. I could tell, and the thought made me sick.

"Are you sure?" I asked, my voice barely audible.

"I'm tired," he said, and I knew it was a lie. We went to bed early last night, just happy to be back in each other's arms.

"Do you want me to go and get you some coffee out of that cappuccino machine? I can just tell Andrews that I was using the bathroom and that's why I'd be late."

He shook his head. He didn't take my hand, or put his arm around me like normal.

I didn't know if I should push him to talk or not. I wasn't sure what he was thinking.

"Bella," he sighed, rubbing his face, "would it be all right if I didn't walk you to Andrews's class? I gotta get back. I've got to help grade papers this hour."

I nodded, swallowing hard. "Sure."

"Okay. I'll see you later..." I thought he was going to bend over and kiss my forehead or something. Instead he lingered there for a moment, studying my face, confusion on his. Then he just turned, and walked away.

That's when the next downpour fell from my eyes. Needless to say, I was still late to Andrews's class..

***&*#!#$^%$^**

Edward stood next to my locker, 'the '_SLUT_' inscription been keyed and scratched out, his hands in his pockets, a permanent frown on his face.

I could tell clearly that his mood hadn't gotten any better. My optimism had vanished by lunch, and my own mood went down the drain, as well.

People were too vicious for two single souls to compete with. I had heard so much in seven hours that I couldn't distinguish what was true and what was pure fabrication anymore.

I looked up at him, unsure of what to say. My heart was on the floor.

I thought getting back together would have been easier than this.

Edward barely breathed. I knew something was terribly wrong. I saw it in his eyes. No sparkle, no life, no shimmering gold flecks in the green anymore. They were lifeless. "Skip this hour with me," he demanded, his voice bitter and disconnected.

"Okay," I whispered, nodding my head. I would have done just about anything to get myself out of there. I was pretty sure that if I stayed, that last hour would be the end for me. I couldn't handle another stabbing pitchfork, another bash in the head from a flaming torch.

We drove in an uncomfortable silence. Not touching. Barely looking at each other. I kept trying to tell myself that it would pass, it was because we were both drained. Tomorrow, there would be no way the kids would be as vicious as they were today.

I figured we were going back to his house. So when he turned into Phil's driveway and didn't park the car immediately, I knew something was horribly, horribly wrong.

My heart sank into my stomach as I turned slowly to look at him.

His eyes were distant, his fingers clutched on the steering wheel, his body about to cave into itself.

"...Edward?" I whispered, trying to smooth things over somehow, "...It's just one day, you know? It will get better to-"

"I failed my mid-term." He said dejectedly. "Both of them."

I pulled my lips in a tight line, unsure of how I should respond, "Maybe they can let you retake them if we come up with a good re-"

"No. They won't."

"But Mrs. Dean loves you-"

"That doesn't mean that she should single me out, Bella," he replied hastily. "Why should she? It's not like I'm the only teenager in the world who's ever broken up with someone before."

_You didn't break up with anyone, _I thought to myself. _ I broke up with you. But now we're back together_. "You never know," I replied, meekly.

He quickly unfastened his seatbelt and turned off the car, before climbing out. I watched as he walked around and opened my door. "I should get you inside. It's going to rain."

I nodded, swallowing hard and fighting back tears as we made our way through the hollow house. My parents were at work and Rosalie was back at school. We walked up the steps, toward my room, and I noticed that he lingered in the door frame before slowly entering and closing the door.

I dropped my stuff on the floor and sat on the edge of my bed, fighting the will to cover my chest protectively. He was just acting so weird. I hated it.

I didn't know if I should be protecting myself or giving myself away. After all, that was one of the biggest issues we'd faced. Maybe if we could just get over that part, we could find a way.

Shivering, I stood up slowly, and walked over to where he was sitting on the edge of my desk. I couldn't speak as my hands roamed up his chest, toward his chin. I raised it to make him look at me, and tilted my head, trying to find the picture behind those green eyes of his.

"Will you kiss me?" I asked nervously.

I watched as he frowned and closed his eyes. He didn't move at first, making my body hurt more. But slowly, he did as I asked. There, of course, was something different about it. The way his hands held onto the back of my neck, the way his eyes were scrunched, as if kissing me _pained _him somehow.

I whimpered into his lips and threw my arms around him, forcing him harder against me. I'm not sure if I could even process a rational thought. All I knew was that I didn't want to feel what I was feeling, I didn't want him to be hurting. That we needed to be together, and maybe sex would fix it.

It took everything I had not to just use my knees and climb up his body. I just wanted him to throw all of this shit out of his mind and be with me. That's what would cure us. That's what would put us back to how we were, back to where we needed to be.

I started to walk backward, pulling him with me, never letting him go. I couldn't stop kissing him, even when the backs of my legs hit the bed. I fell onto it, yanking him with me, pulling his black t-shirt up in the process. It reached his shoulders, and tried to somehow move it so that I didn't have to stop kissing him as I pulled it off. I couldn't.

Suddenly, he jerked away from me, stretching out his shirt as he moved off of the bed. He backed up until he hit the wall. His eyes were lusted but torn, his mouth ajar, his chest heaving.

I sat up, my hand on my chest, staring at him.

It was silent for a few minutes, as we both struggled to catch our breath.

I watched as he unlocked himself and rubbed his face, shaking his head. Then his arms slumped to his sides, where his shirt was showing glimpses of muscled torso, and he slouched over a bit.

"Edward," I said, crawling on my knees toward the end of the bed again "...please. Stay here with me."

He shut his eyes and then he shook his head, slowly.

"I don't want you to leave," I whispered, unable to fight the tears as they streamed down my face.

His expression changed several times, too quick for me to process what he was feeling. All I saw was pain. Seven different shades of pain in his eyes, across his cheeks.

"Please Edward," I begged, shaking my head.

He pulled his shirt down to cover his stomach and walked toward me, bending down in front of my knees. I held my breath as he looked around the carpet, then up toward me, then back down. Then he tentatively wrapped his arms around my waist and pressed his ear to my heart, giving me a hug.

I didn't move.

I listened to him sobbing, but he quickly recovered, wiping his face with the top of his arm.

Then he pulled away, and fell back onto his heels, his body slouching, defeated again.

"...Edward?"

His eyes found mine, his chin quivering, and then he whispered back, "...I can't stay with you, Bella."

...At first, my brain thought he meant for the night, like he wanted to go home and be by himself for a little while.

Then he sniffled and stood up, wiping off his knees. By the way he was acting, I knew it was much bigger than just for the night.

"What do you mean?" I asked coldly, finally giving my arms permission to wrap around myself as I stood up. "I thought this, t-that _I_, was what you wanted."

He shook his head, shrugging his shoulders. "I don't know what I want anymore."

"But this is just a phase. This high school thing, this bickering, it's just a phase. Like you said, they'll find something else to talk about after a while, and they'll learn to acc-"

"We're graduating, Bella. This is the last year, and like my dad told me the other night, we have a long way to go to find out who we are. Most high school relationships, they don't last... That's what everyone's saying... Emmett, my mother, your step-father... We can't hold hands for the rest of our lives and pretend everything else doesn't exist. It doesn't work that way."

"Stop it," I demanded, ignoring the wetness on my face. "Stop listening to everybody else and feel what you want to fe-"

"I _am _feeling!" he shouted, pounding his chest with his fist. "And this sucks, Bella. I feel like my entire chest is either going to cave in completely or explode into pieces. I cannot eat, can't concentrate. I can barely sleep. I fucked up in school. And no matter how many times I've tried to tell myself that we _both _fucked up, I still can't shake the fact that I am angry _with _you for messing all of this up."

"_ME_?! I thought that we were over that part. I thought that-"

"How do I know though, Bella?! How can I trust myself to trust you?! How can I honestly believe that you and Jacob have never done anything, when there's all this evidence, all these reminders, coming at me from every direction?! Why would I still be hung up on this if I had forgiven you like I thought I had?"

"I forgave you!"

"Yeah, you forgave me so you wouldn't feel as bad about getting caught. Because I had evened up the score."

I gasped, stepping back, shaking my head, "That is _not _why I for-"

"Bullshit, Bella."

"It is not bu-"

"IT IS! You know it is! That way, the blame cannot be put fully on you, because _I _reacted after you. Yet, look where we are now?! You know that I would have never been in that bathroom, heartbroken and numb, purely reacting in anger, if you hadn't have fucked with Black for so long."

"How do I know?"

"Because I wanted YOU!"

"Oh, is that why you rejected me?!"

His voice dropped as anger clouded his eyes, "How many times do I have to tell you that I didn't want to hurt you?"

"Oh, sure, it's all about me, isn't it?" I scoffed. "Maybe you just wanted someone else, like Tanya for instance!"

"If I wanted Tanya, I would have fucked her."

"You almost did! And you would have, if I hadn't caught you!"

"And why was I in there in the first place, Bella?! How could I be sure that you didn't make it with Jake?!"

"Because you should have TRUSTED ME! He kissed me, but I didn't want him to, I was trying-"

"Bullshit, Bella! Come on, grow up! You two kissed years ago, fine. You chose me, so no big deal. But this is YEARS LATER. Years of fucking slumber parties, phone calls, choosing him over hanging out with me, your parents going on and on about you two. A part of you fucking liked the attention he gave you, and a part of you wanted _him_."

I growled in frustration, swiping my tears away. "I wanted us to be together. I wanted to give myself over to you. I'm sorry that it hurt after you pushed through, but that's because I was scared. It was new! What did you expect?!"

"This is not about the sex, Bella. It never has been, not with me. It's about me wondering what you two have done behind my back for three damn years."

"NOTHING!"

"How do I know?!"

"Because you know me!"

"Do I?"

I covered my throat, unable to comprehend how mean he was being.

"Do I really know you, Bella? Or do I only know half of you, the half you share with me and not him?"

"That's not fair. You have Alice."

"And I've never once, _ONCE _kissed that girl, or anything close to it. EVER! Don't throw her into this."

"Oh, I forgot. Poor innocent Alice never does anything wrong. Heaven forbid I bring your best friend in the mix."

"Now you're just trying to find someone else to blame," he shook his head, his voice eerily calm. "This is what you do. Cannot take the blame for your own actions, so you search your mind until you can bring something else into it. But the fact of the matter is, I would have never even had a conversation with Tanya, never kissed her, never ended up in Charlie's bathroom, if it hadn't been for..." He stopped, so he could count on his fingers, ".... your insecurities... your fears... your inability to have a clean commitment... and your stupidity for not pushing away Jacob fucking Black when he first threw himself at you. I'm sorry, but this is _not _my fault. Not completely. I may have been stupid and I may have been angry, selfish, and an idiot. But I did that because YOU fucked us up first."

My entire body was shaking at the way he sneered at me. I'd never seen him so angry, so accusing.

Was this my fault?

What did I do?

I hiccuped, closing my eyes, holding myself tightly "I never... wanted... Jacob."

He shook his head, dejectedly. "Well I can't want you."

I snapped my head up, looking at him in disbelief.

"We're no good for each other anymore, Bella. What we built... it's lost. It's shattered. There's no trust."

"So..." I swallowed, backing away from him, "what are you saying?"

"I'm saying... I'm going to leave. Clear my head."

"And then?"

He shrugged, heading toward the door, swiping his keys off of my desk. "...I doubt that I'll be back over tonight."

"If ever?" I asked, coldly.

"Yeah..." he whispered. "...If ever."

He closed the door without looking back.

* * *

**EdwardPOV**

As soon as I climbed into my car and drove away from Bella's house, I felt something in the universe change.

I couldn't drive.

I had to pull over, remind myself to breathe.

I wasn't sure if I could remember how. There was this part of my mind, telling me to turn around, to go back. But then there was this other part that told me to keep driving, that we were over. It's what I chose, what she chose first. I listened to the second thought, because the first hadn't seemed to get anywhere good these past few days.

I didn't cry, didn't break down, until my father asked me where Bella was, hours later. He saw us come home yesterday, knew she had stayed over. He didn't like the idea of Bella staying in my room overnight, but my mother convinced him to let her because she knew we hadn't done much, and that I needed us to be alone.

I was sitting in the living room when he asked me. I shrugged at first, not wanting to use my voice. My mother, knowing me so well, took two seconds to get down the steps and in front of me. I looked away, because I was angry at myself, angry at Bella, angry at the world for fucking me over royally.

She saw right through me. She knew I had broken into their liquor cabinet. She knew I was upset.

I waited until Carlisle had excused himself from the living room. He wasn't good at comforting me, never had been. He only comforted his work. That was his wife and child, not us.

My mom led me to her bedroom and closed the door. I sat on her bed and fell back, staring up at the ceiling. I listened as she walked to the other side and sat gently, before brushing her fingers through my hair, a motherly gesture I used to love as a child.

"...Didn't go so well," she said softly, not questioning.

I closed my eyes and nodded.

"What went wrong, baby?"

"I tried, mom. I really did, but... it just got to be too much... I couldn't handle it, what everyone was saying. I couldn't get the ideas they'd put in my head _out_. I just saw her, with him, over and over and over again. Wondering if she fucked him, wondering if that was the reason she..."

"If she what?" Esme asked tentatively.

I sniffled, exhaling slowly. "Do you remember when I took Bella down to the cabin for her birthday?"

"Yes."

"We almost... I mean... we did.... We had sex. But... it hurt her. She just couldn't relax... so I stopped it."

"Oh honey," she sighed.

"It makes me wonder if she couldn't relax because she had done it with him, and maybe she felt guilty."

"Do you really think that?"

"I can't help but wonder."

"Maybe... it was just overwhelming for her... Sex is a big deal, baby. And for a young woman... it's a lot more extreme than for a man. I'm not saying that you weren't feeling new things too, but... a girl has to give her entire body away. She has to give her permission for a man to use it, to fill her, in an emotional and physically beautiful way that nothing else can. And once she does, for the very first time, you can never get that innocent part of you back. It's as if you're handing yourself over to that man, saying '_Here, take me, I want to be yours_'... and for Bella, just turning eighteen... that's a big decision."

"I thought it was what she wanted. That I was."

"Maybe you still are... but, if you two had stopped, and now all of this is going down, she's probably really torn about your decision to stop as well. She's probably thinking, on one side, _'Hey, I'm really glad we didn't go through with it, since we didn't last_', while, the other part of her could be saying, _'Maybe we should have just finished, maybe it would have helped_'. When kids have sex, they don't realize that they are engaging in a whirlwind of emotions. It's just so much more than a physical feeling. That's why we, as your parents, try to express to you how important it is to think ratio-"

"Mom," I exhaled, shaking my head, "please don't lecture me."

"I'm not trying to baby," she said, her voice still calm. "I'm just trying to get you to understand how she may be feeling."

"What if it's true, though. What if she did fuck him?"

"...Then that's something that she is going to have to deal with herself."

"If she would have never been with Jake, then I wouldn't have ended up with Tanya."

"Tanya?"

I shut my eyes, wishing I didn't feel as comfortable with my mother as I did. "Tanya Denali. At the party, before Bella and I broke up... I lied to you. She caught me in the bathroom with her."

"Tanya caught you in the bathroom with Bella?"

"No. The other way around. I lied to you, when I told you why Bella broke up with me. I was... with another girl."

"Edward," she said exasperatedly, "why would you do that?"

"Because I was hammered and upset and had all these damn thoughts rattling around in my head, and Bella was being a bitch, flirting with other men, ignoring me for a fucking week, and Tanya was going through the same thing with her boyfriend, and I was just so fucking angry, at everything, and... It just happened."

"Did you... lose your virginity to Tanya?"

I shook my head fiercely. "I lost my virginity to _Bella_. And... I didn't have sex with Tanya. It didn't... get that far."

"Edward... this... is a huge mess of things. This isn't you and Bella..."

"I know," I frowned.

"...Your father, Renee, Phillip, myself... We've all worried that you two were too young to be this involved. There's too many emotions for you two to handle at such a young age."

"I thought she was the one, Mom. I thought age didn't matter, because she was the only person that seemed to complete me. She understood what everyone else couldn't."

"You don't know that for certain. You haven't lived long enough to be certain that she's the one, and neither has she."

I stuck my hand in my pocket and yanked out the white box. "...I really thought she was."

My mom reached over and grabbed it, opening it slowly, before gasping, "Edward... where did you get this?"

"I bought it the day before last, before Bella and I got back together... Emmett went with me. He tried to tell me not to do it."

"Okay..."

I closed my eyes. "I wiped it all out... All my anger, all my hurt. I told myself, _convinced _myself, that Bella loved me, and that this ring would make it all better if she took me back. That after graduation, I was going to ask her to marry me. I've been telling people for awhile that I planned on it. But after we split and I lost her, I realized how real it was... That I was sorry for what I'd done, that I could forgive her for what she'd done... That this would be the easiest way to tell her that I still wanted her."

"Did you show her this?"

"No. I broke up with her instead, because I am a dumbass."

My mother exhaled softly. "Maybe this is all just a sign."

"A sign of what? That God wants to punish me?"

"No, sweetheart. God doesn't punish anyone. He doesn't get angry, doesn't strike down... He has a plan for you, for all of us, and maybe... splitting with Bella is a permanent in your plan."

I shook my head. "I don't know anymore. I miss her, so much, al-_fucking_-ready. I want her back. I _had _her back, but I fucked it all up again, and now... I want her back. I have to have her, because I don't know what else to do, how to be without her."

"Maybe that's another sign."

"A sign of _what_?" I growled, tugging at the ends of my hair. "What is the sign now?"

"That you two need to learn how to be dependent on yourselves, and not rely on each other for everything. You're too attached."

"What if I love her?"

"...Do you?"

"What if I do?"

"If you did... you'd know. You wouldn't have to ask yourself, Edward."

I bit my lip and shook my head.

"Why don't... you go talk to her? Calmly... I will... put this in my safe, and if you two work things out on your own, then you can come and ask me for it back. We can talk more about what you plan on doing with this ring then."

"Okay."

"Go shower, take your mind off of it for a little while... It'll be here, and so will I, when you need me."

I nodded, giving her a hug, whispering, "thank you for understanding."

"Oh, it's my job baby," she hugged me back. "I'm not here to discipline you. You're too old for that. I'm just here to tell you that, whatever it is you're going through, I've either been through it myself, or know someone who has... You're never alone. Know that, all right?"

I nodded, kissing her cheek, and walking away before I cried in front of her.

I never liked to do that. Maybe I got that from my dad.

* * *

**BellaPOV**

My mother lay behind me, while Phillip sat on the edge of my bed, holding both of my hands in his.

It was strange, and comforting, to have them there. I didn't want to be alone. My feelings, my emotions, this confusion... it frightened me, and I knew I couldn't handle it myself. That it'd all consume me, and leave me nothing but bones.

"It's never easy..." my mom whispered, kissing my shoulder, "...things like this, it's really hard. It bruises your heart, can leave permanent scars."

"I thought that he wanted me," I sighed numbly, closing my sore eyes. "But he said he _couldn't _want me."

"Well, then he's not worth anymore of your time."

"Phil," my mom hissed. "Be understanding."

He nodded, closing his eyes and rubbing the back of my hand. Phil had a love/hate relationship when it came to Edward that only I understood and accepted. After Charlie passed away, it took about a year for me to accept Phil as my only father-figure. But once the wall had crumbled, I grew really close to him. He had become my confidante. I never called him 'dad', never wanted to replace Charlie in my heart. But he became a best friend to me. Someone who I talked to and vented with...

Basically, he and Rosalie took the brunt of my pain when Edward and I would disagree.

I'd always tell him that we'd made up, and he'd accept Edward again. But, when we'd fight again and he'd find out, if not from me, then from Rosalie or my mother... it'd be back to square one. I knew he was just trying to be protective of me. Regardless that he wasn't my real _'dad'_, to him, I was still his '_other little girl'_.

I closed my eyes, swallowing. "Maybe Jake and I shouldn't be friends anymore."

"Edward can't be the only male in your life, Bella," my mom explained. "That's unhealthy."

"But Jake always has a way of coming between us... I know that... I let him. It was so easy to run to him, to get a guy's perspective, especially because he would know more of what Edward and I were going through, than some adult -- no offense."

"Did you like the attention he gave you?" Phil asked. "If you were being honest with yourself?"

I closed my eyes and nodded sourly, "...Sometimes."

"In Edward's defense, and I don't know why I am giving him one," Phil explained, "...an emotional affair is the same as a physical one, Bella. If running to Jake is your source of comfort when things go astray with your boyfriend, if him complimenting you and making you feel better does something for you...then you're having an emotional relationship with him."

"But I didn't mean to!"

"How are you certain?"

"Because I..." I wanted to tell him I loved Edward. I've been thinking it for quite some time now.... But now, I wasn't sure if I _wanted _to love him anymore. "Because I had a boyfriend. I would never cheat on Edward."

"I think Edward and you are going off in opposite directions," he said calmly. "I think it may be for the best. I don't like that he's got you so down, turned you into something broken."

I started to cry again, unable to control my emotions.

I thought about Jake, the night that Edward busted into my room, weeks ago...

_**FLASH~**_

_"Bella," Jake said, as he climbed in my bedroom window, startling me._

_I turned around, my hand on my heart. "Jake! What are you doing, you're gonna get yourself hurt!"_

_"What?" he dropped down onto my carpet, dusting himself off. "You said Edward does this all the time."_

_"Yeah, well he's had a lot of practice," I hissed. "Unlike you. You're allowed to use the front door!"_

_He smirked, fixing his shirt. "I had to come over and tell you something. I've been thinking about it all day."_

_"What?"_

_"First of all," he said, "when you called me last night. You said you wanted to marry Edward."_

_"Yeah..."_

_"Why?"_

_"What do you mean, 'why'? He's the one."_

_He walked over to me and stood, towering over me the way Edward does. "Don't freak out on me, okay?"_

_I crossed my arms over my chest, lifting my eye brow._

_"You're too young to know that, Bella."_

_"I am not! We've been together for years now, Jake. We've gone through so much. I'll marry him right now if he asked me to."_

_"You're too young, Bella! All you know is Edward, you say it yourself, all the time. You've never experienced other options, so how could you know that HE is the one, when you've never been with anybody else?"_

_"I just do."_

_"I don't think you do. I think you want the fantasy. But the truth is, Bella, when people our age get married, it hardly ever works out. People fall out of love quickly, quicker than they fell into it. Realization comes, with bills and responsibilities, and it's not enough to keep two people afloat."_

_"No, I-" I shook my head, as I started to cry._

_I didn't want to hear that we wouldn't work out. We HAD to work out._

_Jake moved towards to me, and held me in his arms, letting me get it all out._

_Like always, he held me for so long, and I felt warm and comforted as he did, because he was my friend, and was just looking out for me._

_...Right?_

_"Okay... " he said, pulling away but still towering over me. "Remember how you came over last week, after you found out that Edward skipped school with Emmett and you were really pissed off?"_

_I nodded._

_"Why did you come to me?"_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"Why me, Bella?"_

_"Because I always come to you," I said, shrugging. "Just like you come to me when you're upset. You're my friend-"_

_"But, why? Why is it that I run to you, that you come to me?"_

_I started to become flustered, "I-I ... don't know."_

_"I think you do know," he said, stepping closer to me. "I think we've both known... somehow, somewhere. It all just hit me, really hit me today. We know."_

_"Jake, like normal, I have no idea what you are talking about."_

_"Maybe it's not about talking."_

_"Why do you keep skirting around the subject?" I laughed, shaking my head. "Explain to me in English what you mean, please."_

_"...Again, maybe it's not about talking."_

_I dropped my hands to my hips, "What's it about then?"_

_"This," he said, rushing up, moving his arms through mine and around. I thought he was going to hug me again at first, so I didn't move. _

_Then he pressed his lips to mine and pulled me up against him, his left arm holding my back, his right hand moving beneath my shirt, to rub my skin._

_At first, I locked up, trying to figure out what the hell was happening, because I didn't expect it._

_Then my hands drew up to his shoulders, and I grasped his shirt, trying to push him away from me._

_He was too strong. _

_"Just feel for a second," he said against my lips, before applying more pressure._

_I tried to move my head back so I could breathe. But he took advantage of my open mouth as an opportune time to slide his tongue inside. _

_I fought to still my emotions so I could unravel them. It had to be my body's natural reaction to physical contact with a male. And, after a second, my body knew it, too. I felt the wrongness of it. It was the wrong male body. I didn't want him. He was NOT my boyfriend. _

_I squeezed his shirt, trying my hardest to push him away... _

_Then something hit Jake, and our bodies were ripped apart. I fell toward the ground gasping, as Edward had Jacob pinned on the bed, holding his chest firmly and punching him in the face. Jake hit Edward back to get him off of him, and then pushed him, and eventually got Edward to budge. Edward threw another right hook, hitting Jacob in the jaw, and then my parents ran in, Renee breaking them apart._

_Phil called the cops. Jake's dad picked them up, and took them home._

_It took a week for Edward to accept my version of what happened._

_But I guess, in the long run, he never accepted it at all._

_**~FLASH!**_

I closed my eyes, shaking my head. I just wanted this all to go away.

The more and more I thought about things, the angrier I grew.

I was mad at Jake, mad at Edward, mad at myself for growing more confused.

What did this all mean?

Was this my fault?

Should I have known what Jake's intentions were?

Did I lead him on?

Did I like the attention, more so than I should?

Was it only when Edward was off with his friends, with Alice and Emmett?

...Or was it truly something else?

_No_, I thought, shaking my head_. It couldn't be._

There was a logical explanation for all of this.

_Maybe you're not the one for him,_ something told me. _ Maybe Tanya is. Or someone else._

No. No, no, no, that is unacceptable.

_He doesn't want you, Bella. _

_And you can't want someone who doesn't want you back._

_Be strong right now. Build up your armor, and be strong. _ That was the last thing I heard, over and over and over. _ Be strong. Build up walls. Get mad._

So I did.

Phil and Renee eventually left me to myself.

I grew angrier and angrier by the second. Angrier with Edward. Angrier with myself for the way I ran to Jake when we fought, when I guessed I shouldn't have. Upset about stopping Edward on my birthday. Upset that I wasn't enough for him. Upset that Tanya, the stupid pretty blonde with the enormous breasts, blue eyes, and no brain was what he resorted to.

...At one point, I looked in the mirror, fuming.

I didn't recognize myself any longer.

***&*#!#$^%$^**

As I was ripping out entries from my journal, my window opened, and Edward stumbled in. Drunk.

"Bella, please, just talk to me for a moment," he begged, pulling me back away from my bedroom door, because I didn't want to be in the room with him. "Please?"

"Why?" I said, slapping his hands away from my hips. "I have nothing to say to you."

"I know you're upset, but I'm begging you, just hear me out-"

"I don't have to hear you out, Edward," I said, pushing him back. "I've heard you loud and clear."

"Bella, please, keep your voice down," he whispered, pulling me to him by my shirt. "Five minutes, that's all I'm asking for."

"You'd better get out, Edward. This isn't my dad's house. Phil's bedroom is right next door, and if he hears you, you've got three stories to tumble down, and not just two."

"Bella," he was exasperated. "I'm sorry... for everything. I don't know how else to say it, but I'm just fucked up. _I _fucked up, and I am trying to tell you how sorry I am for everything."

I shook my head, glaring at him. "You keep saying you're sorry, but it's not about what you say, Edward... It's what you do. And you cheated on me with Tanya. Okay, fine, I got my heart broken. Then you try to talk me back into a relationship, and after so much begging, I say, _'okay, we're going to give it another shot', _because I missed you too... And then you say, _'Um... Bella, I don't think this is going to work out'... _What the fuck, Edward? What do you want me to think here?"

"It's just," he started, shaking his head, "it's everyone around us that's fucking me up. Their comments, their stares, the rumors, the gossip... It's too much to handle, I couldn't even think straight in class. I failed my midterm, I couldn't answer questions correctly, I-I-"

"You're going to have to stop pleasing everyone else, Edward, and do what you want to do. You knew this was going to happen when you asked me out again! This is high school!"

"I didn't know it was going to be this bad," he said, shaking his head. "I had no fucking idea!"

"Well..." I scoffed, hands on hips as I backed away from him, "you do now."

He noticed the tears falling down my face, but I stubbornly swiped them away. "Just get out, Edward. I don't want you here anymore. I just... I don't want you."

_You can't want him Bella. He doesn't want you, so you can't want him anymore. Keep your armor up. LET HIM GO._

"Bella, please," he whispered, trying to grab my body again, "I know you don't mean that."

_LET HIM GO, you're not good enough for him apparently, Bella. Get him out._

"PHIL!" I shouted, regretfully slapping his hands away. "Phil, come here! NOW!"

"Bella," he said, shaking his head, "stop, please. Please, just stop. Don't get him to come in here."

"Get out, Edward."

"No."

"Get out."

"You're not going to make me get out, Bella. Not til... Not until you talk to me, until we can make this right... Until you can forgive me."

I glowered at me, wiping more tears away. I had no other choice. I couldn't keep doing this to him, to myself. So I shouted at the top of my lungs, "PHIL!! Edward is in my room, he snuck up here, and he won't GET OUT!"

Three seconds later, the door was almost broken off its' hinges as my step-father came pounding into the bedroom. "Edward Cullen, you better get the hell out of my daughter's room."

Renee grabbed hold of me as I started crying, the reality of the situation hitting me. I didn't want him to leave. I shouldn't have shouted for Phil.

Edward stared at him, trying to hold his ground, "I'm not leaving."

"Like hell you aren't."

"You can't make me leave," he said, glaring over at me crying while my mother cradled my head. "She and I need to talk."

Before anyone could react, Phil grabbed him by the back of his neck, and slammed him against the nearest wall, his cheek crushed against some picture of me and him from the last homecoming dance. "You need to learn who you're fucking talking to, son. This is _my _house, and that _is _my daughter, _not _your girlfriend any longer. And you will _not _dictate how she will or will not live her life. Do you got that?"

I was starting to hyperventilate as I crawled toward them, but my mom stopped me, wouldn't let me go. "Phil! Don't hurt him!"

Phil eventually loosened his grip on his neck, and he stumbled backward, re-situating his shirt. She's not even your _fucking _daughter, Phil. She's Charlie's."

Then he turned to look at me, his face full of shock and disbelief, then back to Phil. "...and Charlie would have never fucking treated me like you just did. Even if Bella and I were having problems."

"Stop it!" I screamed on the top of my lungs, fighting against my mother, trying to reach out to Edward, to save him. I had to get to him, had to fight. "Let him go, don't hurt him! I didn't mean it! LET HIM GO, PLEASE! Oh my GOD, don't hurt him! Edward! Phil, let go!"

I watched as Phil dragged Edward's body across the wall and out of my bedroom. But I couldn't see past that, as my mom was holding me so tightly, covering my eyes. I heard a lot of fumbling, and some gasps, from what I presumed was Edward trying to fight his way free of Phil. Then it got silent, and the front door opened and slammed quickly.

I finally got away from my mother and ran toward the window, in just enough time to see Edward lying in a heap on the grass, as if he'd just woken up.

"You're right, Edward. Charlie would never treat you like I do," Phil sneered at him. "But he's not here now. I am... In fact, if he were here, I'm sure he'd say he was very disappointed in you."

Then he slammed the door, and audible click of the lock, leaving Edward out in the grass. I screamed for Edward, tried to climb out of the window, but my mom wouldn't let me. Phil had the cops here in two minutes. Billy Black picked Edward up again.

I pushed away from my mom, and tried to leave the house several times to make sure he was alright. They wouldn't let me use the phone, wouldn't let me out of my room, they stayed in there with me and monitored me like a child.

I lost Edward. I'd never been so foolish in all my life.

And this is what happened because of it.

I knew right then and there that I'd never forgive myself for what I'd done to him.

* * *

**EdwardPOV**

Billy taunted me the entire way home.

He told me what a fucking loser I was, told me that I'd never amount to anything. Told me that the only reason he felt pity for me was because I had a father who clearly recognized how worthless I truly was and didn't want anything to do with me. He said how sad it must be when my own father chose to stay at work instead of take the time to raise me properly. That Carlisle must have predicted I'd grow to be a waste. He told me that I'd never be good enough for any woman, especially someone of Bella's caliber. That I may as well start finding chicks beneath me, who'd _'spread easily' _and _'not make you call them the next day'_.

And to add icing to the cake, he also told me that he'd make damn certain that, as long as I was in Forks, I couldn't go near Bella again outside of school, per Phil's orders tonight on the phone. Phil was slapping restraining order on me for the next six months... just long enough to get Bella out of the house and in college... far away from me.

I was seething.

I had never been so angry in my life. It wasn't because Phil knocked me unconscious as I tried to get back up there and talk to her. It was because Bella _allowed _it to happen. She knew what she was doing, calling him in her bedroom. Knew he'd make a scene, throw me out.

It was as if she wanted to add more pain to what I was already barely surviving.

I couldn't believe her.

I bent my head forward, wiping my busted lip on the shoulder of my shirt, since my hands were cuffed behind my back. According to Billy, I was temporarily detained for trespassing, as well as breaking and entering. He told me not to push my luck and smart off, because he'd add more charges if necessary.

"FUCK OFF," I spat at him, tempted to just go apeshit on the mother fucker.

"Fuck off," he repeated with a chuckle. "Why, Edward Cullen, you just made my night."

"With pleasure, you insignificant piece of shit."

"And it just keeps getting better and better."

"Take the badge off, pull the damn car over, uncuff me, and we'll see who gets the last grin."

"Keep it going, Cullen. We can do this all night."

He pulled into my parents drive, where Carlisle and Esme both stood. My father had his hands in his pockets, his V-neck sweater primped, while my mother stood in dress pants and a red tie around shirt, her hands toward her chin. Billy uncuffed me, a smile on his face, as if he hadn't been insulting me the entire ride home. _Oh yeah, you're just the perfect Samaritan, you stupid mother fucker._

"We're sorry about the confusion," Carlisle said, glaring from me to him. "If you'll just step inside for a moment, I'd love to have a word with you regarding this before you're on your way."

"Certainly." Billy removed his hat, grinning over to me. "...These things happen. Boys are young, just being boys."

"Yeah, you s-" I started to say, rubbing my wrists where they'd bruised because Billy purposely put them on too tight. My mother covered my mouth as profanities flew, and grabbed hold of me, making sure I didn't physically assault a police officer as they entered the house and closed the door.

I jerked away from her and stormed off, angry at the world. She called out for me, but I ignored her as I tore into the woods. I wandered for a while, my body aching from the assault and still being drunk. I was sure Billy was going to add that on the tab tonight.

I didn't care anymore.

I waited until she went inside before I went over to Alice's house. Her and her mom were out for the night at a movie, but I knew where they hid a key. I found it and went inside, opening up their liquor cabinet with the same key, pulling out a tall bottle of Jose.

Then I went back to my car and sat on my hood, staring up at the sky.

I'm not sure how long I was out there.

I didn't care anymore.

Time didn't matter. I had nothing to look forward to.

I closed my eyes, and prayed to be taken away.

***&*#!#$^%$^**

"Edward?" My mom asked as she zipped up her jacket. "What are you doing out here?"

I took a heavy swallow, looking up at the stars. My back was cold, lying on top of the hood of my silver Volvo. It was beginning to get uncomfortable.

But I didn't care. _How can anyone care when they're broken?_

"Baby?"

I took a swig of Jose, and wiped my face on the back of my hand, "Nothing."

"Is that alcohol?"

"Yep," I replied coldly.

She sighed, climbing up on my hood beside me. "Why are you drinking again?"

"Why not?" I scoffed.

"Edward."

"Mom, please. Don't fucking bark at me, okay. Just let me drink."

I could hear her sigh. "Did you, uh, get to talk to her at all?"

"Yep."

She turned to face me, but I wouldn't look at her. "And?"

I pursed my lips, focusing on one star, "It's over, Mama."

"She wasn't buying it then?"

I shook my head, "Go ahead and laugh, let's hear it."

"Baby I would never laugh at you. I'm sorry that you're going through this, but I promise that y-"

I cut her off by launching up into a sitting position, and tossing the leftover contents in the glass bottle against the garage door. "Just SHUT THE FUCK UP! Okay? Mom, can you do that for me? Stop fucking promising me shit, because it doesn't help. You can't promise me _anything_. How can you promise something about someone else? You don't know their _intentions_, their _thoughts_. You don't know their _feelings_. How the _fuck _can you guarantee me shit?!"

"Edward," she exhaled, holding her hands in surrender mode, "please calm down."

"Don't tell me to fucking calm down," I spat, sliding off the hood and pacing around the front. "My life is over."

"Your life isn't over baby," she pleaded, looking over at me with sad eyes. "It's hard, I know it's hard, but it's not over."

I turned to her, fire blazing in my eyes.

"Don't tell me that you _know_," I spat venom at her. "Because you _don't _know. You don't know how this shit feels. This _pain_, this _hurt_, just fucking..."

I began to clutch my jacket over my heart, balling pieces of the fabric in my fist so tight I could rip it to shreds with my hands. "...this _aching _shit. You don't know anything about this."

I watched as my mother fought back tears, and it made me hurt worse.

"She doesn't fucking want me," I replied, kicking the top of the broken bottle across my driveway. "She said it, loud and clear. It's fucking OVER."

"Baby, listen to me," my mom replied, sliding off my hood and running to cradle my face in her hands. "I know you're upset, and you have every right to be. Phillip should have handled it differently, he shouldn't have hurt you and called the cops, and your father is taking care of that now, okay? But listen to me son. I know you're heartbroken, I can see it in your eyes. But being angry isn't going to make her come back to you, okay? You need to give her time, and yourself time. You both just... need time to think. To reassess. Okay?"

I slumped over drunkenly, and sat down on the cold pavement.

My mother knelt in front of me, wiping away my stupid fucking tears.

"I hate her," I whispered into my mom's arm. "I fucking _HATE _her for this shit."

"Shhh, it's going to be okay."

I shook my head, "It's not. Don't you see it, Mom? It's not going to be okay."

"Shhh, I've got you."

"Stupid crying like a fucking baby," I mumbled into her jacket, "fucking crying shit. What the fuck."

"It's okay to cry angel."

I shook my head again, fighting back more anger that wanted to boil up and make me start fucking swinging. "I'll never forgive her, or myself for this shit."

"Shhh, Edward. Don't say that."

"I won't."

My mom let me cry in her arms, let me curse and swear and throw swings and everything else.

She let me rampage, break shit in her kitchen, go off on her and my father.

And though I was numb, I remember her coming into my bedroom that same night.

And I told her something we've never forgotten: "Mom, promise me something. No matter what I do or say. No matter how much I beg and plead and throw tantrums and say it's what I want... Promise me that you'll never let me get that close to Bella again. _Ever_. I never want to put myself in a position like this again. If I make it out of this hell, just... promise me you'll never let me fall for her again."

She put my head in her lap, brushing her fingers through my hair. "I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy, baby. I'll do my part. I'll fight for you."

"Promise me."

She bent down, kissing my temple, "I promise, baby."

She let me vent and miss a week of school, despite finals.

She let me try to figure out a way to breathe _without _Bella.

...I barely survived at all.

* * *

**BellaPOV**

Both Phil and Renee got the silent treatment from me for not only the rest of the night, but two weeks following that as well. After I started speaking again, it was very short answers and questions.

I didn't have anything to say.

School went by in a haze. Phil was adamant about keeping me away from Edward, but he didn't pull me from the classes we shared, instead taking it up with the principal to arrange our seats be as far apart as possible. It wasn't until months later, after I started college that I found out that Phil had actually placed a restraining order against Edward, forcing the school's hand to do even that much.

Everyone at school knew we were no longer together.

The vain attempts to break me down worked sometimes, but others, I ignored it completely.

I had done a good job keeping the armor up that I'd built for myself. I grew cold, and bitter, and angry.

I didn't speak to Jake. I barely acknowledged my friends at school, or my sister Rosalie.

We officially broke up mid-January, with almost four months remaining of school. We'd pass each other in the halls, barely making eye contact. The stuff we had that belonged to each other we found ways to either give it to someone else if they needed it, or return when the person wasn't around.

No phone calls. No emails. No visits.

Any mutual friends we had made time to spend with us separately, or chose one over the other, after they got tired of trying to make us come back together and 'be friends'. It would never happen.

We were both too angry, too resentful, at each other, as well as ourselves.

I decided two days before graduation that all I needed was myself. That I'd learn to grow, to not need him anymore. That I'd force myself if I had to.

Tanya Denali made sure to hang out with him and Alice during graduation rehearsals. I watched as she flirted with him, pushed him away. Most of the time, he didn't say much, but on a rare occasion, she'd get him to smile.

It made me sick. And even _more _upset. Made me second guess myself, thinking... '_Maybe he did have feelings for her after all'_.

Graduation came and went in a haze. Edward walked with Alice. I walked with my friend, Denise.

Through the ceremony, we didn't acknowledge each other. Our parents didn't even talk.

People started to talk about parties, running around to different cars, gathering up in packs. My parents left, giving me permission to stay out late. I considered going to Randy's party, and as I was walking toward my car to join the rest, I saw Tanya run and jump on Edward's back, throwing her legs and arms around his body.

Flashes of the bathroom incident hit me, her hands in his hair, them panting in each other's mouths, her legs wrapped around his waist with her skirt pushed up and his pants down, their bodies almost making contact there...

I shut my eyes and turned toward my car, my hand shaking as I tried to unlock the door.

"Bella," came an exasperated voice from behind me, causing my whole body to tense.

I shut my eyes, trying to tell myself I was imagining things.

"...Bella..." he whispered, a hand hooking around my arm and spinning me around slowly.

I stared up at him, trying to avoid the flashes of Tanya, the hand that was now on me was once on her thighs....

"What do you want?" I sneered, taking him aback.

He looked at me, swallowing hard, as hurt surfaced in his eyes.

I crossed my arms, jerking out of his grasp. "Speak, Edward."

"I.... uh...." He licked his lips nervously, trying to sort through his thoughts.

"Edward?" Tanya shouted, from the back of Adam's crowded truck, where half the baseball team and cheerleaders were, "COME ON!"

He ignored them, taking a step toward me. But I backed away, pressing against my car.

"Bella, I'm not going to hurt you, I just want-" I could see more hurt in his eyes at the thought that I was afraid of him.

"EDWARD!" Adam shouted in unison with Tanya, her stupid laughter ringing in my ears, flashes of her biting down on his bottom lip.

"Bel-"

"Go fuck yourself, Edward. Your bitch is waiting in the truck."

He stared at me for a moment, in complete disbelief that I had spoken to him so viciously.

I couldn't believe it myself.

I didn't know if I meant it. The words just came out before I had time to process them.

He nodded, backing away coolly, his hands in his pockets, "...Okay then."

He turned on his heel and ran forward, grabbing Alice and helping her into the truck, before climbing in himself.

I turned away as the group of people there shouted about being free.

I, however, never felt more locked down.

***&*#!#$^%$^**

_Bitter _was the only way to describe me as the weeks of summer passed.

I didn't speak to many of my friends from school. Eventually, I made up with Jake, but things were never the same. He started to hang out with Rosalie more, which was fine by me, because I wanted to leave everything that was a reminder of mine and Edward's relationship here in Forks.

Word flew around in mid-July that Edward and Tanya were seen making out during the fireworks. It was clear that all the gossip I'd heard about him was probably true. That he did have sex with her. They were together.

I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. I was so mad at him for trying to pin what Jake had done on me, when I was unwilling.

I wanted to kick and punch things for allowing him to convince me that he was right, that it was my fault.

I didn't know who's fault it was, or if it was only the matter that we weren't strong enough to survive high school.

I never found an answer for myself.

***&*#!#$^%$^**

I walked to my truck, loading the last box in, wiping off my hands. "Well, that's everything!"

My mother and Phil gave me their goodbye hugs, my mom holding on way tighter than normal and for longer than I would have liked.

I wasn't comfortable with everyone acting like I'd never return.

"Oh Mom, you'll see me on Christmas," I reminded her, pulling away gently and closing my eyes as she peppered kisses along my cheek.

"I just... love you... so much."

"Let her go, Renee," Rosalie chuckled, giving me a brief hug. "She'll make it, look at me. I'm there, I'm doing it."

"Oh Lord, help us all," Phil teased, rolling his eyes as he wrapped his arms around Renee and Rosalie's shoulders, holding them in place.

I climbed into my truck, excited about where the future was going to lead me... Nervous about the fresh start.

"Oh Bella," my mom said as she tried to step forward but couldn't. "There's an envelope in your glove box, with your birth certificate, and doctor's records, just in case."

"Thanks Mom," I said, waving to them and blowing kisses.

I drove away hearing faint well wishes, and exhaled as I drove down my lane and onto the highway.

I tried my hardest to keep my chin up, to remind myself that there were other people in the world, and I'd find someone else for myself.

I knew I was lying, so that promise never held up.

***&*#!#$^%$^**

When I arrived in front of the dorm, and unloaded all my things, I finally met my roommate, Colleen. She reminded me that I'd need my records before we could walk to registration.

She followed me to my truck, chattering about all the cool things we could get into, since we shared the same major desires. I knew, somehow, that we'd grow to be best friends. She was amazing, already.

As I reached inside my glove box, I jerked out the manila envelope hastily, and shut my door, exhaling with a smile. "Ready."

"Yay!" she squealed, running over to me, but she stopped before she could hook her arm through mine. "What's that?"

"What's what?"

"That," she pointed, to a white piece of paper that was closed in my door.

"I don't know," I murmured, opening the door and dislodging the object,

It fell to the parking lot and I picked it up, furrowing my brows.

My heart began to race as I unfolded the crinkled paper, and my throat quickly became dryer than sand paper.

Because written there in an elegant script I would always recognize instantly, were words from a person I knew too well: _"...Goodbye, For Now..."_

I gasped, covering my mouth, the paper from my fingers.

It took Colleen a good ten minutes to get me to unlock from the statue I'd become.

"What," she said, pulling my arms from my chest, "what is it?"

I quickly closed my eyes, shook my head, rebuilt my armor, and forced a fake smile, before picking up the paper and shoving it hastily into my pocket, "...It's going to be a long four years, that's what."

* * *

_----AUTHOR'S NOTES---- _

**So there we go, Outtake #7!**

**-**- **A/N:** I know. :( It's sad. But now you see why they were so angry, for so long, and had so many questions of who's fault it was, and what had they really done, and what could they have done... So many things left to ponder, left open. Now you see why they made up so easily in the cabin, because they were just exhausted of it all. They knew, for 4 years apart, that no one else replaced each other in their hearts. They had to learn how to grow up, how to be more understanding. They had to realize that it wasn't other people's opinions. That's why they put up such a front with their friends, their families at the cabin. They had to learn how to trust before they could allow themselves to love each other again.

-- Also, did you notice a lot of parallells? From Edward grabbing Tanya's face and her thinking it was okay to kiss him (like in Ch 33) or Edward hugging Bella before the 2nd break up (like Ch 21).  
There's a lot in there, if you look close... ;)

Thoughts? There's plenty more to come, so stick around!! AND REVIEW!!!  
**  
Reviews are better than knowing that they pulled through!! THANK GOD! :D**


	8. The Firsts

THESE OUTTAKES WILL _**NOT **_BE IN ORDER OF SEQUENCE. It's whatever comes to me at the time.

_**  
REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!**_

**Outtake 8: The Firsts**  
**A lot of people have asked me if I planned to do a pre-quel to 'TEF' after the sequel is posted... kind of going back in time and showing E/B's relationship before the break up. While that isn't a plan at the moment (though I'll never say 'NO'), I did want to share some of Edward and Bella's first intimate moments, including when they first met, first kiss, etc. This will probably be a long outtake, so enjoy, and review. (Song/Pics featured in profile as always. :D)  
Note: **TEF has been nominated for 2 more categories, this time with The Mystic Awards!! Details in profile.**  
**

* * *

_Special Shout-Out's:_

To my **Readers, Twilighter's, Lexicon, and Facebook girls**.... thank you for ev-er-y-thing!!! ILYSDM!  
To **Jazz Girl** (**Caryn)**, my Beta -- you're so amazing. You really are. This was one of the hardest things I'd written, because I know how many readers I have, and know how many people have imagined different scenarios to how these events would go. I felt like I was drowning, but you kept my head above water and didn't let me sink to the bottom, even when I wanted to. I thank you for all of your hard work and dedication to these characters. Without you, I may have _never _made it through this one. Ohhhh, and of course: ** HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BB!!! I HEART YOU SOMETHING AWFUL!!**  
_**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing that is Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related. But ohhh, how I wish.

* * *

_**"Find me here... and speak to me.  
I want to feel you. I need to hear you.  
You are the light... that's leading me,  
to the place... where I find peace... again.  
You are the strength that keeps me walking...  
You are the hope that keeps me trusting...  
You are the light... into my soul.  
You are my purpose... You're everything.  
And how can I stand here with you... and not be moved by you?  
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?"**_

_**Lifehouse, "Everything"**_

----

**Outtake 8: The Firsts**

***** The First Meet:**

**BellaPOV **

I yawned, scratching my head and dragging my feet slowly across the sidewalk, toward my dad's police cruiser.

_Ahhh, a new, murky, cloudy day. Yay_. I hated waking up this early. I hated today and it just began an hour and a half ago. I wasn't looking forward to the new year, as a freshman in Forks High School. What was the point in getting excited? It wasn't a '_fresh beginning'_, like my mother tried to say to me while we purchased notebooks and supplies earlier last week. Not only did I have to face all of the stupid, idiotic kids I had nothing in common with. But now, I get to be surrounded by a lot of older kids who will stare at me down in the halls, remind me how shy I am, that I am a book nerd who finishes her assignments before everyone else, so on, so forth, yada yada yada.

My step-sister Rosalie practically owns the school. It's like her little playground. She lives with my step-father, Phil, and my mother, Renee, and I bounce around from their house to my dad Charlie's, spending two weeks with each. She's two years older than me, a junior this year, and everyone knows her too well. We have nothing in common aside from the fact that we're friends before sisters, and normally get along great. But we don't hang out with the same group of people at school, obviously. She's the cheerleader, the lifeguard, and the volleyball star, while I... am no one special at all. My idea of a good night is catching up on the latest _'Friends' _episode, reading a good book, and finding a new dinner recipe. Rose's is sneaking out of her bedroom window and finding the latest keg party where she can get way too drunk. And don't even get me started on the differences in our weekend plans.

"Oh, lighten up Bells," Charlie said as he started the car. "It could be a whole new ball-game this year for you."

I rolled my eyes and pressed my forehead against the cool glass of the window, my right hand lifting so the side covered my mouth. "I highly doubt it dad. Not unless my DNA changes and I morph into someone that looks and acts like Grace Kelly or Marilyn Monroe."

"You never know. Maybe something or some_one_ will come around and blow your mind."

I scoffed dryly. "Don't wish violence on the school system, Dad. We've got enough of it in this country already."

He chuckled at my sarcasm, flipping on his wind shield wipers and turning onto the stretch of the paved road. "Okay, smartie pants."

My dad's been one of my best friends since I was a little girl. To say that I'm a _'daddy's girl' _would be an understatement. He just gets me. My mother and he divorced when I was only three, and I've grown used to ping-ponging between my two families. They only live about fifteen minutes from each other. Dad's a police chief, and loves his job like his second child. I don't mind it now that I'm older. We talk when we want, but we also give each other space. We don't breathe down each others' neck. He doesn't get into my business, doesn't grill me about boys or future plans. And he loves to play guitar in his spare time after he opens a few beers, which I can appreciate. Nothing makes me smile more than a good melody.

I yawned as we passed the intersection, only a mile from the school.

"Restless?" he asked me after another yawn.

I nodded, adjusting my white hoodie and sitting up straighter. "Yeah... Couldn't sleep well last night. I felt anxious."

"Interesting," my father mumbled, nodding slowly as he rubbed his thumb across his mustache. "Maybe it's a sign that this year _will _be different."

I chuckled silently and shook my head. "You can keep your glass half-full all you want. But just remember, you don't have to walk through these halls with the starving ego-vultures like I do."

"Keep your chin up. That'll impress them."

"I'll get right on it," I sighed, reaching down to the floor board to grab my book bag as he turned into the parking lot. "That way, they can call me _'snobby' _and _'prissy'_, instead of _'bookw__o__rm' _and a '_mute'_. At least I'll have a new title... that's something to look forward to, I guess."

"Ahh, dreams are what you make 'em," he nudged me, pulling to a stop at the front of the school. "See you tonight."

"See ya," I hopped out of the car and shut the door, praying he drove away quickly before all the older kids at the school immediately recognized me as the police chief's daughter. It's hard to make friends in high school when all of the popular kids see me getting out of my dad's cruiser, and instantly think I'm a snitch that's secretly wearing a wire to trap them in planning their latest beer pong party.

Yes. It's happened before. All it takes is one kid to assume that and, by second period, everyone thinks that. Which was why I hated middle school so much, I think. Kids are vicious little wasps. And that makes teenagers worse. I wasn't looking forward to today at all. The mark of a new school year was not the highlight of my week to say the least. And I never, _ever _understood why we always started school on a Wednesday. But that's a whole other debate.

Rain began to fall as I made my way across the sidewalk, toward the front doors. Reaching for the handle, I got bumped out of the way, as two senior girls, smacking their gum loudly, invaded my personal space to make sure they got into the school first. I rolled my eyes and waited for them to move away from me, before I finally entered. I'd been in the high school a few times, whenever Rosalie had a game or something, so I knew my way around some areas. But the only time I'd seen the freshmen hall was during orientation, and I wasn't sure if I remembered how to get there from this entrance.

I pulled my hood over my head and kept my eyes glued to my class schedule as I followed the loud noise of fellow students laughing, showing off their new outfits, and talking about what they'd done throughout the summer. My summer consisted of hanging out with my childhood friends, Denise Allenston and Jacob Black, and occasionally Rosalie, when she didn't have 'better things' to do. No one cared to hear about it though, and unless Denise found me in these crowded halls, I wouldn't have anyone to talk to anyway.

Once I passed what seemed like the eleventh hallway, I quickly realized I looked like a science rat trying to find the cheese in a metal maze. I was completely lost. I sighed and dropped my hands, standing on my toes to see above the crowd, trying to find someone in my grade. It took a few moments for me to spot Victoria Dean and her parade of plastics, but their high-pitched laughter helped me find them. I exhaled and sped up my steps, weaving through students to follow quietly behind them. All I prayed was that they were on their way toward the freshman hall, and not the bathroom to spray their hair again.

Willingly enough, the heavens above granted me that wish, and before I knew it, I was standing in front of a blue locker, number one-eighteen. This would be the hoarding center for my belongings for the next nine months. I quickly pulled my schedule back out from my pocket to confirm my combination and turned the padlock, entering the code. It only took me one try to get the thing to open, and I smiled to myself, enjoying all the preppy kids struggling with their combinations. There was no way I was going to offer my assistance to them. I'd rather have them be late their first day, and hopefully get called out for it. It might brighten my day to see that.

Quickly putting away the things I didn't need, and grabbing my English book, I twisted and ran into a brick wall, tumbling to the ground. My belongings and his spilled everywhere. "Well," I said, exasperated as I crawled around and reached out for my notebook, which got stepped on by a passing student. "I know I'm at school when I get knocked over."

"I'm sorry," Mike Newton chuckled as he handed me the rest of my things. "I was trying to come over and say hello to you, and you turned too fast. We... uh... have first hour together. Do you want to walk with me?"

"Sure," I exhaled, helping him stand and grabbing his bag. Mike Newton is _'that guy' _at Forks High School. You know, the one you used to play with in elementary school on the jungle gym before you knew what _cooties _were? Then, as you grew up, he decided that, once he was old enough to like girls, he was going to target you in school because you were the first person with breasts he ever spoke to besides his mother and teachers... He's cool, sometimes. But other times, he irritated the crap out of me. I tolerated Mike not only because he pick up my slack when we get partnered up in gym class, but he also lets me borrow his pre-calculus notes, which I am utterly thankful for. I love English and generally hate Math, which is where he comes in handy.

First hour was easy. We didn't do much besides discuss what we did over the summer, get re-acquainted with everyone, and write two paragraphs about what happened during the last three months that we wished we could do again. I chose my latest fishing trip with my dad, his friend Billy, and Billy's son Jake. My sister Rosalie went with us, and she spent most of the time whining about baiting her hook. I laughed so hard when Jake would make fun of her. I definitely wished I could have another fun day like that, instead of being here.

Second hour was boring. I ended up stuck in a class with most of the preppy kids, who thought it'd be fantastic if they made fun of everyone, laughed out loud, acted obnoxious, and completely ignored Mrs. Fruits, who was trying her hardest to give a lecture on the importance of government and why we would need to pay attention and take copious notes this year.

As I dragged my way through the senior hallway, I stopped short, the breath pulled from my body. There in the distance stood a boy I hadn't seen before. Blue, long-sleeved shirt, navy beanie on his head, dark jeans, books behind his wrist to his side, a plastic coffee cup in his other hand... I wasn't sure if he was a senior or someone new. Chills, indescribable tingling, flooded my entire body. I watched him looking at the sign on the door. Before I could make myself look away, he turned quickly in my direction.

Hiding behind a shield of my hair and my hoodie, I pulled myself away from his power, and ran into yet another classmate, Belinda Hamilton. She growled and shoved past me, cursing up a storm as she went. I immediately felt every student's eyes on me, once again finding the clumsiest way to become the center of attention. Through my screen of hair, I saw an amused crooked smile cross the beautiful boy's lips as he watched her walk away, then turned back to look at me. My face heated red and I walked in the opposite direction of my class, desperate to escape his gaze, no matter how late I was going to be in the process.

There was something strange about him, about the effect he had on me. I didn't necessarily like it, but at the same time, I really did.

I didn't want these new feelings he was bringing forth in me. He was making everything complicated, and I'd only seen him this one time. It panicked me to think I'd be sharing the next four years of the school with someone like him.

I hoped he was a transfer, or a substitute teacher. Someone, anyone, other than someone I'd see a lot around here.

Because, otherwise, my hopes for surviving high school were in serious jeopardy

***&*#!#$^%$^**

Between the next hour and lunch, I found myself looking for the tall boy in the blue beanie in every hall I walked down. It wasn't until lunch time that I saw him again. And he definitely was _not _a teacher.

He had all ready found a few friends; another girl I'd never seen before with short hair and pixie-like features, and an all-too familiar sophomore jock, Emmett McCarty. They were standing in the line opposite me, waiting for food. He had a grin across his lips that seriously made my heart sputter and my insides twist. He was just glancing from her to him. I noticed other people looking at him, mostly girls. It was very clear that, whoever he was, he was making a statement at Forks High, and quick. Fresh meat. _The sexiest, freshest meat I'd ever seen in my entire life_.

I blushed at that thought and peeled my eyes from him, hiding behind my hood again. We weren't allowed to wear hats or any type of hood at school, but I didn't care. It was as if he had some sort of magnetic pull on my eyes, if not my whole being. I felt it, the tingles, the electric wave. I was drawn to him, in a fast, sick, obsessed kind of way. And I feared the feeling would not be fleeting.

I couldn't eat anything, so I purchased only an apple juice and walked quietly to the back of the lunch room, where I could lean against a wall in the corner and, hopefully, not be bothered. I watched as mystery boy carried a lunch tray with a pile of food in one hand, and an apple he was tossing with the other. He sat at a round table with his two friends. Shortly after, Emmett McCarty called over a few of his own friends, and then the table was pretty much full, the sheep of my school trying to figure out who the new boy and new girl were. I rolled my eyes and sighed. _ Life never seemed to get any less __predictable__, that was for damn certain__. First graders and the new toys_.

I took my time once the bell rang, not wanting to be the first to my next class for once. I walked the narrowed halls, took my time in the bathroom, and fiddled with my shirt beneath my hoodie. But, the more I messed with it, the more it continued to rise up and scratch my stomach. I wanted to take the hoodie off, but if I were being honest with myself, I was too insecure. I didn't understand why my body was filling out the way it did, and why girls like Rosalie enjoyed all these changes happening to them.

After waiting for the last second possible without getting tardy, I grabbed my books and dragged myself back through the halls, and entered Biology. All the double-seated tables were full, except for one in the far back corner on the right side. And, low and behold, it was the guy that was obviously placed on Earth to destroy my self control. I shivered and shook my head. There was no way I could sit by him, be that close to him. It just wasn't a viable option. He was far too good to be sitting next to the likes of me.

I noticed Mike and quickly walked over to him, exhaling slowly. "Hey Mike. If you will trade me seats and sit back in the right corner with that guy, I will give you ten dollars."

He chuckled and shook his head, patting the top of my hand. "Sorry, Bella, but the seats are assigned." He pointed to a piece of white tape on the end of the table. It had his name written there.

"Shit," I mumbled, as I slowly walked down the aisle toward the back desk. The boy was twirling his thumbs, his head down, beanie on his head, water bottle and black notebook in front of him. He was deep in thought. I closed my eyes as I approached the end of the table, my entire body shaking. When I opened them, I saw my name scribbled on a piece of white tape. It was true. God was indeed trying to punish me, trying to make sure I wouldn't survive high school.

The boy looked up at me, and I tried to peer past his forearms to see his name. But his shirt was blocking the font. With the least grace possible, I slipped onto (and almost tipped over) the stool, dropping my bag into the aisle. Unfortunately, the strap of my bag took the book I had set on the table along with it. I closed my eyes, trying to control my nerves, as I bent over and picked up my belongings. I felt the boy stirring beside me and tried the best I could to block him out while all the rest of the students talked amongst themselves.

Mr. Banter began class, quickly giving us a projector-shown written outline of what we would be learning. He instructed us to take notes, so I dug through my bag, looking for a notepad and my package of pens. Then I heard a throat clear. I tried to pretend the electric current bouncing between us didn't exist. I opened my notebook and tried to catch up on the two paragraphs worth of notes I had already missed. Then his throat cleared again. I raised my eyebrow and tentatively turned to find the boy with long eyelashes and a strong jaw that made me quiver grinning at me. "May I borrow a pen please?" he asked, his voice velvet and smooth.

I shivered, my teeth instinctively covering my bottom lip as I stared at his mouth when he spoke. His teeth were perfect. His entire face was perfect. I had never seen anything so beautiful this close to me in my entire life. I didn't think anything this beautiful existed. Period.

"Uh, yeah," I whispered, pulling my gaze away and jerking a pen out of the plastic wrapping. "Strange. First day, and you don't have a pen."

He smirked, popping the blue cap off as he pulled out his notebook. "Yeah, lost them sometime during the first half of the day."

"Ahh." I smiled and forced myself to turn away. I found it scarily easy to talk to him. Okay, maybe not talking. That part still made me shake like a washer during the spin cycle. But... at least stare at him, generally be in his presence. I felt my shoulders relax, but my knees were still bouncing a thousand beats per second. I couldn't control my body's reactions to him at all. Once I got one thing calmed down, another thing started up.

He leaned closer and his scent could only could be described as a sweetly mesmerizing and mint, stifling my nose. He whispered, "I'm Edward Cullen, by the way." I nodded, swallowing hard. I tried to ignore his breath hitting my neck where my hoodie wasn't covering it. It wasn't safe for me. I'd attack him if I weren't careful. So I pulled the hood over my head, making sure all my skin was covered. "Do you have a name?"

"Isa- B-Bella, uhm," I cleared my throat. "Bella Swan."

"Nice to meet you." He nodded at me and I nodded, still unable to look at him. He chuckled at my nonresponse. Suddenly, the projector light was turned toward us, blinding us and bringing everyone's attention our way. "Excuse me. There is no talking right now. I'm in the middle of notes."

"Sorry," Edward chuckled, while my face flushed tomato red.

"And there are no hats during school hours. Both of you, remove them, now."

I sighed, dropping my hood at once, keeping my eyes forward to keep from rolling them into my head. I was mortified that, once again, I got into trouble on the first day of a school new year. _ I told Charlie this wasn't going to be a fresh start._

I watched as his soft hand reached forward, depositing the blue beanie onto the black casing of the desk. Mr Banter flipped the projector back around, refocusing the class's attention as he jabbered on. But I couldn't focus on anything but the tension in my body. I watched as his fingers strummed the table, the pen laying flat on his notepad. He wasn't even taking notes. _Why would he ask to borrow my pen?..._ I looked over to ask him and all the breath in my body vanished. I was light headed. I felt faint. My entire body erupted in goosebumps. I trembled. Because now, without a doubt in my mind, this boy was truly a God. He had the most amazing head of hair I had ever seen on a human being. It was crazy perfect. The way it curled in some places, was spiked in others, the length that had the ends toward his neck teasing at his skin. It looked so soft and silky smooth that I wanted to immediately plunge my fingers into it. And that color... it could only be described as bronzed, or copper.

Sex hair. Straight out of the box.

Or _hat_, I guess you could say.

"Wow," I mumbled under my breath, but not so low that it didn't catch his attention, unfortunately. He looked over at me, his green eyes dazzling, his eyebrow cocked, and a little grin spread across his beautiful face. I knew I should, but I couldn't rip my eyes from him. He was too perfect. This was surreal. I needed to shut my mouth.

"Are you all right?" he asked cutely, his tongue swiping across that plump, peach colored lip, leaving a glistening trail that made me react. I felt my stomach twist in an unfamiliar way, sending waves through my body to places that hadn't ever felt waves before. I felt my chest react in certain ways that only happened when it rained or was cold. This was crazy. I didn't know how to feel... all I felt were... tingles. Enjoyable, scary, unfamiliar ones that caused my entire body to start shaking. I felt hot, and clammy, and strange, and knew that something weird was going on with me.

"I think I'm going to pass out or something," I replied, my voice lower and hoarser. He leaned toward me quickly, his hand reaching out to my forehead. As soon as he touched me, that current that was bouncing between us went through my skin and I gasped at the sensations that washed over me. He felt it too. I noticed from the widening in his eyes, which held mine as he spoke. "Uhhh... Mr. Banter? Bella here is feeling faint. I think she needs to go to the nurse. Her skin is turning clammy."

I flushed red but couldn't move my eyes from his features, though I heard the class murmuring and felt their eyes on me.

"She'll need someone to assist her then... Uh... Edward, is it?"

"Yes."

"You take her, please. Immediately."

He nodded, instantly grabbing the few things he brought to class, as well as my things, before I could object. A strong arm wrapped around my waist as he helped me from my seat and then steadied me, walking us out of the classroom. The more firm his free hand was that held my hip, the more I realized he was touching me, and the hotter I felt. By the time we made it out into the empty hallway, my body was trembling so bad that I knew I wasn't going to make it another step. "Uhhh, we've got to... s-stop."

He skidded, his shoes screeching on the floor, and turned around to balance me more, his hands on my arms. "You okay?"

"I don't know what's going on with me..."

"I noticed you didn't eat anything at lunch earlier... Maybe you're hypoglycemic, like me."

I cocked my head up at him, puzzled. "You... noticed _me _at lunch?"

He nodded, stepping closer, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. "You were behind me, in the far left corner, against the wall... I watched you walk in. You weren't with anyone... You didn't have a tray..."

"I didn't..." I shook my head, closing my eyes. I couldn't speak.

"It's okay... Here..." He moved us toward the sophomore lockers, and motioned for me to sit, which I did, sliding down them toward the ground. "Uf," I grunted as my butt hit harder than I would have liked. It felt as if I couldn't control anything anymore. "Sit... I have some crackers in my locker... Stay here, I'll be right back." I nodded, blowing cool air on my embarrassed face. He ran off and came back before I could even muster a thought about what was going on. He knelt in front of me with saltine crackers in his hand, opening the package and holding one out to me. "Don't worry, my hands are clean."

"I'm not worried," I replied, closing my eyes. I chewed a few in silence, absorbing all the salt I could get. The more and more I chewed, the more nervous I felt. As the world slowed and my body calmed momentarily, I realized I had embarrassed the hell out of myself in front of this poor guy who was now innocently forced to be my lab partner. He probably felt pity for me, thought I was 'special', in the mental stability kind of way. "I'm sorry," I closed my eyes, inhaling slowly. "This isn't normal for me... I... This isn't normal."

He nodded, his fingers reaching toward my face, then folding into his palm as he pulled them back. I noticed a hair fall down against my skin, and shivered at the thought that maybe he was going to stop it for me... He waited in silence, sitting there handing me crackers to chew for a long time. I was so nervous, I ate the entire package of saltines. He smirked, handing me the water bottle that was on his desk earlier. "Just opened it... I don't know..."

"Thank you," I beamed, taking it from him and swallowing down a few gulps. It cured my dry mouth instantly. Once I was capable of forming coherent thoughts, I flushed red and handed the bottle back to him "I can... buy you another one..."

"Nah, it's okay," he smiled, taking it from me. "So... this was interesting, huh? First day of school, about to pass out."

"Yeah... It doesn't take much for me to attract attention, unfortunately."

His emerald eyes gleamed with mystery you wanted to unlock. "Yeah, I noticed that..."

I flushed and bit my lip, looking down toward my shoes where he was squatting. "Thank you for helping me."

"Thanks for pulling me out of Biology."

I giggled and nodded. "My pleasure."

He reached out his hand to me, pulling me to a standing position. Then he dusted off the crackers from my hoodie. "Cubs, huh?" I stared at him, watching as he pointed the bottle toward my shirt. "Cubs fan?"

"I guess... My dad got it for me two Christmases back... He's not the type of parent that buys girls actual _girl _clothes."

He chuckled, the sound of his laughter melting me into oblivion. "We'll have to talk to your dad about his sport selections."

"Not a Cubs fan, I take it?"

"Not since I was old enough to realize they sucked."

I giggled, and covered my mouth shyly to contain myself.

"Well, Bella," he exhaled, shrugging his shoulders, "is this going to be a normal thing for you? The possible passing out? You should warn me beforehand, since I'm going to be your lab partner. I may want to stick a few smelling salts into my pocket before I come to class."

I flushed worse, my palms covering the redness of my cheeks. "I promise I'll try not to make it a habit."

He grinned. "Not that I... minded taking care of you," he mumbled, before returning his voice to normal. "Good experience for me. Training."

"Training for what?"

"I'm going to med school."

I smiled at him. "Glad I could be your test dummy."

The bell rang and we took a step back, separating ourselves.

"Well, Bella," he grinned, handing me the belongings I hadn't realized he was guarding, "I look forward to spending Biology class with you... and occasionally rescuing you from taking notes."

I took my things from him and smiled. "I promise to keep you in class next time."

"No, don't," he insisted with another smirk, the kind that made my heart beat faster. "That... takes the fun away."

He winked before walking away, and all I could do was stand there, paralyzed, watching him go, while people passed by and bumped into me on occasion. I smiled to myself, the tingle returning, the feeling that somehow, something, somewhere had a purpose that involved me.

Edward Cullen had come in to this school and, in just one day, turned my entire life from gray to color.

This could definitely get interesting.

* * *

***** The First Lunch:**

As weeks passed, I learned how to relax around Edward, but I also welcomed the nervous, anxious, butterfly feeling I had whenever we were together. I wasn't aware that I had already developed a crush on him. I never had a crush on anyone before him, so I didn't understand the feelings he was creating in me.

He was always sweet to me in class. I learned that he was very articulate, using words that he sometimes had to 'dumb down' for me... and I am not stupid. I had a vocabulary that stood above my classmates. So for him to have to do that said something about how intelligent he was. Whenever we worked together on projects, we'd find ourselves laughing so hard that we got into trouble too many times to count.

We didn't hang out anywhere but Bio. But, as time passed, we grew more comfortable with each other. Eventually, he began to acknowledge me in the halls, and I quickly learned that, not only did people learn to adore him as much as I did, but the girls were also very quick to judge me. Rumors flew quickly about us; that I was his pity case, that he was only talking to me because we were lab partners and he wanted a good grade, all the usual crap. I heard all kinds of rumors about him, things people heard from his old school or thought they knew someone who knew someone who saw something that happened. But he just laughed it off, like it didn't phase him at all. It pissed me off royally, though, when people gossiped about him, because they didn't know him. I was already feeling protective of him.

Time moved and days passed. And then, one day, there he was, standing against my locker in a black t-shirt and jeans, hand in his pocket, legs crossed. He smiled as people passed and said his hellos but kept his eyes on me. I remember not being able to breathe as I walked toward him. He had never been at my locker before. This was all new. "Hey," I said sheepishly, clutching my books against my chest, "what's up?"

"Come have lunch with me," he grinned.

"Is that a request, or a demand?"

He titled his head to the left, his eyes mesmerizing me. "Does it matter?"

I bit my lip, knowing I should tell him off and be strong, independent woman and stuff, but my legs were too busy shaking. "Guess not." He pushed off my locker, pulled the books out of my hand, and opened my door for me, shoving them inside. "How did you know my locker combination?"

"I didn't need it," he said with a wink. "I'm not from Forks, remember?"

"Oh, so you're the all around bad ass?" I teased as we headed down the hall, toward the cafeteria.

"Being a bad-ass has it's advantages Bella," he said calmly. "Just imagine if you're ever in trouble one day. I could be there, and could kick ass."

I couldn't help but laugh out loud. "You just turned sixteen! Have a car but not allowed to drive it by yourself until you get your license. What are you going to do? Run them over with your scooter and have your mother call their mother?"

He glared at me, then smiled, letting it go. "I have my driver's permit. I can steal my car."

"Then you'd go to juvie."

"Well, if beating someone's ass that tried to hurt you was what sent me to juvie, then I'd rest my head easily at night."

My stomach began to do knots at all the things we weren't saying. _He must look at me like I'm his little sister, _I thought to myself. _There's no way he likes me like I like him... Man, I really, really like him._

Edward stood with me in the lunch line, piling way too much stuff on his plate. I looked at him with lifted eyebrows, despite feeling nervous because I knew everyone was watching us stand here together. "Hungry?"

"For both of us," he said simply, paying before I could argue. He nodded to Emmett and Alice, who he normally sat with, and then took us to an empty table. My heart began to beat out of my chest, and I almost fell out of the seat. I don't know why I was so nervous... maybe because we weren't in our normal spot in the classroom, and I felt more exposed, felt more like I shouldn't be seen with him, that I wasn't good enough.

He flopped a piece of pizza on a plastic plate and handed it to me. "Eat up."

"Why are you so pushy?"

He grinned at me. "Because you need to gain some fucking weight. You're a twig."

_Great. Now he definitely sees me like his little sister. _ I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling insecure, "Well... I'm sorry."

"What are you apologizing for?"

"For... not being the correct body type."

"Well, it's kind of hard to tell."

"Excuse me?"

He looked over to me, nodding toward my shirt. "You always wear over-sized clothing and hoodies. It's hard to tell what body type you actually are, so I go by your wrist and..." He paused to wrap his long fingers around my wrist, showing how easy it was, and how far they overlapped, "...your wrist is tiny."

I shivered at the contact. We had never touched before like this. "Oh. Well... I don't want people ogling what I have. I'm not at all happy about it, so why should other's be?"

He smirked, let go of my wrist, and muttered toward his plate.

"What are you murmuring about?"

He shook his head, smiling to himself.

I let it go. "You're one to talk, Mister preppy. You conform."

"I wear what's comfortable. I don't care about conforming."

"Yeah, well you still fit in with everyone." _Not with your beautiful face and sex hair, but with your clothes._

He looked down at his clothes, then over to me. "You don't like what I'm wearing? Would you prefer it if I were to just strip and go naked?"

_Cue extreme hot blush_. I felt my entire face go red, the heat rise up on the back of my neck, my legs quivering. I tried and tried to look away, to conceal myself, but there was no help. He chuckled and turned his gaze away from me. Thank God. "You'd be thrown out for public indecency," I finally responded.

He laughed, that velvety sound melting me, and turned back toward me. "If it pleased you, I'd probably do it."

Now my face was even hotter. I flushed and looked down to the bottle cap I was holding with my fingers, "So... our project is coming along nicely. We should be done today."

"Why do we have to talk about our project?"

"Because I'm your lab partner?"

"You're also my friend, Bella. I enjoy your company."

"Oh."

"Tell me what you're doing this weekend."

"Hanging out with my dad. Maybe going fishing on Saturday if it doesn't rain. Laundry on Sunday, as always. What about you?"

"Baseball practice tonight. Saturday, I have to go to this hospital fund-raiser clinic thing with my father, and Sunday... I'm not sure yet. Sleeping in."

"Sounds like fun."

"Yeah. Do you like to fish? I didn't know girls like to do that."

"I do, yeah. Love spending time with Charlie."

"I've never fished before."

"Ever?" I asked, looking over at him in shock.

"No... Maybe you can teach me one day. It can't be too difficult to learn, right?"

"Depends on if you learn fast or not."

He grinned at me, locking our eyes. "I do well for myself."

"Then, yeah, m-maybe," I nodded, flustered.

We ate in a casual conversation -- well, as casual as it could be, considering most eyes were burning into the back of my skull. Biology went by way too quickly for my taste. It was my favorite hour of the day. Not only did we finish our project before everyone else, but that gave us time to talk some more. I kept noticing the way he'd lean into me. I was a live wire once the bell rang, saving the last straw of my sanity. We said our goodbye's, and I unfortunately didn't see him in the halls for the rest of the day. I was bummed for most of the weekend, because of it.

* * *

***** The First Realization:**

**EdwardPOV**

Holy shit.

My eyes popped open and I stared at the white ceiling above me.

I fucking like Bella Swan.

Like, _like_, like her.

I groaned and sat up, staring at my radio, currently playing 311's, _Love Song_. I'd been antsy all weekend, unable to concentrate, to focus. I sucked at practice on Friday, zoned out during my dad's speech at the stupid fundraiser last night, and today, I'd practically exhausted myself running around everywhere because I couldn't sit still, and couldn't figure it out. Yeah, maybe my thoughts kept going back to her for some strange reason. Normally, yes, I'd think of her and then I'd go about my business. But, all this weekend, my thoughts were consistent and never failing.

My heart started beating out of my chest as I thought things over. I couldn't like anyone... I wasn't the type to have childish crushes on anyone. All my friends had them growing up, but not me. But, from the way my heart reacted to the warmness that spread throughout my body whenever she was around or I'd think of her... Holy.... God damn. I really fucking like her.

I rubbed my face and crawled toward the edge of my bed, growing more anxious by the second as I looked over at my clock. It read two am. I'd see her in five hours. "Oh shit," I said to myself, pacing around the room. "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit... No... You can't like her. This is just a stupid... thing... You're having a mid-life crisis or something.... Get yourself together..." The more I paced, the more I thought about it, and the more it rang true.

I really cared for this girl. I felt a need to protect her. I cornered Tyler Crowley in the bathroom when I heard him talking shit about her over-sized clothes. He seemed to think she was a lesbian. I doubted he'd say anything more about her anytime soon. I told girls who gossiped about her to shut up, several times... But still...

Okay, yeah, maybe from the very first sight of her in that hallway weeks ago, when she had the run-in with Belinda Hamilton... I knew she was special. And yeah, maybe I felt the way my body was tugging to be closer to her. But, I mean, I'm fifteen, and there's all these hormones and strange shit going on. My voice was high last year, and it's not high anymore. No more pimples. No more squeaks in my vocal range. I grew hellaciously tall over the summer. I noticed toward the end of last year that I was starting grow chest hair and hair... well... everywhere.

"Fuck," I squatted down toward my carpet, cradling my head. I was losing my mind. Bella Swan was making me crazy. I was mesmerized by her. I knew it as soon as the thought crossed my mind. Images of her flashed in front of my eyes; chewing on her pens, her tongue peeking out to lick her lips when she'd look at me, the way her teeth grazed her bottom lip, her hair falling over her shoulders, her ivory complexion, those caramel eyes, that irresistable flush of her cheeks... And then I felt myself grow hard.

"Oh shit," I fell back on my ass, gasping. "No....."

I blew out gusts of wind, practically panting to calm myself down. Yes, sure, I'd taken care of this issue myself, as soon as I figured out at the age of thirteen that masturbating was much better than watching television, or eating, or breathing. But the idea of jerking off to thoughts of a girl... an _actual _girl... not someone from a porn or a magazine... A human, physical girl never got me to have this type of reaction. And sweet, innocent, baggy-clothes wearing, intelligent, beautiful Bella... This was sick. I couldn't. I would be an asshole if I did.

I groaned, crawling on my knees toward my radio to change the song. I was aching, throbbing, starting to feel sore. I needed to do something, but there was no way I could do this. And I couldn't call her. We'd never talked on the phone before. "Cold shower," I said to myself as I pulled myself along the wall and practically ran into my adjoining bathroom, thankful my room was on the opposite side of the house from my parents. Because that cold shower kicked my ass.

I hated Bella for putting me through this. I barely got any sleep. I was too angry with the realization that I liked a girl.

***&*#!#$^%$^**

I was never moody at school. Just the opposite, I was normally relaxed and laid back. But today was different. From the realization to the blue balls to the cold shower to the lack of sleep, my frustrations were higher than ever. Anyone who greeted me in the halls was countered with a sour glance or a death wish, so they quickly realized to leave me be. Even Alice and Emmett were staying clear of me.

I didn't pay any attention in my classes. I scribbled on notebooks, angry, dark marks, fisting my hair, my knees shaking. I avoided the freshman hall like a plague, carrying most of my books with me today. I didn't want to see her. I didn't know how to handle this.

I had secretly hoped that I'd realize today that it was all some big joke God was playing on me, and things would go back to normal. She'd just be my beautiful, sweet lab partner whom I enjoyed spending time with. Wrong. The world wanted to torture me. So, all I did was smell her scent from down the hall before first hour... a scent I'd recognize anywhere, strawberries and cinnamon, and I was royally fucked. From the pounding of my heart in my chest, to my jittery body, to my cotton-mouth, I knew this was more than just a phase.

This was permanent.

Hours crept by, making me more miserable, and angry. I saw Bella at lunch and she smiled, giving me a shy wave. And, what did I do? That's right. I glared and ignored her completely. I sat with my friends, didn't say a word to anyone, couldn't eat. I knew I had insulted her. Especially since the Friday before, she sat in this room with me and we were great. But it was all different now.

Biology came and went. I didn't talk to her unless we had to, stayed on the very edge of my side of the table. She kept asking me what was wrong with me, if I was okay, if I was sick, if there was anything she could do. Either I'd give really short answers, or no answer at all. One time, I think I even made fun of her book she had with her, like an asshole. It was like Kindergarten, all over again. In a sandbox. The boy shoveling dirt and throwing it at the girl he liked. Except I was throwing hard glances and cold comments, not dirt. But it was close enough. I was being an immature pussy.

As soon as the bell rang, I bailed out of my seat and hauled ass to my next class. I avoided the halls again, growing even grumpier, and angrier for being such a dick, for losing control of myself. I hated not being in control. Once the bell rang and it was time for last period, I stormed toward my locker to deposit the three books I was carrying and grab the one I needed, as well as a different notebook. I tried to make it as quick as possible, but then there she was, storming over, angry look in her eyes. She threw her free hand on her hip and rounded her shoulders, glaring up at me. "Do I smell?"

"Huh?" I copped, glowering back at her.

"Do I? Because I don't think I do."

"How the hell should I know." _You would know very well. She smells perfect._

"What is your problem? Why are you acting like an ass? You're freaking me out, and you won't talk to me, and normally we talk."

"I don't want to talk about it."

I tried to veer around her but then her hand came up to my chest and she pushed me back toward my locker. "What did you hear? What changed your mind about being friends with me?"

"What are you talking about?!"

"The gossip! I heard it, the new rumor Jess started about me that's going around, that I'm a lesbian or whatever. I understand that you don't want to be seen with me in the cafeteria, but you're my lab partner, and I mean... I-I thought we were friends!"

"You're not a lesbian."

"No shit! But I get it, if that's why you don't want to ha-"

"Look, Bella, I just figured out I fucking like you, and I'm not sure how I feel about it, because I'm not sure how you'd feel about it. So can you leave me alone?" The words came out before I had time to catch my breath.

She looked so shocked, so confused. Her face turned red and she took a few steps back, away from me, suddenly not the feisty, sassy girl she was a minute ago when she was throwing me up against my locker. "Oh," she said quietly, nodding and swallowing hard. "Okay." Then she turned and scurried away.

I closed my eyes, turned, and banged my head against my locker.

_That could have gone a hell of a lot better._

***&*#!#$^%$^**

"So you like her?"

"Yeah."

"_Like _her, like her."

"Yep."

"Bella Swan."

"Yes, Emmett," I scowled, spinning around on his computer chair. "Bella Swan. Now what am I going to do?"

"Well, you already told her," he chuckled, throwing his football on his bed as he dug through his closet, "so that part is done."

"Ass."

"And she's not a lesbian, despite the rumors."

"No."

He smirked, "So... I guess next step is fucking her."

I about fell off his chair. I shot out of it, glaring at him, "What the hell are you talking about?! Don't say shit like that! Not about her, all right?"

"Whoa, ease up!" He held his hands in the air, backing away from me and my death glare. "I'm just saying... After _I _tell a girl I like her, normally she climbs in the back seat of my car."

"Emmett, you've screwed three girls."

"Three more than you," he countered.

I dropped back in his chair, shaking my head. "I should be going to Alice about this, not you."

"Alice is with that idiotic Alex kid tonight. Did you see the pimple on his neck? Why is she with him?"

"I don't know, don't care," I scoffed. _ Hello, let's get back to me, shall we? You know, your desperate, way out of his field, drowning over this girl, friend?_

"I'm just saying... You know, deep down inside, you've got a stiff one for Bella Swan. You may as well let her take care of it. Girls who fuck you up should put out for you, at least."

"Remind me to never come to you for advice again."

"Hey man. I give good advice. You'll take it one day, you just don't know it yet."

***&*#!#$^%$^**

My revelation to Bella came on Monday, and Tuesday and Wednesday went mostly without conversation. We weren't necessarily awkward, at least outwardly. But, inside, I was humiliated and embarrassed and worried that she hated me, and would refuse to even be friends with me at this point. That, on top of all my hormonal urges, was frustrating the fuck out of me. Alice's and Emmett's opinions weren't helping me either. And I wasn't going to go to my mother about this one.

By the time Thursday came around, I was at my wits end. I bit my lip, looking at her across the table from me. Before I could torture myself any longer, I slid my chair over, wincing at the sound of the heels scraping across the floor. Well at least I knew I had the attention of every other student. "Bella."

She quirked an eyebrow but didn't look at me. She kept her eyes on her notebook, which she continued to cover in her special version of chicken scratch.

"Bella," I hissed again, moving an inch closer, "I can't handle the silence anymore."

"I'm doing as you asked," she replied stubbornly. "I'm leaving you alone."

"I don't want to be left alone anymore."

"You don't know what you want."

"Yes, I do."

She turned and glared at me, causing me to pull back slightly. "I can't read your mind, Edward. It seems to change so much. Lab partner, friends, not friends, leave you alone. Now you want to talk, but tomorrow, you may hate me again."

"I don't hate you," I scoffed, ignoring our teacher's request to close our mouths. "I just… I don't get what you're doing to me."

"What am I doing to you? What do you want?" She was getting angrier. Shit.

"You're fucking me up," I admitted truthfully. "I'm sorry, I can't explain it. I don't know anything other than the fact that I can't go back on this realization, and all I think about is you. I feel possessed, but... I can't handle it, and I like it, all the same. Because you're what I want." I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, lowering my head toward the top of the table. "I want _you_, Bella," I murmured.

She was silent, but when I opened my eyes and turned to look at her, I noticed a smile at the corner of her mouth. She continued to refuse looking at me though. Nor did she reply to my statement.

By the end of the hour when the bell rang, I had all but given up. I felt defeated as I pushed away from the desk, and there was no way I could hide my frown. Bella cut in front of me, swinging her orange bag over her right shoulder, then twisted around, depositing a folded piece of paper in my hand. She didn't even look at me. Then she hurried off, out of the classroom, leaving a trail of her beautiful scent to waft through my nose.

I dropped everything I had back onto the table and unfolded the paper. All that was written was, _"...I want you too, Edward... ---" _on the front, and when I flipped it over, it read,_ "...But I'm still fifteen for three more weeks, and not allowed to date yet. Parents rules, not mine."_

I smirked, my heart beating again as I exhaled slowly. She wanted me too.

_Thank you, Christ._

I didn't see Bella again until the end of school, when she was making her way back to her locker to put her stuff away for the day. I could barely hold my excitement as I ran over to her, my heart pounding out of my chest.

She turned as soon as she saw me, a startled expression on her face. She wasn't expecting me.

All I did was smile and lean forward, kissing her cheek gently. "We can deal," I whispered against her skin, though my heart was now in my throat.

I listened as she smiled then moved back to watch her bite her lip, her face flushed with warmth and a beautiful shade of pink, making my body go crazy, "...Okay."

I tucked the hair behind her ear, brushed my finger beneath her chin, and gave her a wink, before I had to run to catch up with Emmett, who'd been giving me a ride to school since the second day I met him. He'd leave my ass if I wasn't there, so I didn't have time for small talk.

And that was that.

* * *

***** The First Step:**

**BellaPOV**

_We can deal._

We can deal, we can deal, we can deal...

Yeah. Edward had never met my father. Charlie didn't like anyone _'dealing' _when it came to me. I remember when Mike Newton called to get notes once last year. I thought my dad was never going to stop lecturing me. So the thought of _this _being what I wanted it to be... I was fearful there would be steel bars gracing the outside of my window by daylight.

Edward and I tried to do the 'friends' thing at first... Having group dinners so no adults would grow suspicious, hanging out in his car whenever he'd sneak away, listening to music for hours, and talking, just talking, getting to know each other. And, of course, that electric connection was always there between us.

But that kiss on the cheek was the only form of contact we had for weeks. No hand-holding, no kissing on the lips, nothing. Maybe a hug or two. I didn't know what he was thinking but I most certainly didn't want to initiate it and get rejected. After all, I'd never kissed anything but my own hand. I had no idea what to do.

From September through December, we hung out, had this routine of sneaking around. We went to movies, went to games. I tried to teach him how to fish, though we didn't catch anything because it was too damned cold. We even walked to class together, him holding my books, but never my hand. I wasn't sure what the deal was, and there were countless times I wanted to ask him about it, but was afraid I'd scare him off. In September, only a few weeks after we told each other we liked one another, he purchased me a journal. A real one, thick, with the leather binding and wrap around strings. I'd never seen anything like it. "I always see you writing when you should be taking notes," he explained. "I felt it'd do you some good to have a place to put everything. My mother has a journal. She says it's... how she talks about her feelings when she believes no one else could understand."

It was the best gift I had ever received.

One December night, he called me, telling my dad he needed Bio notes. When I got on the phone, he begged me to sneak out and go for a walk with him. It was freezing, sub zero temperatures, at ten o'clock at night, and he wanted me to go out in that. Of course, I said yes, because it was Edward Cullen and I would never deny him anything. But the thought of turning into an ice sculpture was not appealing to me at all. I threw on my snow boots over my red Coca Cola polar bear pajama pants. I put my parka on and snuck out the back door, running down the icy path. Edward was there, standing in jeans and shoes and a heavy jacket, his hands in his pockets, his car parked down the road with its lights off.

As soon as he saw me, his eyes widened, and before I knew it, I had thrown myself in his arms, panting heavily.

"Jesus!" he shouted, grabbing a hold of me, "You're freezing! What are you wearing?!"

"Pajamas." My cold breath puffed in a cloud toward his mouth. "It's the middle of the night and I had to sneak out."

"Come on," he chuckled, pulling me -- almost carrying me because I kept slipping -- down the slick road, and into his car. "Finally passed my test. Got the new license. You wouldn't believe the chores I had to do to convince my mother to let me come out with my car in this weather." He turned it on, the heat going full blast, and angled all the vents in my direction. "Bella, you're going to catch pneumonia for this."

"It's your fault. You're the one who begged me to come out here."

"I imagined you'd be smart enough to throw on warmer clothes."

"No, I didn't think, I just ran out the door with what I had. I just wanted to see you. That's all I really thought about."

He turned, looking at me, his emerald eyes mesmerizing me, as always.

"I-I... I missed you," I stammered with a blush.

He grinned crookedly, the smile that owned my soul, and leaned forward, grabbing my frigid hands in his warm ones. It was our first serious touch in weeks. "I miss you every time that you are away from me, Bella."

I smiled, relieved that he didn't think I was a fool. My hands shook inside of his, but it was more anticipation than it was the cold. "Really?"

"Yes."

I nodded, licking my lips. "This may sound... dumb, but... I really can't stop thinking about you. I do it all the time. No matter what I'm doing, it's all about you. Isn't that strange?"

He shook his head, his grin growing wider. "All the time?"

"Yes."

His grin grew devilish, "Even in the shower?"

My face turned hot and I shut my eyes, nodding slowly. "Yeah. That's frustrating."

"Why's that?"

"You know why." _Kill me now. _ My face was so flushed, I wasn't even an icicle anymore.

"No... Tell me."

I buried my face in my hands, kicking myself momentarily from stealing them back from Edward's. "Because... It's... dirty."

"Ohhhh, so you were _fantasizing _about me."

"Edward!" I squealed, looking over to him in shock as my palms slapped my thighs. "Are you enjoying humiliating me?!"

"Yes."

"I figured."

He chuckled, "Well, do you handle it or not?"

"Handle what?"

"Your …frustrations …in the shower." His wicked grin wrought havoc with my heart rate.

"No," I looked away, shaking my head quickly.

He sighed, his grin fading as he turned his face toward the steering wheel "Yeah... We should really do something about that."

"That what?"

"That predicament we're both in."

I bit my lip, turning slowly toward him, still shy. "You… fantasize about me?"

"Yes."

"Oh."

He smirked, still not meeting my eyes now. "But I don't do anything about it either. I figured you wouldn't like me doing that."

"Like you doing what?"

He looked over at me, our eyes locking, "Pleasuring myself with the thought of you."

My eyes widened and I quickly turned away, staring bug-eyed at the dashboard in front of me. I was stunned. I didn't know what to do, but I didn't expect him to say that. I squealed, chagrinned, leaning toward the windshield. I had no idea how to react or what to say.

"Talk to me," he said. "I hate this limbo crap... Please."

"Do you... do that? P-pleasure yourself?" I closed my eyes, shaking my head. My brain went all sorts of wrong places, but there was no way to stop that thought-train now. There was no way it was possible for me to blush any deeper.

"Yes. Don't you?" I shook my head slowly, still keeping my eyes closed. "Are you kidding me?" I shook my head again, my face some how more embarrassed. "Bella... You could combust."

I laughed, sighing heavily. "I haven't so far."

"It's different now. Everything's different when you're with someone."

"Is that what I am? ...With you?"

"I'm... hoping so."

I sighed, turning toward him. "Then why don't we hold hands and stuff?"

He shrugged. "Maybe I'm afraid?"

"Of me?"

"Of... not being able to control myself if I touch you... like that."

"What do you mean? It's normal for couples to hold hands and st-"

"For one, nothing is normal for us. And second, I meant what I said to you weeks ago. I want you. Like, _want you_, want you. And I realize we have a long way to go before we get that far, but... Would you understand if I told you that I'm only human, and that I'm a guy?"

"Yes."

"Alright." He nodded, sucking in his top lip, "But... I mean... I'd like to try, still. You will have to work with me though."

"How?" I asked calmly.

"We... start slow... and see where it goes?"

"Okay..."

He rested his arm on the center console and flipped it over, his palm facing up and open. Then he wiggled his fingers, whispering, "Come here."

I bit my lip, my hand shaking as I slowly placed it into his. The electric current flew through me, and I bit my lip harder to stifle a gasp. I watched as his fingers wrapped around the back of my hand, pushing our palms closer together. Then he moved his hand a bit and intertwined our fingers, one by one. As soon as we were connected like that, a relieved breath floated from my lips. I could finally relax. I was holding his hand. And the current between us was running through my veins, making me feel almost high.

Step one, _accomplished_.

With his free hand, he inserted a CD by 311, and then turned to me again, smiling warmly. We didn't say another word, too consumed in the melody and the moment.

Words weren't necessary at the time.

* * *

***** The First Kiss:**

Even though my dad refused to let anyone drive me to school but him, Edward held my hand in the halls the next day. Dad said school was "fine" for us to "have crushes on each other", but I was pretty sure taking anything beyond those halls would earn "the look", at least. And although I tried to tell him I was sixteen now, he wasn't too happy about the idea of letting me go just yet.

So this, at school... It was our 'official outing' in public. ...Well, as public as Forks could get.

Every single time our hands touched, it was pure butterflied, anxiety bliss. Sometimes my palm was unfortunately sweaty. Sometimes I was in an internal panic. But any time that he'd brush his finger along the back of my skin, or stroke my face, or just freakin' smile at me, all of that melted away, and then it was just me and him, like any other couple in school. Sure, there were gossip and rumors. More about me than him. But this time, I noticed the anger in his eyes whenever they'd scoff something down the hallway, and it was the first true realization that Edward wanted to protect me just as much as I wanted to protect him.

We ate lunch side by side in the cafeteria, instead of across the table. He'd pick things off my plate and laugh when he ate them and I growled at him playfully. By the time Biology came around, everyone in our grade knew we were together, and Jinny Holts even had the nerve to ask Mr. Banner if we could trade lab partners. But he just ignored her, pretended he didn't know we were together, thankfully. Everyone knew. It was the smallest town in America.

The week past by, the last week of school for the remainder of the year, and we were basically inseparable. He started to come around for dinner at my house whenever I'd beg Charlie to allow it. We never did anything even approaching physical, never even held hands in front of him, kept the conversations subtle. But I'm pretty sure anyone could see how quickly we were melting into each other. Meeting his parents was a whole other world for me. They became fast friends with my step-father, Phil, and mother, Renee, but I never really hung out with them much, being the typical rebellious teenager if you will. We waited until Christmas break to officially meet. Carlisle wasn't there when we'd arrived, just his mother Esme, who was wearing a beautiful brown dress a lawyer-type would wear to the office, with a crisp apron over it. She welcomed me with open arms, not seeming to notice Edward's hand wrapped around my waist. She told us to enjoy ourselves in the living room, and explained that she was cooking pot roast, garlic potatoes, rolls, and baked corn, and that it'd be ready in an hour.

So we snuggled up on their plush white sofas and watched tv, holding hands beneath the cover. To this day, I couldn't tell you what we watched. I was too busy freaking out about our close proximity, my back half-covering his chest, his arm around me, holding my hand and his breath feathering down my neck. Carlisle arrived shortly after, barely making small talk before scarfing down his meal, drinking a glass of wine, kissing the top of his wife's head, asking Edward if he finished all his homework before the break started, telling me it was nice to meet me, and that was it. To his office he went, with the door closed and the lit fireplace echoing beneath the crack of it. Edward gave me a tour of his gigantic house. My entire home could fit into his living room. But when we made it to his bedroom, I wouldn't go in. I was too nervous. So we sat on the steps instead, talking and laughing for hours.

After that, we went back into town with his mom because she had to purchase a few last-minute gifts, and Edward walked me home from the store that night, in the snow. It was only a half a mile from my house. We held hands, walking side by side, shivering against each other. But it wasn't so cold that we couldn't breathe, thankfully. When we arrived at my porch, it was the first time that I felt my heart _really _tugging. I was so upset that we were going to be parted for the night that I wanted to cry. I didn't want him to leave. So he walked me to the door, and when I went to open it, all sad and mopey, he wouldn't let go of my gloved hand. I froze, hand on the doorknob, and then he pulled me to him and took a step toward me at the same time. Our chests touched, and our faces were mere inches apart. I didn't breathe.

"Mmmm," he hummed, closing his eyes. "You smell so good... like Christmas morning, Bella."

I bit my lip, shaking in my frame. _ He's going to kiss me. I really think he's going to kiss me. Oh shit. Oh shit... Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh God, oh Christ. Okay. Okay, breathe. SHIT! He's going to kiss me!!!! I don't know how to kiss. Please don't let me suck at this!_

He brought his now-ungloved hands up toward my face and carefully framed my jaw with his fingers, looking straight into my eyes. Even though it was nighttime and the only source of light was the dim porch lamp, I noticed the hue in his eyes was much warmer. It reminded me of the flames created when we'd burn driftwood on the beach. I stared at them, completely stunned. I had never seen eyes more beautiful than his, and I had never seen his eyes more beautiful than at that moment.

Shaking, I exhaled slowly, wrapping my fingers around his wrists, while he still held onto my face.

He leaned down slowly, pressing his forehead to mine.

And then we breathed.

Sometimes we opened our eyes and looked at each other. Others, we closed our eyes and reveled in the moment. I don't know how long we stood there like that. I'm not sure how long we lingered in that moment. All I know was that it was so beautiful, so perfect. It would forever be one of my favorites... and the crazy thing was, we didn't even kiss that night. Almost, yes. But we didn't do it. And that night was still wonderful to me.

Right before Christmas break, Renee and Esme had joined forces to purchase a cabin together in Windsor, Colorado, and this was the first time we were all heading out there. Our parents didn't take mine and Edward's relationship 'seriously'. They thought we were just 'young kids experiencing puppy love'. Though, at the time it was sort-of true, because we were in the first stages of love. Regardless, we were quite offended by that statement because we knew in our hearts that it was more.

We rode together in our parent's vehicles, first in his mom and dad's BMW, sneakily holding hands and pressing close together in the backseat. In Phil's Bronco, we had a lot more room and a lot more privacy. I think, at one point, I embarrassingly fell asleep with my head in his lap, but it was too dark for them to see us, and thankfully that meant it was too dark for him to know I was possibly drooling on his pants.

The cabin they purchased was massive, easily accommodating both families. Phil and Renee's room was downstairs in what Carlisle called 'the dungeon', because not many people knew where it was. Carlisle and Esme took the master on the third story. Rosalie and her three friends from school, Mariah, Jackelyn, and Jessy, hung out in the 'Disney' room, as we called it, because it had three beds and all these colorful finishes. Edward took a room on the third floor with a balcony that overlooked the woods surrounding the property. I took the room down the hall from him. My mom brought up her worries, but Carlisle assured her that he'd '_be on the lookout for misbehavior'_, which Edward later assured me meant that '_He'll be intoxicated by eleven every night, and that will give us free reign'_.

We did our best to behave in front of our parents. Ate meals with them, ice skated on the lake, danced and played games and everything. But after our parents were asleep and they thought we were too, we'd sneak off together and take midnight swims in the pool, or hang outside on a bench together by the fireplace under a warm blanket. Though I was still nervous around him, it wasn't nearly as uncomfortable. Just the butterflies. All the rest seemed to fade away, the more time we spent together.

Christmas came and went fast. Edward and I agreed to exchange gifts, but only small ones, less than $15. He gave me a package of Sharpie colored pens for my journal and some bracelets. I got him a baseball and a new chain for his wallet, since the one he had was pretty ancient.

And then it came. December 30th. The day I truly knew he was _the one_. We were outside, once again, sharing a blanket and a fireplace. Edward pulled me between his legs, my back to his chest, and wrapped his arms around me. I smiled and snuggled against him, my heart beating out of my chest. "Hey Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Do you ever wonder if there's someone that looks identical to us, but standing on the moon, looking back in our direction?"

He chuckled, pulling me closer to him. "What, like a mirrored image?"

I intertwined my fingers with his, but noticed he wouldn't move his hand the slightest inch from my stomach. He didn't want to let me go. I turned my face back and pushed what I could into his neck, inhaling slowly. "Yeah," I whispered, "like an alternate universe, where the exact same thing is happening over there?"

He buried his face closer to mine, sending chills down my spine. "I hope not."

I curled out my bottom lip, fake-pouting, because he didn't get my analogy. "Why?"

"Well... regardless of how selfish I may sound, I wouldn't want anyone else to have our type of relationship... I kind of enjoy the fact that we're so rare... so happy all the time... I enjoy being able to recognize how special you are, and that you're one of a kind..."

He exhaled, kissing my cheek. "I want you to remain irreplaceable, so I'll always know how important you are in my life... that way I'd never be willing to lose you."

I flushed and bit my lip, shaking my head slowly. "I can't imagine us losing each other."

"Yeah... but things do happen. I'm praying for the best, but taking all our friends and our families relationship fumbles into consideration... It's scary. You never know. We have to be careful." He gripped me tighter, but I welcomed the closeness easily.

"I know we're young," I whispered with a shrug. "But... I think this might be a set up for something beyond our control... I can't imagine waking up and not looking forward to seeing you. It's the best part of school, the best part of my day... just being with you, Edward. I don't mean to sound cheesy or typical, but... it's true. You're a wonderful person, and you make me extremely happy."

"Good," he smiled. "That's what I wanted."

"What?"

"To make you happy. You're... difficult to comprehend sometimes and I wouldn't want to disappoint you. That's why I'm taking things slow."

"Slow is good," I smiled. "For now, at least."

***&*#!#$^%$^**

New Year's Eve was another big day. Our parents were laughing drunkenly, playing poker, the Times Square celebration on the television in the background on mute, classic music from the 40s-80s on full blast. Rosalie and her four snippy girlfriends quickly met up with some boys from around the cabin. They were also over for the night and they were giggling and laughing around the pool. Rosalie invited Edward and I to hang out with them, but I hated her friends, so it was easy for me to decline.

As soon as we got the chance, we made our escape. We didn't have but fifteen minutes before the start of the new year. We slipped up the steps, to the third story, where his 'bedroom' was. We were both dressed simply, not too into dressing up for the occasion like everyone else. He wore jeans and a white button-down, I wore dark pants and a glittery blue shirt and boots.

"Hey," he said, as soon as he locked the door behind us, "want to go outside?"

"Uhhh, in case you haven't noticed, it's freezing out, and I'm in... this."

"I have extra clothes," he replied, digging through his suitcase. He tossed me a white hooded sweatshirt of his that still smelled like him. I inhaled slowly before putting it over me and engulfing myself in it. He put one on as well, dark charcoal colored, and grinned at me. "You... look good... in my clothes."

I blushed. "Thanks."

He breezed past me and opened the sliding door, before extending his hand. "Come on. We can hear the music from downstairs."

I took it and allowed him to pull me out, slipping a little on the wood beneath us. Edward's hands stretched to my hips and we both laughed while he balanced me. "Jesus, I can't take you anywhere," he teased.

"Just don't take me near the railing, unless you want me to tumble to my death."

"Do you really think I'd let the big, bad porch throw you off?"

I looked up at him, grinning, but eyeing him in mock suspicion. "I don't know, would you?"

He shook his head slowly.

"Are you sure?" I narrowed my eyes at him.

He smirked at me. "Yeah... I'm sure."

"You seem to be contemplating that one... I don't know if I should trust you."

"Ohhh, I think you should trust me," he said slowly, moving closer and locking his arms behind my back.

My heart began to pound wickedly as I stared up at him. The only thing between us was our cold breath. "I'm not really the trusting type."

"Then... make me an exception." The music changed downstairs. Faith Hill's, _'Breathe' _cascaded from the speakers_. _It added more chills to the ones already brushing my spine.

_I can feel the magic floating in the air... Being with you gets me that way... I watch the sunlight dance across your face, and I've... never been this swept away..._

And, as I looked around at our beautiful surroundings, I was swept away. The moonlight glowed from the tops of the powder-covered trees, across the frozen lake, reflecting from the ice-covered ground.

I bit my lip, loving our playful mood. "Do you believe that you deserve an exception?"

_All my thoughts just seem to settle on the breeze, when I'm lying wrapped up in your arms... The whole world just fades away, the only thing I hear... is the beating of your heart._

Edward moved his face to my neck, breathing in my scent. _Oh christ, oh christ, oh christ... the tingles_. "You tell me, Bella. Do I deserve an exception?"

I shivered, holding him closer to me, never close enough. "...I'm thinking so...," I teased. "Possibly... getting warmer."

_There's nothing left to prove... Baby all we need is just to be... caught up in the touch... the slow and steady rush, baby isn't that the way that love's supposed to be?_

He hummed, intensifying the shivers and tingles, his hot breath on my neck. "I can handle 'warmer'... You smell so good, Bella... I always think about this... I want to drown in you."

_...I can feel you breathe... Just breathe..._

I bit my lip, my heart inside my throat, and closed my eyes, overwhelmed a little. "...This is a lot of emotion for us to be handling. We're really young..."

"If you look at it that way," he argued softly, trailing his nose down the side of my throat.

_In a way I know my heart is waking up... as all the walls come tumbling down... Closer than I've ever felt before... and I know and you know... there's no need for words right now..._

"H-How do you... look at it?" I practically sang my question, as tiny diamond snowflakes fell around us, lingering on the shelving of the porch and around the circle we were making as we swayed from side to side to the music. It was freezing cold outside, but the body heat intensified by our proximity created an amazingly warm bubble around us. I wasn't shivering from the cold... only the anticipation of us being this close.

Our parents were getting louder, shouting that we had four minutes until the new year arrived. They were clearly drunk, but it didn't phase Edward whatsoever. There was no momentum lost.

"I think we're more of old souls, Bella... I can't explain it and I don't want you to freak out on me. I know we've only known each other for five months, but I truthfully don't... see this..." He paused to pull me closer, our chests crushing together while he kept his face buried between my face and my shoulder, "...as a typical teenage relationship... You're different... and you make me feel different when I'm with you."

"You make me feel different too," I stated, shivering.

_Just breathe..._

He smiled and pulled back, our hips pressed together, our backs arched away, our arms locked around each other. Each place our bodies touched, my skin was alive with that electric current that I never understood but had come to crave.

_I can feel the magic floating in the air... being with you gets me that way._

I stared into his eyes, amazed at the turn of events. It was as if the entire planet had shifted on its axis, making us melt closer together. In just a few moments alone, we went from one thing to something completely different. Something magical. As the snow fell, it was like being cocooned in our own beautiful snow globe.

The music changed and _'Angel' _by Aerosmith pressed us even closer together. There was no other place I wanted to be than right here in Edward's arms. An inch of separation would be too much, too heart-wrenching.

Edward tilted his head slowly, his firelit emerald eyes reflecting pure adoration. "This song reminds me of you," so soft it was almost a whisper. His breath crystallized in the frigid air, even while its' warmth caressed my cheeks.

"Why's that?" I moved my right hand up his back, into his bronzed hair, brushing off the soft flakes.

He bit his lip and shrugged, almost blushing. "Sometimes... when I'm alone or I talk to my mom or something, about us, I sometimes say that. I call you 'Angel'."

I smiled, blushing back. "I didn't know that..."

"You do now."

_I want your love. Let's break the walls between us. Don't make it tough. I'll put away my pride. Enough's enough, I've suffered and I've seen the light..._

"Are there... any other nicknames you have for me?"

"Uhh... yeah," he grinned sheepishly. "But _'Beautiful'_, I'd have to say... is my favorite for describing you."

"Edward," I looked down, my face inflamed, "there's a ton of girls that are much more beautiful than me. I'm... waiting for the moment when you'll wake up and see that and bail out."

"They may be beautiful to you, but not to me. You're... all I want to see, Bella. Just you."

My bashful nature taking over, I pushed my face into his chest.

_Don't know what I'm going to do about this feeling inside... Yes it's true... Loneliness took me for a ride... _

He chuckled, holding me close. "How on earth can I see you when you shy away from me?"

"I don't know how to take compliments."

He brushed his fingers through my long, brown hair, spreading his electricity even across my scalp. "Well we're going to have to do something about that, because I plan to give you a lot of them."

I blushed harder, shaking my head and inhaling deep.

The countdown was already going, mere seconds left.

_Without your love, I'm nothing but a beggar... _

_"30, 29, 28!"_

I felt his hands come up to my face and move me back so I could look at him, "Bella?"

"Yes?"

_"24, 23, 22!"_

He grinned crookedly, caressing my face. "I have a question I want to ask you... something I've been dying to ask for an eternity now." Another sparkle, a brighter one, had found a home in his eyes.

"_Without your love, I'm a dog without a bone... What can I do? I'm sleeping in this bed alone..._

_"18, 17, 16!"_

"Okay," I bit my lip, standing on my tip-toes to see him better, wrapping my arms around his neck.

_"14, 13, 12!"_

He leaned slowly, coming even closer to me, "Bella?"

_"10, 9, 8!"_

_You're my angel, come and save me tonight... _

I closed my eyes, trembling, "Yeah?"

_"6, 5, 4!"_

"May I please kiss you?"

I nodded quickly, pulling him down to me.

_"3, 2, 1!"_

We both took a breath and pushed our faces forward, our lips connecting softly.

_"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"_

When our lips touched, the electricity hummed through every pore of my body. I would have gasped at the sudden sensation, but gasping would have pulled my lips from his, and I would rather die than allow that. The shrieks from everyone downstairs attempted to pierce our bubble. But, they barely registered in my thoughts. Steven Tyler's voice rose around us, but all I registered was the sound of us moving together. The connection... as soon as we made it… I felt my world spinning wildly out of control. I heard people talk about first kisses and how awkward they can be. But this one... it belonged in a picture frame somewhere, hung in a museum. I knew it shouldn't feel this good, this right, this serene. But it did. In spite of the electricity coursing through my body, I'd never felt so calm in my entire life.

_You're my angel, come and make it alright..._

His sweet breath cascaded over mine as our lips moved and molded, blending into each other's as our comfort quickly grew. Before I gathered my thoughts, I pushed myself into him, panting into his mouth. It was as if something wild had taken control of my body. I knew I shouldn't act so forward, but I couldn't get a grip. I wanted more. Just feeling his lips on mine was no longer enough. Taking a breath that sounded more like a whimper, I opened my lips the slightest bit, inviting his slightly plumper bottom lip between them. Slowly, I pressed both my lips to it, sucking it between them the tiniest bit. There are no words to describe the taste of Edward's lips. It was the most dazzling mix of mint and sweet and perfect I had ever tasted.

As I pulled his lower lip between mine, he sucked my top lip between his. I felt more than heard the small groan that emanated from his throat. His hands ghosted up my back, finding first my neck then my jaw. He held my face so tenderly between his hands, as if I might shatter. My insides were vibrating so violently in that moment, I might have if he wasn't holding me together. We both inhaled at the same time, and the sound was like a wave crashing over us

_You're the reason I live... You're the reason I die... _

And all of a sudden, again, it wasn't enough. I parted my lips further for him, humming as we tilted our heads in opposite directions. I felt his lips part, too. Taking control for just the briefest moment, I ghosted my tongue slowly across that bottom lip. Soft and moist, it was like nothing I had ever felt before. His tongue moved carefully, touching only the tip of mine, then pulling back. I pushed harder against him, hoping he'd catch a hint.

And he did.

As soon as I had his tongue in my mouth that very first time, it created a fire in me. An embarrassing moan escaped my throat as he slowly swirled his around mine, his fingers gripping my back, pulling me closer and closer to him until I thought we were somehow going to meld into one person. I felt him smile against my lips, then we moved our heads the other way, and this time, our tongues met in the middle. With each brush of his lips, or sweep of his tongue, I was melting more and more. I felt my body reacting to him, but I didn't want to stop. In that moment, I felt pulled to him, attached as if by some magnetic force between us.

It amazed me how linked we were in that moment. Our chests heaved in unison, our hearts pounding against each other. Our hands seemed to mirror each other's in movement and strength. And, as always happened with us, the surge came, making even that contact not enough. But, again, being as synced as we were, we both knew that this was our peak for tonight. So, slowly, almost achingly slow, we began to pull back. Easing back our tongues, dragging out lips apart, until finally we stood, still wrapped as tightly together as possible, foreheads pressed together forcing distance between our mouths. Our breath left us in pants, creating clouds around us, further adding to the magic of our moment. Right then, I knew what it was like to be so filled with emotion that I could not contain it. I blinked furiously, trying to keep the tears in. I didn't want him to see…to think the wrong thing.

_You're the reason I live when I break down and cry... Don't need no reason why..._

I felt his head lift as he looked for my eyes. His finger slipped beneath my chin, but I held my head down, resisting the pressure of his hand. "Please, Bella. I need to know what you're thinking." His velvet voice was unsure. I raised my eyes to his and I saw a flash of joy before they fell. "I'm sorry, Bella," he rushed softly to apologize, "I thought you…"

"Edward," I cut him off, covering his lips with my fingers. "Don't. This is why…" I shuffled my feet within his embrace. "This is why I didn't want to look at you. I knew you'd see the tears and think you hurt me or did something wrong." I smiled my brightest smile in spite of the tears on my cheeks. "I just… I've just never felt so much before. I'm a little overwhelmed." I could feel the blush from the roots of my hair down. "That was…" _Oh God, he was finally going to understand just how in-over-my-head I was_. I sighed, still smiling. But, I had to tell him. "Thatwasmyfirstkiss," I rushed out, still smiling, but now looking anywhere but at him.

"Bella…, " he began.

"I.. oh God… I just hope I… I don't know… I did it right. I mean, I…" This time Edward covered my lips with his fingers.

_Come and save me tonight... _

"Bella, you were perfect."

_Come and save me tonight... _

"Really?" My lip was now locked between my teeth, worrying it back and forth. Where during the kiss, I had been somewhat calm, I was now jacked up beyond compare, a live wire. "Cause, I mean, like I said, I've never done anything like that before. Not that way anyway. And, I mean, you've probably kissed lots of girls and I would hate to…"

_Come and save me tonight... _

This time he saved me from myself with a kiss, just pressing his lips to mine again. Soft but firm and more than enough to stop my lips in their tracks and send them a whole other direction. After a moment, or an eternity, of his lips pressed to mine, he pulled back so that he was eye to eye with me.

"Bella, I…" he inhaled and stammered, "I… I haven't kissed lots of girls. I've kissed one girl. And, she's still in my arms right now." That crooked grin spread across his lips, making my heart pound again.

_Come and save me tonight..._

"Really?" I thought hard for just a moment about what that might mean. Then glancing up at him again, I was captured by the glowing emerald of his eyes. "Thank you, Edward."

"For what?" his grin spread even wider.

"For giving me my first kiss," I said earnestly.

"Happy New Year, Bella," he said, pulling me back to his chest. I heard him swallow heavily, like he wanted to say more.

"Happy New Year, Edward.."

* * *

***** The First Time:**

My eighteenth birthday. Edward surprising me.

I'll never know how he pulled it off. I'll never know how he convinced our parents to let us leave the state without supervision, or if he just lied to them, said we were staying at opposing friends' houses, and escaped. I'll never know a lot of things, because Edward loves mystery far too much to give anything away.

But here I was, wearing the electric blue halter dress his mother purchased for me for my birthday, standing by the front door of our parents' cabin, fiddling with the key. We had been in Colorado all day. Edward sent me to an art museum with some of the girls I knew in the area, because he said he knew I'd never go to a spa. He had to run some "errands". After he finished, he picked me up from the museum and handed me a single rose and a long box that contained the dress, blue heels with diamonds on the straps, and a real pearl necklace. I didn't even get to go back to the cabin to change. He took me straight to a romantic restaurant, _Bésame_, where we ate dinner by candlelight. He wore a black tux for the occasion. I could barely eat, I was staring at him too much to function properly.

As soon as the door opened, I fumbled inside and twisted around, grabbing his hand and pulling him in, against my chest, "Thank you for my gifts today, Edward."

He smirked, kicking the door closed behind him, "It's not over yet. Come on." He led me across the floor, between two rows of colorful candies, Reese's, suckers, jolly ranchers, candy hearts, streaming from the front door to the pool. Once we were inside, I gasped, completely stunned. There was nothing but candles and roses... All over the pool deck, in the water... red petals, white petals, floating candles... "This is incredible," I whispered, shaking my head. "How did you _do _all of this?"

"Why do you think I sent you away?" he chuckled.

Feeling giddy, I ran and jumped into his arms, pushing my face into his neck and inhaled his scent until I felt intoxicated by it. "Thank you so much, Edward! I couldn't ask for a better birthday gift than this!"

He popped me up in his arms, forcing a giggle from my chest. "So you're not too upset with me about doing something for your birthday?" he asked as he moved a few fly-away hairs from my eyes.

"Not at all," I smiled, kissing his top lip. "But you're the best gift I could ever ask for. Just you."

He inhaled slowly and rubbed my back, before pressing my chest into his. I wanted to tell him I loved him. I'd been wanting to tell him for quite a long time now. But I was too afraid it'd ruin the moment... and like always, I figured I'd wait for a different day. He kissed my cheek, my jaw, my chin... slow, tender movements that melted my heart... I felt like golden mush. He always had a way of doing that to me. "You're so beautiful," he whispered, shaking his head, his nose rubbing against my cheek. "Every night, I tell myself that it'll never get better than this... and then the next day proves me wrong..."

"I know what you mean," I replied as he sat me back down to my feet. He took my hand in his and brushed the hair off my shoulder with his other. "Come on... I want to show you something else."

I bit my lip as he led me down the candy path, which continued in the opposite direction from the double doors, up the winding stair-case to the third floor, down the long hall, and ended at the master bedroom, where the door was cracked open. I could see the glow of a fireplace dancing along the walls, listened to the crackle and pops of the embers. But when he moved the door open, all my senses went into over-drive. The bed that was normally there was gone. Instead, there was a large mattress in the middle of the floor, draped in white and dark red silk. It was completely surrounded by rose petals and candles, like a safe haven. The fireplace was decorated with colorful rocks below the flames, sparkles of their diamond textures mesmerizing. The glow of the surroundings bounced off of the wooden floors, the tan walls, reflecting back against the sheets. The sweet combination of smells, freesia, lavender, lily, vanilla, enveloped enough that, on their own, it was enough. Together, it was all overwhelming. He did everything perfect.

I covered my mouth, my eyes widening as far as possible so I could take it all in. I couldn't believe this. I had never, ever expected him to go this far. I knew he could be romantic. He'd constantly leave love letters in my locker, my car, beneath my pillow... little scavenger hunts for me to find whenever he was away... But this... it was unbelievable. "Edward," I whimpered, walking slowly toward the fireplace, "...I don't know what to say."

"Say that you love it... if that is the case."

"I more than love it," I sighed, my heart pounding in my chest. "...It's... I don't even know how to describe what I'm feeling."

He walked over to me, his hands behind his back, his emerald eyes sparkling with gold from the glow of the fireplace, "...I think I know what you're feeling."

"You do?"

"Mmhmm," he nodded contently, that dazzling crooked smile spreading across his lips, "...I'm feeling it too."

My heart sped up more, wondering if he was thinking he loved me... because that's all I was thinking. I knew I should say it, should tell him... But this... this was enough for now.

His left hand moved from his back, and he extended it toward me, "Come here," he whispered, his voice caressing me like velvet, those eyes of his trapping me within his soul. I couldn't breathe as I took his hand, allowing him to slowly pull me against his chest. My lips parted as I stared at the wonder of him, trying to figure out how the hell I got so lucky. His other arm wrapped behind my back, his fingers locking against me. Without saying a word, he swayed gently from left to right, in a sweet rocking motion. I fought back tears as I moved my hands up his arms, behind his shoulders. Was this really happening? Were we really here right now? Was this meant for what I'm thinking it was meant for?

He bent his knees and pressed his forehead to mine, "Stop thinking," he whispered, pecking my nose. "Just feel, okay?"

I nodded, closing my eyes. I allowed him to move us around the wooden floors, careful to not get too close to the fire or any of the candles. I pushed myself against him as far as I possibly could without us joining into one body. I wanted to nuzzle against him. I wanted to breathe him in and trap him in my being... he was already in my heart. That would forever be his. This night was proof of that. No other man deserved that spot but him. I didn't want to give myself to anyone else... How could I, now that I knew that someone like him existed?

I felt his fingers move behind my hair, against the back of my neck. Edward tilted his head to the left and pressed his mouth beneath my left ear, kissing delicately. My heart sputtered. I moved my hands up his chest, beneath the flaps of his jacket. Without a word, I pushed the flaps back, off his shoulders, praying he'd be okay with me removing the jacket. I just wanted more of him... fewer boundaries. Thankfully, he smiled against my skin, allowing it to fall onto the bare floors. I shivered when his right hand ran down the back of my dress, down the opening and back up, toward the fastening on the collar around my neck. For a moment, I thought he was going to unfasten it. But then I heard the distinct sound of pearls clicking as he removed my necklace and dropped it on top of the jacket.

While we kissed, our tongues winding slow and savoring, I pulled on his shirt, untucking it from his pants. Edward held me tightly against him, making it difficult to release the front. Smiling, I pulled my neck back and looked up at him. "Give me your hand." Grinning, Edward did as I asked, and I carefully led him over the flowers and roses, onto the mattress. We dropped to our knees in front of each other, and Edward reached for my right leg. He bent over slowly, and kissed my knee, my shin, and the side of my calf, while he unfastened and slid my heel off. I leaned back on my palms and smiled nervously as he mimicked his actions with the other leg.

Once our shoes were off, we sat back on our heels, our legs folded beneath us, hands in our laps, and stared calmly at each other. This night felt so different, the atmosphere between us intensified. Everything felt so new, so untouched. More special. Throughout our relationship thus far, Edward and I had taken time to explore sexual desires with each other. I was more open, more comfortable, finding out how he enjoyed things than I was allowing him to do them to me. I was generally too worried and self-conscious about oral sex. I always thought myself so much less in comparison to him, not worthy of him. Even though I knew he cared for me, and felt he only had eyes for me, I just... could never relax over that particular issue. Not receiving, anyway. But I loved the way his hands felt on my skin. Loved the way his kisses created a frenzy within my body, those warm lips and soft tongue that alone could almost bring me to my peak... His little pants and moans, the skip of his heart beat when he lay across my chest, his long fingers creating a beautiful silent melody as they roamed my inner-thighs... Edward treated me as if my body were a classical piano, my cries for him the music he was composing.

As time went by, our experiences grew. We had mastered the art of clothed dry sex, grinding against each other until the friction took us both to a place we hadn't found before. My first orgasm in the presence of another person came on a night when neither of us had been able to pull away, too high strung and caught up in feelings. At first, I was embarrassed as hell. But, when Edward immediately followed me over that edge, we both laughed as our bodies cooled. The things we made each other feel were amazing. We'd mastered first and second base, as many times as we'd done that now.... even third from me to him, with his kind words and willingness to be patient and instruct me on the little things, like being careful with my teeth, or how to use my hands in different motions to create different effects. But never, not once, did we try for the homerun. Of course, there were times we both wanted to, and quite a few when I think we would have, had our parents not come home, or if the phone didn't ring, or if we could have afforded the expense of skipping school that one day...

But now, we were _here_. I wasn't sure if Edward planned it this way, possibly wanting to make sure that I wasn't a minor, since he had turned eighteen in June. Or, was it that the surroundings and the road for us was mapped out before he and I were even thought of? All I knew was he was there, I was there, and I wanted to try.

I hoped he did too.

"Edward," I exhaled slowly, calmly, "I really... I couldn't have asked for anything more amazing than this. Thank you, for everything. You mean so much to me... more than you know."

He smiled admiringly. "So do you, Bella."

My heart sputtering, I crawled closer to him and covered the back of his hands with my palms, "...Just because I'm thanking you for this night... doesn't mean it has to be over yet."

His tongue trailed across his bottom lip, those liquid-green eyes molding into emerald diamonds, "We don't... I mean... That's not why I..." Edward exhaled, finding his thoughts. "I don't want to do anything that you're not ready for, Bella. I did this because I wanted to show you what you deserve, what I can give you. Every plan I see for my future... whatever is going to be good for my life... I see you beside me, along for the ride. I want you there. Any time that I try to imagine myself without you, for whatever reason, all I see is darkness and all I feel is bitter-cold. It scares me, knowing that could be my life if I ever lose you."

"What makes you think you're going to lose me?" I asked as I reached up and stroked the side of his face with my fingertips.

"You know what they say about things when you feel your life is too good," he whispered, leaning into my touch. "It slips through your fingers like sand."

I moved even closer, our knees touching. "We'll grip tighter then. Keep our fingers together."

"And if something pulls us apart?"

I studied his eyes, wanting to make sure he knew how irreplaceable he was to me. "_If _anything pulls us apart, ...then we'll find each other again, I promise. But we don't have to think about that now. Okay? We shouldn't think about things that haven't happened, shouldn't be wishing for the worst..." I raised my back, and pressed my chest against his, throwing my arms around his neck. "Let's just be together... Here... Now..."

He tilted his head, his eyes melting deep into my soul as he studied me.

"...Do you want to?" I asked breathlessly, too overwhelmed by his presence.

He nodded slowly, "Yes, Bella. I do."

"I do too," I replied, as my hands moved to the tie around his neck. I loosened and untied it, before pulling the silk fabric down with my fingers. The atmosphere intensified, glowing embers from the fireplace, flickers from the candlelight surrounding us, petals touching the bare parts of my legs where my dress wouldn't cover... Edward leaned forward and pressed his lips to my bottom one, trapping it tightly, nibbling. His lashes fluttered closed against my skin, sending shivers down my spine. I fought back a moan as I started to undo the buttons of his shirt. I couldn't even let go of the tie. It seemed every time his lips enveloped mine, certain parts of my brain turned off. I tilted my head, giving him more much-craved access, and opened my mouth wider. I had to have him on my tongue. I craved the mint taste on his lips, the tingling as our breath crashed together. I hummed his name before our tongues met, his warm and inviting, sweeping mine and pulling it back in his mouth. Sighing, I threw my arms around his neck again, desperate to have more of his warmth.

Edward's arms wound around my back and he sat up on his knees, so we could blend more easily. It seemed so simple, the flow of everything. My breath sputtered when I felt him bend me backward, and noticed one hand feeling around behind me. Tentatively, his hand found my legs and he moved them to the side, so I could lay on my back comfortably, him above me. My lips shook and my body shivered as I watched him lower himself down.

His right hand trailed along my thigh, pushing my dress up, the sound of the silk and sheer fabric moving against the sheets echoing in the silence of the room. Our lips parted and he pressed his forehead to mine. "You feel so incredible, Bella... Just like this," he claimed as he massaged my outer thigh. "I love your legs." _They love you too,_ I thought, fighting back the urge to wrap them around his waist. I would wait. I would, I would, I would. "Thank you," I whispered as I brushed a fallen lock of hair from his eyes. My thumb moved to his bottom lip, and I felt every ripple, every crease in the pink skin. My mouth watered in jealousy, knowing that my fingers were touching my most favorite place, and it wasn't. It almost seemed unfair. I could never get enough of him.

While we admired each other in the soft, dim lights, my fingers finished what they started, moving between us and unfastening the rest of his buttons. I bit my lip as I pushed the shirt off his shoulders and tossed it in the far corner, the furthest away from the fire. The heat between us combined with the heat of the flames made the room scorching hot. I knew there was a thin layer of sweat on my forehead. I could feel it where my hair stuck to me. Edward didn't seem to mind, dragging his lips from side to side across it. "You taste incredible," he whispered, humming soundly, his throat vibrating in approval. "I hope... one day... you'll let me taste you wherever I please..."

My cheeks warmed and I shut my eyes, swallowing away the nervous feeling he always brought with those comments. "One day... I promise."

His lips moved down the side of my face, leaving tiny pecks by the corner of my eye, my cheek, the edge of my mouth. "I do hope so," he said, before kissing my lips.

I arched my back and pressed my chest firmly to his, threading my fingers through the bronzed hair I loved so much. "Edward," I gasped when we broke away for air, hitching my left leg over him and pulling his center closer to mine. "...Are you nervous?"

"I'm only nervous that I'm going to do something wrong," he admitted shyly as he massaged down my arms and ribs. "...You know how I feel about ever hurting you. I can't do it."

"I know," I swallowed thickly, holding onto him for dear life. "I...I'm nervous too."

"Nervous that I'm going to hurt you?"

"Not exactly... But this is very new... Scary."

"We don't hav-"

"No, I want to," I shook my head, rubbing his jaw. "I promise, I'm ready to try, I just... I want to tell you how I feel. Be honest."

"Honest?"

"Yes."

He smiled and pushed his face into my neck, inhaling my scent greedily. "Well honestly... I think you're beautiful..." he said, dragging his nose down to my collar bone. "And sweet," he continued, supplying a tender kiss there. "And tender..." he said, as he moved down between my breasts. "...and you have on far far too much clothing..."

I blushed feverishly and covered my face as he moved down my chest, kissing my stomach over my dress. While his mouth worked me in all the best ways, his hands continued to move my dress up toward my center, stopping when it wouldn't budge past my hips. I giggled and bit my lip, lifting my hips to help him, and knocking his chin by accident. He smirked and pushed my dress up, then lay me back down carefully. His hands found mine and he pulled me up so he could pull the dress over my head easily. My hair slowly fell down in bouncy curls, across my shoulders and down my back, feathery to the touch. Edward shook his head slowly, sitting back on his knees. "Perfect," he murmured.

I blushed again, wearing only my strapless bra and lace panty-set. I felt under his power, like I was being consumed quickly. Sure, he'd seen me in this, and bikinis before.. But I'd always been self-conscious about my body. Any time we'd play around, I'd always, always keep my panties on... but tonight, I couldn't do that. Tonight was about taking chances, exploring deeper boundaries. It was a huge step. The more I thought about it, the more nervous, and more willing I became. It was too emotional, too mind-numbing, thinking about how I was about to give myself over to him. I did what I could to focus on him, to stay in the moment. It was too important to lose track of. I wanted to memorize every detail of how Edward appeared, how he looked at me, how he touched me. I wanted to save this night and find it in a book later, so I could reread it like an old classic. The kind you never grow tired of.

"I don't think I'll ever grow tired of you looking at me like that," I sighed, pulling him down on me again.

"Like what?"

"Like I'm the most amazing thing you've ever seen in your entire life."

"Bella," Edward grinned, massaging my face with his thumb, "...you _are _the most amazing thing I've ever seen in my entire life."

I shut my eyes, wishing I could freeze time. Right here. Feeling the tenderness in his words, the warmth of his body... This was heaven to me.

Edward began to kiss down my neck and shoulders while I fumbled with his undershirt, grabbing it from the back to pull up over his head. He chuckled and paused to lift himself up so I could remove it, and then it met the collared shirt in the corner of the room. Finally, I was able to roam my fingernails down his tan chest, his firm pecks, rippled abs... I licked my lips at the sight of his feathery treasure trail, but it was quickly forgotten when he pushed his lips back to mine and blended with me into the soft mattress.

My heart continued to pound, hammering away with each touch of his lips or his fingers on my skin. I closed my eyes and nuzzled into the silk beneath me, trying to relax myself even more. His best friend Alice always told me that if I didn't relax, it'd hurt like hell. I should have been relaxing two weeks before this... No... it still wouldn't work. Any time I was with Edward, I was a live wire, ready to spark. It was the one thing that drove me crazy, yet spurred me on.

Edward's hands found my back and he pulled me up with him so that I sat and he was on his knees straddling my legs. I bit my lip and fumbled with his belt, yanking it out of the loops as quickly as possible. I don't know what came over me, but I suddenly felt as if I had a race to win. My hands worked with my mind, throwing the belt against the door. I ignored both the loud clunk the metal piece made when it connected with the frame, as well as Edward's laughter as I struggled with the button. When it didn't want to cooperate with me, I looked up at him and exhaled heavily, "Can I rip this?"

"My button?" he smirked, furrowing his brows.

"Yes, I can't get it..." I growled, tugging. Apparently I had no strength. The button wasn't going to budge, even when I yanked on it.

"Whoa, whoa, Bella," Edward laughed soothingly, covering my hands with his own, "let me help you." I leaned back on my palms and watched with fascination as he popped the button through the slit and unzipped his pants. As soon as he stood to step out of them, my entire body felt clammy. _Oh crap_, I thought to myself as my eyes widened, his black boxer briefs before me now. _Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap. I'm in my panties, he's in those... it's getting close, Bella. Oh dear God. Ohhhhh kay, you can do this. You can do this_. "Hey," his hand found my face, lifting my chin and my gaze from his pelvic region, "you alright, Angel?" I nodded quickly, licking my lips. "I'm fine."

Edward squatted down in front of me and pulled his wallet from his pants. "...Um..." He closed his eyes and looked down, almost blushing. He never blushes. But I knew what he was getting at.

"Do you have one in there?" I asked, grabbing it from his hands. He nodded. To make this the least awkward possible, I just held my breath, opened the wallet, and pulled it out from behind his license, before tossing the wallet in the corner as well. "No biggie," I shrugged, laying the condom beside me, "good thing you came prepared." He chuckled, shaking his head, brushing the hair out of my eyes. "My best friends are Emmett and Alice. Trust me, between their lectures and experience... we have more than enough of these to last us a good while."

Rolling my eyes, I grabbed a hold of his neck and pulled him down with me, before rolling over and laying on top of him. "Okay... so now what?"

His eyebrow cocked, his lips curled up in to one side. Damn, he was sexy. "Feisty, suddenly?"

I shrugged. "I just don't want to be freaking out in anticipation," I explained, shaking my head. "We both want this. We're here and we're together..."

Edward scratched his head, looking up at me in amazement. "This isn't a race. We don't have-"

I covered his mouth, cutting him off. "I didn't say it's a race, I just... I want to be with you. I have all this energy built up inside me, this frustration and anxiety...-"

"You look so sexy straddling me like this," he cut me of as his hands rubbed my hips.

I playfully slapped him on his chest. "Would you focus?" I giggled. "Come on, let's... let's not make this some big, huge, massive, stressful, event. I want to have fun. I want to be with you..."

"So you want to just hop right into it?" he laughed, rubbing his forehead. "I'm afraid it won't work that way. I'll kill you."

"I'm tough," I clarified quickly.

Edward sat up and rubbed my arms, sobering just a little. "Hey... Bella... Sweetheart... we're only allowed this night once. Just once. There will be plenty of other opportunities for us to screw like wild, rabid animals, and that will be fantastic. But tonight... I really want to give you something special. It's your birthday..."

Whimpering, I pushed myself closer to him, accidentally stirring things up between us. "I'm sorry. I know you do, but I also know that, if I'm being honest, the more we sit here and allow time to linger, the more I'm going to think about things and freak myself out."

Edward shut his eyes and pressed his forehead to mine, rocking me back and forth against him with his hands, creating a fired friction between us, sparking a little bit more with each pass. I clutched his shoulders and forced myself to keep quiet, to not think, to go with this. I didn't want to ruin it. His left hand slid up toward my bra, and he pressed between my breasts, "You're heart's pounding intensely," he stated, pushing his face into my neck.

"I know," I panted, clutching his hair with my fingers. "Always does around you." He smirked and licked my skin, from the base of my neck all the way up beneath my ear.

He kept his hand in place, and smiled against my skin, apparently liking my reaction to him. "It's going faster now."

I shivered, wrapping my legs around his waist. "Wait until later... it will probably threaten to jump out of my chest."

"Mmm," he hummed appreciatively, dragging his mouth up to hover over my lips, "I'll catch it."

I smiled and took his lips with my own, thrusting up against him. His hands clasped to my hips and he stilled me momentarily. I noticed something hard touching my inner thigh now, where I was straddling his lap. I bit down on his lip, forcing a groan from his throat, then swept my tongue across it as if I could soothe it that way. "Damn, Bella," he chuckled, his breathing picking up with mine. I kissed him again, this time sliding my tongue inside his mouth. I craved him. He was all I desired.

I moved my hand down between our bodies, where our centers were, and rubbed him through his shorts. Edward's breath hitched and he jerked his face from me, his eyes wild and darkened. "Mmm," he hummed, closing his eyes when my hand pressed firmer. "...Bella..."

"Yes?" I panted, pushing deeper with my hand and rocking harder above him with my hips.

He dropped his forehead down to my shoulder, his fingers pushed in and wrapped around the sides of my panties, gripping tight, "That feels so good."

"Does it?" I shivered, noticing how much sexier his voice was when it dropped low like that. Only on rare occasion did it get that low. It was the sexiest thing I had ever heard. "I like touching you," I whispered, dragging my hand up, then down, inside his boxers this time. "Do you want me to slow down?"

He shook his head slowly, his breath cascading across the skin of my shoulder like a waterfall. "Please don't." It came out as a desperate plea.

I licked my lips and arched my back. Sometimes when I'd pull my hand back up, my knuckles inside his underwear would brush along the seam of my panties, eliciting an involuntary gasp from me. Edward's hands were still frozen, but I took that as a sign that I was doing something right. My body was hot, my hair sticky, my heart sputtering, my mouth moist. "Edward," I panted, dropping my face down to the top of his head, "please... touch me."

He nodded silently, releasing my panties with his fingers and moving them up my ribs, over the swell of my breasts, then down between them. I whimpered, begging him to move faster, rougher. "Can I take this off, Bella?" he asked, roaming his hands around the back of my bra. As quickly as I nodded, his thumb and forefinger popped the clasp, and the black fabric fell between us since it didn't have any straps. Edward's forehead met my collarbone, and both his hands found the underside of my breasts. He clutched them gently, pushed them up toward his face, and breathed in between them... large, deep breaths.

I trembled as he drug his lips around my left breast in a circle, teasing me well, his fingers or lips never meeting where I wanted him the most. I moved my other hand inside his shorts and grasped him firmly, allowing my body to work all on its own. Faster, firmer I went, craving more to touch him at that moment, than needing him to touch me. I loved feeling his skin in my palms, gliding in my fingers. Loved how long he was, how thick he felt, how perfectly powerful this was, holding him like this.

"Don't stop," he groaned, finally taking my nipple into his mouth. I gasped and closed my eyes, feeling his tongue circle around it as he kept it inside. I arched my back further, pressing myself against my own knuckles, and stilled my hands.

"Edward," I panted, looking up at the glowing ceiling, "yesss, mmm...." I closed my eyes, enjoying the sucking sensation and noises his mouth created against my body. His fingers moved back to my hips and he gripped me tight, squeezing and kneading the skin there. His mouth continued on that one breast, while my other still matched its aching throb. I wished he could grow two heads in that moment. Two heads, both for me, even up the score... There were a lot of things I could do and enjoy if he had two heads... four beautiful emerald eyes... two sets of those perfect, pouty, moist pink lips.

I moaned at the thought and tugged his hair. I was leaning so far back and pushing so far into his lower half, I thought I'd conquered some sort of gymnastic move. Edward bit down gently on my swollen nipple, and I cried out his name, bending back as far as I could possibly go. His other hand moved to my lower back and he lifted us up, then pushed us forward and down onto the mattress.

"Edward," I gasped, when the sensation of his lips became too intense, "...shit...." He swirled his tongue around and sucked harder, his other hand finally reaching my right breast, to give it some sort of release. I melted into the covers, trying to catch my breath, as his mouth moved to my other nipple and his fingers took over where his tongue left off. "So good," I swallowed, shaking my head. "Mmmmm."

I'd never been one to make too much noise before this night. I had always felt awkward about it. But tonight everything was different. He felt too incredible, too delicious. I had to let him know what he was doing to me, needed him to understand how I felt about his touch. How could I keep quiet? The man owned me with his lips alone. And if not his lips, then his hair... and if not those bronzed locks, then his emerald greens... and if not his beautiful eyes, then his skilled, musical fingers... Oh, who was I kidding? Every single inch of his body owned me. Even his eyelashes... _Damn_, so long, and dark, and full... Ohh yes, those eyelashes...

Once Edward decided he'd given my breasts enough torture and release, he trailed his lips down, over the shell of my diaphragm, past my belly button. That was normally where I got nervous. "Edward," I gasped, grabbing his shoulders. "What are you doing?"

"Shhhh," he smiled up at me, that handsome face perfect with the light of the candles surrounding us. "I promise I won't take them off yet." He moved his head lower, trapping a sensitive spot on my left hip, where it met my pubic bone, and sucked hard. I gasped, my hips involuntarily lifting to meet him, and clutched the sheets. I had no idea that spot even existed It sure as hell didn't do that whenever I'd touch it.

"Edward," I cried again, shaking my head. Continuing to suck, his tongue met the tight skin between his lips, and he lapped delicately, before releasing with a pop. "You smell so good, Bella." He shut his eyes, pressing his face against my lower stomach. "You don't know how bad I want to..."

I bit my lip and closed my eyes, wishing I had enough courage to let him do it. Of course I wanted to know what it felt like. But it all seemed to risque, too vulgar. And I was mousy Bella Swan: Bookworm, not Bella Swan: Pornstar. "Soon," I promised him, brushing my fingers through his hair. He smiled and kissed the spot, before climbing back up my body, licking his lips against my own. My fingers found the waistband of his boxers and I pulled it away from his body, looking into his eyes, silently asking the question. He nodded slowly and I smiled up at him, pushing down as far as I could go. My leg slipped between his and I carefully pushed them down the rest of the way with my knee, and then my foot. Edward had never been fully naked like this before. Normally his jeans would just be undone, or around his knees. Now there was nothing on him but skin.

He pushed his forehead to mine and kissed the tip of my nose. "You next?"

I nodded my permission before I could think it through, and lifted my hips so he could pull them down easier. My breath hitched when I felt the cool air of the room on my most private area, now damp from reactions to his every breath and motion. Out of habit, I brought my finger up between us and bit down on my thumbnail, looking at him cluelessly. He shook his head, pulling my hand away as quickly as I'd brought it up. "No," he whispered to me, kissing tiny pecks across my bottom lip, "stay with me Bella. You know we don't have to do this. But, if we do, I want every part of you; heart, mind and body."

I nodded, responding to his request by wrapping my arms around his neck. "I'm all here, promise." I smiled as I felt the hardness of him against my leg, the short, soft hair surrounding… I knew he felt me as well. He was laying right over me, his lower stomach over that area... There was no doubt in my mind that I was nervous as hell. We'd just broken another wall in our relationship. There were few left from here.

Edward's hands massaged my entire body... from my neck, to my shoulders... my collar bone, my biceps, my forearms... beneath my breasts, my stomach, my ribs, my hips... He reached around beneath me and cupped generous portions of my butt with his hands, smiling to himself. "I'm going to adjust us a little," he explained, moving his legs from straddling my own. I closed my eyes and swallowed heavily as he pried my legs gently with his own. This was so new, my legs began to tremble as he lay back against me. This time, his hardness was on my inner thigh, and he could feel all of me now. I bit my lip, knowing that I was growing wet, that he would notice that too. I always got nervous about that, even when he told me not to, that it was natural and he loved making me that way.

My breath was heavy in my chest as I brushed my trembling fingers down his jaw line, before grasping the back of his shoulders. He was kissing down my neck, my ears, my chin... murmuring how beautiful I was, how perfect I felt to him... It felt nice, hearing those things, and it was soothing... but all I knew in the back of my head was, _this was it_.

My breath hitched and I closed my eyes to slow myself down, to soothe myself. I was getting worked up. Edward pressed his forehead to mine, his fingers sliding between our bodies, to the point where we were pressed together. Keeping my eyes closed, I felt his index finger slide along my form, meeting the entrance but not entering. I trembled in a combined wave of fear and willingness to see what would be next.

" God, Bella, I love to touch you. You feel so soft, so perfect." And then, Edward's lips found mine and parted them quickly, sweeping his tongue inside. Before I could register what was happening, I felt his finger enter me slowly, his wrist twisting when he couldn't go any further. I moaned into his mouth, silently begging for more. He bit down on my lip, sliding that magical, musical finger in and out carefully, his thumb teasing me up top.

"Edward," I cried out, panting. "Oh God..." He smiled and kissed me even harder, a second finger added into the mix. Even though my legs were tightened from the realization of how far we were heading, they also opened wider, giving him more room to explore me.

"I'm here, baby. Hold on to me." And, I did, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. And that was when I realized... I wanted him to explore me.

"More," I cried, clawing at his back, his neck, trapping his bronzed hair in my fingers and squeezing tight. The heat between our bodies was surreal, spreading into the room like a volcano... completely overflowing. I pushed my face into shoulder and swallowed deep, my free hand patting around the bed for the condom. I felt ready. I had to be ready now... right?

Once I found the wrapper, I clutched it in my fingers, while Edward added a third... There'd never been a third before... only my own, once, but never his, which were much bigger and longer than my own. "Edward," I trembled, kissing him tenderly. "I'm ready."

He pulled his face back an inch, looked at me in wonder. "I don't..." he swallowed, eyeing me speculatively. "Are your sure, Bella?" I nodded quickly, again, before I could think it through, "Yes. If you are, then I am too."

"Of course I am," he said softly, licking beneath my chin, to the dip in my collar bone. "I've wanted this since that first day I met you."

"...Thank you for waiting for me then," I replied, massaging the skin of his back with my free hand where I could reach. "But I don't want to wait any more. I'm ready now."

He nodded and pulled back on his knees, looking around the mattress. Blushing, I held my hand open in front of him, revealing the golden package. Edward smirked and took it from me, taking a deep breath. I bit my lip and closed my eyes, listened as he tore it open. I had to get my thoughts together. Had to remind myself that this was what I wanted, what I'd been wanting, what I'd fantasize about whenever I was alone... There couldn't be any other man worthy to me but him... If he was willing, then I was more than willing. It had to be Edward, my first time. When I looked back at this moment, I couldn't imagine remembering anyone else's face... or voice... or soul.... but his. No one else could fit in that spot.

I felt him moving around me, his hands finding my knees, "Bella..." he said, his voice soothing and velvety.

"Yeah?" I asked. My voice wasn't soothing. I knew he knew that I was nervous.

"Are you p-"

"I want you, Edward," I cut him off, forcing my eyes open to meet and lock on his. "You."

I could see the condom on him, the wrapper on the floor beside the mattress. He bent down and kissed up my right leg, my hip, my ribs, my arm, my shoulder... all the way to my lips. He nestled himself between my legs. _Oh dear God_.... "Look at me," he demanded powerfully, though his voice was nothing but love. Our eyes met again and I pushed my arms beneath his, wrapping my hands around to clutch his shoulders. "We'll go slowly." He began, kissing my mouth while he kept his eyes on mine. "And carefully...." He kissed again, humming into my skin. "And if I hurt you, I want you to tell me the truth, Bella..." he said, kissing the opposite corner of my mouth, "...I don't have any problems stopping, do you understand?"

I nodded, gripping him tighter. My legs trembled against his. Everything was so new, even the way we were laying. I felt connected already. "I want you to keep your eyes on me for a moment," he whispered, pressing his forehead to mine, "...I know how you are, and you'll lie to me. But I know your eyes like the back of my hand... I'll know if you look at me, whether or not you're hurting." While he spoke, his fingers kept massaging my skin, making me as loose as possible. I never thought I'd think this before, but in this case... loose was a good thing. I wanted to be loose.

I gave a nod in agreement and tried to relax my body, calm myself like the candlelight and petals surrounding us... This really was pretty... the silk sheets... the surroundings... my boyfriend. I took a steady breath and locked eyes with him, before lifting my head to kiss his chin. "Take me," I whispered delicately, my voice light but sure. "Please."

Edward's throat vibrated and his lashes fluttered to a close, and then... he kissed me. He kissed me so slowly, so passionately that my head spun... The way his soft lips melted against mine, fitting perfectly, no matter how we tilted our heads. His warm, soft, moist tongue, taking control over mine, swirling tenderly and lovingly. He tasted of everything I ever wanted, fantasized about for years... Mint and destiny. That's all I could describe that kiss to be.

His hand moved between us while he kissed me, and then I felt the tip of his body touching the outer area of me, sliding up and down gently. I gasped in his mouth but he shook his head, continued to kiss me, making me even more dizzy. I sealed my eyes as he pushed a centimeter deeper, opening me up, stroking me with his own form. I wanted to gasp and cry and jump for joy at the feel of him. Another wall had crumbled. We were touching, in the most intimate way... Just touching... stroking like our tongues... It truly was magical, the way it felt. I barely even noticed the thin barrier of the condom between us. All I wanted to feel was skin, and that's what I imagined it to be.

I felt his lashes flutter open and I followed suit, keeping my promise to him. It scared me, knowing he knew the emotions I kept behind my eyes. But if this was what he wanted, I could give it to him. Besides, I loved the way he looked at me, the way his eyes trapped me inside of them and sheltered me from the rain and dark of the world. The emotions between us echoed in my ears, and I felt tears prick toward the edge of my eyes. I was so overwhelmed, so strung up from everything between us. I swallowed thickly and gasped for air, while he continued to strum our bodies together. I opened my mouth, desperate to tell him I loved him for once, tell him something... but nothing came out. I couldn't release the tears that threatened, and I tried not to. We were right there though... He hadn't even entered me, and yet, I'd never felt more connected to him than at that moment.

It was a ground-breaking moment, and here we were, smack in the middle of it. There was so much beauty floating between us. I could hear it in my ears, against the pillows, spreading along the silk sheets, up and over our bodies. Any time I'd blink, I could almost see it. I wanted to stay right there with him, and feel like this for eternity. It didn't matter if my body was clammy and layered in sweat. It didn't matter about anything. He was sharing himself with me. Right then, looking into his eyes, it seemed to be an endless road of wonder. I was mesmerized, just watching him. I always knew his eyes were powerful, but... there, in that moment... it overtook me.

Edward pressed his forehead to mine, clammy to clammy, and trapped my face with his left hand. "You're so beautiful," he whispered, massaging my jaw with his thumb. He moved himself lower against me with his other hand, and then I felt him... right there. I bit my lip and held my breath, but didn't shut my eyes. I knew what he was thinking, silently questioning me one last time. But I couldn't process much. So I nodded blankly.

Edward's open lips hovered over mine, both trembling, anticipation high, eyes connected. And then he gently pushed forward. My eyes widened but his stayed focused and calm, more for me than for himself. I could definitely feel the burning and stretching, and I tried to keep telling myself that something would give way and it'd go smoother. I tried to tell Edward that with my eyes. But it seemed the pain wasn't going to stop. I bit my lip and winced and Edward stilled immediately, brushing my face with his fingers. He waited for a moment and pulled back, then pushed forward to the same spot and stilled again. The only way to describe the feeling was burning. It hurt the way it hurts your muscles lock down, like a charley horse after a long run.

I pulled my arms from beneath his and threw them around his neck, holding him to me. I needed his embrace. I needed our heartbeats to meet. Maybe that'd calm me down. "I'm sorry," he whispered, shaking, kissing all over the side of my face where I wasn't pressed to him. I tried not to think of the fact that he wasn't even completely inside me and it hurt that bad, so that made the rest of it seem scary. He pulled completely out and slid his hands between our bodies, massaging me there to relax. I shut my eyes and a tear fell down the left side, one I wasn't even aware I was holding. It fell straight down my face and onto the mattress. Edward noticed since his head was on that side. His hand found the back of my neck and he lay me gently beneath him, holding his weight with his other arm. Now it was my turn to apologize. Crying was definitely not going to help our situation we had going here.

"I'm sorry," I shivered, massaging his arms. "Let's try again."

"Wait a second," he whispered, kissing the drying trail of salt and water from the corner of my eye. "Just breathe for a minute. Relax. There's no rush, baby." I nodded and calmed my breathing as I started to enjoy what his fingers were doing to me. It was the most erotic massage he'd ever given me, that I'd ever had period. No place was untouched. I lifted my neck and pushed my face into his collar bone, trying to drown in the sweat against his beautiful skin. I kissed him there and tasted him on my tongue, and it too calmed me. Minutes passed, my legs relaxed, and I felt like I was ready again, thanks to his teasing fingers.

"Bella, do you still want this?" He pressed his forehead to mine once more, eyes still locked on mine. This was exactly why I knew Edward would always be my all. No matter how much he wanted me, needed me, he always put me first. And, if I asked him to stop right now, he would, and he'd never be mad at me. ,

"Edward, please. I'm okay. I need you." So he kissed me again, trying to burn away my pain with his passion, while he attempted to push again. This time his fingers tried to help and I knew he'd gone further, but then as shortly as the relaxation came, the burning stretch was back. I bit down on his lip and clutched handfuls of his hair, trying to distract myself. Edward was wonderful, waiting where he was, or moving back and pushing forward to that same area and waiting again. But, the slightest centimeter past that hurt like hell, and he saw it in my eyes.

I dropped my head onto the pillows beneath us, begging myself not to get frustrated. _This was the way things go sometimes_, my friends told me. _Sometimes it takes a while_. "Okay," I exhaled, rubbing his face. "I'm okay."

"You're doing great," he smiled, my favorite lopsided smile, and I couldn't figure out how in the hell he was so patient with me. I knew how wonderful sex was supposed to be for men. I knew most girls who were virgins didn't get someone so understanding as my boyfriend. They'd have men that just pushed through it without care and concern for them. I knew how lucky I was, and the more and more I thought about it, the more frustrated I became. "Don't be upset, Bella," he said calmly, kissing my neck. "This is supposed to be special."

"It _is _special," I argued, shaking my head as more tears slipped from the corners of my eyes. "Which is why it's frustrating me. Everything is perfect, the room, the date, you, _everything_... and here I am, and my body is being dumb and not working with me. I don't want you to think I don't want this, because I do. Why can't things just cooperate?"

"Everyone is different," he said, moving the hair from my face. "It's not something that we shou-"

"Why? You know because you've taken a lot of people's virginity?" I snapped without thinking, immediately feeling guilty. I shut my eyes, shaking my head. "I'm sorry. Edward, I'm sor-"

"Hey," he smirked, not taking offense, because he was truly an angel and not a hot-blooded man. "The only person I have any concern over the taking of her virginity is you. All I'm saying is it's a big deal and everyone is different. I don't want you to be upset over this."

"I'm sorry." I reached forward, but he wiped my eyes before I got to it. "Can we try again?"

"Of course," he replied as he lifted himself above me, "but maybe we should try to... make you more comfortable."

"How?"

He bent forward slowly and licked my neck, all the way up my ear. I hummed appreciatively as his fingers massaged the balls of my shoulders, my collar bone, my forearms. Edward bent down and kissed the inside of my right elbow, a hot, open-mouthed kiss. It sent shivers all the way to my toes, and quickly relaxed my mind. I licked my lips and stroked his hair while he his face hovered over my breasts, spreading hot air and tingles across my nipples, down over my diaphragm, and around my belly-button. His thumbs massaged all the pressure points, on my hips, my ribs, my sides... All the while his mouth planting kisses and gentle licks against my mid-section. I slid my legs up and down his sides, quivering and loving every move he made. It was things like this that made me more than excited about us being together so intimately. His mouth knew me like his fingers knew a guitar. Every chord, every string, every note... I was mapped out before him, at the mercy of his fingers. Happily submerged in him.

Edward's hands trailed between my legs again, his middle finger finding my sweet spot, and his index and ring massaging the surrounding area. I shivered and locked eyes with him while the pleasure began to intensify quickly. I'd never locked eyes with him like this, but I couldn't help it tonight. There was no room for embarrassment. The beauty of his touch was all-consuming. He smiled at me and steadied his pace, making sure not to be too rough or too light.... Ohhh, the ways he knew me. Beyond my control, I began to writhe beneath him, arching my back. "More," I begged, feeling my breasts match the arousal he was giving me between my thighs. I was aching in all the best ways. Edward kissed the inside of my knees and pressed a bit harder with his fingers. It was as if I were lifting off of the bed, flying into the sky. I kept calling his name, shouting words that didn't exist. He made me feel so good.

Edward grabbed a hold of my legs and before I could think, he'd thrown them around his waist, making our centers touch even more and my eyes widen at the new contact. My body was still shaking, high off of my almost-release. Edward situated us and smiled softly, dropping his hands beside my head. "If it doesn't work, then don't be upset, baby, please. We have all the time in the world to do this."

I nodded, roaming my fingers up his muscular arms, to his broad shoulders. I could see the heat from my body in the candlelight, now that he was holding his upper-body away from me. I licked my lips and met his eyes and brushed my thumb across that bottom lip I loved so much. He smiled into my touch and inhaled deeply, then pushed with his lower body. I could feel him entering again and that part wasn't as bad. My body stretched to accommodate him and sure, it still hurt a little, but it was okay... _Doing okay... Doing okay_... "Holy shit," I exhaled, my eyes widened. There was pain still, yes, but there was a thrill too. I could feel a part of him, sliding in and out of me, easier with each move. We were here...

I thought this was it. I thought we were going to make it and the excitement was showing in my eyes, and I was getting anxious, and then it felt like he hit a wall. And I cried out.

Edward froze in place, body trembling, and eyes closed, breaking contact with me. Once I couldn't see his eyes, a wave of nerves hit me, the realization that his body was somewhat inside me came hard, and it dawned on me where we were at. We both blew out a gust of wind while he steadied himself. I listened as a groan escaped his lips, something he'd been trying to hold inside but couldn't any longer. "Shit," he gasped, dropping carefully onto my chest and burying his face into my neck, "this -- _you _-- feel so good right here. _Unnngh..._" I nodded in acknowledgment that I'd heard him, that I was glad it was feeling good to him. But me personally... I was still trying to find air. _Don't lock up, Bella. Don't lock up, don't lock up, oh my God_... "Are you o-okay?" he asked me, and I quickly shrugged my shoulders. I don't know if I was okay. I didn't understand how, with how deep our emotional connection was, and how badly I wanted this, why it hurt. There was lubrication on the condom, I knew I was aroused. I just didn't comprehend.

The intimacy of the moment engulfed me for the first time, and I felt I was lost at sea. Bobbing and spinning and flipping beneath the surface, struggling to break the waves but unable to figure out which way was up and which way was down. My thoughts were twirling in my mind at a rapid pace, but I couldn't grasp any of them. I felt out of control, trapped in emotion, and frozen in reality. Edward's hands began to massage my breasts, my stomach, my ribs. "Doing good, Angel..." He was fighting the urge to thrust. I could feel him pulsing inside of me, another new revelation we'd made. "We're right there," he reassured me, his voice velvety-smooth, but low and raspy at the same time. "I think we're at the barrier, baby. That's why you're hurting."

"Oh," I replied shakily, pulling his face up to mine. He kissed me tenderly, with as much passion as he could muster. "Mmm," he hummed, licking my bottom lip. It felt better whenever he'd kiss me like this, to the point of making me dizzy. But as soon as he'd pull away to catch his breath, I'd panic again. After a long make-out session, Edward's eyes steadied with mine once more. "I'm right here with you," he said. "All the way, no matter what happens, beautiful." I nodded while our fingers intertwined. Though I was stressed and everything was new, my body feeling strange and awkward, I still felt content holding hands with him. Little things like this were what meant the most. "You mean so much to me," he reassured me. "You're my whole world."

I nodded, trying to stay relaxed. "You're mine as well." _And I love you, _I thought to myself._ I love you so much Edward_.

He kissed my lips one more time, and after a few of small thrusts, he pushed forward, and steadily broke my barrier. Right then and there, the feelings overtook me, going from pleasure to pain instantly. I cried and pushed on his chest, "Wait, stop. Owwww, ow, ow, ow." He gasped and tightened the muscles in his arms, "I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry, baby. What do I do? W-What can I do to-" When he tried to move back, it hurt worse. "Wait," I begged, trembling beneath him. "Please just... _don't _move yet." I couldn't even unlock my legs from around his waist. It. Just. Hurt.

He gave a nod, carefully lowering his upper-body and kissed my lips, trying to relax me. It wasn't working. "I'm so sorry, baby." he whispered, his lips meeting my eyelids, my forehead, my nose, my mouth. "...I know you're hurting..." I gasped in pain, felt the panic attack coming. I just lost my virginity. I was no longer a virgin and neither was he. This was real. "Ow," I whispered again, shivering. Edward's arms curled beneath my body and he hugged me. As tight as he could. If he couldn't take my pain away, then he was going to remind me that he was there with me.

"Come on, baby," he whispered. "We have to move, or you're going to tighten more, and it will hurt you worse. I don't want that, I can't... I can't handle hurting you like this." I blew out a gust of wind and nodded quickly. Hissing, Edward pulled back and pushed his face into my forehead, burying the groan that came from his lips. I clawed at his shoulders and sealed my eyes tight, until he was parted from me. Then I collapsed beneath him. My legs trembled like crazy. My body was pulled as tight as one of the strings on Edward's guitar. My mouth was completely dry. He tried to soothe me, massage my skin, but I couldn't calm down. All I kept doing was apologizing to him. And all he kept doing was apologizing right back.

"Okay," he whispered, kissing my lips when we momentarily calmed down, "I think we should stop for the n-"

"I think we should too," I nodded quickly. I didn't want to try anymore. I was exhausted, sore and wound way too tight. Though he was perfect, charming, and everything I'd dreamed of, this night wasn't as successful as I imagined it being.

Edward removed the condom and lifted me in his arms, before standing up. He was careful to step around the obstacle of candles as he carried me into the bathroom that connected between the two main bedrooms of the cabin. Kissing my lips, he placed me into the empty tub and began to fill it up with hot water. My panic attack was still there, but not as bad. All I kept thinking was,_ I just lost my virginity_. "Please don't leave me," I grabbed his arm when he began to walk away.

"No sweetheart," he reassured me, kissing my head. "I'm not, I'm just going to blow out the candles and... make sure everything is okay for us to sleep on. I'll come right back." I held my breath the entire time he was away. The hot water both tightened and loosened my muscles as the tub filled up. My heart beat wildly out of my chest.

I knew sex was going to be overwhelming. But I didn't expect to be so overtaken with emotions. I smelled him on my skin, even when he was in the other room. Felt the lingering tingles of his fingertips against my skin. I tasted him in my mouth. He was everywhere, even when he wasn't there... And I had the strangest feeling that, no matter how much soap I used, this wouldn't go away. Edward would always be here, pressed into my being. What we did, it was beautiful though it wasn't complete. We would always be a part of each other this way.

Edward thankfully returned, and ran his fingers through my hair as he sat some towels beside my head, and a single candle on the side of the tub. He didn't turn the lights on, which I was grateful for. He knew I'd be insecure about it right now. He always knew me better than I knew myself. "Do you have room in there for me?" he asked gently, massaging my neck. I nodded quickly and almost bit my lip off as he climbed in and sat facing me. We held hands as we looked at each other, and didn't say a word for several minutes. His touch was what I needed, the only thing that'd slow my thoughts. "Any regrets?" he asked eventually, rubbing each finger of mine. There was such genuine concern in his voice and in his eyes that I wanted nothing more than to soothe it away.

"No," I whispered, shaking my head. "I mean... I'm sorry that it wasn't... what I thought it was going to be, that we didn't get to actually..." my voice trailed off as I flushed in embarrassment, "but... I'm glad that it was _you _who... did that for me."

"I'm not sorry either. Well, I am that I hurt you. You have no idea how sorry I am for that." His voice trailed off as he looked away and I could hear the guilt in his voice when he said it. "But, I'm glad that it was you, too, Bella." Again, that soft smile. This time, there was a hint of…something else there, though. He exhaled, shrugging his shoulders. "You know... you're everything, Bella..." He kissed the back of my hand before trailing his up my arms, over my shoulders to my neck. "You're what I want the most in this world."

With his eyes locked on mine, he slowly pulled me forward, sliding my legs over his. Though our lower bodies never touched, he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and tucked my head beneath his chin, wrapping me in his comfort.

"You're all I want too," I smiled, inhaling the scent from his chest. We didn't speak too much after that. We held each other until the water began to chill, washed up, and then climbed beneath the covers. All the candles had been blown out and moved to the side, the only light visible now was from the fireplace. Edward held me tight in his arms and after some comforting whispers back and forth, we fell asleep.

I woke up a few times that night, feeling more upset about us not being able to finish. But I didn't tell him my feelings. I was just happy enough knowing he wasn't angry with me about it, that he was man enough to still care for me after this. It gave me hope, knowing that he saw what was beautiful in this imperfect path we just crossed.

Edward always gave me hope.

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_----AUTHOR'S NOTES---- _

**So there we go, Outtake #8!**

Thoughts? There's plenty more to come, so stick around!! AND REVIEW!!!  
(All you have to do is press the green button down here and tell me whether you liked it or not. :D Feedback is much appreciated, as always.)  
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Reviews are better than knowing Edward & Bella make AWESOME, sexy love now. :D**


	9. Mission Impossible

THESE OUTTAKES WILL _**NOT **_BE IN ORDER OF SEQUENCE. It's whatever comes to me at the time.

_**  
REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!**_

**Outtake 9: Edward, Bella, & Masen go to the mall.  
(This outtake is written as a surprise for a very special girl for a very special reason -- her birthday. I hope you get all you want, BB!)**

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_Special Shout-Out's:_

To my **Readers, Twilighter's, Lexicon, and Facebook girls**.... I love you, thank you for all you do. Every single day you do it! You are the best!!  
To **Jazz Girl** (**Caryn)**, my Beta -- thank you for being there for me, my constant star in a dimming night, bb. I love you sfm!  
To **Aura (Rebecca's Mom)**, thank you for loving me the way you do, and supporting me. & for allowing me to post this! Again, happy belated birthday.  
_**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing that is Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related. But ohhh, how I wish. And I worked my ass off to write it. Don't take what isn't yours.

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_**"Beware of pretty faces that you find... A pretty face can hide an evil mind.  
Ah, be careful what you say, or you'll give yourself away.  
Odds are you won't live to see tomorrow.  
Secret agent man, secret agent man...  
They've given you a number and taken away your name."  
-- Johnny Rivers, "Secret Agent Man"**_

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**Outtake 9: Mission Impossible**

**BellaPOV **

I had my arm looped through Edward's as he pushed Masen in the stroller, weaving through the crowded mall, dodging the kiosks lined up in the middle.

We were looking for a new television. Because apparently, the forty inch plasma Edward had wasn't big enough.

He claimed it was an early Christmas present for us, even though Christmas wasn't for two more months.

"I thought our son was a wonderful Christmas present," I shrugged as we passed Zales. "Wouldn't you agree?"

He rolled his eyes, grinning from ear to ear. "Stop trying to guilt-trip me. You're a woman; you don't understand."

"What don't I understand?"

He sighed, as we pushed the stroller into Sears and headed straight toward the media center. "Men need large televisions. Okay? The larger the better. It's a thing, a mental thing we all have. It just makes us feel better."

"What do you mean, _feel better_? Feel better about what? What about a enormous television makes you _feel better?_"

"You don't want to know, love."

"Yes I do."

"No you don't."

I huffed, glaring at my husband with a vengeance. "Edward Anthony."

He smirked and turned to face me as we stopped in front of a huge plasma, caving in, "Fine. If you really _must _know... sex."

"Sex?" I asked bluntly.

"Yes," he grinned. "Sex."

"How does that make you feel better about sex?"

"That," he said, pointing to the largest television that we had seen in the six stores we'd been to, "is metaphorical. The size of the television is directly related to the size of the penis."

I threw my head back and held my stomach, laughing so loud I was probably causing a distraction, "Edward... Oh.... Oh, Edward! Hahahahaha! You... that is so stupid."

"I'm serious," he said, pulling me to him as an attempt to calm me down. "Don't laugh at me. Televisions and power tools, baby. It's a man thing. It's just how it is."

"I just think... I can't believe... How does that..."

"It represents my dick, Bella. That's how men see it. We want the biggest and the best because we want to show all our friends that ours are bigger and better than theirs."

"So _that_," I pointed, unable to wipe the too-big smile off my face, "is what you see, in your mind, the size of your... dillybobber."

"Can you never call it that again please, thanks. I think you just emasculated me in front of everyone in the store."

I giggled, "If you were going to compare a television with the size of your.... umm…whatever… I'd say you should go with that cute, adorable looking seventeen inch over there."

Edward and the guy behind Edward turned to look at me at the same time, Edward's eyes glaring dark and the man behind him with his mouth wide open.

"Oh relaxxxx," I cooed, rubbing his arm before he pulled it away from me, "...you're so uptight. I was joking."

"That wasn't funny," he snipped at me. "Do you see me laughing?"

I bit my lip to keep from smarting off again. Sarcasm was a huge downfall with me sometimes. It just came out. It never failed to amaze me how oversensitive men, particularly my husband, were when it came to matters of the penis.

At least I didn't take everything seriously all the time. Unlike my adoring, pissed off husband at the moment.

He took a deep breath and stepped closer, putting his hands on his belt, muttering venom between his breath. "Do I need to pull it out really quick and remind you the difference between a seventeen inch and a seventy-three?"

I bit my lip and broke eye contact with him, looking down to our sleeping son in the stroller, then back to my over-arrogant husband. "Sure. Masen would love to wake up and see that. Go ahead, big boy. Whip it out in Sears on a Sunday afternoon. Give the church crowd a good show."

"Don't tempt me," he said, and I heard the sound of his belt buckle. I should have known that he'd never back down before me. He was such an ass sometimes. Why did he have to be so hot when he did it, in his cute little trucker hat and plain white cotton shirt and fancy jeans and sneakers? _Damn, I wish he could pull it out_...

I covered his hands with my own, preventing him from undoing his belt the rest of the way. "Quit," I hissed, glaring up at him. "I'm apologizing. There isn't a television in this world that compares with your equipment honey. I promise."

"Now you're just trying to butter me up."

"I mean it...," I declared. "And tongues... They'll never be able to make _any _type of entertainment better than your tongue. It's a thrill ride all its own."

He relaxed immediately and adjusted his pants, and I was thankful that man behind him was gone and no one was going to report him for attempted public indecency, "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Even if that was total bullshit."

"You know it's not."

He looked at me and licked his lips, dropping his hands back to the bar on the stroller. "Yeah, I know." He cocked his eyebrow as that cockeyed grin spread across his face. Why did he have to _know _just how good he was?

I giggled and decided to let him be arrogant for a while. Boost his ego back up. "So... that's the one you like? This huge one that's going to take up a whole window and then some?"

"Do you like it?" he asked, looking over at me like a little boy who just saw the real tooth fairy.

He walked over, and actually began petting the side of it. I think he was even trying to control himself from making orgasm noises. It was all over his face though. I knew his orgasm face better than anyone else.

He wanted me to say yes. "It's... big..."

"Yeah, but do you _like _it?"

"I like it if you like it..."

"That's not what I want to hear, Isabella."

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest. "Yes, Edward. If you like it, then I like it."

"But would you get it if I wasn't here?"

"No. Because I don't feel the need to compare my own female anatomy to a television. But I understand so... get it."

"Do you-"

"Edward," I exhaled, glaring up at him. "Get it. It's on sale, just get it. I may have to cut out a kidney so we can afford it, but hey, it's what you want." I was only half-joking.

"Ba-a-a-a-be," he pouted and huffed, turning into a three-year-old in the middle of the store, "...you're guilt-tripping me again. As you've been doing _all _week. We can pay on it, and then when we get our tax check, pay it off. That's only a few monthly payments. Come on, babe... Please?"

_Well, at least he'd thought out how exactly we could pay for it_. "I said to get it!" I replied. "Why are you arguing with me, when I've already given permission?"

"Because I just want to make sure that you're not hating the idea but giving in because you think I want it so bad. It's a decision we make together. Yes, I want the TV, but I can wait…if you reeeallly want me to." And there was that adorable three-year-old again. I hated it when he did that to me.

"Edward, do _you _like the television?"

"Yes. It's the one I want... Surround sound, plasma, gloss finish... We could get this entertainment center too..."

"Then. Get. It." And I planted a kiss right on the end of his nose, just like I did to Masen sometimes.

He looked down at me, sticking his hands in his pockets, "Are you positive?"

I glared at him, annoyed.

"I'm just making sure my wife is going to be happy with this huge thing sitting in the middle of her giant living room, white marble floors, all that crap..."

"I'm positive. I'm hungry, and I'm positive, so get it so we can go eat."

Suddenly, a loud almost-giggle ripped from his throat and I was yanked from the ground and thrown into a spin as my husband attempted to squeeze the daylight out of me. "Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, Bella, thank you so much! Thank you, thank you, thank you," he began to kiss my face, all over, "thank you... thank you... I love you... thank you!"

"You're welcome," I laughed, pushing him away from me so I could breathe. "Wow... Remind me to give into you more often."

Full smile showing, Edward clapped his hands and jogged down the isle, leaving me with Masen while he went to speak to a salesman.

I looked into the stroller and found my son awake and staring up at me, blinking slowly. "...Don't ever compare your own private utensils to televisions when you get older. Please. It's not cool, despite what your father is going to tell you."

**^*&%*^%***

After Edward made his purchase and arranged for it to be delivered the next morning, we made our way down to the food court.

I had nothing but asian chicken in my mind, and was giddy when I realized the line wasn't that long.

Edward stood beside me, nudging the stroller forward and backward in quick motions in order to rock Masen. He seemed to be enjoying himself thoroughly, snug in blue jeans and a white t-shirt... just like his daddy. _Isn't that a sweet coincidence_.

"Why don't you and Masen go find a seat, and I can order?" I suggested, pulling his wallet from his back pocket, but not before giving what was under it a nonchalant squeeze first.

Edward smirked and turned to me. "Are you sure? I can order, you can go-"

"I don't mind standing here," I laughed. "Go. I'll be fine."

He kissed my cheek and weaved through the crowd, parking Masen beside the only four-top that seemed available. We got lucky. Elbow room in the mall was hard to find these days.

As I waited, my stomach growling every few seconds, I noticed a petite dark-haired woman bashfully approach Edward's table, with a younger girl beside her. They were holding hands, so I presumed it was her daughter. I turned toward them, watching her stop a few feet in front of where he was stationed.

Edward popped his head up from Masen's stroller, and all of a sudden, his eyes grew wide and a huge smile spread across his face. Then he climbed to his feet and gave her a tight hug, followed by the girl beside her.

I could barely hear them talking over the traffic around us. But I did manage to overhear, "_What are you doing here_?", coming excitedly from my husband.

I quickly paid the cashier, telling her I'd be right back for the food, and made my way over to where they were all standing. I didn't want to appear possessive -- even though I kind of was because I didn't know who she was – so I put a genuine smile on my face before I stepped calmly to his side. Edward laughed as the girls beamed up at him, throwing his head back and rubbing his stomach.

The girls smiled sweetly at me, which I returned, waiting for Edward. He was so tall, the youngest of us was about to strain her neck.

"Oh babe," Edward chuckled, putting his hand behind my back, "I want you to meet someone. Bella, this is my good friend Aura, and her daughter Rebecca. Aura, this is my wife, Bella, and my son, Masen."

We said our hellos, and I noticed Rebecca lean into her mother's side, smiling up at Edward in adoration. I knew exactly how she felt. I did that daily.

"I didn't know you got married," Aura said sweetly, running her fingers through her long, shiny black hair. "It's great to see you settled down. I never pictured you the way that the others did."

Edward grinned and rubbed my back. "Bella, Aura was in medical school with me my first year. It was her last year. She kind of took me under her wing in there, kept me grounded when I didn't want to focus. We had a few study sessions together as well."

"It was good that he met you then," I grinned at her. "Most women in college tend to love to be the distraction, not the confidante."

Aura nodded, rubbing her daughter's back. "I understand. Most women were, toward him anyways, which was why I took the alternate route. I just saw something more there, some potential if he just had the right mindset. It paid off though apparently, which is a good thing. My job was successful."

"So where are you working at?" Edward asked as he motioned for them to take a seat across from us at the table. "I assume you've been placed."

"Oh yes, I work at Mercy-Light Medical Center, south Seattle."

"Oh yeah, I've been there before," he grinned. "Emmett broke his leg about four years back and we had to take him there because it was closest."

"Oh, yes, how is Emmett?"

"He's... busy, these days. Same old, same old, but more responsibility."

"Emmett?" she giggled, "Responsibility? Wow... Those are two words I _never _thought I'd hear in the same sentence."

I excused myself to gather our food from the cashier, and quickly made my way back. They were all laughing, and I couldn't help but notice how relaxed Edward seemed around her. Usually, with some other females, he was uptight and stiff, not a lot of conversation going on; but here, with her, he appeared at ease. It pleased me.

While Edward caught up with her daughter Rebecca, Aura went on to explain to me how she and Edward first met (he was late for class one day and was about to be kicked out of the room for it, but she gave the excuse that she'd locked her keys in her car and he was busy getting them out, causing him to be late), before we moved on to the subject of awkward moments in the classroom.

Edward was laughing so hard he couldn't even eat, and Aura had tears coming from her eyes. "Oh my God," Edward smirked as he pulled Masen from his stroller and held him to his chest, "I remember that! That was the day we were studying feminine hygiene products."

Aura giggled and nodded, turning her attention toward me. "You should have seen him, Bella. Dr. Hall, our guest instructor that evening, was doing a quick recap on what was safe for a woman to use, and what was not. He had a variety of products laid out on the table, and he calls your husband to come up and pick out the ones that were okay to use."

Edward covered his face with his free hand, and I noticed his cheeks had a tint of red to them. It made me smile to know I wasn't the only one who got embarrassed.

"So anyway," Aura continued with a devilish grin, "Dr. Cullen here did well with the different variety of tampons, stating that the scented ones included weren't as healthy as the ones which weren't scented... And then... He picks up the different packages of douches."

Edward was cracking up _hard _now, his entire face red as Aura patted his arm playfully. I couldn't help but laugh myself. I'd never seen Edward so embarassed.

"So Edward draws a complete blank," Aura replied as she tried to catch her breath, "and he's standing there, holding a _Summer's Eve_ box, in front of a class of three hundred people-"

"The label read _'Sweet Romance'," _he cut her off with a boisterous laugh. "I'll _never _forget that label."

"And Edward decides that he cannot figure to whether or not it's healthy. So I'm sitting about ten rows up, banging my pencil really hard on the desk, trying to get his attention so I help him out, but he is just standing there picking at the box with his fingers. So Dr. Hall says, '_Edward, if you're going to pick at it, why don't you open it up for us and pull it out, so we can get a look at it_?' So Edward rips the box open and pulls out the bottle and the little tip and the instructions, and Mr. Hall told him to put it together. The class is choking on their laughter, because everyone knows that Edward was the golden child, so it was kind of nice to see him so flustered."

"It was not nice!" Edward smirked, shaking his head. "I had to take the little plastic bottle and screw the cap on it. Then I had to close my eyes, tell them all the ingredients, main ones being vinegar and water. _Then _the instructor asked me to explain how it was inserted. I was forced to bring out our little female skeleton model and show everyone where to put it. After all of that, my mind clicked, and I explained to him that the vagina was a naturally self-cleansing organ, and that there was both good and bad bacteria. Douching could force the good bacteria to become inactive, change the balance, cause infections or other conditions, which is why we don't recommend it, unless a doctor decides on a case-by-case basis. So basically, he made me do all of that crap just to embarrass me for no reason. In the end, it was to go into the unheathy pile. I knew that all along, I was just drawing a blank at the wrong moment."

"He looked so cute holding the douche though, Bella," Aura grinned. "You should have seen him. I'd never seen him so flustered."

"I've never seen him like _this_," I pointed out. "This is wonderful."

"Hey, shut up!" Edward laughed, playfully pushing me to the side, careful not to nudge Masen. "It _wasn't _funny. I don't think any of you should be laughing. Even you, Rebecca!" He teased, giving the beautiful young girl a wink. "I see you, over there, giggling. You act like your mother."

Rebecca flushed pink and leaned against her mother's arm, smiling up at Edward. "It's funny."

"Oh it's funny?" he laughed. "_You're _funny."

"You're funny _looking_," she quipped without missing a beat, and I gave her a high-five.

"Oh crap," Aura said, grabbing her purse, "I got so involved in talking, I forgot to get your food, baby. Excuse me, I'll be right back, I-"

"Where did you order?" Edward asked, standing up and handing me Masen.

"That little pasta place, Houdini's."

"No, stay here, you've been shopping all day," he said motioning toward all of her bags. "I'll go get it for you."

He leaned down and kissed the top of my head, then Masen's, while Aura tried to argue with him. It wasn't going to work. It never worked.

"Can I come?" Rebecca asked, hopping out of her chair and setting down her latest issue of _Twist _magazine. Edward held out his hand and Rebecca ran and grabbed it, waving to her mom before they took off.

I smiled at Aura and she smiled back. "He's beautiful, Bella. How old is he?"

"He's a month old," I smiled, rubbing the top of Masen's blond hair. "Even this early, he's a handful."

"He wouldn't be Edward's if he wasn't," Aura grinned. "He has his eyes."

"He does... Starting to really show through now, around the iris... Would you like to hold him?"

"Oh yes, of course!" Aura squealed, as I handed him and his blue blanket to her. She snuggled into his warmth, placing him carefully against her chest. "Ohhh... Look at him... Oh, he smells so wonderful!"

I smiled and rubbed his back, fixing his shirt that was riding up behind her arm.

Aura smiled sweetly over to me, "...He's absolutely perfect, Bella."

"Thank you."

* * *

**EdwardPOV**

Rebecca and I made our way through the human traffic jam, into the line of about fifteen. She'd gotten much taller since the last time I saw her. Still gorgeous though, just like her mother. She fiddled with the white strings around the sleeves of her beige babydoll shirt, crossed her legs at the ankles and leaned into me. "This line is long."

"I know," I sighed, rubbing her back. "I bet you're starving."

She shrugged. "Not really. I'd rather have some yogurt, but Mom says I should eat first."

"You like yogurt?"

"We both do," she smiled. "But it sounds especially good today!"

"I like yogurt too," I grinned. "There's a TCBY over there... Wanna sneak off and go get some real quick? There isn't a line. We can get a small..."

"Yeah!" she smiled, excited. "Can we really?"

"Sure, come on," I took her hand and we dipped down low, pretending we were spies in _Mission Impossible_. "Okay... so here's the deal. We're now in _Operation Don't-Get-Caught_. What we have to do is... Do you see that older lady there, with the wheelchair?"

"Yes," she nodded quickly.

"Okay... We have to carefully get over to there, then we'll create some kind of distraction, and book it to that pole.. Then what do we do?"

Rebecca stood on her tip-toes, looking around, her eyes glowing in surprise, "Ooh! I know. There's _Spencer's _over there. We can run over there, behind those Halloween costumes, and then-"

"Yes," I cut her off, "and then we can do some serious ninja moves, hurl our way to the counter, and talk in code -- that way no one around us knows what we're doing when we order. That's very important, we can't get caught."

"Yeah! We'll talk in code and give them secret money... I have a few dollars myself. And then we'll duck down by the counter so my mom doesn't see."

"Yep! Then when we get the order, we'll do the same thing in reverse, and get back in line," I agreed. "If we eat it with our backs turned, they'll never know."

"Perfect," she high-fived me, and the plan was in motion. "Ready..." she said, as we knelt lower toward the ground. "Set... GO!"

Laughing, me with my long legs, and the tiny girl beside me, began half-crawling through the legs of people, over to the old, grey-haired lady with the book in her lap, sitting in the wheel-chair. Rebecca slid across the marble floors in her jeans and grabbed my hand, pulling me behind the pole. We stood as tall as possible, trying to make ourselves look skinnier so they couldn't see us.

I tried to look around the pole and see what Bella was doing, but Rebecca grabbed me by the back of my white t-shirt, pulling me back. "What are you doing, Agent Cullen! That's how you get caught!"

"Sorry, Agent Reynolds," I said in a low voice, standing up straight. "I was... temporarily distracted."

"Can't be distracted, Agent Cullen. This is a top-secret mission, orders straight from the President. Must. Get. Yogurt!"

"Yes ma'am," I said seriously, though I couldn't help the grin on my face. We knelt down, ignoring blonde lady with her twin boys staring at me like I'd lost my mind. We crawled our way over to _Spencer's_, slipped behind the fake witch, and used her hat and the pumpkin full of hay beside her to cover us. "Okay," I whispered, holding the pumpkin, "this is our invisible shield. They can't see us if we're behind this."

"Yes," she said, ducking down and pressing her chin to the shoulder of my shirt, "...we have to be careful not to drop it."

I nodded and we crawled across the hay beside the store windows, over to the other side.

"Okay, ready for the ninja moves?" I asked her as we watched Bella and Aura laughing, Aura holding Masen in her arms.

"Ready!"

"What moves are you going to do? We can't hurt any innocent bystanders. That'll get us caught quickly."

"No, no innocent bystanders!" she agreed. "Maybe some Chuck Norris, Tom Cruise, stuff? A little cartwheel?"

"Gotta be careful with the cartwheels," I said, grabbing her hand. "K, ready?"

"Yes."

"Go!"

We took off running, and I decided to do a little karate kick into dead air, making her giggle. Then she surprised me by doing the cartwheel, and I was laughing so hard that I had to drop to the ground so we didn't cause a scene. Rebecca crawled over to me and grabbed my hand, and we ran over to the counter, to find a teenage boy standing there gaping at us, his mouth open.

"Excuse me," I whispered, as we crept lower toward the ground, "we are on a secret mission from the President. We would like two smoothies, strawberry, banana, and lemon, with whip cream. Small, please. Stat."

He stared at us, trying to figure out if this was a serious security matter or not. I didn't smile.

"Come on!" Rebecca squealed, patting her hands in a drum-roll effect on the counter, "time's a ticking, sir!"

The guy became flustered, hollering back our order and punching in things at the same time. "That's ten dollars and fifteen cents."

I reached to grab my wallet, "Oh, shit."

"What?" she said breathlessly, staring at me.

"Bella has my wallet."

"Your wife?!"

"Yes."

"Agent Cullen!"

"It's okay, shhh... Um...." I began searching my pockets, looking for lost cash. I pulled out my bank card, thankful I had used it to purchase the tv earlier. "Hey, do you take cards?"

"Yes sir."

I threw it on the counter and we ducked down again, thankful there was a couple standing close so we could hide behind their legs.

"Never give your wife your wallet," Rebecca sighed, pretending to be annoyed with me. "That's what my dad says."

"Your dad is smart."

**^*&%*^%***

After we made our way back to the line at _H__oudini's_, ninja moves and Halloween costumes complete, we stood as close together as possible, shielding ourselves as we carefully sipped the rest of our smoothies.

"Agent Cullen, I think this mission was a success," Rebecca smiled up to me after I gave the cashier there my card as well. Aura deserved a meal on me, after all the hell I put her through in med school... Hell, I'd pay for it regardless.

"I think so too. But we're not home free until we dispose of the evidence."

"Got it covered," Rebecca said after she slurped the last of her drink, clutching mine in her hands as well. I laughed as she walked backward, keeping her eyes locked on me, until she hit the trash can. She did a fast circle, dropping them in the can, then ran back to my side, acting like nothing happened.

"Very stealthy."

"Thank you."

We kept our faces calm as we took our seats, her picking up her magazine as her mother laid out their food. We all began to eat now.

"Thought I was going to have to send the CIA after you," Bella chimed, running her fingers through the back of my hair.

I scoffed. "The CIA doesn't have anything on Rebecca and me." I gave her a wink, which Rebecca returned. "We're like ninjas."

"Yeah!" Rebecca chimed as she swirled her fork around the steamy pasta. "Never saw us coming."

Aura studied my eyes, wondering what I was hiding. I smiled at her. She smiled warily back.

After we finished our meals and gathered our things, I helped Aura carry her bags to their car, which was conveniently parked just a few spots from mine.

"I love your Volvo," Rebecca stated, staring at it.

"Thank you."

"Well," Aura smiled, pulling out her keys, "it was a pleasure seeing you again, Edward. And really nice meeting you, Bella, Masen."

"Nice meeting you as well," Bella smiled, as Rebecca ran and gave her a joyful hug.

"You need to give me your number. We have to get together again." I smiled at her as I pulled out my blackberry.

Aura smiled and entered her number quickly, and then I did the same for mine in her phone.

"Yeah we could do dinner soon," Bella said as she gave Aura a hug. "If you'd like... I'm a decent cook."

"I can cook as well, so I could help," Aura said, while Rebecca playfully made gagging noises in the background. I laughed at her. "That would be great. Just give me a call."

"Will do," I gave Aura a big hug, kissing the side of her cheek. "It was so good to see you."

"It was wonderful to see you too," she smiled. "Makes a great early birthday present."

"Oh yeah, your birthday's coming soon!"

"Yep," she laughed. "Getting older every year."

"Aren't we all," I sighed. "Well come over then, for sure. We'll do a birthday dinner."

"Oh you don't ha-"

"I insist."

She smiled up at me and Bella. "That'd be very sweet of you two to do, Edward."

"My pleasure," I opened the door for her, and waited before was inside and had her windows rolled down before I closed it. Bella said her goodbye's and took my keys, wanting to get Masen in his carseat, while I stared at Aura, grinning. "Aura, Aura... It is so _good _to see a familiar kind face in this city."

"It really is."

"Be safe," I said as I pushed off the door and stuck my hands in my pockets. "You too, Agent Reynolds."

"Back at ya, Agent Cullen!" Rebecca chimed as she flipped the next page in her magazine. "See you soon! Oooh, Jonas Brothers!!" And just like that, I was replaced.

"Yep, see you soon."

As Aura backed away, I gave her a wink and a wave, and she laughed, shaking her head knowingly. She waved back before driving toward the exit. I had no doubts that she knew what Rebecca and I had been up to earlier. She knew me too well.

Bella was all smiles when I climbed in the car and followed Aura's out of the parking lot, before making a left.

"What?" I said, looking over to her as she held my hand above the gear shift. "What are you grinning at?"

"You," she stated simply. "I like Aura. She's sweet."

"I know. I love her to pieces."

"Her daughter's just as beautiful as she is," Bella chimed, fastening her seat belt.

"I know. You are all beautiful... I felt lucky, being the man that sat in the food court, surrounded by pretty ladies."

Bella smiled, something clearly stirring in her beautiful brain. "Hey, babe? What's all that _'Agent Cullen' _business?"

"Oh you heard that," I grinned, pulling down my Raybans over my eyes. "I can't talk about it."

"Why can't you?"

"Direct orders from the President. Strictly confidential."

"Mmhmm," she sighed, reaching behind her seat to pull down the sun visor attached to the window, so Masen could be in the shade, "I wanna know all about the President's orders when we get home, Mister."

"Sorry. Can't. I'll be shot if I disclose that information. It was serious, urgent matter."

"What if I coerce you, coax you into speaking... with a warm bath, and... maybe some..." she leaned over my seat and began whispering all kinds of dirty, vulgar things in my ear -- bribes of course -- that got me so hard I could barely shift gears without wincing. The teasing lick on the earlobe did me in.

I pulled away, calmed myself, and stuck a piece of gum in my mouth, grinning crookedly. "You suck. Do you know that?"

"That _was _part of the bargain..." she cooed, lightly twirling the hair at the base of my neck.

I turned and looked at her, melting into her caramel eyes and glossed, moist lips... My thoughts were running a mile a minute. _Damn, I was so easy_. "Deal."

She grinned and sat back in the seat, smug that she had won.

She always won.

...But I still got the _big _television.

* * *

_----AUTHOR'S NOTES---- _

**So there we go, Outtake #9!**

Thoughts? There's plenty more to come, so stick around!!  
DON'T FORGET TO PRESS THE GREEN BUTTON AND REVIEW!!!  
**  
Reviews are better than giving this to one of the sweetest girls/readers I've had the privilege of knowing on here:  
Aura (**aka Rebecca'sMom**), I love you sweetheart. Thank you for **_**everything**_**. Happy Birthday, babydoll. :-D**


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